Tom Petty says "waiting is the hardest part". He wasn't lying. Sing it, Tom! I'm cranky, crabby, and irritable. I have a list of things I am trying to get done and nothing is happening. Nothing is in my control right now and I hate that. I hate, hate, HATE that! I want what I want and I want it done NOW! How hard is that to do!? Hear that? Listen. That's the sound of God laughing at my plans.
I've been praying and praying and praying. I know God hears me. I know this because over the sound of His laughter (okay, so He's not laughing that hard at me) He keeps telling me to wait! Are you flippin kidding me! You know how much I hate waiting...for my birthday, for my visits from Dad, for Christmas, wait, wait, wait! UGH! He's asking me to wait. It would be one thing if He said "Gina, would you wait for me?" And I said "okay". But He knows me well enough that I'd be all "okay, now hurry. When are you getting here? Are you almost here?" So I would bug the ever loving crap out of Him. So, He has me wait and sooner or later I figure out what He wants me to do (sometimes though, I'm so thick I really don't get it) and I go "aaaaaaaaahhhhhh haaaaaaaaa!"
God love my husband, he says yesterday "you don't seem happy". So I tell him "I'm not happy" and tell him all the reasons why. This makes my husband sad because there is nothing he can do to fix it. I haven't been sleeping well with everything going on in my head. So last night as I'm trying to go to sleep, I picture my swing. At Montserrat, there's a bench swing outside of the dining hall. That's my swing. I spend a lot of time on it. I pictured myself laying down on it like I like to do. I could feel the wood arm against my back. I pulled my hood over my head (I wear a hoodie because I don't like bugs and I'd rather the random stray one crawl over that than me) almost completely covering my head. I laid on the swing like this many times at the retreat. And before I knew it, I was asleep. And I slept. The first good nights sleep in about a week. When I'm at the retreat and we have to picture our happy place and being with Jesus, more often than not, I picture my church. I'm sitting in a pew next to Him with my head on His right shoulder. Then, when I'm not at the retreat, I picture myself at the retreat and the peace I find there! Weird I know.
So, here's what God does, while I'm lamenting and staring in my own one act play "Job the musical!" He puts other people in my life who need me. They just need me to listen. Not to do anything, not to fix anything, just to listen to them. And, while I do that, I pray for them. And, while I'm concentrating on them, I don't think about ME. This would be great if I could do this at the onset of my irritation of things that aren't going my way. But I am stubborn. George likes to say I need to let stuff roll of my back like a duck. I told him I CAN'T do that. I'm not like that. I lead with my emotions. So, it takes me a while, days even, to settle down. God knows this about me and He loves me STILL! Amazing, no?
Songs from "Job the Musical!":
Don't tell me to count my blessings, I'm Angry!
God doesn't share (His plan)
Scream (don't tell me He has a plan)
Show me don't tell me (what you're plan is)
Why (Me? Am I going through this?)
What do you want from me?
I haven't got time for the pain
I've got friends in low places
I just called to say I love you.
Until next time,
Pray for St. Joseph the worker. Today is his feast day :D
Love,
Me
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Monday, April 15, 2013
Profound, Private, and Me
Well, another silent retreat has come and gone. While I am sad that it is over, I am blissfully happy at the quiet and all the time I had on the retreat. It's such a lovely time. I always learn something about myself, whether it's something I need to do, stop doing, or change what I am doing.
This time around, I learned something very profound. Very private. But, I will share it. I've heard time and again that Jesus is all I need. I've sang the lines "Jesus be my everything". I guess I'm so thick, things don't always click with me. Over the weekend, Fr. Ron talked a lot about forgiveness. Giving it, receiving it, why it's so important, etc. I thought about one of my closest familial relationships that have gone astray. There is nothing I haven't tried to do to repair it. It just is what it is. While meditating and sitting next to Jesus on the beach (sometimes it's in church, sometimes on the beach), my head on His right shoulder, He asks me why I am so hurt over this relationship. I explain all I ever wanted this person to be to me. All I thought they were suppose to be to me. How I would look to this person in my life. Every scenario I came up with, every one, Jesus said to me "I can do that!" I miss my brother terribly. More than words could ever describe or pictures could paint. Jesus said "I AM your brother." I said "but I want to talk with him and share things with him." Jesus said "I can do that. Share them with ME." It was quite moving actually. Everything I wanted out of a relationship with my younger brother, Jesus said He'd handle it. It never dawned on me that Jesus really can be my everything. God is the most amazing dad I've ever had (not counting George's dad, he's the most amazing father a girl could ever want and I'm truly blessed to have him and he comes here on Wednesday!!!!) why shouldn't/couldn't Jesus be the most amazing brother to me?
The other thing I found out, not really profound mind you, was when again I was meditating and talking to Jesus and He asked me what would make me happy. Now, my first thought was a new bed. Then the more I thought about it, sure material things make me happy but not nearly as happy as my very close friends and my immediate family. My guru's Sharon, Patti, Julie, Mary P; my bunco sisters; my chrp sisters; my best friend Tina, my sister Carol; my husband and kids and my mom. I can happily say that I have many friends now, when I used to have none. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Nada. That is not an exaggeration. Those above are my nearest and dearest. My podmates, my spiritual guidance, my everything. They are what makes me happy. To be truthful, it felt quite odd going through a list of things off the top of my head that would make me happy and then boiling it all down to what truly makes me happy. Love. Giving my love to all of you. That makes me happy.
What makes you happy?
Until next time,
Take some time for yourself and just be.
Love,
Me
While the retreats are extremely lovely, they are also very emotionally exhausting for me. I prayed, I laughed, I cried. I seriously need the next day off just so I can reenter the world so to speak. lol I wish all of you could experience it! I prayed for all of you. Yes, you! I prayed for many by name and if you can read this, then I prayed for you too! I love my retreats because they overflow my cup with blessings and grace and love and prepare me to deal with whatever life has in store for me.
This time around, I learned something very profound. Very private. But, I will share it. I've heard time and again that Jesus is all I need. I've sang the lines "Jesus be my everything". I guess I'm so thick, things don't always click with me. Over the weekend, Fr. Ron talked a lot about forgiveness. Giving it, receiving it, why it's so important, etc. I thought about one of my closest familial relationships that have gone astray. There is nothing I haven't tried to do to repair it. It just is what it is. While meditating and sitting next to Jesus on the beach (sometimes it's in church, sometimes on the beach), my head on His right shoulder, He asks me why I am so hurt over this relationship. I explain all I ever wanted this person to be to me. All I thought they were suppose to be to me. How I would look to this person in my life. Every scenario I came up with, every one, Jesus said to me "I can do that!" I miss my brother terribly. More than words could ever describe or pictures could paint. Jesus said "I AM your brother." I said "but I want to talk with him and share things with him." Jesus said "I can do that. Share them with ME." It was quite moving actually. Everything I wanted out of a relationship with my younger brother, Jesus said He'd handle it. It never dawned on me that Jesus really can be my everything. God is the most amazing dad I've ever had (not counting George's dad, he's the most amazing father a girl could ever want and I'm truly blessed to have him and he comes here on Wednesday!!!!) why shouldn't/couldn't Jesus be the most amazing brother to me?
The other thing I found out, not really profound mind you, was when again I was meditating and talking to Jesus and He asked me what would make me happy. Now, my first thought was a new bed. Then the more I thought about it, sure material things make me happy but not nearly as happy as my very close friends and my immediate family. My guru's Sharon, Patti, Julie, Mary P; my bunco sisters; my chrp sisters; my best friend Tina, my sister Carol; my husband and kids and my mom. I can happily say that I have many friends now, when I used to have none. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Nada. That is not an exaggeration. Those above are my nearest and dearest. My podmates, my spiritual guidance, my everything. They are what makes me happy. To be truthful, it felt quite odd going through a list of things off the top of my head that would make me happy and then boiling it all down to what truly makes me happy. Love. Giving my love to all of you. That makes me happy.
What makes you happy?
Until next time,
Take some time for yourself and just be.
Love,
Me
While the retreats are extremely lovely, they are also very emotionally exhausting for me. I prayed, I laughed, I cried. I seriously need the next day off just so I can reenter the world so to speak. lol I wish all of you could experience it! I prayed for all of you. Yes, you! I prayed for many by name and if you can read this, then I prayed for you too! I love my retreats because they overflow my cup with blessings and grace and love and prepare me to deal with whatever life has in store for me.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Me, Mac, and Sheila
Last night was years in the making for me. Finally, after about eight years, I was able to attend my first Third Day concert. I fell in love with them after I attended a retreat at my church 8 1/2 years ago. Last night, I stood most of the evening with 5,000 of my closest friends. One very close friend, Sheila, right beside me.
It was such a beautiful experience. At times, my eyes filled with tears that didn't escape. At one point, they sang Revelation, one of my favorites by them. I looked up, arms outstretched and sang the chorus: "Give me a revelation, show me what to do, I can't seem to find my way, I haven't got a clue. Tell me should I stay here, or do I need to move? Give me a revelation, I've got nothing without you." Then, at another point in the show Mac (Powell) talked about how God is a God of miracles and how we can ask for a miracle. So I did. I asked for a miracle for me, and for my friend. I was specific. I even reminded my friend something that I tend to forget often: Faith isn't knowing that God can, it's knowing that He will!
Last night I was in my own little world. It was me, Mac, and God, and Bob and Sheila. I was the happiest I've been in a while. While Mac didn't sing my ultimate favorite Third Day song, "When Love Sees You", I felt loved. The love of my friend Sheila, the love of my God, it was awesome.
I just want to share with all of you, whatever you are going through right now, and it's always something, no matter how little it might seem, or how big, God loves you and so do I.
Until next time,
Pray for a miracle for yourself!
Love,
Me
It was such a beautiful experience. At times, my eyes filled with tears that didn't escape. At one point, they sang Revelation, one of my favorites by them. I looked up, arms outstretched and sang the chorus: "Give me a revelation, show me what to do, I can't seem to find my way, I haven't got a clue. Tell me should I stay here, or do I need to move? Give me a revelation, I've got nothing without you." Then, at another point in the show Mac (Powell) talked about how God is a God of miracles and how we can ask for a miracle. So I did. I asked for a miracle for me, and for my friend. I was specific. I even reminded my friend something that I tend to forget often: Faith isn't knowing that God can, it's knowing that He will!
Last night I was in my own little world. It was me, Mac, and God, and Bob and Sheila. I was the happiest I've been in a while. While Mac didn't sing my ultimate favorite Third Day song, "When Love Sees You", I felt loved. The love of my friend Sheila, the love of my God, it was awesome.
I just want to share with all of you, whatever you are going through right now, and it's always something, no matter how little it might seem, or how big, God loves you and so do I.
Until next time,
Pray for a miracle for yourself!
Love,
Me
Friday, April 5, 2013
The Tortoise and the Hare
I'm a hare. I can't help it. Blame it on the ADHD or just plain excitement, I'm a hare. I want everything NOW. I want the house clean NOW. I want a new bed, NOW. I want a new house, NOW. I want to be out of debt, NOW. I want the remnants from my accident to be done, NOW. I want my house to sell, NOW. NOW! NOW! NOW!
I'm reaaaaaaaaaly tired of hearing 'you didn't get into this overnight', 'things take time', 'patience' and 'God has a plan'. This does nothing but irk the heck out of us hares. I've got things to do, places to be, I want what I want and I want it...NOW!
Apparently, God is not a hare. He watches me, day after day, spin my wheels in the mud. He watches me as I try to help Him along, after all, God helps those who help themselves, right? Sigh. My spinning, sadly, accomplishes nothing. It upsets me because no matter how hard I try, nothing works. People don't return calls when I need them too. Who knew I wasn't the only person my insurance company is dealing with (joke people, I knew that)? If people would stick to the script I have in my head, things would work so much smoother. But, life isn't like that.
I spent last night with 16 of my closest friends saying good-bye to one of them who is leaving for two years. We laughed, and laughed, and laughed! At one point in the night, sitting on the couch with two of my friends, looking around at my other friends, there was no doubt in my mind that I was home. Sometimes, even to this day, I still feel in spinning my wheels and trying to control situations, I am looking for acceptance. I try to be what I think other people need me to be. Sometimes, it's really very draining. Then, God graces me with moments like last night. Almost nine years ago, he put me with some of the holiest women I will ever know. I looked around the room last night, and all I could see were hearts and arms that were wide open. They accepted me warts and all. Fourteen calls a day, snoring, excited, no idea what they were getting into. They accepted me (along with quite a few others who aren't in my group from last night). So, while I spend most of my days spinning and spinning and spinning, God graces me with tortoise moments like last night. A time where the spinning stops and the kingdom of heaven is at hand. It is moments like that in which I can physically see and feel exactly how much He loves me. It is a beautiful thing.
So, today, I was back to spinning, being my normal hare self. However, I think I'm going to work on being more tortoise like during my days.
Until next time,
Pray for safe travel for my dear friend
Love,
Me
I'm reaaaaaaaaaly tired of hearing 'you didn't get into this overnight', 'things take time', 'patience' and 'God has a plan'. This does nothing but irk the heck out of us hares. I've got things to do, places to be, I want what I want and I want it...NOW!
Apparently, God is not a hare. He watches me, day after day, spin my wheels in the mud. He watches me as I try to help Him along, after all, God helps those who help themselves, right? Sigh. My spinning, sadly, accomplishes nothing. It upsets me because no matter how hard I try, nothing works. People don't return calls when I need them too. Who knew I wasn't the only person my insurance company is dealing with (joke people, I knew that)? If people would stick to the script I have in my head, things would work so much smoother. But, life isn't like that.
I spent last night with 16 of my closest friends saying good-bye to one of them who is leaving for two years. We laughed, and laughed, and laughed! At one point in the night, sitting on the couch with two of my friends, looking around at my other friends, there was no doubt in my mind that I was home. Sometimes, even to this day, I still feel in spinning my wheels and trying to control situations, I am looking for acceptance. I try to be what I think other people need me to be. Sometimes, it's really very draining. Then, God graces me with moments like last night. Almost nine years ago, he put me with some of the holiest women I will ever know. I looked around the room last night, and all I could see were hearts and arms that were wide open. They accepted me warts and all. Fourteen calls a day, snoring, excited, no idea what they were getting into. They accepted me (along with quite a few others who aren't in my group from last night). So, while I spend most of my days spinning and spinning and spinning, God graces me with tortoise moments like last night. A time where the spinning stops and the kingdom of heaven is at hand. It is moments like that in which I can physically see and feel exactly how much He loves me. It is a beautiful thing.
So, today, I was back to spinning, being my normal hare self. However, I think I'm going to work on being more tortoise like during my days.
Until next time,
Pray for safe travel for my dear friend
Love,
Me
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Bills, Hillary Clinton, and Servants
Most of us, as little girls, were sold a bill of goods. Scratch that, we weren't sold, we were given the bill. Two of them in fact. One, we were given a prince suit when we are little girls and told to find a guy and make it fit. Squish him in there if you have too, but make it fit. Second, being a mom is a glorious, wonderful time filled with Leave it to Beaver moments. Good thing both bills were free or I would be requesting my money back!
I've hung out with too many frogs (my father as one) twisting, turning, and squishing them into the prince suit to realize, they were too small, or too big to fit the suit. It took 30 years. THIRTY YEARS before I married my prince. The suit didn't fit, so I had one tailor made, by God.
Now, this mom thing. When I was little, I carried around baby dolls and played in my fake kitchen. Among things I wanted to be when I was little (teacher, lawyer, chef) was a mom. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom...most days. Here's what no one tells you...you ready? It's HARD! There's all the hoopla surrounding the delivery of your baby or child. It doesn't matter whether the baby gets here sliding down the canal like a ride at a water park, c-section, or you adopted, you are now a mom. All the congratulations, no one tells you, it's HARD! And here's what else they won't tell you, each stage they go through is harder than the next!
When my kids were little, I couldn't wait for them to hold the bottle themselves, walk, talk, sleep through the night. Then, each milestone that passed, I was all "what was I thinking!" I think the worst part when they get to be older teens and have their own visions for their life and not yours. Being a mom is constantly banging your head against the wall. Change spots often and it will look like an art piece vs a I can't do this anymore moment.
And now for a confession. I am a failure as a mom. Yea, yea, quit with the no you're nots. Thanks, but not true. I compare myself to everyone in everything! My kid doesn't like to read, there's is reading three grade levels ahead! Their kid keeps their room immaculate, I can't get my kid to pick up dog poop in his room! DOG POOP! You get where I'm going with this? You know why their kids are better? I'll tell you why. They're not. Somewhere, that kids mom is lamenting to their bff about something the kid isn't doing. Hillary Clinton once said that it takes a village to raise a child. Now, I'm not a fan of Hillary. Never have been. And, when I heard that, I was all "oh please! That's the lazy persons way to parent!" Now, I'm not saying Hillary was right. But, I have a group of friends that I regularly go to for support for everything, parenting is just one of them! See, God puts people in my life at different times. There's those whose kids are graduating college, just entering college, still in high school, still in grade school, and not even in preschool. We all help each other out from 'it'll get better' to hugs, to 'man that's a hard one, we'll get through it together'. The hardest thing is to find friends with a parenting style close to yours. God sends those too :D
Currently, I'm dealing with an 18 year old who from my view has no direction (from his view he does); a 17 year old who is has her first boyfriend, and is starting to look at colleges, and an about to be 16 year old (in 16 days thankyouverymuch) dealing with everything. While my kids are lovely, beautiful, smart, et al and I wouldn't trade them for the world, this s&)$ is HARD! Let me tell you now, commercials lie! Calgon doesn't take you away. Herbal Essence doesn't have that side effect to me in the shower, and those coffee commercials, please, I've never been that awake to have that euphoric look on my face, I haven't had my coffee yet!
What isn't hard, is the love. I love my kids and you love yours. We are here to support each other. We can do this! And, in the words of one of my favorite songs (the servant song) 'We are pilgrims on a journey, we are travelers on a road, we are here to help each other walk the mile and bear the load'. "I will weep when you are weeping. When you laugh, I'll laugh with you. I will share your joy and sorrow till we see this journey through'.
Until next time,
Will you let me be your servant? Let me be as Christ to you. Pray that I may have the grace to let you be my servant too.
Love,
Me
I've hung out with too many frogs (my father as one) twisting, turning, and squishing them into the prince suit to realize, they were too small, or too big to fit the suit. It took 30 years. THIRTY YEARS before I married my prince. The suit didn't fit, so I had one tailor made, by God.
Now, this mom thing. When I was little, I carried around baby dolls and played in my fake kitchen. Among things I wanted to be when I was little (teacher, lawyer, chef) was a mom. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom...most days. Here's what no one tells you...you ready? It's HARD! There's all the hoopla surrounding the delivery of your baby or child. It doesn't matter whether the baby gets here sliding down the canal like a ride at a water park, c-section, or you adopted, you are now a mom. All the congratulations, no one tells you, it's HARD! And here's what else they won't tell you, each stage they go through is harder than the next!
When my kids were little, I couldn't wait for them to hold the bottle themselves, walk, talk, sleep through the night. Then, each milestone that passed, I was all "what was I thinking!" I think the worst part when they get to be older teens and have their own visions for their life and not yours. Being a mom is constantly banging your head against the wall. Change spots often and it will look like an art piece vs a I can't do this anymore moment.
And now for a confession. I am a failure as a mom. Yea, yea, quit with the no you're nots. Thanks, but not true. I compare myself to everyone in everything! My kid doesn't like to read, there's is reading three grade levels ahead! Their kid keeps their room immaculate, I can't get my kid to pick up dog poop in his room! DOG POOP! You get where I'm going with this? You know why their kids are better? I'll tell you why. They're not. Somewhere, that kids mom is lamenting to their bff about something the kid isn't doing. Hillary Clinton once said that it takes a village to raise a child. Now, I'm not a fan of Hillary. Never have been. And, when I heard that, I was all "oh please! That's the lazy persons way to parent!" Now, I'm not saying Hillary was right. But, I have a group of friends that I regularly go to for support for everything, parenting is just one of them! See, God puts people in my life at different times. There's those whose kids are graduating college, just entering college, still in high school, still in grade school, and not even in preschool. We all help each other out from 'it'll get better' to hugs, to 'man that's a hard one, we'll get through it together'. The hardest thing is to find friends with a parenting style close to yours. God sends those too :D
Currently, I'm dealing with an 18 year old who from my view has no direction (from his view he does); a 17 year old who is has her first boyfriend, and is starting to look at colleges, and an about to be 16 year old (in 16 days thankyouverymuch) dealing with everything. While my kids are lovely, beautiful, smart, et al and I wouldn't trade them for the world, this s&)$ is HARD! Let me tell you now, commercials lie! Calgon doesn't take you away. Herbal Essence doesn't have that side effect to me in the shower, and those coffee commercials, please, I've never been that awake to have that euphoric look on my face, I haven't had my coffee yet!
What isn't hard, is the love. I love my kids and you love yours. We are here to support each other. We can do this! And, in the words of one of my favorite songs (the servant song) 'We are pilgrims on a journey, we are travelers on a road, we are here to help each other walk the mile and bear the load'. "I will weep when you are weeping. When you laugh, I'll laugh with you. I will share your joy and sorrow till we see this journey through'.
Until next time,
Will you let me be your servant? Let me be as Christ to you. Pray that I may have the grace to let you be my servant too.
Love,
Me
Monday, April 1, 2013
Spell check, Easter, and my faith
So, apparently, I spelled Triduum wrong. I had it with one 'u'. Apologies, my dear husband, but it's not in the spell check.
For as much as I sung the praises of the Triduum in my last blog, I did not go. Call it life or laziness, I didn't go. However, I went to Easter Vigil Saturday night and it was beautiful. Let me explain.
Picture it, a quiet church, the sun is setting. I am in a pew with my sister Carol and my niece Elizabeth. We're saving seats for the rest of our brood who is on their way. It's a peaceful time, filled with anticipation of what the night is going to bring! Then, it is time. The Vigil begins. At one point, the church is completely dark, save for the lit candles that everyone possesses. Prayers are said and it is a beautiful sight to behold. People are baptized and confirmed and welcomed into my Catholic faith! The Holy Spirit descends upon them and me.
As I sit in my pew, I have a front row seat to everything. I watch as a newly confirmed woman is so excited, that walking back to her pew after being confirmed, she throws both her fists up in the air with a big smile on her face as if to say "YES!" I got to witness another woman, a few minutes after being confirmed, sing the Ave Maria in front of the entire congregation! I watched our two new Deacons serve in the Mass. I received communion from my friend Kevin who will become a Deacon in three weeks (on his journey to the Priesthood), and I got to see my friend Russ, assist in serving the Mass as well. Then, as if things couldn't get ANY better, when the Holy Spirit cam upon the confirmed, I felt my Bob (aka the Holy Spirit) with me. I welcomed him and told Him how much I have missed Him.
The Vigil flew by...two hours and forty minutes and it flew by. It was filled with prayer and love and ceremony. It was filled with incense and songs and joy. I wish for each of you to experience it once in your life. It is a truly moving experience. Parts of it bring me to tears. For example, the renewal of my baptismal promises. I don't remember my baptism and I suspect most of you don't remember yours either. But every year I get to renew my promises and it is moving.
Then, yesterday was spent cooking and enjoying my sister Carol and her family. There was a lot of laughter. Seriously, a ton of laughter. I'm pretty sure yesterday was the stuff that legends are made of. I know some of the events will go down in our family history! lol It was a great time to spend with our family as with life, things have been getting hectic. It was so good just to be together.
I am sated.
Until next time,
Pray for those who have joined the Catholic faith this weekend.
Love,
Me
For as much as I sung the praises of the Triduum in my last blog, I did not go. Call it life or laziness, I didn't go. However, I went to Easter Vigil Saturday night and it was beautiful. Let me explain.
Picture it, a quiet church, the sun is setting. I am in a pew with my sister Carol and my niece Elizabeth. We're saving seats for the rest of our brood who is on their way. It's a peaceful time, filled with anticipation of what the night is going to bring! Then, it is time. The Vigil begins. At one point, the church is completely dark, save for the lit candles that everyone possesses. Prayers are said and it is a beautiful sight to behold. People are baptized and confirmed and welcomed into my Catholic faith! The Holy Spirit descends upon them and me.
As I sit in my pew, I have a front row seat to everything. I watch as a newly confirmed woman is so excited, that walking back to her pew after being confirmed, she throws both her fists up in the air with a big smile on her face as if to say "YES!" I got to witness another woman, a few minutes after being confirmed, sing the Ave Maria in front of the entire congregation! I watched our two new Deacons serve in the Mass. I received communion from my friend Kevin who will become a Deacon in three weeks (on his journey to the Priesthood), and I got to see my friend Russ, assist in serving the Mass as well. Then, as if things couldn't get ANY better, when the Holy Spirit cam upon the confirmed, I felt my Bob (aka the Holy Spirit) with me. I welcomed him and told Him how much I have missed Him.
The Vigil flew by...two hours and forty minutes and it flew by. It was filled with prayer and love and ceremony. It was filled with incense and songs and joy. I wish for each of you to experience it once in your life. It is a truly moving experience. Parts of it bring me to tears. For example, the renewal of my baptismal promises. I don't remember my baptism and I suspect most of you don't remember yours either. But every year I get to renew my promises and it is moving.
Then, yesterday was spent cooking and enjoying my sister Carol and her family. There was a lot of laughter. Seriously, a ton of laughter. I'm pretty sure yesterday was the stuff that legends are made of. I know some of the events will go down in our family history! lol It was a great time to spend with our family as with life, things have been getting hectic. It was so good just to be together.
I am sated.
Until next time,
Pray for those who have joined the Catholic faith this weekend.
Love,
Me
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Holy Week, Russ, and Sister Mary Holywater
Today starts one of my very favorite times of the year, the Tridum!!!! What's a Tridum? It consists of Holy Thursday (today), Good Friday, and Holy Saturday. Something special happens each night at Mass. Yes, you read that correctly. Three nights of Mass. Tonight is the foot washing. It's a reminder of how Jesus washed the feet of his disciples. Then, tonight is also when the strip the altar. They remove everything from the altar. It chokes me up every time. Then, we have adoration lasting from tonight after Mass until tomorrow evenings Mass. Adoration is where you sit in front of the blessed sacrament. It is one of my favorite things to do. Why I don't do it more often is beyond me. Well, not really, I'm lazy. I need to work on that. We are invited to stay for adoration for one hour at any point in the 24 hours. It symbolizes the time when Jesus was praying in the garden and asked his disciples to stay awake for one hour (*If I get any of this wrong, someone please let me know!)
During Good Friday service, we have veneration of the cross. Another beautiful evening. Veneration of the cross is when a six foot cross (it looks six feet to me) and we are invited to come up and kiss the cross. It's a very beautiful thing.
Holy Saturday (Easter Vigil) is the culmination of the forty days of lent. It's also when those who have been wishing to become Catholic, who have went through RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults) are welcomed in the Catholic Church. It's a long Mass, about two and a half hours. It is absolutely beautiful!
In preparation for all this beauty, my church offers many times during lent to attend confession. In the beginning of lent, I had no intention of going to confession. I'm heading for my silent retreat in April and I'll go there. Then, as lent progressed, my loving husband reminded me that I could do both. As a family, we decided to go to confession this past Monday before the evening Mass. Being so crowded opted to go last night. Confession was available from 6:30-9 last night. Having a class at church, I couldn't go till 8:30. when I got there, there was 50 people ahead of me. Did you get that? FIFTY PEOPLE! And, by the time it was all said and done, we left at 10:05pm. Let me make sure you got that. Confession was to be over at 9. I left at 10:05. There were FIFTY people in front of me. That's how awesome my faith and my parish Priests are. They stayed until every last one who wanted confession, received it. And, during this time, no one left. Again, let me repeat that. No. One. Left. By the time I was done, there was one person left and then the Priests would be done. It was absolutely amazing.
Now, as I'm standing in line (after the hour mark, I did sit down as my back was really sore) for a while, this woman smiles at me. It seems she knows me. I don't have a clue who she was, but that doesn't matter, I still smiled back. She looked a little sad at one point and was getting up for something so I gave her a big hug. A) I'm part Italian, B) I'm an emotional person, and C) I'm part of a bunco group called the Happy Holy Hugging bunco group. There was no way, I wasn't giving a hug. After a while she returned and I motioned for her to have her spot back in front of me. She was reluctant and was just going to wait for her husband. For some reason, I felt strongly that she take her place back, I mean, she waited all this time. And, after a minute or two, she took her rightful place in front of me. Now, as she's in front of me, we are chatting and she looks so familiar now, but I cannot place her. Then she introduces me to her husband "She (me) put on my chrp!!!!" All of a sudden, the cobwebs part, and the angels sing! I look at her and say "you'll have to forgive me, I don't know you're real name, I only know you as Sister Mary HolyWater!!!!!" Three years ago, I was part of a group of women who took a retreat to St. Marks Parish and she had attended. Now, she belongs to St. Jude's! She has been here for months! SO COOL!
Not much later, my time in the confessional was done and I was about to start my penance as my husband was had just gotten in on his side. Funny thing, while waiting in line, I said a Rosary with the sorrowful mysteries as they're my favorite. You'll never guess what my penance was! A Rosary with the sorrowful mysteries! Too bad I couldn't use the one I just said! lol As I'm starting the rosary, my friend Russ walks in. Now, Russ, I know through his amazing wife Vicki who passed away a few years ago. Russ is now two years away from becoming a Priest! He is such a holy man and a good friend of mine and George's! Russ walks right up to me, smiles and my face lights up! He's going to school in Boston and is here for Easter. He gives me the biggest hug and says "I saw you in here and I came to say 'hi'! And we chatted for a few. George even got to see him!
As we were walking to the car, sinless (for all of about five minutes because I like to say, 'If I'm breathing, I'm sinning' lol) I explain to my husband how I will never, ever, get used to that. To beautiful moments like the one with Russ. Call it left over baggage from my childhood, whatever you please, it just is foreign to me that people go out of their way to see me. Who does that? Oh yea, I do. It's okay for me to see someone and make a point to go give them a hug, or tell them I miss them. However, it just boggles my mind when someone goes out of their way for me. I could spend millions in therapy on that one!
As I was going to bed last night, I reflected on what a blessing last night was. Catching up with Sister Mary HolyWater, seeing Russ, going to confession, and being a part of something with so many people that was so bigger than any of us put together.
I don't claim to have it all together. In fact, I'm the poster child for not having it together! My faith while strong, sometimes, is weak at best, but it is there. I question God. I argue with God. I cry to God. I also laugh and joke and love with God. I am reminded that He doesn't care that I don't have it all together. It doesn't matter if my faith somedays is the size of a mustard seed and not a huge oak. What matters is no matter how small my faith is, it is still there. A little ember just there, that eventually will blow up into a big, roaring fire) I am excited for tonight as it begins such an emotional time for me. I warn you, if you see me over the next three nights, I will probably be crying at some point! I promise you I am perfectly okay. I am just having moments with God and that I am perfectly okay.
Happy Holy week, everyone!
Until next time, pray for all those who are coming into the church this weekend. Also pray for safe travels for those traveling to be with loved ones.
Love,
Me
During Good Friday service, we have veneration of the cross. Another beautiful evening. Veneration of the cross is when a six foot cross (it looks six feet to me) and we are invited to come up and kiss the cross. It's a very beautiful thing.
Holy Saturday (Easter Vigil) is the culmination of the forty days of lent. It's also when those who have been wishing to become Catholic, who have went through RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults) are welcomed in the Catholic Church. It's a long Mass, about two and a half hours. It is absolutely beautiful!
In preparation for all this beauty, my church offers many times during lent to attend confession. In the beginning of lent, I had no intention of going to confession. I'm heading for my silent retreat in April and I'll go there. Then, as lent progressed, my loving husband reminded me that I could do both. As a family, we decided to go to confession this past Monday before the evening Mass. Being so crowded opted to go last night. Confession was available from 6:30-9 last night. Having a class at church, I couldn't go till 8:30. when I got there, there was 50 people ahead of me. Did you get that? FIFTY PEOPLE! And, by the time it was all said and done, we left at 10:05pm. Let me make sure you got that. Confession was to be over at 9. I left at 10:05. There were FIFTY people in front of me. That's how awesome my faith and my parish Priests are. They stayed until every last one who wanted confession, received it. And, during this time, no one left. Again, let me repeat that. No. One. Left. By the time I was done, there was one person left and then the Priests would be done. It was absolutely amazing.
Now, as I'm standing in line (after the hour mark, I did sit down as my back was really sore) for a while, this woman smiles at me. It seems she knows me. I don't have a clue who she was, but that doesn't matter, I still smiled back. She looked a little sad at one point and was getting up for something so I gave her a big hug. A) I'm part Italian, B) I'm an emotional person, and C) I'm part of a bunco group called the Happy Holy Hugging bunco group. There was no way, I wasn't giving a hug. After a while she returned and I motioned for her to have her spot back in front of me. She was reluctant and was just going to wait for her husband. For some reason, I felt strongly that she take her place back, I mean, she waited all this time. And, after a minute or two, she took her rightful place in front of me. Now, as she's in front of me, we are chatting and she looks so familiar now, but I cannot place her. Then she introduces me to her husband "She (me) put on my chrp!!!!" All of a sudden, the cobwebs part, and the angels sing! I look at her and say "you'll have to forgive me, I don't know you're real name, I only know you as Sister Mary HolyWater!!!!!" Three years ago, I was part of a group of women who took a retreat to St. Marks Parish and she had attended. Now, she belongs to St. Jude's! She has been here for months! SO COOL!
Not much later, my time in the confessional was done and I was about to start my penance as my husband was had just gotten in on his side. Funny thing, while waiting in line, I said a Rosary with the sorrowful mysteries as they're my favorite. You'll never guess what my penance was! A Rosary with the sorrowful mysteries! Too bad I couldn't use the one I just said! lol As I'm starting the rosary, my friend Russ walks in. Now, Russ, I know through his amazing wife Vicki who passed away a few years ago. Russ is now two years away from becoming a Priest! He is such a holy man and a good friend of mine and George's! Russ walks right up to me, smiles and my face lights up! He's going to school in Boston and is here for Easter. He gives me the biggest hug and says "I saw you in here and I came to say 'hi'! And we chatted for a few. George even got to see him!
As we were walking to the car, sinless (for all of about five minutes because I like to say, 'If I'm breathing, I'm sinning' lol) I explain to my husband how I will never, ever, get used to that. To beautiful moments like the one with Russ. Call it left over baggage from my childhood, whatever you please, it just is foreign to me that people go out of their way to see me. Who does that? Oh yea, I do. It's okay for me to see someone and make a point to go give them a hug, or tell them I miss them. However, it just boggles my mind when someone goes out of their way for me. I could spend millions in therapy on that one!
As I was going to bed last night, I reflected on what a blessing last night was. Catching up with Sister Mary HolyWater, seeing Russ, going to confession, and being a part of something with so many people that was so bigger than any of us put together.
I don't claim to have it all together. In fact, I'm the poster child for not having it together! My faith while strong, sometimes, is weak at best, but it is there. I question God. I argue with God. I cry to God. I also laugh and joke and love with God. I am reminded that He doesn't care that I don't have it all together. It doesn't matter if my faith somedays is the size of a mustard seed and not a huge oak. What matters is no matter how small my faith is, it is still there. A little ember just there, that eventually will blow up into a big, roaring fire) I am excited for tonight as it begins such an emotional time for me. I warn you, if you see me over the next three nights, I will probably be crying at some point! I promise you I am perfectly okay. I am just having moments with God and that I am perfectly okay.
Happy Holy week, everyone!
Until next time, pray for all those who are coming into the church this weekend. Also pray for safe travels for those traveling to be with loved ones.
Love,
Me
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