tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21091637982187993622024-03-13T10:00:17.531-05:00One Blessed GirlThe ramblings of my inner child about my family, my faith, and my life. Oneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.comBlogger331125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-77100897351337831722024-03-07T10:38:00.002-06:002024-03-07T10:38:31.895-06:00Movies, Music, and My Mama<p> Did you ever see the movie Babe? It's a fabulous movie about a pig. There's a scene in the when Babe says in a sad tone "I want my mum". I've said that a lot over the years. Although we talked almost every day, sometimes I just wanted a hug from her. She made everything better. It's been eighteen days since my Mama passed and I feel quite hollow. I get up every day and do my daily routine. Awake, pee, brush teeth, wash face, let Iggy out, get Big Daddy set for work. The rest of my day is filled with the mundane; grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, et al. I abhor laundry more than any other task. It's the putting it all away for me. I don't know why. </p><p>There's an old movie I loved as a kid, Little Lord Fauntleroy. It's a movie about a boy (Ricky Schroeder) and stars Alec Guinness. SPOILER ALERT!!!! At the end of the movie, Ricky Schroeder's Mom comes out from behind the Christmas tree. Ever since we moved away from being local to my Mama 23 years ago, my wish was that she would come out from behind my Christmas tree each year. It didn't happen and each year I would say 'next year'! The last few years as my Mama's health became more challenging, I knew it would never happen, but I still wished she would surprise me. The reality of that dream being no longer possible greatly saddens me.</p><p>My Mama and I connected on so many levels, not just movies (we loved Funny Girl and very bad B movies, They Call Me Bruce, and Rhinestone) but music. We had two songs that were wholly ours: I Just Called to Say I Love You as well as You and Me Against the World. I grew up listening to my Mama sing everything from Helen Ready, Captain & Tennille, to opera. Some of my very favorite memories as a teenager was playing the piano while my Mama or my sister would sing. </p><p>While movies and music are wonderful, the best gift my Mama gave me was my faith. As a cradle Catholic, I grew up getting the sacraments and went to church every Sunday. While I didn't understand the why of it as a child, I knew it as it's just what we did. We didn't talk a lot about Jesus and faith while I was growing up. Rather, it was quietly instilled. We prayed before every meal, we were taught to say our prayers, and my Mama let me know if ever I needed anything, Jesus was there. I would talk to God, but really didn't listen for an answer, just talk. As I became older, and I'd like to think somewhat wiser, we had more talks about faith, Jesus, and the Saints. I still talk to Jesus and even pause to listen for His voice sometimes lol</p><p>While I miss my Mama so much, sometimes it's hard to breathe, my faith, the faith that she instilled in me continues and will continue to sustain me.</p><p> Until next time, know I am praying for your intentions.</p><p>Love,</p><p>Me</p>Oneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-66312260548362872102024-03-04T10:06:00.000-06:002024-03-04T10:06:08.619-06:00100 Days<p>Well, it has been some time, hasn't it? Since my last blog post, we've moved cities, build a home, lost jobs, gained jobs, faced health issues, lost loved ones, became empty nesters, and found our tribe. The kids are all grown and married and we now have THREE grandchildren! Through all of this there was sadness, pain, joy, faith and a multitude of love.</p><p>I titled this post 100 days because it sounds better than 98. In 98 days we took two trips to Philadelphia, Big Daddy's dad, whom I've claimed as my own dad for the last 25 years, the most brilliant person I've ever known, passed away. Then, both girls were married, three weeks apart. Throw in Thanksgiving, Christmas, a trip to Myrtle Beach, and then 15 days ago, my mama, the keeper of my heart, passed away. During these 98 days there was absolute joy and soul crushing sorrow. However, the thing that persists, the reason I get out of bed in the morning, is my faith. That, and the fact I have to pee.</p><p>Faith doesn't mean that everything is going to be easy, it means I'm going to be okay no matter what is happening. I'm blessed that I was able to be at both of their bedsides and tell them how much I love them and how much they meant to me. Both, for different reasons. I'm blessed with the love and strength of our tribe that has sustained me daily, especially when I don't realize it. I'm blessed that God brought me Big Daddy and his parents, the greatest in-laws to ever walk the faith of the earth. I'm blessed that we added two sons to our family. I don't like the term in-law as to me, it comes across as 'the law says you have to let me into your home'. Meh, do I reaaally? We not only welcomed two new sons into our home, but into our hearts. They (and their families) are the perfect spouses for our girls. Lest I leave my daughter-in-love out, our friendship and love have grown exponentially over the last four years. I'm blessed to have watched our children grow into wonderful adults. Were the last few years easy? No. Not at all. There were arguments, hurt feelings, anger, and resentment. But, there was also, forgiveness, friendship, grace, and love. Any relationship, be it friendship, marriage, or relationships with your adult children, they take work. No one is perfect. Perfection is a myth. That has taken me too many years to realize. There are going to be arguments, disagreements, anger, et al. The key is forgiveness and grace both for yourself and them (I'm working on forgiving myself and giving myself grace, it's not always easy). Does that mean my relationship with my friends and children are perfect? Nope, not a chance. While they are good, there is always room for improvement. I'm a type A control freak with OCD. I want my family and my tribe all to live next door (at least within five seconds, don't you know). I want them to have amazing lives, I want to have big gatherings with them all. It doesn't work like that. They have their own lives, dreams, and goals. I am blessed that I get to be a part of it.</p><p>Through the last few months, I've been depressed, angry, sad, and yes, joyful. And through it all my faith, family, and my tribe is what sustained me. I know no matter how bad things are that God is using my pain, sorrow, and joy, for a reason. And, while I selfishly want to know the reason, most days, I'm content in not knowing. I know that while I am mourning the loss of those who had the most profound affect on my life, that I am not alone. I am never alone. God, Big Daddy, and my tribe surround me with love, patience, and sometimes a kick in the arse when needed.</p><p>Until next time, I wish you faith that can move mountains and a tribe of your very own.</p><p>Love,</p><p>Me</p><p><br /></p>Oneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-18751022018562264072019-06-22T13:30:00.001-05:002019-06-22T13:30:36.231-05:00Pittsburgh in TexasYesterday, I spent two hours sitting outside of our new home that is in the middle of construction. As I sat there, I worked from my phone, answered messages, and marveled at the men who were bricking my new home. I can hear some of you now. "Why are you sitting outside for two hours in front of a house that isn't even finished?" Well, grab a glass of sweet tea, or my favorite, a glass of cold water, and I'll tell you.<br />
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As Big Daddy will attest, I LOVE looking at homes. New homes, old homes, going to open houses, looking at homes on Realtor.com all of it. It's a hobby. Big Daddy on the other hand is not. I like to get ideas for different rooms, the yard, colors, etc. Sixteen years ago, we moved to Texas. Fifteen years ago, we purchased our first home. The control freak in me knows what I want, what I'm looking for, so, I didn't just let my realtor do the work and sit back. In the end, I found what would be our first home. The house was perfect for us. It was a two story with the master bedroom up. Something hard to find in Texas. Back home in Pittsburgh, it was the norm. Being that my children were still young, I din't want them to have to come downstairs if they needed something in the middle of the night. The backyard had a Magnolia tree. Big Daddy and I lived in the outskirts of Charleston, SC for years and my Mama still does. The Magnolia tree is all over Charleston, so it was like having a piece of home with me. The front yard had a huge, honkin' tree in the front and I love big, old trees. It was the perfect home for us. While we were waiting to close, I would go to the house (I knew the lock box code) and would sit inside of the house and just marvel at this beautiful home. Our first home. It was ours. I loved imagining where I would put furniture, what colors I'd paint, everything.<br />
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You see, yesterday was no different. I sat outside our new home, marveling at the worker on the ground throwing 2 bricks at a time up to the worker on the scaffolding. You may think it's no big deal. To me, it was pretty cool to see. Our home has been under construction for a few weeks. The workers know my car now. I smile and wave. I love walking through the house and watching the changes. Where there was an empty lot became a foundation. Then the foundation, then plumbing was added. Then came a frame. Walls were added. And then a roof! I was so excited, I videoed my mom, my sister, and Big Daddy saying "we have a ROOF" lol! Next was insulation, then drywall. I've walked through the house countless times and will be walking through it countless more. The construction manager doesn't mind. He even welcome's my visits! I like seeing the evolution of my home. I keep my family updated (I send my dad pictures weekly!) so they can be a part of the process.<br />
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I'm at the house a few times a week, some weeks daily, but never more than a half hour, until yesterday. I sat outside and envisioned sitting outside on our back porch swing marveling at the Texas sky that I will never get tired of. I envisioned working in my study. Decorating the new home. I know where my Ascension of Mary painting is going (right across from my study). I know where my cross wall is going (in the kitchen across from my Island). I know by the kitchen table my hobbit meal plaque is going on the wall. I know that to left of my kitchen sink will go a sign that says "this kitchen is for dancing". I know where the tables will be placed for bunco with my tribe. I know where the Christmas tree is going. And, I know that I'll be putting a flamingo in my front yard.<br />
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I am in love with our new community. All it needs is a Kroger and I'd never have to leave the subdivision! It's beautiful and my neighbors? They're awesome! I've met so many of them online in our community group, even neighbors who live on my street! The community is a mix of young families, empty-nesters, everything in between.<br />
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God has a sense of humor. If you told me when I was younger that this Steeler loving girl from the 'Burgh was going to move to Texas and love it, I said you must be drunk. But yet, here I am, about to level up to 50, nausiatingly, happily married, having the best family and tribe that anyone could be blessed with, and I loving that I get to help others everyday. God sure knows what He's doing!<br />
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Until next time,<br />
Don't just imagine your dreams, make them come true!<br />
Love,<br />
MeOneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-30193598368329136722019-04-18T10:57:00.000-05:002019-04-18T11:04:16.688-05:00Thankful ThursdayI was prepared. As the mom of an Eagle Scout, I wouldn't expect anything less. I was so prepared for Lent. I went to confession, I went to the Parish Mission, I had my daily prayer time. I was ready! I was ready for new wineskins! And then, life happened.<br />
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Mind you it was nothing bad. Quite exciting actually. But my focus was diverted. No longer was this Lenten season my focus. No, there were trips to take, surprises to share, laundry to do, projects to work on. Gone went the dedicated prayer time I had set aside, the Rosary, and the podcasts. My focus was diverted and I didn't even notice it happening.</div>
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Today is Holy Thursday. It's the time when Jesus washed His apostles feet. He showed them, and us, how to be. We must put ourselves last. We are here to serve, not be served. If everyone puts everyone else first, then aren't we all first and all our needs being met? If I put my husband first and he puts me first, aren't we both well taken care of? If I serve my sister from my heart and she serves me from her heart, aren't we both being served in love? If the whole world, heck, if my family did this, we would all be served and feel loved.</div>
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I fall short everyday. I have grand plans on how I want things to go and how I want to be. I get in my own way, I trip over my own feet, I stumble often. I want to be better. I want to be better than I was last year, last week, yesterday. Easter is almost here. I am reminded how Jesus loves me. I say loves and not loved because He still loves me. In my faults, in my failings, in my sorrows and in my joys. He loves me. I am reminded that there is no sin so great that it would stop Him from loving me. And that, my dear friends, is what I am thankful for every single day, with every breath I take. In all my preparation and grand plans, I remain a sinner. And, while I desire to be the best I can be, knowing that when I fall short, I am still loved, is what matters most.</div>
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<span class="text Rom-8-38" id="en-NIV-28155" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28155A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28155A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> nor any powers,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28155B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28155B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text Rom-8-39" id="en-NIV-28156" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God <span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-28156C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-28156C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span>that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39.</span></div>
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<span class="text Rom-8-39" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="text Rom-8-39" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Wishing you a blessed Holy Week.</span></div>
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<span class="text Rom-8-39" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Until next time,</span></div>
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<span class="text Rom-8-39" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Put someone else first. </span></div>
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<span class="text Rom-8-39" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Love,</span></div>
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Oneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-44290372601115548902019-04-02T11:22:00.001-05:002019-04-02T11:22:05.194-05:00Transformation TuesdayWhen you are the black sheep of the family, it's hard to find your place. I've pretty much been the black sheep in most every situation (family, school, etc). I've always been different. I don't just march to the beat of my own drum, I have my own marching band. <div>
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Who decided the 'people that are suppose to love you unconditionally' are your family? Who gave us black sheep that expectation? Who drilled it in to our heads and made us feel that if our own family doesn't accept us, we are unworthy or that there is something wrong with us? I have no clue who it was, but I'd love to give them a piece of my mind.<div>
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At 35 I found out where I belonged. To and with God. Which is wonderful and great and all of that. But where do I fit in here on the Earth? I have a few family members who did and still do accept me unconditionally and that is awesome. But I do not get to see them often. 15 years ago, Big Daddy and I attended an event at church and met another couple. The four of us hit it off. I found out that the wife and I would be on the same retreat in the coming weeks and I asked God to place her at my table so I would at least know someone as we were new to the parish. It should be no surprise, that He did just that. Fifteen years ago, I met my family.</div>
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I get offended when people like to decided who MY family is. "Oh you're sisters in Christ!" "Oh you're not blood family." My 'sister' is the one who has seen me at my worst. My 'sister' is the one who has comforted me through panic attacks, held me as I cried, comforted me when I lamented how my own father doesn't accept me. My 'sister ' was there at the scary times not just the good times. My 'sister' has celebrated my wins and loved me through my losses. My 'sister' has called me out when I wasn't being or doing my best. Having my 'sister' led to another 'sister' and a 'brother', and the most wonderful couple, their parents. Their Dad hung a 4 foot crucifix with my son in our home eons ago. My own father never saw that house. He was invited, but has never come to Texas to visit us in the almost 16 years we have lived here. </div>
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Big Daddy's parents are the best in-loves anyone could as for. They both accepted me as their own. They are the most loving people you could ever meet. They have never treated me anything less than a daughter (not a daughter-in-law). In fact, I claimed Dad as mine. Not just Big Daddy's. </div>
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This weekend, I went home to surprise my 'family' for Rosemary's 84th birthday. It was the first time I was able to visit my 'sister' Barb and her family at their home. Home is exactly where I was. The home overflows with love from the dogs to the grown kids, to my 'sister' and her husband.</div>
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Love is when you surprise Rosemary and your 'sister' is in the background excited to see you and you see the look of joy on her face. (we were there to surprise not just Rosemary, but our siblings.</div>
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Love is when your 'sisters' husband gives you a huge hug when he sees you and is happy you are there.</div>
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Love is when your 'sisters' husband says things like "this is why you fit in so well'.</div>
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Love is when your 'brother' walks by during Rosemary's birthday as your sitting with your 'sisters' and says "all my sisters, together!"</div>
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Love is when you say to your 'sister' after playing games with the family "this is the family I should have been born into" and she agrees. </div>
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Love is when your 'sister' holds your hand as you wonder how your own family cannot accept you and yet a whole big family loves and accepts you just the way you are.</div>
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Love is crying at the airport as you leave a part of yourself behind. I will never understand how I became so blessed and so loved, so unconditionally. But trust me when I say it isn't something I take for granted.</div>
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I'm not stupid. I know people don't understand why family is so important to me. Why being accepted is so important to me. Why being a part of something is so important to me. They were never the black sheep. You do not get to decide who my family is. You do not get to decide who is or is not my 'dad' or 'brother' or 'sister'. That is something only I get to do. </div>
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People are adopted at all different ages. Why should finding your true family as an adult be any different? It just took me longer to get my forever home.</div>
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Until next time,</div>
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If you aren't accepted into the family you were born into, make your own. Only you can transform your life.</div>
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Love,</div>
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Me</div>
Oneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-86696399016297586652019-01-01T16:54:00.002-06:002019-01-01T17:01:29.559-06:00My Word of the YearI've spent the better part of the last few days reflecting on the last year and all that I accomplished and where I fell short. God, Big Daddy, and my amazing tribe walked with me the entire way.<br />
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This past year, we saw our daughter graduate from college, our son get married, went on our very first cruise, and sold our home. My beautiful bouts of depression, while not as often, still reeled its head. I learned that even I, who hates it with a passion, has to ask for help sometimes. I reached out, reached up, and humbly accepted the help. I started rewiring the self-talk voice in my head that use to talk down to me all the time. It's still there, just not as loud. I'll get there. I'm Italian, I talk louder.<br />
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This past year I faced a few fears, I was brave and courageous. I started believing in my abilities and I even finished out the year with a big fear, the dentist. This is not to compare your fears with mine. My fear of the dentist was/is real and stems from past trauma with dentists. I found myself in the middle of the year having to find a new dentist for our family. And, I couldn't have found a better one if it was God or Hermie the Dentist himself. What was suppose to be major dental work over a few visits with a former dentist turned out to be one visit for just a bit of royal work. And, now, all I will need is cleanings. The dentist could not have been greater! Sure, to you, it may have not been brave. But, I was the one panicking. I was the one who knew what had to be done (this was not just cosmetic work) and even panicked and scared, persevered. And you know what, Big Daddy an my tribe? They were proud of me. These people know all my faults and my failings, all my fears, and they know how hard this was for me. And, I did it. "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather that the assessment of something else is more important than fear" (Franklin D Roosevelt). I was and am proud of myself.<br />
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I ended the year (and began the new) as I do every year, with my sister and our families. We ate, played games, loved and laughed. I do not think my stomach stopped hurting from laughing so hard until this afternoon! I can think, of no better way to end every year and bring a new one in.<br />
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Perhaps you have seen all over Facebook peoples word for the year. One that they want to focus on. I really thought about this these past few days as well. I want to be intentional. Brave. Kind. Loving. Helpful. Hopeful. Joy. Peace. I was having a hard time figuring it out. What is the right word for me? What can encompass everything I want to become, grow, and accomplish this year? And, I found it. My word of the year is PRAYER. I want to be more intentional in my prayers. I want to pray without ceasing. I want to be so joined to God that I do not know where I end and He begins. I want to be at His feet constantly. I want to hold on to not just the hem of Jesus garment, but His hand. I want to sit in His and rest in His presence. I want to be close to Mary. I want to rest in her mantle, receive her graces and share with her what is going on daily. I want to call on the Saints and have a deeper relationship with them other than "Tony, Tony look around, there's something lost that can't be found". My marriage, my family, my tribe? They are all gifts created from above. How could I wish for anything more than that? So, there you have it. My word of the year is prayer.<br />
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Until next time,<br />
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The Lord bless you and keep you.<br />
The Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you.<br />
The Lord lift up His countenance on you and give you peace.<br />
(Numbers 6:24-26)<br />
Love,<br />
Me<br />
<br />Oneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-40476362430095080682018-12-22T14:34:00.001-06:002018-12-22T14:34:09.223-06:00We're All A Little RudolphWe moved to Texas almost 15 years ago. I never thought this Pittsburgh girl would ever move out of state, let alone to Dallas. But here I am, and God willing, here is where I will stay.<br />
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Most of you have heard me say that I am the black sheep of my biological family at one time or another. I am totally okay with that. As the years have gone by and I've leveled up in years, I have learned so very much, but none more so much than how to love myself and let myself be loved. You might be great at that, for this type A person, I was not, and still struggle at times.<br />
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About 12 years ago, I was introduced to the second greatest pastime in Texas after high school football. The game of Bunco. For the longest time, I was asked to sub into groups but never had a place that I belonged. Not like the high school version of you don't belong. Not the picked on kind of you don't belong, but rather, people have to die or get kicked off the group in order to get a permanent spot.<br />
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So, like most things in my life, eight years ago,I began with a plan and a prayer. I asked Bob (aka the Holy Spirit) who to invite into the group. After He and I made a list and gathered the people, the Happy Hugging Holy Bunco group was formed. Some people have had to drop out for various reasons and we have brought others on. However, the core people remain. All of these women are my family. We have faced illnesses, cancer, and death. We have celebrated weddings, laughed, at times argued, and always, always, loved. As my Carol said it best last evening "you hold your family up and we will hold you up".<br />
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With bunco, you rotate the host monthly. Some of us keep the same one, I'm always October and Halloween costumes are mandatory, Liz is always February, (both her and her daughter Amanda are born on Valentines day!), Amy and Amanda are teachers and always in the summer, and Carolina, always has December bunco. About 7 or so years ago, Carolina purchased a statue of Mama Mary holding baby Jesus. I have wanted it ever since then. The statue has been everywhere in here house. Every time, and I do mean, EVERY TIME, I walk in her house, I find her and ask for her. Last night was no exception. There is just a pull to this statue. I feel a bond, or whatever label you want to call it, I simply will call it home.<br />
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This year, one of my dreams/goals has come true. We sold our house and have moved. We are temporarily in an apartment and all is well. We moved 15 years of stuff in 3 weeks. It was stressful to say the least, but we pushed through and persevered with a lot of help. Through all of it, my (bunco) family supported me, loved me, and lifted me up in prayer.<br />
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Last night was our annual Christmas bunco at Carolina's. After the delicious food was eaten, the Chilean lemonade drunk and the round robin gift exchange had happened. Carolina made made an announcement. "Gina," she said "We all got together and got you a housewarming present! The twist is, you have to find it! Pleasantly surprised (who does't love presents!!??) but maybe *slightly* inebriated from the work party before and 2 glasses of Chilean lemonade, and not exactly ready to get off the comfortable couch, I asked, "Is it wrapped? (no), Is it bigger than a bread box (yes). I looked around the room and then jokingly said "Is it Mary!? " Carolina said "YES!" Then, there was a minute or two of me in disbelief and back and forth NO! YES!, and I was just about in tears. I was handed my Mama and hugged and loved on and thanked everyone. Then, I sat back on the couch with my statue and wouldn't move for about 15 minutes. <br />
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Mama Mary is happily with me in the apartment. I've been talking to her all day. The family I was born into I didn't exactly fit (except for my mom, she's the greatest!). Like Rudolph, being a misfit, we made our own families. I am richly, undeservedly blessed. We all have our insecurities and self doubts, we are all misfits. However, we are all loved by the greatest Dad I could ever imagine, God and that' all anyone could ever ask for! At the end of the day. we are all a little Rudolph. Merry Christmas from my heart, to yours.<br />
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Until next time,<br />
Embrace your misfit, she's awesome!<br />
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Love,<br />
Me<br />
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<br />Oneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-74154629471108967712018-03-03T16:10:00.000-06:002018-03-03T16:10:19.264-06:00Mountains, the Counting Crows, and Buzz LIghtyearWell, it's been two weeks since I returned home from my retreat. There's a saying I mentioned last episode about 'coming down the mountain'. I didn't just come down the mountain, I fell spectacularly. I tumbled, summer salted (why is it called that?), twisted, turned, tripped, all completed not so gracefully.<br />
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While they say in the Princess Bride "life is pain. Anyone else who says differently is selling something" isn't true, it's kind of close. Yes, life HAS pain. And, sometimes, it's a pain in the arse. Life, in all its mucky glory is a struggle. There are peaks, valley's, and plateaus. The peaks are to celebrate, the valley's build us and teach us to be strong and who are tribe really is, and are plateaus, well, I don't have an answer for that one.<br />
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Over the last two weeks, I have had moments where I shone brightly, and others where I have failed. In what I have done and in what I failed to do, through my own fault. I have been less than kind, not so much to others, but with myself. Why is that so easy to do? This week has been especially hard. If you don't know me, the easiest, quickest thing to know about me is that life is not grey for me. Things are either black or white. There is no in between. A co-worker commented last week what an over achiever I am. I replied "I'm so type A, even my blood is type A!" Big Daddy is really great at helping me adjust to grey. It's not always easy. He's been trying for 18 years to get me to see that just because things don't go the way I think they should doesn't mean it's wrong, I failed, or a reflection on me. That is hard. But hey, I'm a work in progress.<br />
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This week, I cried, I mean big, ugly cries, 4 out of the 5 days this week. One of my gurus called me Thursday, which is most likely why I didn't cry that day. She said "your sister said you need me". My sister knows me well. My guru shared her words of wisdom and help me see a little bit of grey. She said "an expectation is a premeditated resentment". What's even cooler is that Mrs. Ann Lee said the same thing on my retreat! I'm getting the grey, but sloooowly.<br />
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Today I am spent. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. All the crying and all the working this week has taken a toll on my body. If I didn't have my thrive, I can't imagine how bad I would be. Yes, I failed spectacularly this week. However, I made people laugh everyday, I have loved fiercely everyday and I have lived everyday. To me, that is a successful week.<br />
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While grey may be Mr. Jones' favorite color (listen to Mr. Jones by the Counting Crows), it is not mine. However, I am learning to appreciate it. And, while I hate failing spectacularly, I choose to do it like Buzz Lightyear, with style!<br />
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Until next time,<br />
Don't be so hard on yourself. <br />
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Love,<br />
MeOneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-13550795415787939252018-02-18T18:16:00.000-06:002018-02-18T19:42:20.310-06:00Silence is Golden<span id="docs-internal-guid-432bcab9-ab66-7c51-f541-2986a80fab24"></span><br />
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-432bcab9-ab66-7c51-f541-2986a80fab24"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When I tell people I’m going on a silent retreat, the responses range from laughter (serioulsy? You? Silent?) to what is it? So, I thought I’d chronicle this year (year 12). Don’t worry, I’m not on the internet and this will be posted when I’m back among the talking. This year is a little different as I’m coming by myself. Usually, I come with my St. Jude Women’s Group during April. Once we came during Lent and I loved it (okay, maybe twice. I remember one year was on Palm Sunday!) I love coming during Lent. No clue why. I just do. Well, this year, when they are planning to go, my youngest is turning 21 and the very next day, my oldest is getting married. I wouldn’t miss either event for anything. Now, I’ve come up before without my group, but I came with one of my gurus, Patti. This year, no one else could come. So, I figure God has some cool stuff just for me! AND, when I registered, I saw that when my group is coming, they’ll have the same Priest I’m having this weekend! That made me feel like we’re still together.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Day 1 (Thursday)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Big Daddy was gracious enough to drive me to Montserrat after work. I joke about being married, and stuff being in the marriage contract. But really, our marriage is basically, putting the other person first and asking what we can do to make the other person’s day better. Sometimes, more than I’d like to admit, I get off track and focus on myself, my lack of control of situations and things not going like this type A personality, control freak of a girl, thinks they should. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We arrive and Big Daddy helps me register and take my stuff to my room. Then, he sits with me in one of my favorite places. My swing at Montserrat. No, I don’t own it. No, it doesn’t have my name on it (someday, Gisela, you watch!), but it is where I spend a good portion of my weekend. So, I sit on my favorite swing, in one of my favorite places, with my favorite guy until it’s time for him to go, so he can beat the traffic home.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">At this point I go back to my room and start putting stuff away. I check my phone for prayer requests (I let everyone know I’m coming so I can pray for them). Then, daughter number 1 (my middle child) texts me to have a great time. She tells me to have fun, play nice, and not to bite anyone. I tell her she’s not leaving me many options for fun. Lol. Dinner’s about to start, so I head to the dining hall. It’s a beautiful place with tables and chairs like you find a Cracker Barrel. The food is not like Cracker Barrel. Not one bit. But, I’ll explain later.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I find a table that calls to me and I want to sit by myself. Then, I tell Dad “Okay, if you want someone to sit with me, I’m good”. I know I shouldn’t be surprised, but he puts the most amazing lady with me. She’s almost 70, Married for 49 years, has great-grandkids and is a GiGi too! Our tone of conversation goes from light, to heavy to I’ve got her laughing in no time. I tell her she is my new best friend (I have lots of best friend) and she just doesn’t know it. Except, I guess she does because I just told her. We hug, say we’ll pray for each other this weekend, and I let her know in no uncertain terms, we’re sharing contact information before we leave this weekend.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I head back to my room once more. Check the phone for prayer requests, check emails, and of course facebook befoe my phone is away for the weekend. Well, that’s not exactly true. Big Daddy and I pray together every night whether we are together or apart. When, I am here, we text our prayers. And, Dad speaks to me in many ways. One big way, being music. So, I will use my phone to listen to music (with headphones, of course) but I will not be on the internet.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I call my son, as silence hasn’t started yet. I wanted to chat with him before silence starts. He’s been here before. He knows the drill. I just wanted to remind him that I love him. As a bonus, I was able to chat with his fiance, my bonus daughter, for a few minutes too. Then, the phone is off and I go to talk one, the welcome talk.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The welcome talk basically goes over housekeeping, rules, signing up for jobs, etc. When I say jobs, they’re easy stuff like leading prayer, being a reader/gift bearer, Eucharistic Minister during Mass, leading the Rosary and the Stations of the Cross and finally bell ringer. Welcoming those who are new and those who have come before. Laughs abound. Father Tran is funny. In fact, he led my retreat last year. He introduces our retreat directors this year Father Anthony Borrow and Mrs. Ann Lee. It’s funny, listening to Fr.’s Tran and Borrow, I know deep in my soul, I was born to be a Jesuit. But, I am a woman. I’m sure this is another one of Dad’s jokes. The Jesusits are so funny (check), love God (check), and follow St. Ignatius way (check, while I’m on retreat, no so much when I am home). My Guru Patti mentioned to me last week about getting a job here. I said no, because it’s about an hour from home. I start to think maybe I was too hasty in my no. Then, I realized I wouldn’t want to work here because I wouldn’t want this place to beome ordinary for me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Fr. Borrow talks and introduces Mrs. Lee. She’s not my first woman retreat directior (third actually). She’s funny! Wait, maybe I can be a honorary Jesuit! I love God and I love to make people laugh. If that’s all I need, I’m in like Flynn. But, there is so much more. So, for now, I am out. They mention how there are 15 minute sessions with Mrs. Lee and each priest if you feel like chatting, have questions, etc. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Fr. Borrow talks about prayer and how this first night, our homework is to just relax and sleep. Easier said than done. I head out into the night and go sign up for a spot with Mrs. Lee. Then, I head back to my room and text Big Daddy for prayers and remind him that I love him. Then, start my homeowrk. You know those two meme’s, there’s one about having a conversation with a girl and how you better be prepared because we start stories within stories and then the other one about our minds being like the internet with a ton of tabs open? Yea, that’s me. I try to sleep but thoughts keep invading. Usually, the conversations with myself like “oh, this would be great for my blog!” or, “oh, that’s a funny story/joke, I’ve got to remember that for work tomorrow” or something that would go great in my comedy set. My dear friend Joan has been preparing me for years to do an open mic stand up. And, by preparing I mean saying “when are you going to do it, you really should?!” While all this is going through my head, then comes my children and Big Daddy. And, then while I’m drifting off, the music in my head starts. For the bulk of the night while I try to sleep it’s Thrift Shop by Macklemore. Then, at one point in the early morning hours, I awake to ‘take care of business’ and take something for my headache. I log all my medicine and so, I grab my phone and see I had an instant message from a dear friend with a prayer request. This friend is one of my best friends in the entire world. Her name is Mary. We’ve spent maybe, *maybe* a few hours together in the time I’ve known her, and had maybe a half dozen conversations. These conversations are deep and profound and prayerful. I read her request and my heart breaks. Man does the devil hate her. With all that she and her family have been through and now more hitting, she can surely give Job a run for his money. Don’t be surprised if years from now the book of Mary is added to the Catholic bible. Her faith, I’m telling you, there is nothing like it. I lay back down to drift off and the music in my head comes back only now it blessedly switched to Golddigger. Lol I get some sleep and then, the bell starts.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Day Two (Friday)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The bell rings ten minutes before any event (time to wake up, meal, talk, activity, etc.). I know I’m not showering this morning (I don’t know how, but after 11 years of coming, this is the year I forgot shampoo and bodywash lol Not to worry, they have soap!) so I can sleep a few extra minutes. I wake up to get ready for the day and take my time. I skip morning prayer and breakfast and head to the first talk (again, don’t worry, I say my own prayer and I have my thrive for breakfast!). Fr. Borrow is so funny! I’m telling you, I was born to be a Jesuit! I love it here. It’s my calming place. As he’s talking my mind goes different places, still listening to him though. I wonder where he purchased his hoodie. This year Montserrat started selling hoodies, although not in my size or they’re out. His was different. I look outside the chapel (all the talks are in the chapel) and marvel at the trees. I laugh more at Fr. Borrow’s stories. Then, the talk is over and it’s time for whatever I want to do. Which, is where we are now. That is the gist of Montserrat. I’m off to spend my time with God. I process things better when I write/type, so I’ll fill you in later tonight before bed. I hope you have a blessed day and remember, I’m praying for you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">4:50pm. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So, far I have attended 2 talks, had lunch, took and nap, and a shower (YAY! Luz was gracious enough to find me shampoo!) The first talk this morning was Mrs. Lee. She’s gracious and funny. She looks like a cross between my Mama and my podmate, Julie. Her personality is that of my </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mema, so warm, funny, and a spitfire! Lol She went over the daily examine. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s a Jesuit prayer. The Jesuit’s say it twice a day. Basically, looking over the past 24 hours and thanking God, asking where you didn’t do so hot, where you did really well and then just chatting. This is nothing new for me, the prayer. Practicing the prayer, notsomuch. I know it, but I rarely say it. Mrs. Lee mentioned today about when you come into prayer how we’re not alone. How the Holy Triinty is there. I found that very cool. So, when I went back to my room, I decided to give it a whirl. And, not only did I talk to Dad, Jesus, and Bob (the Holy Spirit. We’ve been on a first name basis for over a decade), I decided to add Mama Mary and later, my guardian angel Gabriel. At some point during my prayer, I drifted off for a nap. Now, the thing about coming here, I’ve been told, is the weekend is what you make of it. You get what you need. I have a friend who came years ago and slept the entire weekend except for meals. Clearly, she needed rest. In the past, I’ve missed talks and opted for a walk, or sleep. So far, the three talks this weekend have hit home. Very close. So, I awoke to the dreaded bell. I don’t want to miss the talk. However, I was so tired. So, I asked the Holy Trinity and Mary, what should I do? Do I rest or go. As clear as a bell, all at one time, I heard “GO”. But I was still waining. I had a headache, I had to use the restroom. I really needed sleep. Then, Bob was all “why ask what you should do if you’re not going to do it anyway?” Bob is a smart alec like me. Lol So, I go to the restroom and there in the tile is my guardian angel with his head in his hand (ala face palm). “FINE!” I said, “I’ll go!” So I went. And of course, it was a fantastic talk aimed specifically at me (not really, but it sure felt like it). Then, I went to the dining hall for a snack while I pondered the talk. Came back to my room, showered and am getting ready for Mass in about fifteen minutes. Tonight, after dinner is confession. I have the confession app. It helps you do an examination of conscience and you can put in when your last confession was. However, the app doesn’t save when you get a new phone. So, I don’t remember. It’s a good thing Big Daddy and I went together last time. He at least remembered the timeframe. Clearly, I need to go more often that a few times a year lol.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m off to prepare for Mass. I have all of your intentions with me to offer up. Remember, God loves you and so do I.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">6:47pm. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Why I love coming here so much, in a nutshell, is it is where I am reminded who I belong to. The director of each retreat has a different personality. And, I come away with messages be it from the directors, a song I heard, a book, whatever Dad uses to speak to me. This weekend, however, Dad felt the need to tag team me with Father Borrow and Mrs. Lee. lol</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In her talk earlier today, she reiterated, almost verbatim, what my converstion with Dad was prior to walking in the chapel. It was a great reminder, that I am not the only one who feels the way I do. That all though I am uniquely made, wonderfully so, there are millions of women out there who feel the exact same way. That is comforting to me. Knowing I’m not alone in the way I’m feeling. A few times a year, I go in a downward spiral. During this time, my friend Sheila can usually sense it. She tells me not to stay down for too long, and at times has even come looking for me to bring me back up. I know Dad, heck, the whole Trinity love me. I know that with my brain and I’m pretty sure with my heart too. I have a hard time sitting in that love. Resting in that love. And, so, that is what I’m focusing on this weekend, as Matthew Kelly puts it so eloquently, being ‘perfectly yourself’. I’ve got your intenetions covered. Remember, He created you and He loves you more than anything in the universe. Sit with that for a while.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">9:37</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As usual, confession is amazing. If you’re not Catholic, (I feel) you should become a Catholic just (well, not just for this one) for this Sacrament. There is a moment that happens in the confessional, while I am being absolved from my sins (there’s a prayer so I know when it’s happening lol) where my shoulders just fall. All the weight I didn’t realize I was carrying just disipates and it is just me and Him. If you are Catholic, do you get the same feeling? I’d love to know. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lately, say maybe the last two weeks at work, I’ve been feeling like I need a hug. Not just any hug, but a HUG. There are all kinds of hugs. There’s hugs from my Mama where I feel home and comfort and love, like all is right with the world. There are hugs from Big Daddy where I feel enveloped, protected, and loved. Where nothing can get to me. Where I draw strength from him while not reducing his resources, it’s weird, I know, just go with it. There’s a hug from my Dad (technically, Big Daddy’s Dad) where that simply says I love you. Then, there’s hugs from my bunco sisters. Each one tight, fierce, loving. Liz’s feel like what I think a hug from Mama Mary would feel like. Loving, supportive, comforting. But all of their hugs, they’re not just nice to see you hugs, they’re strong, here, let me fill your soul up hugs. But, I digress. Lately, work has been a little stressful for me, and for other’s I’m sure. I have lamented to anyone and everyone who will listen how many hours I’ve worked. Not cool, I know. Not one of my finest moments, I know, but I’m not a saint, yet. I’m still human. While I’m at work, I think “man, I could sure use a hug”. Now, not that I would go around hugging random coworkers. I mean, I don’t want to end up in HR. Plus, who wants to sit through a video? Not this chick, that’s for sure lol. Anyways, there is a point to all this talk about hugs, I’m getting there...After confession, I see this girl (we’re all girls regardless of age lol), she reminds me of Merida from Brave (great movie). She has beautiful, long curly hair. She is lovely. We do this weird door dance as I move to let her in (she was opening the door) and she holds it for me to come out. As I walk out, I smile at her and I feel a pull or a push who knows and I mouth (can I give you a hug?) She smiles and nods and we hug each other tight. It was a great hug. It was a hug I’ve needed for a couple weeks (aside from Big Daddy hugs). Not only was I lighter from confession, but I was even more lighter now. My gut feels amazing (thank you Thrive), my spirit is lighter, and my heart is comforted. What more can a girl ask for?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Day 3 (Saturday)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">6:33am</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I was so excited last night from all that transpired yesterday, I was giddy and had trouble settling in for the evening. I went to the dining hall for a cookie and some hot tea. Then, I attempted to sleep. I say my prayers and as I’m drifting off, more thoughts for my comedy show emerge and I think how I should right them down. Yet, I do not. I drift off and then the music begins. Last night were the vocal stylings of Eminem. More specifically his song Without Me. I know where these songs and selections are coming from. At work, we’re allowed to listen to headphones. I listen to Sirus radio, but no channel has a playlist where I like every song and it’s not easy to switch channels constantly while I’m trying to work. So, I made a playlist on youtube with about 10 songs I like and I listen to them at some point everyday. The aforemoention songs are on that playlist. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I went to bed with a migrane (thank you mother nature) thinking I could sleep it off. Waking up after midnight with the headache part, I realized sleeping it off was a big fat no. So, I took care of business and took some stuff for my head and tried to get back to sleep. Tried being the operative word. I was SO JUDGEMENTAL last night! OMGSH that fan in the next room is so loud! Why do they have their heat/air on? Does maintenance know about this? Calm down, Gina. It’s their room. Let them be comfortable I say to myself. I am working on judging and gossiping this Lent. Not sure if gossiping/judging that I keep in my head counts, but that’s what I’ve been working on since Wednesday. So, at this point, I pretend the fan next door is a CPAP machine (note I have no idea what they sound like) and I pray for the person next door. I feel a little better, but the fan is SO LOUD! I checked the weather before bed last night and saw it was going to start raining around 1am. This made me happy because there is no better sleep, I am convinced than when it’s pitch dark outside, raining. The sounds of the rain are comforting. Yea, well, that didn’t happen. I tossed a bit. But, there are other reasons: Going from a king bed to a twin (what if I roll off?), Big Daddy not being here (I don’t sleep well with out him, he’s like a human security blanket lol), just to name a couple.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I woke up a bit ago to take care of business. Yea, you do that a lot here (remember, Tina!? lol) If you are not shall we say ‘regular’, come here and give it a day. Plus, I eat weird anyway. I cannot tell you how many chef’s they’ve had in the 12 years I’ve been coming here. I can tell you, every Friday, regardless of it being Lent or not, there’s fish. Over the years I have leared to eat Talapia as the way the chef made it was palatable (Julie, TALAPIA!). This year, the chef is all about 2 things seafood and cilantro. Both, of which I do not care for. Thursday’s dinner was seafood gumbo. So, salad bar for me. Yesterday’s lunch was lentil soup and breaded fish. I tried the lentil soup and it was good until it started tasting like soap. Ah cilantro, my old nemisis. So, I had the fish which were tasty, and the salad bar. Dinner was 2 skeweres of grilled shrimp and some sort of lo meinish looking vegetables. So for me, I couldn’t do the salad bar again, so I had a vanilla cupcake and a danish. Lol Hey, it’s nutritious. There’s eggs in it and fiber! Whoever the new chef is, what he lacks in always having seafood/cilantro he makes up for in the baking department! I don’t ever remember having fresh baked danishes or some new baked dessert everyday! So, most of the time I’m here, I exist on the salad bar. I do branch out and try things, but I don’t always like them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So, this morning, I beat the bell up. I was going to try and lie back down, but the rain started about 20 minutes ago. I don’t want to sleep just for an hour anyway. So, I’ll get up for the day, put on my bright yellow, Gorton’s fisherman rain coat with my yellow sunflower umbrella and head out in to the most marvelous of rainy days. I’m confident that Karen Carpenter didn’t know what she was talking about. Rainy days and Monday’s are my favorite. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">8:43am</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Breakfast was lovely. Eggs, which of course I passed on. Salmon, which I passed on, sausage patties. Winner, winner chicken dinner! I had them on sourdough toast with coffee (decaf) and my strawberry thrive lifestyle mix. Delish! This morning my normal routine of being here set it. It’s day two of conferences. I’ve got a tension headache and I’m arguing with myself. I hear you, loud and clear. “Tension headache? You just went to confession last night and felt so free!” Yes, yes, you are correct. However, I am the type of person who wants to know what’s going to happen before it happens. While I’m here, I look at people and they remind me of people, my friends, people from St. Jude, my loved ones, etc. So, I immediately say a prayer for that person and the person they remind me of. So far this weekend, I’ve seen Mary Boyle (not the Mary mentioned earlier), Yvonne Arrossa, Deena Ross, Patti Jones, Toni Chehan, Brenda Stephens, the older lady from church whos name I do not know, and my sister Carol. Oh, and the other lady, she used to work in religious ed department. Tall blonde lady. Her. So, prayers for everyone. I feel like Oprah, you get a prayer, you get a prayer, everyone gets a prayer!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Here’s what it’s like inside my head this morning and probably why I’ve got the tension headache. “Breakfast was lovely. I love the rain. Why did it stop? I can’t sit on my swing. It’s wet. That two days in a row. At least I was able to sit on it with Big Daddy on Thursday. I’m so tired. I need to rest. But I don’t want to miss the conference. What if it’s directed at me again. I have Monday off, I can sleep then. Who are you kidding, you have stuff you want to do on Monday. Am I having dinner with Katie on Monday? Did we ever decide? I need to text my She when I get home and see what day she can go to dinner this week? Should I offer up Monday, as Tuesday is my lunch lady dinner? What if we decide on Monday, but Katie answers back with Monday as well? Well, they’re both amazing, maybe we should all have dinner! No. I need serious catch up time with my she. Just us. Ugh, the bell rang. I’m probably going to go. Please don’t let me yawn in the talk. I don’t want them to think they’re boring me. I so want to text Carol. Is Brian any better? She wouldn’t text me to let me know of any change because I’m here. I’ll just say extra prayers for them. I miss Tina. I dreamt about her last night. It’s pretty bad when the only time we can get together is in my dreams lol. I need to call her. We need a serious bestie date.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">10:01am</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I forgot how cathartic writing actually is for me. Getting everything down on ‘paper’ empties it out of my head and makes my head feel much lighter. Truth be told, I type way faster than I write. So this is a win win. You guys see what it’s like here and I get to process and empty my head. Mine, you, I’m not sharing everything (even though I’m sure it feels like I am), there’s some stuff meant just for me and that is personal between, God, Jesus, Bob, Mama and I. I’m off to the dining hall. I need a drink. No, not that kind. Although, the do have wine. I’m not big on wine. My stomach is a little woogaly, thank mother nature. So, I need a sip of sprite to calm it down. And, maybe a cookie ;).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">10:37AM</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When I was 35 and much younger in my faith, I would ask God for a billboard. See, I can’t always hear Him or what He’s trying to tell me. So, I would talk to Him about a situation and then ask for a billboard and boy would I get them. I’m not sure when in my faith journey I stopped asking for them, but let me tell you, this weekend is nothing short of Him with a bullhorn making sure I hear Him loud and clear. Lol Every talk, there is something just for me. He is even using my retreat mates to help. One of them, mind you, I’ve never met this person ever in my life, wrote me a note and gave it to me after confession last night. It was exactly what I needed to hear exactly when I needed to hear it. I got to spend time with Mema today. That was a huge gift. Oh how I miss her. Every. Second. Of every day. I am so thankful to have a visit with her. It makes my heart ache and burst with joy all at the same time. I went and had my annual dance with my guru Patti on the dock a bit ago. No, she is not here, but we dance on the dock regardless. When she is here, we dance, spin each other and sing ‘Good, good, father’. Today, I danced, spun, and sang. It’s a tradition. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">4:54pm</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I just finished a ‘conference’ with Mrs. Lee. Those 15 minute chunks where you can chat. I have 2 back to back with her tomorrow. God is so awesome! This entire weekend has been one big confirmation that I’m exactly where I’m suppose to be when I’m suppose to be. I feel like Dante fro Clerks…”I’m not even suppose to be here today!!” I was going to come in April, but clearly, God needed me here now. I’m so okay with that!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">8:11pm</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tonight’s dinner was the best meal I have had in the twelve years I’ve been coming here. Everyone else agreed. We were enjoying the meal (roast beast!) that we broke out into spontaneous applause!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you asked me earlier today, if I was ready to go home tomorrow, I was torn between wanting to see my family and staying one more day (do they even have five day retreats?). Now, after tonights talk, I don’t know. I’m still torn. Usually, by this time in the weekend, I’m ready to go. Ready to see my family, packing up my room and then come morning time I’ve mentally checked out of the retreat. And, every year is the same, they ask you not to do that so you can get the full experience, I guess. However, I’m always excited to see Big Daddy and my kids and hear about my friends weekend and their revelations. It’s different this time around. I’m not sure if it’s because I came by myself, but I’m not ready to let go of the quiet yet. I’m not ready to let go of the routine, breakfast at 8, lunch at 12, dinner at 6. Conference in between. Prayer time. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I like it. I so need it. I’m excited for seeing my family, but I’m not exicted about coming down the mountain. What that is, is when you are on a retreat, at some point you hit a high point (most people, anyway) and you want to carry all you have learned with you. Then, you have to get back to ‘real life’ and have to go back down the mountain. It’s sneaky how it happens. I don’t even realize it. Sometimes, it’s so quick, days even, and other times, it lasts a bit longer. “Wasn’t I *just* at Monserrat a few weeks ago?!” “I miss the peace I felt there”. That’s the thing, the challenge if you will. Putting into practice, what we’ve learned here. Prayer, meditation, whatever message you received. Whatever you learned. The one thing I have been able to keep since I learned it a few years ago was from Fr. Arcenaux. Just because I forgive you, doesn’t mean I have to reconcile with you. That was huge for me and still is to this day.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have so much going on in my regular world. I’m sure, if I just boil it down, it would only be like 2 things, but you know me, I like to make mountains out of molehills. I should have a business card “M2M-From Molehill to Mountains, I can build it <insert clap="" hand=""> for you!” I have my youngest turning 21, the very next day, my oldest is getting married, then 3 weeks later my youngest is graduating college, two weeks later we’re taking her on a trip for her present. Don’t forget my middle child. I would never, ever forget my middle child, especially, because I’m a middle child. She has stuff going on too. I’ve got work, I’ve got my Thrive. I so want to grow my business and take care of people! I’ve got plans. Like the rapper says “you got ways and means, we got hopes and dreams” <ghetto superstar="">. I have friends I need to catch up with. I know you’re all ‘Gina, you don’t NEED to catch up with them, you WANT too.” And, that my friends, is where you’d be wrong. I am made of my experiences and my family and my friends. I have a group of friends that I NEED to be with once a month. We are a family in and of ourselves. These people, these friends, ground me. The teach me how to deal with myself. How to love myself and others and especially how to be patient with myself and others. We have faced life, death, weddings, funerals and even MATH! There is nothing we haven’t faced. These women keep me in check. I need to catch up with some of them this week.</ghetto></insert></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This has been one of the better retreats, I must say. They’re not all winners, mind you, but I l always come away with something, even if it is just rest. This one has been profound. I made friends, shared experiences, had a FABULOUS meal (I’m pretty sure the chef is my new best friend, remember, I’ve got lots), I learned I don’t have to have all the answers or even some of them, and I think I just might have found my purpose (other than being an okay wife and a so-so mom lol Actually, I’m an amazing wife and a so-so mom! lol) and that is a lot for anyone in a weekend. For now, I’m heading back to the dining hall for some water (I may have went back earlier for some garlic knots, but I’ll never tell! lol) and then do some reading. I wish you all a great night and be comforted knowing that God loves you more than you can ever imagine!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Day 4 (Sunday)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">7:19AM</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Well, I’ve been up since about 6:30. I wasn’t planning on getting up so early, but I was tossing since about 6, so I figured it was time, plus, the song in my head this morning was All I Really Want by Alanis Morriset. Good song, but weird, because it’s not on the aforementioned playlist. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Today will go by rather quickly. I know this from experience. Breakfast at 8, conference at 9, Mass at 11, then lunch and dismisal at noon. After Mass, we congregate in front of the St. Ignatius statue and take a group photo. I’m hoping to take some photos with Fr. Borrow, Mrs. Lee, and my two new friends. Oh, I didn’t tell you what happened last night! Did you ever see Monsters, Inc? Remeber Roz “I’m always watching”? Yea, God is like that. He’s always working. So, I’m in the dining hall for water and a cookie. Go ahead and judge me, it was about 8ish maybe 9, but those cookies are amazing. Anyway, I’m reading Lino Rulis book “Saint”. A few years ago, I read his book “Sinner” while I was here and laughed so very hard. I tried reading “Saint” a couple years ago, but it wasn’t grabbing me. This year however, I’m guessing it was the right time. Anyway, I was reading my book and this lady comes up to me and say’s “I’m so sorry, (about interrupting me) but I just wanted you to know, you look like a friend of mine who just passed away). At this point I stood up, thanked her for sharing that with me and gave her a big hug. She said “I just wanted you to know why I was staring at you”. I just thought that was so lovely. See, many years ago, after Mema passed and I came here, there was a woman who was a dead ringer for Mema. I stared at her most of the weekend and when we could talk, I did the same thing. I even showed her a picture of Mema and she agreed they looked alike.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Something struck me after she walked away. I spent the weekend in my own little bubble. And when I would judge someone, say a prayer for them and me (did I mention that?). I said about 37 rosary’s worth of Hail Mary’s this weekend. What can I say, I’m a big judger. I told you I’m working on it for Lent. But, I digress. I watched a few people this weekend. I judged. I prayed. But I had not noticed this woman. God is so awesome. Last night was the healing Mass. I think it’s my very favorite Mass when I come here. The sacrament is Annointing of the Sick. It used to be called the rite of Extreme Unction and if you received it it was pretty much time to say good-bye, you were on your way home to God. Somewhere over the last 48 years it changed. It’s for any kind of healing, physical or mental. So, Fr. Tran is explaining this before the sacrament last night and he says it covers physical or mental so we’re all covered! Then he says, when he goes to the hospital and performs the sacrament for people who are about to pass, he has a 50/50 rate of people getting better, but that we’re good. So, after I get the sacrament I’m back in my pew and I get a shooting pain in my head. Not bad, but definitely uncomfortable. One of the greatest graces I’ve ever been given was abour 14 years ago I was in a women’s study group and I asked if they ever get shooting pains in their head and quite a few of them said ‘yes’. That was so freeing for me. I don’t get them all the time, just every once in a while. But, having confirmation that other people get them too was life giving to me. So, there I was in the pew, shooting pain, right after the sacrament of healing and I thought, “This is it. This is where I’m going out. I had confession last night. Healing today. But I’m not ready yet”. My anxiety peaked, I was sweating and so I started praying to Mary.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Obviously, I’m still here, so for me that’s a plus! Lol You would think, being here, having as great a weekend as I’ve had that I’d be ready to go. Ah, but you forget, like I do, that I am human. I want to see my amazing husband, Big Daddy, and my kids.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is the first year I’ve really put off packing. I’m still not really ready to go. I’d say 60/40 in favor of going. This is going to sound weird (so, normal for me lol). I’m glad I brought my chromebook. It helped me process more than I wrote (typed) this weekend. It’s almost time for breakfast. I’m going to go get some pictures if I can and enjoy my morning. You guys really should come here.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">5:35PM</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It has been a very long day. Mass was incredibly beautiful as always. After the homily, the retreatant are given a chance to talk about what graces we received this weekend. It’s totally optional. It was beautiful to hear how others live were impacted this weekend, not just my own.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After Mass, I headed to my room to pack up then, headed to the dining hall to talk with my new friends. Then, at 12:30 Big Daddy came and we went home (and stopped at Whataburger of course!) Since arrive home, I’ve spent time with my daughter, Big Daddy and Iggy, all who missed me very much. My other daughter was out, but I’ll spend time with her this evening. I am officially unpacked. Clothes are in the wash, and I am spent.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So there you have it. A retreat at Montserrat. I highly recommend you go. You will love it!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Until next time,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Carve out some quiet time for yourself. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Love,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Me</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me with the Great Father Borrow!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just me, hanging out with St. Ignatius!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Montserrat's Pet Turkey Iggy!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My Favorite swing, in my favorite place, with my favorite guy!</td></tr>
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</span>Oneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-18714226851503975962018-01-21T17:08:00.000-06:002018-01-21T17:08:49.965-06:00Happy Birthday!For those of us who have lost a love one, some days it feels like yesterday and others it feels like a lifetime. I wonder if that's what heaven is like, when a thousand years is like one day and one day is like a thousand years. I woke up excited this morning as tomorrow is my daughters 22nd birthday. Then, it dawned on me. I confirmed with Big Daddy, today is Mom' birthday. Not just that, but it's her tenth birthday in heaven. I miss my Mother-in-love more than I can explain. <br />
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I miss talking with her every week.<br />
I miss hearing her voice.<br />
I miss making her laugh. I think I miss that one most of all.<br />
She was so easy to make laugh. Not one of those 'I'm humoring you' laugh', but an honest-to-goodness laugh. <br />
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My time with her was so very short, only 9 years. That's not a lot of time. I was lamenting to Big Daddy this morning on how much I have missed out with her. How many hugs. How many conversations. How many laughs? What would our relationship be like now? She genuinely liked me. Loved me. Not because I was her daughter-in-love, not because I gave her three grandchildren, but because of who I am. Just me. Perfectly imperfect me. This is a huge deal for me, because when you grow up with one of the people who is suppose to love you unconditionally, doesn't, it's surprising when people actually do. When you grow up with that deficit, it causes you to think that people only like you because you're friends with so-and-so, not because you're your own amazingly, wonderfully, eccentric self. Mom did that for me. She loved me warts and all. She (and Dad) accepted a low self-esteem, domestic abuse survivor, with three tiny children with open arms. She (aside from my own amazing Mom and Mema) is one of the greatest women I have had the blessing of knowing.<br />
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Happy birthday, Mom. Have a great day and share a birthday shot with Jesus for me. I love you and miss you!<br />
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Until next time,<br />
Let's go EAGLES!<br />
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Love,<br />
MeOneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-52880316288393938062018-01-06T10:27:00.001-06:002018-01-06T10:27:33.435-06:00One down, 51 to go!The first week of the new year is complete. I worked on getting better (and by worked, I mean, took my medicine, went to work, and slept) and kept a few of my goals that I set for myself! The great thing about life is I have 24 hours everyday to try it again!<br />
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Flossed daily? Nope, but I used my water pic once!<br />
Extra time for prayer? Once.<br />
Got up earlier? Nope.<br />
Went to bed earlier? Nope.<br />
Ate better? Yes! I made conscience decisions about what I was putting in my body. Don't freak out, it's not like I'm all "Kale is life!" It was more, "Peanuts are a better choice than potato chips". <br />
No drama? Yes!<br />
Stay positive? Not as much as I hoped, but better than none at all. <br />
Avoid negativity? Mostly! I removed negative people and content from my social media as much as I could (stuff pops up every now and again).<br />
Be kinder to myself? Nope. But, I wasn't as negative to myself as I usually am.<br />
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But, like one of my favorite sayings go "If you don't like where you are, move, you are not a tree." I am not a tree. So, like I said, every day is a new chance! So, that's what I plan on doing :)<br />
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What is working for me this week? I'm feeling wonderful, minus the getting better part from being sick. My energy level normal thanks to thriving! Like I said before, I cannot imagine how worse my cold would have been if I wasn't thriving! And, I'm so exited for what the year is going to bring! Each day is so full of love and promise!<br />
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So, I sit here this morning, watching one of my favorite bad Christmas movies (the 12 dates of Christmas), enjoying the smell of my Christmas tree, enjoying the quiet time, enjoying my life. If I could give you all one present this week, it would be to realize you are enough. You are lovely just the way you are, warts and all. Remember, you are amazing!<br />
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Until next time,<br />
Give someone a smile. Yours is amazing!<br />
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Love,<br />
MeOneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-56244938974323208232018-01-01T22:22:00.001-06:002018-01-01T22:22:04.361-06:00Happy New Year!I started 2018 by bringing with me some things from 2017. Namely, my grit, spunk, determination, and good Lord help me, this cough! lol<div>
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Today has been a lovely day! I've enjoyed so much. I chatted with my mom, my sister, and my daughters. I spent a bunch of time with Big Daddy, and the only side effect from the new medicine is being light headed now and again. Trust me, that's a lot better than the side effects from the other medicine! I've officially been sick a week. I was at work last Tuesday and at the end of the day, was working some overtime at home. I finally clocked out at 7 because I was spent. Then, an hour later, my fever spiked to 102.8. And, that my friends is when I called in to work. For two days, I slept, fought the side effects of the wrong meds, and hardly ate, although I drank water like a camel. lol Since Friday, when I started better medicine, I still slept, but my appetite has slowly returned. And, I'm feeling better. Big Daddy says I have my color back! On the plus side, I lost 3 pounds! Hey, I'll take it!</div>
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I spent the day today getting crap off my facebook feed. There's was so much negativity that I just unsubscribed to it all. That's not me and I don't need to see any negativity. Oh, I know it exists, mind you. I just don't need to be party to it.</div>
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Now, I'm just about ready for work tomorrow. Truth be told, I really loved my time off, even though I've been so sick and sleeping tons. But, I am ready. I'm ready to face the day, week, month, year. Let's do this!</div>
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Happy New Year, everyone!</div>
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Until next time,</div>
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I pray you all have a blessed year!</div>
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Love,</div>
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Me</div>
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Oneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-45799211854440819532017-12-31T20:40:00.002-06:002017-12-31T20:40:57.656-06:00The Closing of the YearBeing sick the last few days of the year has had me feeling rather maudlin. I miss my mother something fierce this time of year. Mind you, she's alive and well, and living in Myrtle Beach. And, I did get to spend time with her in July as well as talk to her all the time. Still, I miss her. In addition, I miss my Dad. He wasn't able to come down for Thanksgiving this year. And, as wonderful as the day was, it just wasn't the same without him.<div>
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This Advent season flew by too fast. I didn't do any of the things I had planned. Not a one. I started coming down on myself, per usual. Then, something changed, clicked if you will. Yes, I did not get anything I wanted to do started, let alone finished. But that doesn't make me a bad person. I've been trying to focus on that. And, while I've been sleeping a ton, the last two days I am up more (thanks to the new medicine) and am feeling loads better. Not well enough to go to Mass today or to my sisters for our annual NYE celebration. These things are important to me. And, here I sit, in my bed, feeling a little sorry for myself. My faith is important to me. I wanted to go to Mass. So, while Big Daddy was at Mass, I watched the Mass on my Laudate app. That helped me feel connected. Afterwards, I called my sister and chatted for a bit. Just hearing her made me feel better. </div>
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2017 was a busy year:</div>
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I became full time at my job.</div>
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I celebrated a year at my job.</div>
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I started in a new department in my job.</div>
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I started working from home 4 days a week.</div>
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I grew closer to friends and distant with others.</div>
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I left a business that wasn't working for me.</div>
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I started with an amazing company that supports me.</div>
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I learned how to eat better.</div>
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I learned how to meal prep.</div>
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I lost 20 pounds!</div>
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I lost 4 PANT SIZES!!!!</div>
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I took a vacation with just Big Daddy.</div>
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I renewed my vows (twice!)</div>
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I took a family vacation.</div>
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I started going live.</div>
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I created 'Live with Thrive'.</div>
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I made new friends.</div>
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I had medical procedures.</div>
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I leaned I have a new 'for now' normal.</div>
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I cried.</div>
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I rejoiced.</div>
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I shared.</div>
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Most importantly, I loved.</div>
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For 2018 I am leaving behind self doubt and negativity. I'm not going to wait until I reach a goal to be proud of myself. I'm going to be proud of myself the whole way! I'm going to celebrate. And, most importantly, I am going to love.</div>
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I wish you all the Happiest of New Years and that the peace of Christ that surpasses all understanding will be yours this year.</div>
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Until next time,</div>
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Please call a cab/Uber/Lyft! Don't drink and drive!</div>
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Love,</div>
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Me</div>
Oneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-81180951471475296452017-10-19T16:46:00.002-05:002017-10-19T16:46:35.374-05:00I'm THRIVING!<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
So, for those of you who don't know, I recently started a new adventure and I couldn't be happier. AND it only get's better! I was featured on the official LE-VEL FAN PAGE!!!!!</div>
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<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
My name is <span class="highlightNode" style="background-color: rgba(88, 144, 255, 0.15); border-bottom: 1px solid rgba(88, 144, 255, 0.3); font-family: inherit; padding: 0px 1px;">Gina</span> Marie Schafer, and this is my Thrive Experience.</div>
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I'm a 48 year old mom of three adult children (23, 21, and 20) and my adorable grandtwins who are about to be 2, CJ and Justin and married to my amazing husband, George!</div>
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I've been Thriving officially for 8 weeks! I watched my friend Sheila post about Thrive time and time again. I watched Sheila's posts talk about mental clarity among other things so, I said 'let's do this' and contacted Sheila.</div>
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Truth be told, I was a little nervous. Would I be jittery? Would I feel like I was going to burst out of my skin? Happily, the answer was "no.” I'm an all day person (versus being a night or morning person), however, by the time I get home at 4:00 I'm exhausted and ready to be a couch potato. That did not happen! I came home and was doing laundry, not only that, I FOLDED and PUT IT AWAY!!! Who does that?!!! Not me, that's for sure! lol All I drink now is water, it's all I want these days. My favorite thing has to be the mental clarity! I heard about it, but didn't know what to expect. It's not like the clouds part and angles sing and all of a sudden I have an IQ of 170. No, this is SO MUCH BETTER! I didn't realize I had mental fog until it was gone! I can focus a lot easier now!</div>
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I haven't even mentioned how I get up before the opportunity clock goes off, how my stress is just about gone...how I'm able to better focus and handle a situation with less emotional stress, and how my energy level is through the roof!</div>
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I can't thank Le-Vel and Thrive enough for giving me, 'me' back!</div>
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Oneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-2799908600588464002017-08-05T09:40:00.003-05:002017-08-05T09:40:35.615-05:00The Thing About CisternsOver the course of the last few months I've really taken the ten commandments to heart. Specifically, the not killing one. If it weren't for spending eternity away from Jesus, in hell, with a lot of people I've avoided during my life, sweating, quite a few people would not be here. <br />
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As most of you know, if you are my friend, I love you unconditionally. You hurt, I hurt. Then, I want to hurt the people who hurt you. But, I don't (see paragraph above). Over the past few months, a few people I love were the victims of mean people. And, while murder isn't an option, what's a girl to do? We'll, I did some biblical thinking (rare I know). And, what came to me were cisterns! I was so excited! See, Joseph's brothers didn't like him very much. So, basically, they threw him in a cistern and went on their merry way. They didn't kill him. So, for the past few months I've joked around "we should buy a cistern!" "You can get cisterns on Amazon!" "Another person for the cistern!". Then last week, God in His infinite wisdom reminded me of the rest of the story.<br />
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In case you don't remember, Joseph ends up becoming the rulers right hand man (so to speak) and in the end, he reunites with his brothers, holds no grudge, and tells them basically, what they meant for bad, God used for good. So, if I get a cistern, dump all these people in it (I'm up to 3 now) then with my luck they'll form a singing group, will be rescued because some record producer heard their sound, and make a gazillion dollars. So, no cisterns.<br />
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What then, is a wearing her heart on her sleeve, let me help you with the vengeance God, my friends/family have been wronged and must be avenged girl to do? Pray. Pray for these people (that they stay far away from me lol j/k not really). Pray for their happiness. That's a hard one. Pray for God to soften their hearts. And, even mine too.<br />
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So, as fun as it was to imagine throwing people in the Cisterns, that's the problem with them. What I was using for bad, God will use for good. <br />
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Until next time, pray for those who persecute you (and everyone else).<br />
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Love,<br />
Me.<br />
Joseph, you are truly missed. Thank you for being a part of my life. I am blessed to have known you as shared so many memories with you. Thank you for giving me your family.<br />
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<br />Oneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-64539034394140399292016-07-28T12:16:00.001-05:002016-07-28T12:17:52.405-05:00Abide With Me.I knew it was a while since I last posted, but almost a year? Wow, that was a bit shocking. I promise, I won't stay away so long again.<br />
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For as much as things have changed this past year they have stayed the same. My weight (ugh), my patience (or lack thereof), and my heart (still loves deeply). I spent the last year letting go. I let go of familial relationships that only serve to hurt me. That have never built me up. I finally had enough of chasing parked cars, of wishing things were different. I was tired of the phone only going one way. I finally said to myself that I matter and just because I was born into this group of people does not mean I have to stay there. That I can choose me. So, I did. At first, it was jarring, the day after Christmas when I realized the card never came. Then again, after my birthday this year when I realized the same thing. And you know what? I'm still here. I still matter and while slightly hurt, I am happy. They say God provides what you need and boy does He, in big ways. While I don't have the familial relationships (except for my Mom, God bless my Mom), He gave me a Dad in my father-in-love. I have had the pleasure of knowing him for 18 years and being his daughter-in-law for 16 (in October). After going through Christ Renews His Parish 12 years ago, He gave me a big sister in my Carol. My bunco group (the Happy, Hugging, Holy Bunco Group thank you) are my family. Sometimes we argue (with that many women, it happens. Rarely, but it happens) but we protect, love, and serve each other. We fight fiercely for each other and woe to the person who hurts one in our group! And, my OLA sisters. I spent the last nine months with these women. And I love them all. There is an unexplained bonding that happens when you spend nine months with someone let alone 20 women. These women are more than church friends, they are my heart.<br />
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Sure, sometimes I get jealous when I see a familial bond that I don't have, but at the same time, I know God has provided more family for me than I could ever have hoped.<br />
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My baby boy grew up this spring. He has a great job, a lovely girlfriend, and a place of their own. It happened rather unexpectedly, the moving out. I was unprepared. It hurt. A lot. But watching him grow and mature has been a joy to watch.<br />
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I no longer have kids in high school. My two girls are in college and living at home. I'm okay with that. I like to tell them "I can't miss you if you never leave" but I am happy they are still here. They'll leave when they're ready and I'm okay with that.<br />
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Big Daddy as always is my rock. Loving someone with anxiety, panic, depression, and low self esteem isn't easy but he sure makes it look like it is. He is such a great source of support. He takes such good care of our family and is truly a gift from God.<br />
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I love that no matter how I change, the people that God has blessed me with, stay. They love me even at my most unlovable times. That, people, is love. The forgive me, they mentor me, they challenge me, they guide me. They abide with me. And I, with them.<br />
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I am #oneblessedgirl.<br />
Love,<br />
MeOneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-18530362156201539142015-09-19T10:12:00.004-05:002015-09-19T10:12:56.108-05:00Among the ThornsI met my friend Mary Boyle over a decade ago. She is a wise and wonderful servant of God. And, she is my dear friend. After years of friendship, we were at a gathering and she pointed out that I was a type A personality aka control freak. I thought about it and laughed. How had no one ever told me! She wanted to know how I never knew! lol That was an important day for me. Certain things began falling into place, like how I know how things should and need to be done and when they need done! lol Over the years, I would like to think I've mellowed a bit. I said a bit, people, not a lot. I've not mellowed when it comes to me or to God.<br />
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There's a saying "If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plan". I've stopped telling Him, however, I haven't stopped wanting things my way. Sure, I pray. I pray for all of you and I pray wondering why they cannot go this way instead of that way. I know, I KNOW God's plan is better than mine! However, for some reason, I think maybe this time, this ONE time, our plans will align. I can look back over my life and thank Him for all the unanswered prayers. Prayers where most of the time, He has saved me from my worst enemy, myself.<br />
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I like to think I'm going to Heaven, even though I have said many times that I am the tour guide to hell. I have a weird/goofy personality and way of looking at things. Not bad. Just different. Mine. I want to be one of those women who can quote scripture on demand and tell you the book and verse where it can be found. Instead, I'm the "I know it's in there, I'm not sure what book, and it goes something like this" woman. I want to be the one who spends time meditating on His word and just being with Him, not thinking about the kids or what's for dinner or how I felt slighted that particular day. I want to pray the Rosary everyday and not find an excuse to stop after a year or two again. I don't want my wrote prayers to feel wrote, I want to feel the meaning in them. I want to look in the mirror and see Jesus, not the overweight woman battling menopause with low-self esteem, and the little voice in her head telling her she'll never measure up to her own standards let alone anyone else's. Not too long ago, I shared my concerns about how I pray with someone. They asked why I felt I had to pray that way? I truly didn't have a good answer. They reminded me that when I talk with Him throughout the day, that's a prayer. True. Nice to know. Still I want the other way. Type A much?<br />
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Today's reading is the Parable of the Sower. You know the one I'm sure. Seeds are scattered different places and yield different results. I never really thought about my place in the scattering. I always thought "I hear His word, I come to church every Sunday, I help where I can, I'm the one one good ground." Then reading it today, something struck me. I'm not really on the good ground. I move between the grounds.<br />
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This is the meaning of the parable.<br />The seed is the word of God.<br />Those on the path are the ones who have heard,<br />but the Devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts<br />that they may not believe and be saved.<br />Those on rocky ground are the ones who, when they hear,<br />receive the word with joy, but they have no root;<br />they believe only for a time and fall away in time of temptation.<br />As for the seed that fell among thorns,<br />they are the ones who have heard, but as they go along,<br />they are choked by the anxieties and riches and pleasures of life,<br />and they fail to produce mature fruit.<br />But as for the seed that fell on rich soil,<br />they are the ones who, when they have heard the word,<br />embrace it with a generous and good heart,<br />and bear fruit through perseverance.”</div>
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How many times have I been choked by my panic and anxiety attacks or want 'riches and pleasures of life' (mainly, just to have our bills paid off and a nice place to live. Okay, okay, and to travel and have a new car (paid off of course) and new shoes. I need the new shoes. Oh, and did I tell you about the purse I saw)? How many times have I fallen victim to the devil and his snares and temptations? And how many times did I bear fruit through perseverance? I think we all move between the grounds, not just me. Sure, I hang out among the thorns for a while, but next think you know, I'll be persevering again!<br />
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In two weeks I am beginning another spiritual journey. Some of the women I know, some I do not. I'm looking forward to the next journey with them and growing in His word and doing His will. Please pray for me and all of these women.<br />
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Until next time,<br />
Know I am praying for you.<br />
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Love,<br />
MeAmon<br />
<br />Oneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-65841276877447288392015-07-11T18:27:00.000-05:002015-07-11T18:27:31.260-05:00MeYes, I know it's been a while. Depression is like that. <br />
I could tell you how over the last ten months how my life has been affected by cancer. No, not me, two people I love dearly. I could tell you how I watched my last child graduate and how that broke something inside of me. I could tell you how I watch my husband go to work everyday at a job he loves and is respected and appreciated and how envious I am. I could tell you how since my last post, I've had bronchitis. Twice. I could tell you how I've cut toxic people out of my life and how while it's very freeing, part of me feels bad about it. I could tell you how I'm in menopause and it is just like being pregnant, except you don't get a cute baby at the end. I could tell you how in an office full of people, I feel alone. I could tell you that while I promote how healthy it is to ask for help from your friends, I do not practice what I preach. How do you ask a friend to hold you while you cry and you don't know why you are crying?<br />
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No. I am going to tell you none of that. I'm going to tell you that today is a bittersweet day for me. Five years ago today, one of the greatest loves of my life, my Mema died. She left me. She had no right. I needed her then, and I need her still. Yes, I am selfish, this is not news. I know she's happy, I know she's in heaven. I'm happy she's not in pain. I *know* all of that. I also know that I belong with her and she belongs with me. I know that some days it feels like yesterday since she's been gone and others, it feels like decades. I hate that she left me. I hate that she left me here alone. Without her. Without her laughter. Without her joy. Without her music. Without.<br />
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Yes. I know I'm blessed. I know all these things. But, if you know anything about me, you know how fiercely I love. Not just with my whole heart, but with my soul. That's why when season friends leave, it cuts me to the quick. That's why I feel so helpless when I cannot help those around me. That's why I hold so close my family and my bunco sisters. <br />
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So today, I will be sad. Today I will cry. And, today, like everyday, I will love, especially all of you.<br />
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Until next time,<br />
Say a prayer that my friends parents house sells.<br />
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Love,<br />
MeOneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-25969858113502678512015-03-03T21:39:00.001-06:002015-03-03T21:39:36.236-06:00It is What it is<div>
It is not about what it is.</div>
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It is not about what can happen.</div>
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It is not about what it is going to be.</div>
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It is about Him.</div>
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It is not about what I want.</div>
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It is not about what you want.</div>
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It is not about our wishes.</div>
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It is about Him.</div>
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It is not about our gain or loss.</div>
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It is not about our joy or sorrow.</div>
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It is not about the outcome.</div>
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It is about Him.</div>
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It is not about giving.</div>
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It is not about receiving.</div>
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It is not about sharing.</div>
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It is about Him.</div>
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It is about His will.</div>
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It is about His plan.</div>
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It is about His love.</div>
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It is all about Him.</div>
Oneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-9392027078421837512015-02-28T19:22:00.001-06:002015-02-28T19:42:13.528-06:00Of Music, Spock, and Wonder Woman.Yes. I know it's been six months. I'm truly sorry. I'll be better. That said, grab your drink of choice (lately mine is water) and let's begin.<br />
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As some of you know, my early years weren't the best. Heck, some of my older years weren't that great either but I digress. From about sixth grade throughout graduation I didn't have many friends. Actual 'come over, let's hang out' friends. I was different and I was weird. As a teen girl this isn't great. Now, (well it took me to my mid thirties actually) I embrace it fully. My friends were Joe, Natalie, Tootie and Blair, Mallory and Michael Keaton and of course most (obviously,not all) of the residence of Pine Valley, PA. Erica, Mona and dear Aunt Phoebe, Greg and Jenny, just to name a few.<br />
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These people/characters became my friends and teachers. They are the ones who liked me unconditionally. They came into my home every week. They taught how to be a friend that, goofy and different were okay, and that no matter how good you try to be, sometimes you just do stupid things so you learn from them and move on. My husband understands this part of me. So much so that one day about 10 years ago, he called from work to tell me to log on to the computer because he just couldn't break the news to me. It was the day Aunt Phoebe died. I cried. Yes, I know that to you they're just fictional characters, but Ruth Warrick (of Citizen Kane) exuded class and love and she and I had been my "aunt' 35 years. <br />
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Yesterday was similar to that. Another dear friend, a mentor, passed. Leonard Nemoy passed away. Spock was a great role model for anyone but especially for me. We have many similarities. We're both 'different' than what the norm suggests we be. We are both strong willed. We are both smart (although I down play mine all the time. I still don't know why at 45 1/2 I still do that). We both had to learn about grey. That life isn't just black and white. That somethings really are 'illogical' and we just have to accept that. I was so sad I texted a friend "I feel like Khan has won".<br />
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I was a nerd but not the ones that are now cool. I had a love hate relationship with math. I was good at math but school bored me. I wasn't in to comics. Sure, I loved the superheros and cartoons, but music was and still is my passion. I grew up in a house full of music. Anything from the 20's and up. I fell in love with my mom's 50's and 60's music (can anyone say 'wolfman Jack?!) My sister was the 70's. My dad was big band all the way. Mema was Croation music on Sunday's and 40's and below any other day. I loved it all. How many sixth graders can say their first concert was Sha-Na-Na! And, you see my point. Nerd. No friends, only tv and music. However, I was okay with that. I didn't know till junior high how weird I truly was. At the end of the day, it didn't matter. I would go home to music and my tv friends.<br />
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It took a long time, but finally real people friends came into my life. My senior year in high school, I met Joyce and Sherri, we've been best friends to this day. It was just them for the longest time. Then, over a decade ago, God placed my family at St. Jude's church where I met the loves of my life (Big Daddy will always be the greatest love of my life after God of course). He also blessed me with friends through different jobs I've held (Sarah K, Rob S., Will H. Chris McD, Mandy, Shortie, my podmate Jules, my bunco group) to name a few). While I don't see all of these people very often, we stay in touch and get together whenever possible. These real friendships mean everything to me. I have Sally Field moments often when after a particular get together I realize they like me. They really like me. Not just that, they love me. For a nerdy girl with only tv and music for friends, this constantly amazes me and something I never take for granted. Big Daddy says he doesn't understand why I am amazed at how people like/love me. He'll never understand because he was never me. I tell him I'm amazed every day I wake up and realize he is not running for the hills. I never said I was perfect, I said I was me.<br />
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Aisha Tyler (who is someone I just adore and look up to and who would totally be my friend in real life if she ever had the pleasure of meeting me) has a book called Self-Inflicted Wounds. It's about epic humiliations we ended up doing to ourselves. My whole life is moments like that, but then again, whose isn't?<br />
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At my current job, I work with people who have comic nicknames (Batman and Night wing are just two). So a few weeks ago, I took on the moniker of Wonder Woman. I thought "Hey, Wonder Woman is awesome. I am awesome. She's Amazonian, I shop of Amazon. lol. Actually, I took stock at all the crap I've over come. At the walking miracle I am (dude, you just don't outgrow Epilepsy and not have to take medicine for the rest of your life. I did among other things) and decided 'yup, I am a wonder. I am woman. Hear me roar.".<br />
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So to all the sportos, motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies and dickheads-I think you're all righteous dudes.<br />
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Until next time,<br />
Live long and Prosper and remember I'm here if you need me. Always.<br />
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Love,<br />
Me<br />
<br />Oneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-69150320724049058962014-09-01T12:30:00.001-05:002014-09-01T21:05:00.664-05:00I'm Still HereGrab your drink of choice and settle in, this might be a long one.<br />
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Six months ago, I couldn't wait to be here, where I am now. I thought things would be back to normal in a nice little box tied with a Tiffany blue bow. That is not the case.<br />
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Valentine's day this year, one of my children made a choice that directly impacted the entire family. Fifty-two very long days later, that decision was unmade. However, now we were left with the aftermath. All of us have been and still are, hurt. Emotionally hurt. It's six months later and I look around me and I still see the burning embers. Daily, I walk among this ashes. I see the carnage that is left in the wake of it all. Has my faith been shaken? Eh, not really. However, I am learning that I have no control over others choices that they make for themselves. This in and of itself is hard enough. I like control. I like order. I like things the way I like them and that is how I like them. I have a vision how things should go, how they should be and I'm old enough to realize that isn't how life works. That God and life has other plans.<br />
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No one tells you when you have kids about the hard stuff. Sometimes they try, but they can'/t really explain it. You have to live it. Sure being a parent is awesome and joyous and awful and horrible and amazing and loving all at the same time. It's hard. It's hard on you physically, mentally, and especially emotionally. I'm past the crying stage, the depressed stage (mostly), the anger stage, the grief stage. Now, I've settled in complacency. This is what the situation is and this is what it is going to be for a while. Sure my child is not the same person they use to be before this happened. None of us are. Now, it's a dance. Now it's us circling around each other trying to get to know who this new child is. Is this a new child? Is it the same child? I see glimpses of the old child? What does this new child want/like? How am I suppose to parent this new child? The answer to that last one is I'm not. They're an adult. They make their own choices and decisions. I'm just here. It's the just here that I have an issue with.<br />
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I miss you. I miss all of you. I have wanted to share with all of you what's going on. But how much do I tell? What do I tell? I don't know. Most of you who read this know what has happened so should I reiterate it all again? Some of you don't know. If I don't share, what if there are others like me out there who need support? I could be that source of support? So, I'll give you the brief synopsis: Valentine's day. Child ran away to live with boyfriend; pregnancy scare (two of them); they broke up; child moved back home; found out child was a cutter; child did inpatient for a week; then out patient for a while. Child graduated high school. Child has not cut for five months. Child is working. Child is thinking about going to school. Child makes own decisions and I get to watch. I use the term child because no matter how old they get, they will always be my children. My child.<br />
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So, in the middle of all of this, I had just been at my job four months. It's been almost a year that I've been there. I pray every night for a new job. I like what I do, I like a few people I work with, and that's where it ends. In June, June 24th to be exact, I had enough. Enough of living paycheck to paycheck and I became a distributor with It Works i.e., that crazy wrap thing. I'm sure you've seen it all over my facebook or have seen me passing our my coupons for wraps or wearing my bling shirt. Let's be honest shall we? I was scared. I've done pampered chef twice, mary kay, and lia sophia. Why would this be any different? My dear friend who had done pampered chef, avon and others sat down with me and said "it is different'. And, I've trusted her for years with my sons life. How could I not trust her with mine? And, she was right. It is different. The level of support is unheard of. It is not a get rich quick scheme. It is a business. My business. I get out of it what I put into it. Starting today it is another full time job. So, after I work at my 8-5, I come home and work full time with my business (chrpangelwraps.com shameless plug but you're reading my blog about my life so....lol) I have an accountability partner, but I am asking you, you reading this, all of you, to be my accountability partners as well. To keep me on track to make sure I reach my goals. We all know my level of self doubt and self confidence. However, with your help, I CAN and WILL do this!<br />
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My family is doing good. The five of us are learning to dance.. The child who left with the four of us and the four of us with the child. It's still a long way to go, But, we'll get there when we're suppose to.<br />
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Until next time (I promise it wont be so long again),<br />
Love one another as He has loved you.<br />
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Love,<br />
Me<br />
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<br />Oneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-30272301597720724672014-06-15T15:31:00.001-05:002014-06-15T15:31:24.716-05:00An Open Letter to My Bunco GroupI know it's been month's since my last post. I went underground for a while. Went a little postal. Went a little mental. Went a lot off the rails. Kids can do that to you. I've spent the last few months dealing with the cards I was dealt. Thing is, I'm not that great a card player. I'm getting better. Each day is better than the last. Some days are good and some days not so good. What brings me above ground you ask? Why now? Well, I'll tell you. I have something to share.<div>
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So many friends of mine have truly been there for me during this walk but there is a group of friends in particular, that I have to address...my bunco sisters of the Happy, Hugging, Holy Bunco Group.</div>
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The H3 Group has been together for four years, brought together by Bob, the Holy Spirit. Together, we have done it all. We've laughed, cried, mourned, celebrated, argued and constantly, loved each other. We are humans who are sinners with great failings but are all works of God with the amazing capacity to love each other and support each other.</div>
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Through it all, this group has been my rock (after God and my beloved husband). There is not a time when I am with each of them, whether one on one, or at bunco, when I am not at peace. This is important because sometimes, inner peace is hard for me to find. </div>
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Yesterday, was a day the H3 has been waiting for. Our little sister, Amanda got married. It was a beautiful wedding and a beautiful reception. Before the wedding. I went off the rails again and was not in a good mood. I was angry and was spitting nails. it was not pretty. During the reception, something changed in me. I was lighter and joyous and calm. George even commented on it when we left the wedding. I confirmed what he had witnessed. This group, we support each other. Just being with them fills me with love and laughter and peace.</div>
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Yesterday afternoon, I received the best words of love ever spoken to me other than wedding vows by my husband. My H3 sister Carolina said that I love more than anyone she has ever met. It was so lovely and meant so much that tears stung my eyes. </div>
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I love these women unconditionally. They are my family. I am so blessed that God brought us together. </div>
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Thank you all for your love and support.</div>
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Until next time,</div>
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Hug your friends.</div>
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Love,</div>
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Me</div>
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Oneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-51896489028078554482014-02-28T20:30:00.001-06:002014-02-28T20:30:15.235-06:00RebuildingIt's officially two weeks since our lives have changed. I'm learning, albeit slowly, to deal with the changes. I've slept a bit more this last week. I have moments. Moments where everything is okay. Moments where I think I'm going to be okay. This situation will be okay. Then, there are days like yesterday that bring me to my knees. Yesterday started out as a beautiful day. Then, went south in a hand basket right quick. It had gotten so bad, I had to leave work. I had to go to church. Specifically, I had to see my Priest. I needed to talk this out, I needed to cry. I needed to learn how to breathe all over again. Funny thing is, when your heart breaks, it crumbles your lungs too. It feels like an elephant sitting on my lungs. So, I off I went. I spent the afternoon with my priest, then my husband. Grieving. Growing. And, a lot of thinking.<div>
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This week I had to opportunity to spend three evenings with Fr. Larry Richards at St. Gabriel the Archangel in McKinney. It was such a gift to be there each night. And, I was able to receive confession with about 300 of my closest friends (not sure of actual number but it was in the hundreds). Add that to all the text, private message conversations on facebook, calls, and the like, I am going to be okay. Here's what I've learned this week (or was reminded of).</div>
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My work friends are awesome and so very supportive.</div>
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My sister Carol is always the logical one and voice of reason when we talk (no, you don't want to wear spandex, you'd start a fire with your thighs lol)</div>
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My best friend Tina with the calls and the text.</div>
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My Sheila, my bunco group, my chrp sisters, my ched's friends, my gurus, my family all with their unwavering love and support.</div>
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I feel bad that I have to still be carried on my mat for a while. And, I wish I could say to my carriers "you can put me down now, I've got this, I'm going to be okay", but with all the uncertainty and being thrown into this ocean, I am clinging to my life preserver (all of the above) and my lifeguard who happens to walk on water. Please bear with me as you carry me a bit longer. </div>
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Thank you from the bottom of my heart to each and every one of you. Each day brings new blessings and challenges.</div>
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And, a special thank you to my husband. I am so glad we are going through this together. I love you.</div>
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Until next time,</div>
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Call your mother. She misses you.</div>
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Love,</div>
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Me</div>
Oneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-81725704546343271622014-02-23T19:22:00.003-06:002014-02-23T19:22:46.968-06:00When a Heart BreaksValentine's Day started eons ago as a massacre and Valentine's Day this year ended just the same. For those of you who know me, I tend to have a flair for the dramatics. For those of you who know me well, you know this is not the case here.<br />
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Nine days ago, my life, my families lives all took a turn for the worse. At least for four of us anyway. Unbeknownst to four of us, one of us had a plan. A plan they were working on for a few weeks where all that mattered was them and not the choices they were about to make. Or the other four of us. Our thoughts and feelings did not matter and now for the last nine days we have been left floating in the wreckage that has become out family.<br />
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First let me say, no one died. Everyone is alive and healthy. For that right there, I am eternally grateful. Secondly, let me say, if you don't know what happened at this point (I have a small close knit group of people that know) I'm not going to tell you here. The people that know are my true prayer warriors, gurus, and people I trust with my own life and those that three other members of my family feel are their gurus and the ilk. <br />
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In this post, I am choosing to talk about me and my journey these nine days. First off let me tell you, I have run the gamut of emotions (every emotion but happy ones). I've been angry (surprisingly not at God). I've been furious. I was in shock for about two days. I discovered the true, pure meaning of shock and awe. I was irritated that I had to wake up the next day. Why is God keeping me here? I thought it was payback/karma for the horrendous things I did to my own mother almost 17 years ago. And, I learned just how much I and my family are loved. How much we are blessed (something I really don't take for granted. However, to see how much you are loved is truly humbling). How many, many people, near and far are praying for us. How those friends of mine who don't do religion are sending good thoughts our way. Friends I've known for years and friends I've known for months. I have people checking in with me on a daily basis or whenever they can. People that truly, deeply care. That has been a lovely thing. That in the midst of all this horrendous pain, I have seen and felt the grace of God. That alone, while is a wonderful thing, it is something I am truly not deserving of (even though we don't earn God's grace, He give's it freely).<br />
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I always thought I had a strong faith. And, to some extent I do. These last nine days how ever have taught me differently. My faith is me telling God what I problems and what I think I need. I know best don't you know! My faith is me giving things up to Him, and taking them back real quick because, you know, He's busy and all. I'll just help with this one. Here's how my past nine day journey with God has gone. <br />
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Day one: Lots and lots and lots of pain and tears. Learning what shock and awe really mean. Found out just how not smart some people are. Laughter crept in to help me deal.<br />
Day two: Went to Mass with one of my gurus and cried through most of it. Spent a few minutes with my Priest afterward where we talked and he gave me a hug. Then breakfast with my chrp sisters. Surrounded by unconditional love, acceptance and God. Learned that I need to surrender this. Still in shock and awe mode.<br />
Day three: Went to Mass. Surrendering minute by minute. Feeling extremely empty and hurt.<br />
Day four: surrendering minute by minute then onto second by second. Still empty, hurt, and moments of extreme anger.<br />
Day five: learned that surrender doesn't mean I'm giving you this second or minute. It means surrendering my will to His will. Felt like crap, I've been doing this wrong too?!<br />
Day Six: My new motto: Thy will be done! Even taped twbd to my computer monitor as a reminder!<br />
Day seven: Has it really been a whole week? Realized that I haven't been trusting God at all. That Thy will be done and His will have nothing to do with mine. I've been surrendering wrong, now saying this wrong! I'm such a failure! I want this fixed and I want it fixed my way and I want it fixed NOW! How hard is that!!!??? Do I really want God's will in this situation? He knows the plan. I really, really need to give up control of this. I'm tired of being eaten alive. I am tired of crying every night. I'll do the fake it till you make it thing. I'll eventually get there.<br />
Day eight: Still in fake it till I make it mode. The devil is not making things easy today. He's showing me how easy it is to hold on to my hurt and anger. This is not good.<br />
Day nine: Went to Mass. Still in fake it till I make it mode. Trying as best as I can to get back to some sort of normalcy. Which, is a joke as my family dynamic has changed irrevocably. Still using humor to get through it all. Am I ever going to sleep again? <br />
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So here I sit before you on the eve of day ten. I have learned my heart and my faith are stronger after these nine days. I've learned that forgiveness doesn't come easy and that I am so not there yet. I am learning that I need to let go of this control and having things my way. That we all grieve (and boy are we grieving) at different stages and in our own way. That we all have to forgive in our own time and that is perfectly okay. That all the prayer that we have been receiving has helped four of us be able to carry this cross. That it's okay to be on the mat for a while while our friends carry us. Sometimes we carry and sometimes we need to be carried. And, for the control freaks like me, I want to carry, not be carried. That is where surrendering lies. When I am too tired to fight anymore. Where after the fight or flight fire dies down (if you don't know, I'm a fighter) and nothing is left but tiredness and feeling week. That I can lay there and be carried (or dragged lol). Acceptance is hard. Acceptance that my life, our lives have change. Acceptance that it is my time to be carried. Acceptance that all the fight is just about out of me. Acceptance, true acceptance of His will. Blind faith, heck any faith, is hard. Somehow, I feel like this should be lent with all the chipping away, polishing and pruning that is being done with me and my family. If this is what it's like before lent, I can only imagine what he has in store for those upcoming forty days. But you know what? With all of those praying for us both near and far, we'll handle that challenge too. Grant you, it may not be pretty, but we'll get it done.<br />
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Until next time,<br />
Hug those closest to you. And thank you all for being there for us.<br />
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Love,<br />
MeOneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2109163798218799362.post-77659603073402642832014-01-01T09:20:00.000-06:002014-01-01T09:20:00.202-06:00A year in reviewHappy New Year!!! Welcome to 2014!<div>
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My year in review.</div>
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I spend part of the year in disappointment, feeling like a failure as a parent and partly as a child. I was disappointed in my spiritual life and as always I'm like a little kid with her first Hershey bar, I just wanted more.</div>
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I spent part of the year afraid of change. My dear friend quit our job (little did she know I spent the entire summer looking for a new one and the hardest thing was going to be leaving my two friends). Then, I left my job a couple weeks later. I was freaked out about my new job. What if I suck at it? What if no one likes me? What if I can't do it? This is what lives in my head all day, just about every day. This is what growing up for me was like. All the positives my mother would say on how smart I am would be drowned out by the others telling me different. Plus, she had to say these things, she's my mom. (To this day, she is still my biggest cheerleader and still says these things as says she doesn't have to say them because she's my mother lol).</div>
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I spent the last part of the year at my new job which I love, and who knew, my mom was right, yet again, I am smarter than I thought! I'm still learning but that's something I love to do anyway!</div>
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I spent a lot of the year in mourning. I miss my Mema. It's been three years since she left me. She was my second biggest cheerleader and she didn't have to say nice things because she's my Mema. I missed George's mom. It's been six years since she left me. There are certain days when it just would catch me that she's gone. And, I miss my mom. Granted, she's not dead, she's alive and in Myrtle Beach, but I haven't seen her for a couple years and I miss her terribly. She makes everything better. </div>
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I spent a good portion of the year dealing with my panic and anxiety disorder. I get thrown into a whirling dervish for what others see as no apparent reason. Yes, some of them I walk right into, other's mostly are sprung on me. </div>
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I spent part of the year thinking I was dying. This is why my husband will not allow me on WebMd or the internet. Smart one, he is. See, I am afraid of dying (I know this is normal). I am deeply, deathly afraid. When I get an ache or a pain, I think I'm the only one whose ever had it before. Especially, when it's in the vicinity of my heart. Heaven forbid my left arm starts to hurt. I have a reason to be hypocondriacish. I was born with a cleft lip, cleft palate, club feet, umbilical hernial, a heart murmur and epilepsy. Then in my 20's I was diagnosed with aortic insufficiency. Apparently, I was born with it, it just went undiscovered. Then, on my first Mother's Day, I had a TIA (transiscemic attack a mild stroke). This one freaked me out the worst. Have you ever tried to say something and it came out wrong? Did you ever mispronounce a word or couldn't get the word out? Normal, right? Well, that's what the beginning of my TIA was like. Now, whenever that happens, even though it's normal, I'm afraid I'm having another stroke. Mind you, I had it almost 20 years ago. Still, the fear is there. So, I get these aches and pains as I'm growing older and I get scarred. If George had a dollar for every night we went to bed and I said "please watch me" he'd be a millionaire. </div>
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I spent another part of the year dealing with my low self esteem. This is just about a daily battle. Some days the demons win, some days I win. I think at this time, we're tied.</div>
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I spent a great part of the year laughing. It is my goal to laugh everyday. And, with my husband and family and close friends I do! I try to make people laugh. It's so underrated. I'll gladly be silly to make someone laugh. Especially, those that are having a hard day.</div>
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I spent a good chunk of the year reading and listening to music. I love, love, love to read!!! And, music, don't even get me started! Don McClean was right "music can save your mortal soul".</div>
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I spent the entire year loving. I love. I don't just love a little. I love with my entire heart whether we just became friends or have been friends forever, it's something I have no control over. I just love people. It's pretty easy most of the time as God calls me to love people, not like them. It's the liking part that get's me into trouble. I don't have to like you to love you. But, mostly, I do anyway :D</div>
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I spent the entire year blessed. Blessed by those who came into my life, those who left, and those who are on the merry-go-round of friendship and they circled away for a while. I have been blessed by my friends and my family and my faith. I have been blessed through disappointment and hurt and happiness. I have a roof over my head, food, and a job. I spent the end of the year and the beginning of the year at the same place, Mass. George says I can't count one Mass for both, I say I can. I was there to celebrate the beginning of the year (and the solemnity of Mary) on the last day of the year :D lol</div>
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No matter what happened last year and no matter what happens this year, these three remain; faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.</div>
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Happy New Year,</div>
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Until next time,</div>
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Be happy!</div>
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Love,</div>
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Me</div>
Oneblessedgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14145242976587419219noreply@blogger.com0