I stopped by church today, I had a form to drop off. As I was leaving, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while and while talking to her and the receptionist, my friend mentioned that her parents are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. How cool is that? I mentioned that my Dad tapped out at 35 years. This garnered quit a few laughs. Then, I was on my way.
Then, I got to thinking. I know, usually, that's never a good idea, but this one wasn't half bad. I wondered what my life would have been like, had my parents stayed together all this time. Would my Dad ever truly grow to appreciate the quirkiness that I am? Would my parents go on trips and vacations? Would they come and visit me? Would I have a relationship, a true relationship with my Dad? Would he ever love me the way I wanted/needed him too?
Then, I pictured all of this and you know what? It wasn't that great. I saw my life before my parents split (I was 27) and had they stayed together, things would've stayed the same as they always were. My mom, God love her, would still be covering up for my dad with us kids. My rose colored glasses would still be on. I'd still think my Dad hung the moon. I'd still think that my Dad liked me. Within the last 14 years, my Dad remarried (almost immediately), I watched my mom suffer greatly, at times at my own hands. I lost my Grandpa whom I adored. I watch Mema grieve at the loss of my Dad as he was more of a son to her than the four she had. I watched as my Mom took in Mema, and I use the term took in loosely. There was never any doubt where Mema would go. And, I don't want to imply that Mema was a burden. She was never a burden. She was an angel here on earth. Sure, her and my Mom disagreed occasionally, that's to be expected but it was rare. I watched my Mom grow in her self-confidence. It's still not as good as it could be, but really, whose is? And, if you grew up in my home, you'd realize why I am the way I am, why my self confidence isn't as good as it could be either. But, starting with none, my Mom and I haven't done too bad over the last 14 years. I realized during the first few years that my Dad, sadly, was human. Human with faults, and needs and wants. He did not belong on the pedestal that I had erroneously placed him on (too much watching tv shows where the daughters were Daddy's little girls I guess). I learned a lot about myself too. I learned I was a lot stronger than I ever thought (thanks, Mom). Not many people know this, but I was a single Mom of three kids under 3. I faced a lot of fears during this time. I drove over the infamous old cooper river bridge in Charleston, SC to work by myself (thanks again, Mom), I constantly looked over my shoulder. I was rail thin (hard to believe, I know, but stress and fear will do that to you). I found that I could stand on my own two feet. I met the love of my life, George and his amazing family. His mother ROCKED. There's not a day that doesn't go by that I don't miss her. His Dad, well, you all know how much I love him and how much of a Dad he is to me (and he's coming down for Thanksgiving!!!! WOOHOO). Then, at 35 I discovered my faith. I say discovered instead of rediscovered because I don't think I ever really did anything with it before. I realized my Dad does love me, just in his own way, not in the way I want or need, but in his own way. I realized that he's really old. He's only 70 but he's really old. Kids are noisy, he doesn't like to fly, or come visit me. I'll leave out about the part how he and his wife Sarah travel everywhere all the time. lol I've realized just how amazing my mom really is (she's coming down in December hopefully!!!!) I realized I am not strong enough to do this life thing on my own. That I have anxiety and panic disorder, that I had to be on meds, got off of em for a while and now back on them and that's okay. I realized I'll never have another child with George. I realized in five years all my kids will be in college. And, I realized, that God is the best father I ever could have asked for.
Yea, all of that from a 30 second conversation at church today. Amazing, no? All in all, it's a great reminder how awesome God is. How he can take what you think is the worst thing that could happen to you and turn it around and have so much good come out of it!
Until next time,
God thinks you are amazing and so do I.
Love,
Me
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
Today has been amazing!!!! Totally surprised the crap outta me, that's for sure!
You all know how my morning went. Let me tell you about my afternoon. I started with Mass at noon. I could feel the pull all morning for me to stay away. But I resisted and went anyways. I'm so glad I did! I got to sit next to and worship with my podmate!!! I was so awesome to see her. We also decided to induct one other person into our pod because as school house rock says "three is a magic number, yes it is". So, if I get no objections, I think we're closin out the pod at three. Do you want to know who the last member of our pod is? Okay, I'll tell ya! It's My Alyssa! Julies pm#1, Alyssa's pm#2, and I round it out at 3 :D It's the perfect size for us with all the baggage that we have (and I've got plenty I tell ya!) Anywho, Mass was *awesome*! And, I went up for the anointing of the sick. Totally, amazingly awesome!
Guess who I got to sit by in Mass today? Guess, Guess!!! Other than my Julie.....you'll NEVER GUESS!!!! SUE PAYNE!!!!!!!! I KNOW! AWESOME, RIGHT!!!! Let me set the picture for you. Sue and I have never met. But through the wonders of facebook, and friends of friends of friends, we began chatting online a while ago. Her family was going through something and prayers were needed. Over the weeks and months, she and I began to talk and email. Then we would i m sometimes. Lots and lots were shared and we grew our friendship from miles away (she's in Houston) out of prayer. I knew she was coming back to St. Jude's this weekend and was hoping to actually meet her face to face. But, I know she has a buttload of friends to see, so I wasn't counting on it. Then, this afternoon, Mass is about to start in a few minutes and Sue walks in the pew in front of me. I don't know who she is yet, but she was hugging Jules and as Sue sits down she squeezes my leg (I'm sitting down) hello. I look up and recognition dawns (I've seen her pics on facebook) and I jump up and give her a huge hug and say "welcome home"!!!! God found a way for Sue and I to meet. I mentioned to my Julie about this little fact and she said "Isn't it amazing how facebook can be used for good" Actually, I'm paraphrasing as she said it more eloquently. But as I sat there I thought, 'how cool is God!'.
Then, I had lunch with my loving husband, ran a few errands, then made dinner for a friend. And, as a surprise, George took the night off to surprise me! All in all, it's be an awesome day!
God is totally awesome!
Until next time,
Remember I love you!
Love,
Me
You all know how my morning went. Let me tell you about my afternoon. I started with Mass at noon. I could feel the pull all morning for me to stay away. But I resisted and went anyways. I'm so glad I did! I got to sit next to and worship with my podmate!!! I was so awesome to see her. We also decided to induct one other person into our pod because as school house rock says "three is a magic number, yes it is". So, if I get no objections, I think we're closin out the pod at three. Do you want to know who the last member of our pod is? Okay, I'll tell ya! It's My Alyssa! Julies pm#1, Alyssa's pm#2, and I round it out at 3 :D It's the perfect size for us with all the baggage that we have (and I've got plenty I tell ya!) Anywho, Mass was *awesome*! And, I went up for the anointing of the sick. Totally, amazingly awesome!
Guess who I got to sit by in Mass today? Guess, Guess!!! Other than my Julie.....you'll NEVER GUESS!!!! SUE PAYNE!!!!!!!! I KNOW! AWESOME, RIGHT!!!! Let me set the picture for you. Sue and I have never met. But through the wonders of facebook, and friends of friends of friends, we began chatting online a while ago. Her family was going through something and prayers were needed. Over the weeks and months, she and I began to talk and email. Then we would i m sometimes. Lots and lots were shared and we grew our friendship from miles away (she's in Houston) out of prayer. I knew she was coming back to St. Jude's this weekend and was hoping to actually meet her face to face. But, I know she has a buttload of friends to see, so I wasn't counting on it. Then, this afternoon, Mass is about to start in a few minutes and Sue walks in the pew in front of me. I don't know who she is yet, but she was hugging Jules and as Sue sits down she squeezes my leg (I'm sitting down) hello. I look up and recognition dawns (I've seen her pics on facebook) and I jump up and give her a huge hug and say "welcome home"!!!! God found a way for Sue and I to meet. I mentioned to my Julie about this little fact and she said "Isn't it amazing how facebook can be used for good" Actually, I'm paraphrasing as she said it more eloquently. But as I sat there I thought, 'how cool is God!'.
Then, I had lunch with my loving husband, ran a few errands, then made dinner for a friend. And, as a surprise, George took the night off to surprise me! All in all, it's be an awesome day!
God is totally awesome!
Until next time,
Remember I love you!
Love,
Me
Oh Happy Day
Today, I took a mental health day off of work. Things have been really, well, jumbled as of late. I, for one, haven't been myself. As you know, I've been attacked as of late. And, it turns out, I'm not the only one. One of my friends and I chatted all the way from her college, she's being attacked. One of my good friends and I sat outside her house last night talking, she's being attacked. One of my friends, he's being attacked. And, I can tell you without a doubt, my workplace is under attack.
Weary and exhausted from being attacked and feeling hopeless, what's a girl to do! Raise your hand if you said 'adoration'. Now, Raise your hand if you said "wcw (whine, cry, and wallow)" Okay, you can put your hands down now. You are both right! I was thinking this morning, before adoration, of all the ways that the little guy attacks me. You've got to give the devil his due, literally, he's good at his job. He gets me through many avenues. Many I'm sure I don't even know about. However, here are a couple of the ones I do know about. The easiest one he uses is death. Namely, mine. It scares the crap outta me. The unknown (even though I have a hunch where I'm going). The little guy likes to prey on my fear that it will be all darkness and I will be alone. I won't be able to see anyone or anything. It will be just darkness and me. Yea, that scares me. That's the easiest and the quickest way for him to get to me. But, as I've gotten older, and maybe a grain or two wiser, I know it's him and I tell him to go away. BEGONE! Then, sometimes he's more sneaky. He preys on my emotions. That no one really likes me, save George, and that's only b/c he was getting up there and couldn't find anyone better so he settled for a broken girl with three young kids. The little guy brings up my friendless, lonely childhood. Then, he shows me my current life. He shows me how busy everyone is. How they don't have time for me. Even my bestest of friends with whom I share everything (and I do mean everything....it's like TABASCO PEOPLE IT BURNS!!! lol) we can joke and play but sometimes when the jokes on me (usually, I don't mind, I really have fun with it), but sometimes, he whispers to me "even they don't like you, really." And, then I sink deeper and deeper. Yes, I know what you're going to say. I truly do, and most of the time, I know I am loved. It still to this day surprises the crap out of me (that was another post lol) but I know and believe it. But sometimes, when I'm not doing so hot, yea, that's how he gets me. All sneaky like.
I'm trying to decide what's harder, sitting and listening to all the little guys crap that he likes to spew, or climbing out of the pit of despair (Princess Bride reference!). They're both pretty hard. One of my really good friends whom I've come to adore lately (and Jules, we might have to make her part of our pod and I don't say that lightly) said something the other day. She said "when we feel farthest from Jesus is when we are actually closest to Him." Profound thought, no? So that means, in this valley I and my friends have been walking, yea, He's right here with us. Something we tend to forget. It's great to have reminders every now and again.
Today, before adoration, I went to confession with Fr. Tuan. As I'm listing my sins and talking (not even five minutes, I wasn't *that* bad this month), I'm watching him look around his desk and I wondered if he's even listening to me. Then, as he starts to talk, he's still looking around his desk and then through a stack of prayer cards. I notice one he's given me before. Then, I catch something he says. He was talking about being tempted. I confessed that at work, it's been really hard lately not to fall into the complaining group b/c everyone is irked lately over a situation that has arose. Fr. Tuan starts to talk about temptation and mentions the computer and how some people are tempted. And, my first thought is "seriously, he can't be comparing my work situation to internet porn is he?" I don't think he was. Then, he handed me the prayer card and it was the same one as before, which kinda irked me. But then I realized that God was saying 'you're not getting it, you big dummy'. Yes, sometimes God channels Fred Sandford.
The prayer card was from Corinthians Love is patient, blah, blah, blah. So, I take this card to adoration and really read over it. It was a shortened version of the reading. Love is patient, kind, doesn't rejoice in wrongdoings of others. "Wow", I thought to myself, clearly I am not as loving as I thought I was. I have not been any of these things at work lately. Which made me feel even worse about myself. Then, I got to the bottom of the card...'love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things'. Then, I thought, yea, I'm gonna be okay. Me and my merry band of those being attacked lately, we are gonna be just fine!
Until next time,
Today is the feast day of my very, absolutely, favorite saint, Saint Therese! Today, I ask you to do just one little thing, no matter how small, with great love for someone :D
Love,
Me
Weary and exhausted from being attacked and feeling hopeless, what's a girl to do! Raise your hand if you said 'adoration'. Now, Raise your hand if you said "wcw (whine, cry, and wallow)" Okay, you can put your hands down now. You are both right! I was thinking this morning, before adoration, of all the ways that the little guy attacks me. You've got to give the devil his due, literally, he's good at his job. He gets me through many avenues. Many I'm sure I don't even know about. However, here are a couple of the ones I do know about. The easiest one he uses is death. Namely, mine. It scares the crap outta me. The unknown (even though I have a hunch where I'm going). The little guy likes to prey on my fear that it will be all darkness and I will be alone. I won't be able to see anyone or anything. It will be just darkness and me. Yea, that scares me. That's the easiest and the quickest way for him to get to me. But, as I've gotten older, and maybe a grain or two wiser, I know it's him and I tell him to go away. BEGONE! Then, sometimes he's more sneaky. He preys on my emotions. That no one really likes me, save George, and that's only b/c he was getting up there and couldn't find anyone better so he settled for a broken girl with three young kids. The little guy brings up my friendless, lonely childhood. Then, he shows me my current life. He shows me how busy everyone is. How they don't have time for me. Even my bestest of friends with whom I share everything (and I do mean everything....it's like TABASCO PEOPLE IT BURNS!!! lol) we can joke and play but sometimes when the jokes on me (usually, I don't mind, I really have fun with it), but sometimes, he whispers to me "even they don't like you, really." And, then I sink deeper and deeper. Yes, I know what you're going to say. I truly do, and most of the time, I know I am loved. It still to this day surprises the crap out of me (that was another post lol) but I know and believe it. But sometimes, when I'm not doing so hot, yea, that's how he gets me. All sneaky like.
I'm trying to decide what's harder, sitting and listening to all the little guys crap that he likes to spew, or climbing out of the pit of despair (Princess Bride reference!). They're both pretty hard. One of my really good friends whom I've come to adore lately (and Jules, we might have to make her part of our pod and I don't say that lightly) said something the other day. She said "when we feel farthest from Jesus is when we are actually closest to Him." Profound thought, no? So that means, in this valley I and my friends have been walking, yea, He's right here with us. Something we tend to forget. It's great to have reminders every now and again.
Today, before adoration, I went to confession with Fr. Tuan. As I'm listing my sins and talking (not even five minutes, I wasn't *that* bad this month), I'm watching him look around his desk and I wondered if he's even listening to me. Then, as he starts to talk, he's still looking around his desk and then through a stack of prayer cards. I notice one he's given me before. Then, I catch something he says. He was talking about being tempted. I confessed that at work, it's been really hard lately not to fall into the complaining group b/c everyone is irked lately over a situation that has arose. Fr. Tuan starts to talk about temptation and mentions the computer and how some people are tempted. And, my first thought is "seriously, he can't be comparing my work situation to internet porn is he?" I don't think he was. Then, he handed me the prayer card and it was the same one as before, which kinda irked me. But then I realized that God was saying 'you're not getting it, you big dummy'. Yes, sometimes God channels Fred Sandford.
The prayer card was from Corinthians Love is patient, blah, blah, blah. So, I take this card to adoration and really read over it. It was a shortened version of the reading. Love is patient, kind, doesn't rejoice in wrongdoings of others. "Wow", I thought to myself, clearly I am not as loving as I thought I was. I have not been any of these things at work lately. Which made me feel even worse about myself. Then, I got to the bottom of the card...'love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things'. Then, I thought, yea, I'm gonna be okay. Me and my merry band of those being attacked lately, we are gonna be just fine!
Until next time,
Today is the feast day of my very, absolutely, favorite saint, Saint Therese! Today, I ask you to do just one little thing, no matter how small, with great love for someone :D
Love,
Me
Monday, September 27, 2010
Dancing in the Minefields
Okay here's the situation (my parents went away on a weeks vacation....sorry, sorry 90's flashback) yes, it's another update! Two in two days, but not surprisingly, I have more to say, lol.
First, I'd like to thank all of you for your kind words. I am glad to know that I was able to help you by passing along Carol J's words of wisdom regarding prayer. And, I am glad that in my weakness, I can show you that you don't have to be strong all the time. That rollercoasters and valleys will happen, just as sure as the sun will rise, we will be on top of the mountains and screaming down the coaster with our hands up in the air smiling and laughing (as opposed to screaming as we are climbing up the rollercoaster 'this is way too hard!')
Work is well, work. A few of us try to have fun and laugh but sometimes, things happen beyond our control and it makes it a tad difficult. As of today, my boss is out for two weeks with a microfracture on her elbow. I've decided we need to wrap her in her own bubble. She's fallen off of atv's and other stuff, and recently a chair! A CHAIR! lol I told her she needs to stop drinkin. She said she doesn't drink, to which I replied, maybe you need to start! lol She's awesome. After work today I went to Dr. B's. I have a pulled muscle in my back. So, I called George to let him know. Here's our conversation:
Me: Hey honey, just got out of the Dr's. It's a pulled muscle.
George: How much was it?
Me: $30
George: $30 for a pulled muscle
Me: Yup.
Me inside my head "I'm fine though, thanks for asking" lol
There was a similar conversation had regarding the muscle relaxers that Dr. B called in, but I'll spare you that conversation lol.
Sometimes men can be so clueless. They are a much different species than us. And, most of the time I am grateful for it. Note, I said 'most of the time' lol.
Here's is how I've been feeling in a nutshell. Please keep in mind, that these are my feelings and mine alone. They are not the feelings of the NFL, NBC, or George (half the time George finds out how I'm feeling from here lol). And, you cannot copy them without express written consent from the National Baseball League.
This past chrp meeting on Saturday helped me see things a little more clearer. Then, I received beautiful emails from my podmate and my Sharon and Lisa. Hey Sharon, I forgot to tell you Sandy and I are now friends on FB!!! All these emails said something that I needed to hear. One of them said that I need to just 'be simple in my faith for a while'. I really liked that. It was one of those a-ha moments. It was also one of those 'a doi why didn't I think of that myself' moments. But I mean, just think of it. Just chew on it and meditate on it with me. Why do we make our faith so complicated? Why, do I, who know God loves me no matter what, try to prove my faith to Him? I take on a daily rosary for a few months at a time. I tried this year long novena. I made it two months! I don't know if I'm trying to prove my faith and love to and for Him, to honor Him. I think sometimes I get confused sometimes (HA more like a lot of times). I know He is here and He loves me unconditionally no matter what I do or don't do. That's the great thing about the word unconditional. There are no strings attached. God loves me whether or not I love Him (which I do, deeply). He loves me whether or not I listen to Him (I try too). He loves me whether or not I come to Him (mostly I do. Sometimes I do.) But, I think I might have a bit of a Peter complex. He was human, he loved Jesus deeply and yet he betrayed Him. So, maybe in my twisted way of thinking, if I say these rosaries, and prayers and novena's I can prove to Him that I am not like Peter and won't turn on Him. The funny thing is, in comparative terms, I'm just like Peter. I failed in my prayers to Him, just like Peter failed Him. But I think also that maybe, my ADHDness of not being able to finish and putting pressure on myself maybe, just maybe it's His way of reminding me that I don't need to prove anything to Him. That while He loves that I keep trying to please Him and that I do love Him, I don't need to try so hard, or at all. That He loves me without any conditions.
Yea, I got that just from the 'be simple in my faith for a while' line! Imagine what I could do with a whole sentence! lol But, it's not me. Nope, not one bit. It's all Bob. And, as my Podmate will tell you, Bob rocks!
Dancing in the Minefield came from a song I heard on the radio today. It much like God Gave Me You in that it is to a spouse, but it is also apropos for friends and want to share it with all of you, my friends. It reminds me of Paul Simon's music a little :D Sit back and enjoy, my friends.
Until next time,
Pray for quick healing for my boss, and for Dr. B as he's got the crud.
Love,
Me
First, I'd like to thank all of you for your kind words. I am glad to know that I was able to help you by passing along Carol J's words of wisdom regarding prayer. And, I am glad that in my weakness, I can show you that you don't have to be strong all the time. That rollercoasters and valleys will happen, just as sure as the sun will rise, we will be on top of the mountains and screaming down the coaster with our hands up in the air smiling and laughing (as opposed to screaming as we are climbing up the rollercoaster 'this is way too hard!')
Work is well, work. A few of us try to have fun and laugh but sometimes, things happen beyond our control and it makes it a tad difficult. As of today, my boss is out for two weeks with a microfracture on her elbow. I've decided we need to wrap her in her own bubble. She's fallen off of atv's and other stuff, and recently a chair! A CHAIR! lol I told her she needs to stop drinkin. She said she doesn't drink, to which I replied, maybe you need to start! lol She's awesome. After work today I went to Dr. B's. I have a pulled muscle in my back. So, I called George to let him know. Here's our conversation:
Me: Hey honey, just got out of the Dr's. It's a pulled muscle.
George: How much was it?
Me: $30
George: $30 for a pulled muscle
Me: Yup.
Me inside my head "I'm fine though, thanks for asking" lol
There was a similar conversation had regarding the muscle relaxers that Dr. B called in, but I'll spare you that conversation lol.
Sometimes men can be so clueless. They are a much different species than us. And, most of the time I am grateful for it. Note, I said 'most of the time' lol.
Here's is how I've been feeling in a nutshell. Please keep in mind, that these are my feelings and mine alone. They are not the feelings of the NFL, NBC, or George (half the time George finds out how I'm feeling from here lol). And, you cannot copy them without express written consent from the National Baseball League.
This past chrp meeting on Saturday helped me see things a little more clearer. Then, I received beautiful emails from my podmate and my Sharon and Lisa. Hey Sharon, I forgot to tell you Sandy and I are now friends on FB!!! All these emails said something that I needed to hear. One of them said that I need to just 'be simple in my faith for a while'. I really liked that. It was one of those a-ha moments. It was also one of those 'a doi why didn't I think of that myself' moments. But I mean, just think of it. Just chew on it and meditate on it with me. Why do we make our faith so complicated? Why, do I, who know God loves me no matter what, try to prove my faith to Him? I take on a daily rosary for a few months at a time. I tried this year long novena. I made it two months! I don't know if I'm trying to prove my faith and love to and for Him, to honor Him. I think sometimes I get confused sometimes (HA more like a lot of times). I know He is here and He loves me unconditionally no matter what I do or don't do. That's the great thing about the word unconditional. There are no strings attached. God loves me whether or not I love Him (which I do, deeply). He loves me whether or not I listen to Him (I try too). He loves me whether or not I come to Him (mostly I do. Sometimes I do.) But, I think I might have a bit of a Peter complex. He was human, he loved Jesus deeply and yet he betrayed Him. So, maybe in my twisted way of thinking, if I say these rosaries, and prayers and novena's I can prove to Him that I am not like Peter and won't turn on Him. The funny thing is, in comparative terms, I'm just like Peter. I failed in my prayers to Him, just like Peter failed Him. But I think also that maybe, my ADHDness of not being able to finish and putting pressure on myself maybe, just maybe it's His way of reminding me that I don't need to prove anything to Him. That while He loves that I keep trying to please Him and that I do love Him, I don't need to try so hard, or at all. That He loves me without any conditions.
Yea, I got that just from the 'be simple in my faith for a while' line! Imagine what I could do with a whole sentence! lol But, it's not me. Nope, not one bit. It's all Bob. And, as my Podmate will tell you, Bob rocks!
Dancing in the Minefield came from a song I heard on the radio today. It much like God Gave Me You in that it is to a spouse, but it is also apropos for friends and want to share it with all of you, my friends. It reminds me of Paul Simon's music a little :D Sit back and enjoy, my friends.
Until next time,
Pray for quick healing for my boss, and for Dr. B as he's got the crud.
Love,
Me
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Stuff
I've been feeling really icky lately. Not just physically mind you, but spiritually and emotionally as well. It's nothing and everything all that the same time. It was *the* most awful week at work. It happens. But, it was not fun, and usually we have fun. I won't go into details, but believe me when I say it was awful.
Then something amazing happened yesterday that I wanted to share with you guys. I went to a chrp 5 meeting. We haven't had one all year. I didn't want to go. Not at all. Nope. But, I know the drill (the drill being go even though I don't want to and I'll end up having fun), so I went. I was there with Julie (Wilmoth amazing lady if you don't already know her), Carol (Johnson, the prayer chain guru), my Patti, and my Mary. It was a small group but it was amazing. We shared as we always do and then said a scriptural rosary which is WAY COOL. It was the first time I've ever done one. Basically, it's a normal rosary with a scripture verse in between the Hail Mary's. Now, you think that would have made the rosary way longer, but it didn't. It did however keep my mind from wandering during a rosary more than it normally does. I thoroughly enjoyed it! But, I digress, that's not what I wanted to share with you.
My chrp sister Carol J (Johnson) said something to me that I needed to hear. Something that way so very, very freeing and life giving at the same time. She and I had talked briefly on Thursday when we happened upon each other in adoration and talked briefly about a specific prayer. Then, when I met her again on Saturday morning I mentioned the prayer along with some other stresses that I have had going on lately. Carol said 'this prayer is stressing you out. I give you permission to not finish this novena, it's okay. You can do it again at a later time." That was so freeing to me. I didn't realize how much this novena (it's a year novena) was stressing me out. And that, that is what I wanted to share with all of you. The little life giving morsel that prayer isn't suppose to be stressful. Sure, sometimes, you're hearts not really in it and you are doing it out of obligation, and that's a prayer in and of itself and that's okay. However, prayer isn't suppose to be stressful. Like Carol did for me, I will do for you. If you have a prayer that is stressing you out, I give you permission to let it go and pick it back up at another time in your life that will be less stressful.
My day started off really weird, but turned out pretty awesome. Apparently, the devil does not like me teaching JYM year two. This is the second week in a row that he has me feeling ill the night before and feeling awful the day of. he thinks that I'll be all "oh I'm sick, I'll stay home", but I've had this particular feeling before which means I'll feel sick and then decide to stay home from wherever I was suppose to be going only to feel better about an hour later. But, I digress, I went to the noon Mass and as George and I walked in they were finishing up the rosary. I KNOW THAT VOICE!!! I looked at George and said "Is that Alyssa?!?!?!" So, we scoured the pews and found her and Thad and went to sit behind them. I love them. They are so very, very awesome. My Alyssa just totally cracks me up! She is so amazingly smart and beautiful and funny and likes turtles, lol And, I love her.
Then, George and I taught JYM-year 2 today. The class was so much more alive this week than last week (which was our first class). They asked great questions about our faith. I don't care if it's on topic or not, as long as it's about our faith, one of us, George, Mirah (our aid) or I will answer it. And, just as I figured, I felt much better. Then, I got to have Taco Bell with George and Sarah on the way home :D While I love all my kids, there's just something about having that little extra time with just one of them with George and I.
Then, went home, dropped off Sarah and picked up Jaime and Maria to go to Life Savers to watch To Save A Life. Such a good movie! I definitely recommend it!
Now, we are all home, safe and sound. The kids are in bed and George and I are heading there. It's another busy week in our household, but that's okay. I don't mind so much. If you wouldn't mind, please say a prayer for me for healing. I'm heading to Dr. B's after work tomorrow so he can check my back and why it's been going all wonky (that's a technical term). Also, I'd like to welcome back Tammy Duke! She's been mia from our little group since she moved jobs. But now, she's back! HI Tammy! It was so great to see you tonight!
I pray that all of you have a wonderful and blessed week. Remember, don't be stressed out by a prayer. Just talk to God from your heart and you're good.
Until next time,
Enjoy this amazing weather!
Love,
Me
Then something amazing happened yesterday that I wanted to share with you guys. I went to a chrp 5 meeting. We haven't had one all year. I didn't want to go. Not at all. Nope. But, I know the drill (the drill being go even though I don't want to and I'll end up having fun), so I went. I was there with Julie (Wilmoth amazing lady if you don't already know her), Carol (Johnson, the prayer chain guru), my Patti, and my Mary. It was a small group but it was amazing. We shared as we always do and then said a scriptural rosary which is WAY COOL. It was the first time I've ever done one. Basically, it's a normal rosary with a scripture verse in between the Hail Mary's. Now, you think that would have made the rosary way longer, but it didn't. It did however keep my mind from wandering during a rosary more than it normally does. I thoroughly enjoyed it! But, I digress, that's not what I wanted to share with you.
My chrp sister Carol J (Johnson) said something to me that I needed to hear. Something that way so very, very freeing and life giving at the same time. She and I had talked briefly on Thursday when we happened upon each other in adoration and talked briefly about a specific prayer. Then, when I met her again on Saturday morning I mentioned the prayer along with some other stresses that I have had going on lately. Carol said 'this prayer is stressing you out. I give you permission to not finish this novena, it's okay. You can do it again at a later time." That was so freeing to me. I didn't realize how much this novena (it's a year novena) was stressing me out. And that, that is what I wanted to share with all of you. The little life giving morsel that prayer isn't suppose to be stressful. Sure, sometimes, you're hearts not really in it and you are doing it out of obligation, and that's a prayer in and of itself and that's okay. However, prayer isn't suppose to be stressful. Like Carol did for me, I will do for you. If you have a prayer that is stressing you out, I give you permission to let it go and pick it back up at another time in your life that will be less stressful.
My day started off really weird, but turned out pretty awesome. Apparently, the devil does not like me teaching JYM year two. This is the second week in a row that he has me feeling ill the night before and feeling awful the day of. he thinks that I'll be all "oh I'm sick, I'll stay home", but I've had this particular feeling before which means I'll feel sick and then decide to stay home from wherever I was suppose to be going only to feel better about an hour later. But, I digress, I went to the noon Mass and as George and I walked in they were finishing up the rosary. I KNOW THAT VOICE!!! I looked at George and said "Is that Alyssa?!?!?!" So, we scoured the pews and found her and Thad and went to sit behind them. I love them. They are so very, very awesome. My Alyssa just totally cracks me up! She is so amazingly smart and beautiful and funny and likes turtles, lol And, I love her.
Then, George and I taught JYM-year 2 today. The class was so much more alive this week than last week (which was our first class). They asked great questions about our faith. I don't care if it's on topic or not, as long as it's about our faith, one of us, George, Mirah (our aid) or I will answer it. And, just as I figured, I felt much better. Then, I got to have Taco Bell with George and Sarah on the way home :D While I love all my kids, there's just something about having that little extra time with just one of them with George and I.
Then, went home, dropped off Sarah and picked up Jaime and Maria to go to Life Savers to watch To Save A Life. Such a good movie! I definitely recommend it!
Now, we are all home, safe and sound. The kids are in bed and George and I are heading there. It's another busy week in our household, but that's okay. I don't mind so much. If you wouldn't mind, please say a prayer for me for healing. I'm heading to Dr. B's after work tomorrow so he can check my back and why it's been going all wonky (that's a technical term). Also, I'd like to welcome back Tammy Duke! She's been mia from our little group since she moved jobs. But now, she's back! HI Tammy! It was so great to see you tonight!
I pray that all of you have a wonderful and blessed week. Remember, don't be stressed out by a prayer. Just talk to God from your heart and you're good.
Until next time,
Enjoy this amazing weather!
Love,
Me
Monday, September 20, 2010
It's late, and I'm tired. Why then, you ask, am I up at 1 in the morning talking to all of you. Well, in a nutshell, I have lots to say, but nothing to say, really. Thoughts have been floating in and out for a week or longer lately. I still wish we could do a mind meld so you could see all I want to tell you without me having to expend the energy to tell you what I want to tell you.
It has been a massively busy week and it's only going to keep going from here. Everyone is settling into their routines of school and activities and church. At first, it really doesn't seem like a lot, yet other days, it feels like I don't even get a chance to pee. Y'know what I mean?
Mass was kind of different today. I was in my own little world today during Mass. I listened to the readings, said the prayers and then came time for communion. George and I got to EM together in the back. I was the blood of Christ. And, as I am sharing the blood of Christ with others, most of whom I do not know, there were quite a few others that I knew. I knew of them, or who they were, or we were great friends. All to varying degrees. But something stirred inside of me when it was someone I knew. For instance, I really felt it when Brian (my Carol's husband whom I love) came up to me. We smiled at each other and it was a cool moment for me. In that moment passed so many deep thoughts. How often have Brian and I ate together? How many holiday's have our families been together? The many times we've attended Mass together as a family How many days, weeks, years, have our families been together? There is something so inherently cool about sharing this particular meal with people I know and love. I liken it to eating at McDonald's (or whatever restaurant you choose). Sometimes, I have the rare opportunity to eat by myself and I'm inside the restaurant and there's all these people around I do not know. Then, there are times when I go there and I am with a friend and that meal, that same burger you can have all over the world that tastes exactly the same becomes more enjoyable. Mass is like that for me, specifically, the Eucharist. Participating in the meal by myself (either giving the meal or receiving the meal) is a spiritual experience in and of itself, but to share that meal with someone I love (again either giving or receiving the meal) heightens my awareness and my love for my God, and my friend with whom I am sharing. For instance, today with Brian, I thought "this is massively cool." Not only are he and I family, not only do we know each others faults (and trust me, I've got quite a few) and love each other anyways, he and I share a same faith that brings us together to share a meal. This is a rare occurrence because we attend different Masses due to our families schedule. I can tell you, we attend the same Christmas Mass together though! But, I digress, I was talking about how cool it is to share such a special meal with someone you love. I hope all of you get that opportunity at one time or another.
Life has not really taken a turn for the worse, it's more of the same. He is working something in me yet again, Mema and Mom are still dead, Dad still lives in Philly, Carol still works harder than anyone should ever have too, and Tina is still pregnant. I am still here, sorry Carol, I'm not necessarily walking. I'm more like a stumbling drunk who's too tired to walk and keeps falling down. Some days though, I really am trying to walk. But lately, I'm in a "Dad will you carry me please?" mode. But, as I said, I am here. I may not like nor understand the lesson that He is trying to teach me, but I show up everyday, nonetheless. Greta, what a far cry from five years ago, huh?!? I know lots of us have been on a rollercoaster lately. We're chug chug chugging up the hill and what seems like a snails pace. Look on the bright side, the rush of the wind and the whir of the cart against the tracks, the wind in our smiles as our hands fly to the heavens in praise of Him, yea, that part is on its way! So, stay with me, hold on to the crossbar that has us fastened in and know that I am riding it with all of you.
Until next time,
I'm leaving you with this....one of my very, very, favs...
Love,
Me
It has been a massively busy week and it's only going to keep going from here. Everyone is settling into their routines of school and activities and church. At first, it really doesn't seem like a lot, yet other days, it feels like I don't even get a chance to pee. Y'know what I mean?
Mass was kind of different today. I was in my own little world today during Mass. I listened to the readings, said the prayers and then came time for communion. George and I got to EM together in the back. I was the blood of Christ. And, as I am sharing the blood of Christ with others, most of whom I do not know, there were quite a few others that I knew. I knew of them, or who they were, or we were great friends. All to varying degrees. But something stirred inside of me when it was someone I knew. For instance, I really felt it when Brian (my Carol's husband whom I love) came up to me. We smiled at each other and it was a cool moment for me. In that moment passed so many deep thoughts. How often have Brian and I ate together? How many holiday's have our families been together? The many times we've attended Mass together as a family How many days, weeks, years, have our families been together? There is something so inherently cool about sharing this particular meal with people I know and love. I liken it to eating at McDonald's (or whatever restaurant you choose). Sometimes, I have the rare opportunity to eat by myself and I'm inside the restaurant and there's all these people around I do not know. Then, there are times when I go there and I am with a friend and that meal, that same burger you can have all over the world that tastes exactly the same becomes more enjoyable. Mass is like that for me, specifically, the Eucharist. Participating in the meal by myself (either giving the meal or receiving the meal) is a spiritual experience in and of itself, but to share that meal with someone I love (again either giving or receiving the meal) heightens my awareness and my love for my God, and my friend with whom I am sharing. For instance, today with Brian, I thought "this is massively cool." Not only are he and I family, not only do we know each others faults (and trust me, I've got quite a few) and love each other anyways, he and I share a same faith that brings us together to share a meal. This is a rare occurrence because we attend different Masses due to our families schedule. I can tell you, we attend the same Christmas Mass together though! But, I digress, I was talking about how cool it is to share such a special meal with someone you love. I hope all of you get that opportunity at one time or another.
Life has not really taken a turn for the worse, it's more of the same. He is working something in me yet again, Mema and Mom are still dead, Dad still lives in Philly, Carol still works harder than anyone should ever have too, and Tina is still pregnant. I am still here, sorry Carol, I'm not necessarily walking. I'm more like a stumbling drunk who's too tired to walk and keeps falling down. Some days though, I really am trying to walk. But lately, I'm in a "Dad will you carry me please?" mode. But, as I said, I am here. I may not like nor understand the lesson that He is trying to teach me, but I show up everyday, nonetheless. Greta, what a far cry from five years ago, huh?!? I know lots of us have been on a rollercoaster lately. We're chug chug chugging up the hill and what seems like a snails pace. Look on the bright side, the rush of the wind and the whir of the cart against the tracks, the wind in our smiles as our hands fly to the heavens in praise of Him, yea, that part is on its way! So, stay with me, hold on to the crossbar that has us fastened in and know that I am riding it with all of you.
Until next time,
I'm leaving you with this....one of my very, very, favs...
Love,
Me
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Some days there just are no words, even for me.
I'm not happy, yet I'm not unhappy. I'm not sad. I don't want to be around people, but I don't want to be alone. I want to talk but I don't want to say anything. It's like it would be so much better if someone could just do the Vulcan mind meld and touch my head and see what I want to say. I am just empty. My spiritual life is blah. I know He's there. I know they're all there. But, I don't feel much. I know, it's just another valley. And, I'm okay with that. It just get's a little lonely spiritually.
I miss Mema. I miss my mom, I miss my sister. I wish my brother would talk to me. But, these are things, like many others that I have no control over.
I can tell you this. He is working something with me (as always). And, as usual, I don't know what it is. But, I am here, and I am listening. Whenever He feels like talking.
Until next time,
pray for my friend Sharon who lost her Grandmother.
Love,
Me
I'm not happy, yet I'm not unhappy. I'm not sad. I don't want to be around people, but I don't want to be alone. I want to talk but I don't want to say anything. It's like it would be so much better if someone could just do the Vulcan mind meld and touch my head and see what I want to say. I am just empty. My spiritual life is blah. I know He's there. I know they're all there. But, I don't feel much. I know, it's just another valley. And, I'm okay with that. It just get's a little lonely spiritually.
I miss Mema. I miss my mom, I miss my sister. I wish my brother would talk to me. But, these are things, like many others that I have no control over.
I can tell you this. He is working something with me (as always). And, as usual, I don't know what it is. But, I am here, and I am listening. Whenever He feels like talking.
Until next time,
pray for my friend Sharon who lost her Grandmother.
Love,
Me
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