So, I have something to say today. But, I don't know what it is. It's more of a feeling that I want to share, but I'm not exactly sure how. It's not just thankfulness, it's more than that. I'm thinkin the word is awe. Julie and I like to share this one conversation every so often about God. It's about how in awe of Him we are. Kind of like when you see the end result of something and you realize "wow, Dad really DOES know what He's doing!" We're in awe of just how cool He truly is. And, we like to say how we don't ever want to get to the point of not being in awe of Him. Sort of like "yea, yea, nice rainbow, seen one, you've seen 'em all" or "nice tree, what else can you do?" Does that make sense? It's just so cool to have these moments of awe with Dad.
I had one such moment just a little bit ago. I called my Julie. She is amazingly awesome, no surprise there. At the end of our conversation she said "I'll be on my cell all day if you need me". That one sentence just blew me away. I was talking to George not too long after and I shared that thought with him. And, I explained how I will never cease to be amazed one, that I actually have friends, and two, and most importantly, that these friends are so utterly cool and amazing that how I am friends with them is only because of God. Somehow He found me worthy enough to be friends with them. Take for instance my Carol. The other day, when Mema first went into the hospital, I hung out at Carol's house. I didn't talk, much. A lot less than normal, and she knew that I just needed to be around her. Then today both her and Julie said the same thing. When they asked how I was, I replied I was fine. They both said "you're not, but that's okay". That was such an awe moment for me. I love that they know me so well.
On the death watch 2010 front, Mema made it through the night. She's being kept calm and at peace with meds as she is insisting she wants to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. lol My grandma is nothing if not stubborn and at 92 no one is going to tell her what to do! lol This cracks me up because she and I are a lot alike.
If you wouldn't mind praying for my sisters father-in-law, Mel. He just had a stroke and his cancer is back. Also, a friend from York was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and it has spread to her liver. And then two young boys (about 12) were in a jet ski accident and both are in critical condition. And finally, for Jimmie Herman. The world is a lot bigger than me, even though I like to think that it revolves around me sometimes (apparently, my teenagers believe it revolves around them ALL the time lol!) and hey, if you ever run out of people to pray for, there's always the souls in purgatory :)
Until next time,
Relax. You've had a busy week catching up from having Monday off. Enjoy your weekend and know that I love you, always.
Love,
Me
Friday, July 9, 2010
Today
Today was such a very long day. It was intentionally busy. By that, I mean that I purposefully kept myself busy. I ran any errands I could think to run. I was home maybe a total of an hour. I went to Carol's house (the monkey cave for those of you of four square, Javier, I'm the Mayor already! ha ha), Went to the library, and went to Tina's house (no name for her house as of yet, lol). Tina was suppose to host bunco tonight. As I think you all know, after years of not belonging to a group, I created my own. While helping Tina get ready for bunco, she really wasn't feeling well. FINALLY she called the doctors (she's 7 months pregnant). They want her to head to the hospital. So, I offer to cancel bunco for tonight as we are already short two people anyway. She say "no". So, I offer to host. I then call people and have my friend Liz email them to let everyone know of the house change. I then run to Kroger's to get snacks. Come home, straighten the house and then get everything ready.
By this time, I am ready to drop. I am physically exhausted and emotionally spent. Then everyone showed up, well eight people showed up. When I created this group, I prayed to Bob (the Holy Spirit) and asked Him who I should invite into the group. He told me to pick the people that I love and that I want to spend more time with but really never get too. After that, it was an easy choice. Tonight, these eight women walked in the door, and as tired as I was, it didn't matter. These eight women, Carol, Patti, Shelia, Carolina, Suzanne, Shannon and Liz. They came and ate and drank and played bunco, and laughed with me. We still need to find a name for our group but I'll tell you, I never, ever laugh so hard as I do on our bunco nights. I sat there and just enjoyed being. They all know about Mema. They knew I really didn't feel like talking about it but they were there if I wanted too. They, as always, are loving and supportive and it was a really great gift from God, not just tonight, but the group in and of itself. During the evening Tina and I kept in touch so we would all know how she was. Six hours after going to the hospital she got to go home, tired, but fine. During the night, even with all the laughs, my heart was heavy.
Mema made it through the night. Then, today, the reality of the situation hit her and she just cried. Hearing that just broke my heart. I check in every two hours to get updates. She sleeps constantly and her eyes don't move. When she does wake up, she gets upset because she wants out of bed and her left side isn't cooperating because of the paralasis due to the stroke yesterday. She can comprehend, but she can't talk anymore, which, makes her telling me she loved me yesterday even more special.
Another gift from God today was that my sister called to check in and make sure I'm alright. It used to be years ago she and I were not close at all. But that has changed dramatically. That made me happy.
Now, everyone is gone, the kids are in bed. Maria leaves for Steubenville tomorrow. And I have to stop. There's nothing left for me to do today. I have no errands left to run and the house is cleaned up and now I have to stop. Stopping means sitting still and thinking and that just does no one any good. lol When I am busy I am concentrating on the task I'm doing or where I'm going next. Sitting just makes me think and be irritated with God. Yea, I'm not super irritated with Him, I never am for long anyway. I'm irritated b/c like any child, I want MY way and I want it NOW! I so wanted to be there before and now. Like I said yesterday, I accept His plan, I just don't like it.
I am tired. I don't sleep all that well usually. Alyssa, if you ever wanna go out for coffee, Ihop is open 24 hours :) But, it's late. And so, I'm going to try and get some sleep. Thank you all for being here. Sharon, you are such an amazing friend. Thank you for being so close even though you are so far away. Carol, thank you for being there and letting me be quiet. And, Tina, thank you for letting me boss you around today. And a big thank you to whoever put Mema on the prayer chain.
Until next time,
Please continue to pray for a peaceful death for my Mema.
Love,
Me
By this time, I am ready to drop. I am physically exhausted and emotionally spent. Then everyone showed up, well eight people showed up. When I created this group, I prayed to Bob (the Holy Spirit) and asked Him who I should invite into the group. He told me to pick the people that I love and that I want to spend more time with but really never get too. After that, it was an easy choice. Tonight, these eight women walked in the door, and as tired as I was, it didn't matter. These eight women, Carol, Patti, Shelia, Carolina, Suzanne, Shannon and Liz. They came and ate and drank and played bunco, and laughed with me. We still need to find a name for our group but I'll tell you, I never, ever laugh so hard as I do on our bunco nights. I sat there and just enjoyed being. They all know about Mema. They knew I really didn't feel like talking about it but they were there if I wanted too. They, as always, are loving and supportive and it was a really great gift from God, not just tonight, but the group in and of itself. During the evening Tina and I kept in touch so we would all know how she was. Six hours after going to the hospital she got to go home, tired, but fine. During the night, even with all the laughs, my heart was heavy.
Mema made it through the night. Then, today, the reality of the situation hit her and she just cried. Hearing that just broke my heart. I check in every two hours to get updates. She sleeps constantly and her eyes don't move. When she does wake up, she gets upset because she wants out of bed and her left side isn't cooperating because of the paralasis due to the stroke yesterday. She can comprehend, but she can't talk anymore, which, makes her telling me she loved me yesterday even more special.
Another gift from God today was that my sister called to check in and make sure I'm alright. It used to be years ago she and I were not close at all. But that has changed dramatically. That made me happy.
Now, everyone is gone, the kids are in bed. Maria leaves for Steubenville tomorrow. And I have to stop. There's nothing left for me to do today. I have no errands left to run and the house is cleaned up and now I have to stop. Stopping means sitting still and thinking and that just does no one any good. lol When I am busy I am concentrating on the task I'm doing or where I'm going next. Sitting just makes me think and be irritated with God. Yea, I'm not super irritated with Him, I never am for long anyway. I'm irritated b/c like any child, I want MY way and I want it NOW! I so wanted to be there before and now. Like I said yesterday, I accept His plan, I just don't like it.
I am tired. I don't sleep all that well usually. Alyssa, if you ever wanna go out for coffee, Ihop is open 24 hours :) But, it's late. And so, I'm going to try and get some sleep. Thank you all for being here. Sharon, you are such an amazing friend. Thank you for being so close even though you are so far away. Carol, thank you for being there and letting me be quiet. And, Tina, thank you for letting me boss you around today. And a big thank you to whoever put Mema on the prayer chain.
Until next time,
Please continue to pray for a peaceful death for my Mema.
Love,
Me
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Pictures
Little known fact about me, I love to take pictures. I love to take pictures of my friends and my family. More importantly, I like to take pictures with my friends and my family. This doesn't come from a conceited part of me that I keep hidden from the world. It comes from a place of happiness. Well, not just happiness. Most of the time it's documented proof that I didn't imagine George, or Carol, or Julie. One of my deepest regrets in life, if not *the* greatest regret is that I only have two, maybe three pictures of me and Mom total. And, we're in one together, but we're hugging so you can't see her face and in another it's from my engagement party and it's all of us. I don't have any just her and I. So, I'll look at the picture of her and I hugging on my mantle (the pictures on the mantle, we weren't hugging on the mantle) from my wedding and I know she was real.
I have pictures of me and Carol (I seriously need to get updated ones though), of me and Tina. Of me and my Julie, me and my Sharon. And of course, me and my George. And, not to be left out, I have pics of me and the kids. However, there is one picture that has alluded me for months. It is a picture that's oh about 35 years old at least. It is a picture of my Mema and me on a bright sunny day with our faces squished next to each other for the picture. Ever since Memas been going down hill I've been looking for it. Yes, I have other pics of Mema and me growing up but that one is my favorite.
Mema has had good days and bad. Today was the worst. I called to talk to Mom this morning and she said it wasn't a good time. When I asked why, she said they were waiting on the ambulance to come and help put Mema in bed. She said that Mema wasn't coherent. At that point, I told my mom to tell Mema I loved her. She said for me to tell her and held the phone up to her ear. I told her "I love you, Mema!" And she slurred back that she loved me. Then, I prayed a rosary for a peaceful death for her and asked Mary and Jesus to meet her with open arms. I called a couple hours later and they were now taking Mema to the hospital. Turns out she had had a major heart attack and stroke when I had called and continued to have heart attacks since then. I called back a couple hours later and she's in the hospital asleep. Resting comfortably. My mom is with her as is my uncle and aunt. While talking to my mom a little while ago for an update, I asked my mom how Mema looked. She asked if I wanted a picture and I said yes. God love the marvels of technology as my mom texted me a picture of Mema. She's looks peaceful. Grey, but peaceful. I'd be surprised if she wakes up. The doctors are saying anything from a day to a week so..
George was kind of taken aback that I wanted a picture of her on her death bed. I can't really explain it. I know wholeheartedly that God didn't want me to be with her before she passed. I accept this fact. I DON'T LIKE IT, but I accept it. But, having the picture, getting to tell her I love her, and talking to my mom every couple hours makes me feel like I am there. I am blessed beyond all measure that I was even granted the opportunity to tell her I loved her. Funny thing is, I normally don't call my mom so early in the morning but both times I was told to call. I thank God for telling me to call and thank God that I actually listened.
So, here I sit, unable to find the picture I really want. I tried to scan in a different picture, but that's not working either. Sigh.
It has been a very long, very emotionally draining day. I know that all of you are here and you will never know just how much that means to me. How much each of you mean to me. So, if you see me with my iphone out snapping pictures or grab you for a photo, go easy on me. It's because I love you that I want to document our time together. Y'know for when senility sets in (well, sets in more, I do have three teenagers and I'm lucky I can remember my name. Days of the week, not so much lol). When that happens I can look at the pictures of us and see God's love.
Until next time,
I'm greedily asking for prayers for a peaceful death for my Mema.
Love,
Me
I have pictures of me and Carol (I seriously need to get updated ones though), of me and Tina. Of me and my Julie, me and my Sharon. And of course, me and my George. And, not to be left out, I have pics of me and the kids. However, there is one picture that has alluded me for months. It is a picture that's oh about 35 years old at least. It is a picture of my Mema and me on a bright sunny day with our faces squished next to each other for the picture. Ever since Memas been going down hill I've been looking for it. Yes, I have other pics of Mema and me growing up but that one is my favorite.
Mema has had good days and bad. Today was the worst. I called to talk to Mom this morning and she said it wasn't a good time. When I asked why, she said they were waiting on the ambulance to come and help put Mema in bed. She said that Mema wasn't coherent. At that point, I told my mom to tell Mema I loved her. She said for me to tell her and held the phone up to her ear. I told her "I love you, Mema!" And she slurred back that she loved me. Then, I prayed a rosary for a peaceful death for her and asked Mary and Jesus to meet her with open arms. I called a couple hours later and they were now taking Mema to the hospital. Turns out she had had a major heart attack and stroke when I had called and continued to have heart attacks since then. I called back a couple hours later and she's in the hospital asleep. Resting comfortably. My mom is with her as is my uncle and aunt. While talking to my mom a little while ago for an update, I asked my mom how Mema looked. She asked if I wanted a picture and I said yes. God love the marvels of technology as my mom texted me a picture of Mema. She's looks peaceful. Grey, but peaceful. I'd be surprised if she wakes up. The doctors are saying anything from a day to a week so..
George was kind of taken aback that I wanted a picture of her on her death bed. I can't really explain it. I know wholeheartedly that God didn't want me to be with her before she passed. I accept this fact. I DON'T LIKE IT, but I accept it. But, having the picture, getting to tell her I love her, and talking to my mom every couple hours makes me feel like I am there. I am blessed beyond all measure that I was even granted the opportunity to tell her I loved her. Funny thing is, I normally don't call my mom so early in the morning but both times I was told to call. I thank God for telling me to call and thank God that I actually listened.
So, here I sit, unable to find the picture I really want. I tried to scan in a different picture, but that's not working either. Sigh.
It has been a very long, very emotionally draining day. I know that all of you are here and you will never know just how much that means to me. How much each of you mean to me. So, if you see me with my iphone out snapping pictures or grab you for a photo, go easy on me. It's because I love you that I want to document our time together. Y'know for when senility sets in (well, sets in more, I do have three teenagers and I'm lucky I can remember my name. Days of the week, not so much lol). When that happens I can look at the pictures of us and see God's love.
Until next time,
I'm greedily asking for prayers for a peaceful death for my Mema.
Love,
Me
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Dear Everyone
I promise you, I'm not going insane, I just have little moments now and then. I'm trying to figure out how to get everyone the blog easier than email. I've added a subscribe button down on the right, under the follow tab, and whenever I update the blog, you'll get notified.
While it is Independence Day, and I've had a beautiful day with my family, I've come to realize, no matter how hard I try, there are some things you cannot declare your independence from. Case in point, my Dad, Joe. If you recall, I blogged right before Father's Day about him. Why is it that no matter how hard I try not to let him bother me, he does? He emailed me one line wishing me a Happy July 4th and saying he missed me. So, I called to say hello. And, in the middle of the conversation, WHAM, right between the eyes. He and Sarah are going on one more cruise to Europe for 28 days! Why does this bother me so? I'll tell you, I've been in TX 6 years. We bought our first house here (our current house), we settled our family here. He's never come to visit. He hasn't seen the kids other than infrequent pictures since they were toddlers. I was able to see him last August on my whirlwind trip home. He doesn't know anything about my family. He doesn't know my sister, Carol. He hasn't seen my second home, St. Jude's. He hasn't met my friends, tasted any of the meals I cook. None of it. Yet, he visits my sister, Tina, granted she's 9 hours away instead of 24. He gets to see her a few times a year. Me, the trip home in August was the first in 8 or 9 years. I say, in his eyes, I'm the black sheep of the family. I *understand* that he loves me the best he knows how, I *understand* he loves me to the best of his ability. I *understand* that I didn't fail him has a daughter. I *understand* all of that. But yet, there's something inside of me, that when I hear he's going on another trip instead of coming to see me, just breaks my heart all over again.
Now, I know what you're going to say, and trust me, it's nothing I haven't told myself. I've got my Dad, George, my true Dad. Which I truly do and he means the world to me. And, I have God, my amazing father. Who's always here for me, no matter what. He loves me unconditionally. Still, knowing all that, it's still a blow that I am not good enough for my dad, Joe to come see me. So, I hold fast to my Dad, George and God. I cling to them and know that for them, just being me, I am enough.
Until next time,
click on the subscribe button :)
Then, have a happy Independence Day!
Love,
Me
While it is Independence Day, and I've had a beautiful day with my family, I've come to realize, no matter how hard I try, there are some things you cannot declare your independence from. Case in point, my Dad, Joe. If you recall, I blogged right before Father's Day about him. Why is it that no matter how hard I try not to let him bother me, he does? He emailed me one line wishing me a Happy July 4th and saying he missed me. So, I called to say hello. And, in the middle of the conversation, WHAM, right between the eyes. He and Sarah are going on one more cruise to Europe for 28 days! Why does this bother me so? I'll tell you, I've been in TX 6 years. We bought our first house here (our current house), we settled our family here. He's never come to visit. He hasn't seen the kids other than infrequent pictures since they were toddlers. I was able to see him last August on my whirlwind trip home. He doesn't know anything about my family. He doesn't know my sister, Carol. He hasn't seen my second home, St. Jude's. He hasn't met my friends, tasted any of the meals I cook. None of it. Yet, he visits my sister, Tina, granted she's 9 hours away instead of 24. He gets to see her a few times a year. Me, the trip home in August was the first in 8 or 9 years. I say, in his eyes, I'm the black sheep of the family. I *understand* that he loves me the best he knows how, I *understand* he loves me to the best of his ability. I *understand* that I didn't fail him has a daughter. I *understand* all of that. But yet, there's something inside of me, that when I hear he's going on another trip instead of coming to see me, just breaks my heart all over again.
Now, I know what you're going to say, and trust me, it's nothing I haven't told myself. I've got my Dad, George, my true Dad. Which I truly do and he means the world to me. And, I have God, my amazing father. Who's always here for me, no matter what. He loves me unconditionally. Still, knowing all that, it's still a blow that I am not good enough for my dad, Joe to come see me. So, I hold fast to my Dad, George and God. I cling to them and know that for them, just being me, I am enough.
Until next time,
click on the subscribe button :)
Then, have a happy Independence Day!
Love,
Me
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Happy Independence Day
My heart hurts tonight. I mean, I'm okay. I had a beautiful day with my family. Today's my Mom's birthday. Lots of good things. However, tonight, after a phone call, I am sad and longing to be in South Carolina with my Mom and Mema. The call, I talked to my Mema. More like yelled instead of talked as she has lost lots more of her hearing. As always, she was happy to hear from me. It's just the same dance about not being able to see her that hurts. I'm sure that is God's plan, and I'm okay with that, honestly I am. I'm just bummed. Don't get me wrong, I trust in Him completely, but sometimes, His plans bum me out a little. This too shall pass.
On the plus side, I got a beautiful email from my Mike today. You know what he said? He said one of the most beautiful things anyone has ever said to me. He just got finished catching up on this blog and he emailed me and said that he was worried about me. But that wasn't the beautiful part. The beautiful part was how he reminded me of Jesus. How he was Jesus to me. He said for me to picture him giving me a hug and for me to give my depression to him. That he would fight it for me. If that's not something Jesus would do, or did, I don't know what is. In this day and age, who does that? I mean other than a parent to their child, and then you never tell them. You ask God to give their hurt to you. Sure, we help others carry their crosses, but rarely is it ever talked about. But, truly, who asks people, who witnesses to their friends and says, "here, I'll fight this fight for you, you rest?" That was truly amazing and something that I needed to hear. I told him I'm okay, because truly I am. The medicine has just about kicked in. I am very thankful for that. And, I've increased my prayer time, and my adoration time(see Sharon, I listened! A first, I'm sure! lol) so, that has helped as well.
On the must everything go at the same time front, not only is the dishwasher on it's death kneel, the microwave bit it. lol On the how cool is that front, yesterday, I took my Carol and her kids to the Treasure Chest! For those of you who don't know what that is, it's part of the Allen Community Outreach resale shop. What doesn't sell there, goes to the Treasure Chest. It's only open the first and third Friday's and Saturday's. I got a end table, a lamp, and some clothes for $6.75! Carol cleaned up too, she got two desks and three office chairs for a total of $10.50. Then, I went back with Jaime b/c he needed a lamp for his room and got a lamp, with shade for $1.50! Today, I took Sarah b/c she couldn't go yesterday. I got another end table and lamp (for the playroom which after a major overhaul is now dubbed the kids living room or teen room, lol) AND, here's the best part, Sarah got almost an entirely new wardrobe! Brand name too! Liz Claiborne, Nine West, Banana Republic, Express, Ann Klein, and Geoffrey Beene! Each clothing item was $.25!!! She got a new wardrobe for $3.75!!!!! Well, not all of it was hers, lol, George got a Geoffrey Beene shirt and Maria got a Liz Claiborne shirt, but other than that, it was all hers! HOW COOL IS THAT!!! AMAZING! I so love a great find! You all know how I love the sales at the Uber Shop, but this is just ridiculous!!!! I can hardly wait till the end of the month!!!
On the other good news front, My Amy (Morris) and I decided where we are going to celebrate our birthday this year!!! For those of you who don't know, her birthday is the day after mine, minus three years. For the last five years (since we've been friends really) we celebrate our birthdays together. We've gone to see Michael Buble twice, we've gone to Dick's last resort, we've done Pete's Dueling Piano, and last year was Karaoke. This year, I am so excited!!! We are doing a murder mystery dinner! http://murdermysterytexas.com/reservations/dinners/ There were a few to choose from. The celebrity look alike one looked like fun, but too campy, there was a hillbilly type one, and this one that we chose. So, I am really excited about it!!! More great news, My Greta and My Teresa are all better after their surgeries :) That makes me so very happy! My Julie and her Mom, Kathy have had major prayers answered this week too, and that just makes me even happier. Oh, and on Monday, it was My Carol's birthday (for those of you who didn't know b/c I sang it from the roof tops :D) She makes me immensely happy. On Tuesday, I got to see My Tina. Sure, we talk everyday, but I hadn't seen her in weeks. We happened to be at church at the same time and ended up going for coffee. It totally made my day! And then, there's my husband, George. There's really not enough words to tell you all how he is my rock. He is so full of love and support. He checks in and up on me. He knows when to leave me alone and he knows when to keep pushing even when I tell him, not so kindly, to back off. He is the love of my life and I cannot get through the day without him :)
So, in a nut shell, I am blessed beyond all measure. Even with depression, a dying Mema and appliances that don't work, I am blessed. You and I, we walk through the valleys, we climb the mountains, and we carry our crosses. But, we are blessed, because we do it together. You and I, WE are richly blessed.
Until next time,
Pray for all of those who serve our beloved country so that we can be free.
Love,
Me
PS. on the website itself www.chrpangel.blogspot.com there is a follow button. Click that and you'll automatically be notified when the blog is updated. The email method won't be available much longer.
On the plus side, I got a beautiful email from my Mike today. You know what he said? He said one of the most beautiful things anyone has ever said to me. He just got finished catching up on this blog and he emailed me and said that he was worried about me. But that wasn't the beautiful part. The beautiful part was how he reminded me of Jesus. How he was Jesus to me. He said for me to picture him giving me a hug and for me to give my depression to him. That he would fight it for me. If that's not something Jesus would do, or did, I don't know what is. In this day and age, who does that? I mean other than a parent to their child, and then you never tell them. You ask God to give their hurt to you. Sure, we help others carry their crosses, but rarely is it ever talked about. But, truly, who asks people, who witnesses to their friends and says, "here, I'll fight this fight for you, you rest?" That was truly amazing and something that I needed to hear. I told him I'm okay, because truly I am. The medicine has just about kicked in. I am very thankful for that. And, I've increased my prayer time, and my adoration time(see Sharon, I listened! A first, I'm sure! lol) so, that has helped as well.
On the must everything go at the same time front, not only is the dishwasher on it's death kneel, the microwave bit it. lol On the how cool is that front, yesterday, I took my Carol and her kids to the Treasure Chest! For those of you who don't know what that is, it's part of the Allen Community Outreach resale shop. What doesn't sell there, goes to the Treasure Chest. It's only open the first and third Friday's and Saturday's. I got a end table, a lamp, and some clothes for $6.75! Carol cleaned up too, she got two desks and three office chairs for a total of $10.50. Then, I went back with Jaime b/c he needed a lamp for his room and got a lamp, with shade for $1.50! Today, I took Sarah b/c she couldn't go yesterday. I got another end table and lamp (for the playroom which after a major overhaul is now dubbed the kids living room or teen room, lol) AND, here's the best part, Sarah got almost an entirely new wardrobe! Brand name too! Liz Claiborne, Nine West, Banana Republic, Express, Ann Klein, and Geoffrey Beene! Each clothing item was $.25!!! She got a new wardrobe for $3.75!!!!! Well, not all of it was hers, lol, George got a Geoffrey Beene shirt and Maria got a Liz Claiborne shirt, but other than that, it was all hers! HOW COOL IS THAT!!! AMAZING! I so love a great find! You all know how I love the sales at the Uber Shop, but this is just ridiculous!!!! I can hardly wait till the end of the month!!!
On the other good news front, My Amy (Morris) and I decided where we are going to celebrate our birthday this year!!! For those of you who don't know, her birthday is the day after mine, minus three years. For the last five years (since we've been friends really) we celebrate our birthdays together. We've gone to see Michael Buble twice, we've gone to Dick's last resort, we've done Pete's Dueling Piano, and last year was Karaoke. This year, I am so excited!!! We are doing a murder mystery dinner! http://murdermysterytexas.com/reservations/dinners/ There were a few to choose from. The celebrity look alike one looked like fun, but too campy, there was a hillbilly type one, and this one that we chose. So, I am really excited about it!!! More great news, My Greta and My Teresa are all better after their surgeries :) That makes me so very happy! My Julie and her Mom, Kathy have had major prayers answered this week too, and that just makes me even happier. Oh, and on Monday, it was My Carol's birthday (for those of you who didn't know b/c I sang it from the roof tops :D) She makes me immensely happy. On Tuesday, I got to see My Tina. Sure, we talk everyday, but I hadn't seen her in weeks. We happened to be at church at the same time and ended up going for coffee. It totally made my day! And then, there's my husband, George. There's really not enough words to tell you all how he is my rock. He is so full of love and support. He checks in and up on me. He knows when to leave me alone and he knows when to keep pushing even when I tell him, not so kindly, to back off. He is the love of my life and I cannot get through the day without him :)
So, in a nut shell, I am blessed beyond all measure. Even with depression, a dying Mema and appliances that don't work, I am blessed. You and I, we walk through the valleys, we climb the mountains, and we carry our crosses. But, we are blessed, because we do it together. You and I, WE are richly blessed.
Until next time,
Pray for all of those who serve our beloved country so that we can be free.
Love,
Me
PS. on the website itself www.chrpangel.blogspot.com there is a follow button. Click that and you'll automatically be notified when the blog is updated. The email method won't be available much longer.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Confessions from the desk of the depressed
Today, I went to adoration. I hadn't been in a good long while, too long for me actually, a couple months I think. While I'm there, I did a lot of talking to Dad (God), I gave Him everything, and then some. Then, I sat and waited. We all know how patient I am . So finally, I asked Him "Okay, Dad, what do you want to tell me?" He replied that today was about me coming to Him. It wasn't about His answers. It was about me making the time to go visit Him and spend time with Him. Powerful, no?
As I am giving Him the barrage of what is weighing on me I start to think of the Cross and focus on the Cross. And, the more I thought about it, we're not just carrying A cross, we're carrying a bunch of little crosses too. I likened it to a Christmas tree. The tree can be any size, but it is adorned with ornaments. Our Cross we carry can also be any size, but instead of adorning it with ornaments, we adorn it with smaller Crosses. They're the ones we help others carry, at least I like to think so.
The other thing that struck me during adoration was compliments. I don't know if it's a woman thing, a middle child thing, or a Cancer (the astrological sign not the disease) thing. But, I have a hard time accepting compliments. Even something as simple as 'dinner was good'. Ask George, I drive him crazy. I think he only says 'dinner was good' so he doesn't hurt my feelings lol I always feel that I can do better, make a better meal, be a better friend, be a better wife. I'm constantly pushing myself and at times berating myself to do and be better. We were watching a show the other night and they commented on how in a relationship how one is the settler and the other is the reacher. I told George he was definitely the settler. He disagreed. That didn't sit well with me. Most of the time, I feel people look at us, George and I as a couple and wonder why God put us together. That he could have done so much better. Some one prettier, skinnier, smarter, funnier, kinder, just all around *better*. Usually, I tell these people that I am his penance and he is my saving grace. I feel that every day. The weird thing is two of my talents from God (the others are still hidden that's why they're called hidden talents) are Exhortation and Mercy. Yet, I cannot use this on myself. Why is it that we look at others beauty and talents through a 50" flat screen hd plasma tv yet we look at our own through a thimble? When you find the answer, please share b/c I'm sure I can't be the only one who is dying to know.
Then, after adoration I talked to Patti briefly (she totally rocks!) We've been talking quite a bit over the last few days. In the course of our conversations, we talked about confession. I told her I hadn't been in way too long, April, and that was too long. But, since Father Antony is gone (a year tomorrow :( ) and Father Tim has way too much on his plate, I don't want to take time from him, that leaves Fr. Tuan. And, I'm just not feelin it. So, after talking to Patti, I run into the church office real quick and guess whose by the front desk? Yup, Fr. Tuan. So, I hear God telling me to go to confession. Drats! So, I ask Fr. Tuan how he is and if he is busy. Good, and no. Then, I ask him if he has time for a confession. Of course he does! I confess my sins, get absolution and am done in like five minutes. I don't mean to blasphemy, truly, I don't, but since Fr. Antony left, confession is just lacking *something*! Sure, I get absolution. But to me, that's not the point of confession. It's about being there one on one with Jesus and *feeling* his presence and *feeling* his forgiveness. Lately, the last few times I've been to confession, I'm just not feeling it. Does that make me a bad Catholic? Am I looking for something that I can no longer get and that when I did have it was just part of confession with Father Antony? Sigh, I don't know.
All in all, today was a spiritually busy day. My head hurts from all wondering, talking, and confessing. So, I will leave you with this thought 'you can be 1,000 miles away from God. It only takes one step to come back to Him'.
Until next time,
Pray for the women's crhp outreach for St. Anthony's
love,
Me
As I am giving Him the barrage of what is weighing on me I start to think of the Cross and focus on the Cross. And, the more I thought about it, we're not just carrying A cross, we're carrying a bunch of little crosses too. I likened it to a Christmas tree. The tree can be any size, but it is adorned with ornaments. Our Cross we carry can also be any size, but instead of adorning it with ornaments, we adorn it with smaller Crosses. They're the ones we help others carry, at least I like to think so.
The other thing that struck me during adoration was compliments. I don't know if it's a woman thing, a middle child thing, or a Cancer (the astrological sign not the disease) thing. But, I have a hard time accepting compliments. Even something as simple as 'dinner was good'. Ask George, I drive him crazy. I think he only says 'dinner was good' so he doesn't hurt my feelings lol I always feel that I can do better, make a better meal, be a better friend, be a better wife. I'm constantly pushing myself and at times berating myself to do and be better. We were watching a show the other night and they commented on how in a relationship how one is the settler and the other is the reacher. I told George he was definitely the settler. He disagreed. That didn't sit well with me. Most of the time, I feel people look at us, George and I as a couple and wonder why God put us together. That he could have done so much better. Some one prettier, skinnier, smarter, funnier, kinder, just all around *better*. Usually, I tell these people that I am his penance and he is my saving grace. I feel that every day. The weird thing is two of my talents from God (the others are still hidden that's why they're called hidden talents) are Exhortation and Mercy. Yet, I cannot use this on myself. Why is it that we look at others beauty and talents through a 50" flat screen hd plasma tv yet we look at our own through a thimble? When you find the answer, please share b/c I'm sure I can't be the only one who is dying to know.
Then, after adoration I talked to Patti briefly (she totally rocks!) We've been talking quite a bit over the last few days. In the course of our conversations, we talked about confession. I told her I hadn't been in way too long, April, and that was too long. But, since Father Antony is gone (a year tomorrow :( ) and Father Tim has way too much on his plate, I don't want to take time from him, that leaves Fr. Tuan. And, I'm just not feelin it. So, after talking to Patti, I run into the church office real quick and guess whose by the front desk? Yup, Fr. Tuan. So, I hear God telling me to go to confession. Drats! So, I ask Fr. Tuan how he is and if he is busy. Good, and no. Then, I ask him if he has time for a confession. Of course he does! I confess my sins, get absolution and am done in like five minutes. I don't mean to blasphemy, truly, I don't, but since Fr. Antony left, confession is just lacking *something*! Sure, I get absolution. But to me, that's not the point of confession. It's about being there one on one with Jesus and *feeling* his presence and *feeling* his forgiveness. Lately, the last few times I've been to confession, I'm just not feeling it. Does that make me a bad Catholic? Am I looking for something that I can no longer get and that when I did have it was just part of confession with Father Antony? Sigh, I don't know.
All in all, today was a spiritually busy day. My head hurts from all wondering, talking, and confessing. So, I will leave you with this thought 'you can be 1,000 miles away from God. It only takes one step to come back to Him'.
Until next time,
Pray for the women's crhp outreach for St. Anthony's
love,
Me
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Father's Day
You know what I despise? I mean other than liver, tuna, and mean people. I totally and utterly despise shopping for Father's Day cards for my Dads. Yes, that's Dads as in plural. First we have my Dad, Joe. The man who 'raised' me. And by raised I mean sat on the couch watching tv, mowed the yard, and generally said 'no' to everything. He has mellowed over the years and we've come to an understanding of sorts, especially since my trip home last August. The understanding is this, I know he loves me the best he knows how. It's not how I needed to be loved growing up, but he loves me to the best of his ability and at almost forty-one years of age, I accept that. Now, try finding a Father's Day card for him! It bother's me to no end b/c they're all about how great the dad was growing up, how much he taught his daughter over the years, how he supported/supports her and encouraged/encourages her. Yea, that man, he's a man I would've liked to have known growing up and every year I go to look at the cards and I feel the same way. Sure, I've forgiven him for not being what I thought he should have been. And, yes, I love him b/c he is my dad. That doesn't make reading these cards any easier. And, I can be sane and rational about this 364 days a year, it's just that one day, that *one* day, when I go, I get irritated. I've gotten better mind you. Now, I don't get irritated for too long (this post notwithstanding) and I try to keep the past in the past.
On the flip side, we have my Dad, George. Technically, he's George's Dad. But, he has been my dad for the last ten years that George and I have been married, and before that, he was my friend for two. He is awesome! He is full of love, and support, and encouragement. He never makes you feel like an idiot. One of my favorite things to do is to make him smile or chuckle it just makes my day. Dad knows how much I love him. I've told him. I've written it in cards and in letters. And, the coolest thing? He loves me just as much as I love him. I look up to and admire him. He is a huge source of strength. I have disappointed him a time or two, totally unintentional, and he let me know it. But after he says his piece, he moves on from it. Now, try finding a card for him! All the Father-in-law cards have no weight behind the words. Especially, the 'from the both of us' cards. Some years, I find a really great from 'your daughter' card that doesn't talk about 'when I was little" and I get to send those. And, that makes me happy. But, finding them, not so much a fan as it takes forever. Today, today was that day. Looking for cards. So, I end up doing what I do every year. I find a card for my dad, George and then I'll end up calling my dad for Father's day. It's not always easy finding the generic Father's Day card that's blank inside. But, it's only Tuesday. I still have time!
Until next time,
Pray for the souls in purgatory.
Love,
Me
On the flip side, we have my Dad, George. Technically, he's George's Dad. But, he has been my dad for the last ten years that George and I have been married, and before that, he was my friend for two. He is awesome! He is full of love, and support, and encouragement. He never makes you feel like an idiot. One of my favorite things to do is to make him smile or chuckle it just makes my day. Dad knows how much I love him. I've told him. I've written it in cards and in letters. And, the coolest thing? He loves me just as much as I love him. I look up to and admire him. He is a huge source of strength. I have disappointed him a time or two, totally unintentional, and he let me know it. But after he says his piece, he moves on from it. Now, try finding a card for him! All the Father-in-law cards have no weight behind the words. Especially, the 'from the both of us' cards. Some years, I find a really great from 'your daughter' card that doesn't talk about 'when I was little" and I get to send those. And, that makes me happy. But, finding them, not so much a fan as it takes forever. Today, today was that day. Looking for cards. So, I end up doing what I do every year. I find a card for my dad, George and then I'll end up calling my dad for Father's day. It's not always easy finding the generic Father's Day card that's blank inside. But, it's only Tuesday. I still have time!
Until next time,
Pray for the souls in purgatory.
Love,
Me
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