The thing about depression, what the commercials don't tell you, is how alone you truly feel. How slowly, without warning, you stop calling people. You turn inward. Even when you're around people, you feel alone.
The last two months have been a blur. Yes, as I've said before, we've had a ton of stuff going on. Then two weeks ago, after all the family gatherings, I thought things would settle down. That didn't happen. God decided to smack me down in the middle of vacation bible school last week. Which is fine. It's all for the greater glory of God. He puts me where He wants me and I go. On top of everything, I had another sinus infection. I'm surprised that after as many as I have had, they still wear me out. I haven't been feeling well at all. I was seriously bummed that I had missed the last week of boot camp. The last three weeks with my depression and downward spiral, I have not been sticking to any workout. I haven't set foot in the gym in three weeks and to top it off, my food choices haven't exactly been stellar either. I stopped having breakfast, which resulted in me having a hypoglycemic episode after vbs one day. I can't remember ever being so scared. I didn't know what was going on. My husband and son knew exactly what was happening and not only took care of me, they calmed me down. Living with anxiety and panic disorder on top of depression (what can I say, I'm a ball of joy), having them calm me down was a feat in and of itself. So, I've made a point the last few days to have breakfast. During this time, one of my favorite people in the world, Shelia kept me going. We had heart to heart emails where I told her my deepest, darkest fear. I don't know what I was expecting for her reply. Probably, "oh, don't worry about that" or some other generic response. That wasn't what happened at all. She spoke from the heart and was calming and wonderful. She is amazing and I love her.
Then, I knew the time had come. This morning was back to boot camp. No more hiding. No more hiding from the gym, from my scale, from my bad food choices. I've got two good friends at boot camp, Deb and Rebecca. I have come to care about them very much. Rebecca, sadly, isn't going to make this round of boot camp (I'm on round three) because of schedule conflicts. I'm bummed, but I know my Deb will be there. Last night, I didn't sleep at all. I was up just about every hour. Then, it was time to get up and go. My first thought was "I'm tired". My second thought was "Well, Rebecca isn't gonna be there". My third thought was "Maybe I'll skip this round of boot camp and stay in my depressed state." But, I made the hardest decision since I've been in my downward spiral, I chose to get out of my bed as tired as I was. I made a conscience decision that I had to go, and go I did. It was hard. This boot camp was the hardest one I've done yet. I had let me self not exercise for three weeks. I have not been to the gym. I have done nothing. So, I showed up. I had to modify a couple things. I ran (hey Rebecca, I gave 110% just like I said I would!) I gave it my all, even in my modifications. At 530 in the morning, it's extremely hot. Not only was I sweating from the heat, and my workout, but because of the hot flashes. All this heat and working out I realized how out of shape I really am. I was light headed for a while and I almost threw up and almost past out at least three times. But, I kept going because goonies never say die. Rudy only gave up once and then he came back the same day. I can't give up. I won't give up. While sweating and pulling my tire (man, did I miss my tire) I gave it my all. And, at one point my coach says to me "Welcome home, Gina. Welcome home". Between Shelia, my friend Rebecca and Deb's love and support and my coach welcoming me back, I am on my way up from my spiral. It is wonderful to know and cemented in me time and time again, that I don't just belong to a gym. I belong. That is a wonderful feeling whether you're riding sky high, or in a depression. Belonging is lovely. So, yes, I'll get up Wednesday morning and give it my all. I have my support system who are there and I can't let them down. I won't let them down.
Until next time,
Pray for those suffering from depression.
Love,
Me
Monday, June 25, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
The Spiral Staircase
This past school year flew by in a blur. For work, that makes me happy. For my life outside of work, not so much. What age were you when you gained your concept of time? You know when you're little and 7pm seems late and summers seem so long. Then, as you get older, school seems to drag on and summer vacation goes by so fast. Then, you realize, really realize how cyclical it really is. The year starts a new and you're in school, then Valentine's Day, then Easter, then Mother's Day, and Memorial Day, then school is out. Father's Day, July 4th, summer goes by blurry. Then it's August and time to go back to school. Labor day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Then, it all starts again. At what age did it stop being languid and become so expedient?
I miss the long lazy summers that seemed endless. I miss the days when you could enjoy each holiday as it came. Revel in picking out a costume for Halloween. Inviting family and friends for Thanksgiving. Christmas planning and shopping. Now, it's so fast, it's so early. Christmas comes in September. Halloween in August. We must get a jump on it all. All of this jumping on things ahead of schedule is making me tired and maudlin.
The last two months have flown by in a blur. If you missed it, see the post prior to this. The blur has left me tired, melancholy and going down my spiral staircase. Every few months or so, I've noticed are valley times. And, it takes me a while to realize I'm in them. I didn't notice till Sunday exactly how far down the staircase I have fallen. Technically, I'm not sure I've fallen inasmuch as gone down on a yo-yo. I say that because in all my valley times, I always come back up. It just takes time. I had the rare occasion last month where I had to stifle who I am (to some extent). And, the result has left me exhausted and emotionally spent. My mom and George's dad came to visit. They haven't seen each other since our wedding almost 13 years ago. With my mom, I am my goofy self. Anything that flies out of my mouth, flies out of my mouth. We laugh, a lot. We joke. We kid and sometimes, we're serious. She sees the kids and I being playful and having fun, and sometimes yelling at them. With dad, I am more serene. More calm. We sit and talk about everything and anything (as I do with mom), but in a more calm reserved manner. I'm still me, just more reserved and not fly out of my mouth me. I actually have to think before I speak. If I had to do that all the time, surly, my head would spontaneously explode! Having them here at the same time was wonderful. We'd sit on the back porch and just talk and be. It was so wonderful to have them both here at the same time. However, I was in inner turmoil. Having to think ahead what I wanted to say while at the same time being my spontaneous self was difficult. Not impossible, just difficult.
Then last week, with everyone leaving and the myriad airport trips, it made the week fly by so very fast. George came home for a little over 24 hours. It was a whirlwind of activities. Birthday party for my friends daughter who turned 1, walmart, kroger, post office, then grand opening celebration for my other friends new Catholic bookstore. And, in the times in between, he is trying to spend time with the kids and with me. Stressful on all counts. He left again for his final week of training on Sunday only to have his flight delayed THREE HOURS (thank you, Delta!!!) This week isn't so busy. I've got a bible study tomorrow morning for about an hour. Thursday afternoon Maria comes home (yay!) and in the evening, bunco! Then Friday, I'm doing McKinney Trade Days, and he comes home.
I need to get back to the gym. I haven't been there in a couple weeks. I missed the last week of boot camp (gasp!). Derailed by airport trips and now a sinus infection. I know working out will make me feel better, but it's hard to garner the energy to work out while I'm in my valley. This week is going by so slow. I'm so happy for my husbands new job. He is truly the happiest I've seen him in ages (thank you, God!!!! A three year prayer answered!!!) Yesterday was choc full of running errands. Today, not so much. I wish I could will it to be the weekend and have my whole family back in tact, under one roof. Our roof. And, trust me, I know in a matter of minutes after their arrival I'll be all "why did I want you back again?" It's the parents conundrum.
Then, this summer, we are heading out to get Jaime all set with his college plan and schedule. And, then in August, drop him off for his first year. Yea, I'm not exactly 'looking forward' to that. I am, but I'm not. Another parent conundrum.
So here I sit, on the steps of my spiral staircase, towards the bottom trying to get energy to climb back up. Eventually, something will click and I will fly up those stairs faster than my ramp at the gym. Or, I'll climb up the yo-yo. I don't know, we'll have to see.
Until next time,
Pray for my friends, Diane, Ryan, and their family.
Love,
Me
I miss the long lazy summers that seemed endless. I miss the days when you could enjoy each holiday as it came. Revel in picking out a costume for Halloween. Inviting family and friends for Thanksgiving. Christmas planning and shopping. Now, it's so fast, it's so early. Christmas comes in September. Halloween in August. We must get a jump on it all. All of this jumping on things ahead of schedule is making me tired and maudlin.
The last two months have flown by in a blur. If you missed it, see the post prior to this. The blur has left me tired, melancholy and going down my spiral staircase. Every few months or so, I've noticed are valley times. And, it takes me a while to realize I'm in them. I didn't notice till Sunday exactly how far down the staircase I have fallen. Technically, I'm not sure I've fallen inasmuch as gone down on a yo-yo. I say that because in all my valley times, I always come back up. It just takes time. I had the rare occasion last month where I had to stifle who I am (to some extent). And, the result has left me exhausted and emotionally spent. My mom and George's dad came to visit. They haven't seen each other since our wedding almost 13 years ago. With my mom, I am my goofy self. Anything that flies out of my mouth, flies out of my mouth. We laugh, a lot. We joke. We kid and sometimes, we're serious. She sees the kids and I being playful and having fun, and sometimes yelling at them. With dad, I am more serene. More calm. We sit and talk about everything and anything (as I do with mom), but in a more calm reserved manner. I'm still me, just more reserved and not fly out of my mouth me. I actually have to think before I speak. If I had to do that all the time, surly, my head would spontaneously explode! Having them here at the same time was wonderful. We'd sit on the back porch and just talk and be. It was so wonderful to have them both here at the same time. However, I was in inner turmoil. Having to think ahead what I wanted to say while at the same time being my spontaneous self was difficult. Not impossible, just difficult.
Then last week, with everyone leaving and the myriad airport trips, it made the week fly by so very fast. George came home for a little over 24 hours. It was a whirlwind of activities. Birthday party for my friends daughter who turned 1, walmart, kroger, post office, then grand opening celebration for my other friends new Catholic bookstore. And, in the times in between, he is trying to spend time with the kids and with me. Stressful on all counts. He left again for his final week of training on Sunday only to have his flight delayed THREE HOURS (thank you, Delta!!!) This week isn't so busy. I've got a bible study tomorrow morning for about an hour. Thursday afternoon Maria comes home (yay!) and in the evening, bunco! Then Friday, I'm doing McKinney Trade Days, and he comes home.
I need to get back to the gym. I haven't been there in a couple weeks. I missed the last week of boot camp (gasp!). Derailed by airport trips and now a sinus infection. I know working out will make me feel better, but it's hard to garner the energy to work out while I'm in my valley. This week is going by so slow. I'm so happy for my husbands new job. He is truly the happiest I've seen him in ages (thank you, God!!!! A three year prayer answered!!!) Yesterday was choc full of running errands. Today, not so much. I wish I could will it to be the weekend and have my whole family back in tact, under one roof. Our roof. And, trust me, I know in a matter of minutes after their arrival I'll be all "why did I want you back again?" It's the parents conundrum.
Then, this summer, we are heading out to get Jaime all set with his college plan and schedule. And, then in August, drop him off for his first year. Yea, I'm not exactly 'looking forward' to that. I am, but I'm not. Another parent conundrum.
So here I sit, on the steps of my spiral staircase, towards the bottom trying to get energy to climb back up. Eventually, something will click and I will fly up those stairs faster than my ramp at the gym. Or, I'll climb up the yo-yo. I don't know, we'll have to see.
Until next time,
Pray for my friends, Diane, Ryan, and their family.
Love,
Me
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
How much time do you have? I've got so much to share and so much to say.
It's been a very, very busy and stressful, but blessed May.
Jaime attained Eagle Rank with the Boy Scouts. Three days later, he turned 18. Three weeks later he graduated high school. George's dad and my mom came into town for the festivities. George got a new job. George left his old job. Had Jaime's Court of Honor Eagle ceremony (so beautiful). Then, had Jaime's graduation/Eagle celebration party. Dad left, George left, today mom left. Tomorrow Maria leave's to Philly for a week (16th bday present from Grandpa!). George comes in late Friday night and leaves Sunday to go back for his last week of training in Detroit and Maria comes back next Thursday.
My husband who is my rock (along with God, obviously) is gone. I'm sad dad is gone. I'm sad my husband isn't here. And, very sad my mom isn't here. It was so good to see both mom and dad.
Now, to get three teenagers jobs. Get my son his license, and try and enjoy my summer. Thank you my Carol and my Tina as always, for your unwavering support and love.
Until next time,
Please pray for safe travel for George, Mom, and Maria (Dad's already home).
Love,
Me
It's been a very, very busy and stressful, but blessed May.
Jaime attained Eagle Rank with the Boy Scouts. Three days later, he turned 18. Three weeks later he graduated high school. George's dad and my mom came into town for the festivities. George got a new job. George left his old job. Had Jaime's Court of Honor Eagle ceremony (so beautiful). Then, had Jaime's graduation/Eagle celebration party. Dad left, George left, today mom left. Tomorrow Maria leave's to Philly for a week (16th bday present from Grandpa!). George comes in late Friday night and leaves Sunday to go back for his last week of training in Detroit and Maria comes back next Thursday.
My husband who is my rock (along with God, obviously) is gone. I'm sad dad is gone. I'm sad my husband isn't here. And, very sad my mom isn't here. It was so good to see both mom and dad.
Now, to get three teenagers jobs. Get my son his license, and try and enjoy my summer. Thank you my Carol and my Tina as always, for your unwavering support and love.
Until next time,
Please pray for safe travel for George, Mom, and Maria (Dad's already home).
Love,
Me
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Candles
There's so much I want to tell you, so much I want to say! It's all trying to come out at the same time, so bear with me today, please. Also, grab your smoothie, or green tea, or coffee and settle in and let's chat!
One of my favorite songs is about candles. Yes, candles. How a single candle can expel the darkness. How we have people in our lives who are candles to us. Who light our world when it dims or sometimes goes completely dark.
I have many, many, many friends who are candles, Carol, Tina, Julie, Sharon, Amy, my bunco group, my friend Kathy from work, my children, (on some days lol), my husband and many, many more (forgive me if I didn't mention you, but trust me, I know you're there!). And, most surprising to me, people at my studio.
When I joined the studio in January to better myself, make myself get in better shape, look better, feel better, and quite frankly, look pretty, I never, ever imagined the journey I was embarking on, the friends I would make, or the candles that would be lighting my world.
The studio has many classes, all of which I love. All of which inflict some sort of torture for my own benefit. Through these classes I have found many, many candles. Boot camp is never dark in the morning. It can't be, as I am surrounded by many flickering candles there from Coach Steve, to Rebecca, and Deb. There's my favorite Zumba with Lori who I haven't seen in forever because it's the end of senior year and life is way hectic right now who I just love. She is such a candle. To the people in the class, Janna, and Liza and the others. Yup, candles. There's the chisel and boxing classes, Coach Teresa, Sheri, and Kim, and some of the others I mentioned above. All candles.
Yesterday, I did my morning boot camp (yay!) I was feeling good. Then, in the afternoon, I had to buy a dress for the black tie orchestra banquet for Friday evening, another senior event. I found a most beautiful dress. However, um, let's just say my 'cup runneth over'! lol Feeling down, I posted on my studio page about my predicament. I even included pictures of me in said dress. What awaited me there was more than I ever could have imagined. I don't know what people were going to say, but my own head was telling me I was a failure. That all my Rudy moments, all I have done since January has done nothing because blatantly staring in the mirror was my overflowing cup! What greeted my reply was nothing short of burning, flaming, candles. From, try this idea, with links and pictures where to get it, to how beautiful the dress was and how beautiful I looked in it. Now, let me explain something here, my daughters told me how beautiful I looked in it and that my cups were fine. My husband thought I looked amazing too. My son, hated the dress not for the cups but for all the legs I was showing lol (he's the senior). It was me and my mirror alone who told me it did not look good. How weird is it that I didn't believe my family? What do they know? They haven't been on the ramp with me at 6AM! They haven't done bear crawls with sand bags on their backs (my new favorite!). They see me as mom and wife. And, skewed glasses. My studio peeps, my candles, they see me through clear glasses with the eyes of love, truth, and Jesus. Where can you get that at a gym? You can't. No matter what gym you belong to. You are a number, a quota, even to a trainer. At my studio, we get involved in peoples lives. We pray for each other. I have a friend who moved to Boston, Belinda, you are missed! I have a friend who's son died who has the biggest heart in the world. She's now a nurse! She is such a giving person! How she get's out of bed and has such a beautiful outlook in life I can only presume is from her amazing love and faith! I can tell you one friend works for Yahoo, another for Verizon! I can tell you my coaches have a beautiful home and a loveable, crazy dog! I can tell you that there are people who are in computers and people who are teachers. I can tell you one of my friends mom's has Cancer and that another friends husband just had surgery and her dad just got out of the hospital. I can tell you these things because I don't belong to a gym. I belong to a family. A place where I am challenged to push myself. To make myself better, for me. A place where the motto isn't 'no pain, no gain'. A place where love and candles reside.
Don't let the aforementioned fool you. We don't sit around on our stationary bikes singing kumbi ya for an hour. Not a chance. It's a studio, not a gym. No machines. You walk in, you get your butt kicked by weights and tires and heavy bags and Zumba and Teresa, and Steve and you go home. You go home sweaty and stinky and sore and feeling the best you've ever felt because you just had an amazing workout, and that you are loved.
So to all my candles at home and work and the studio, this is for you. Thank you for being my candles and lighting my way. I love you all!
Until next time,
Go light someones world today, they need you.
Love,
Me
One of my favorite songs is about candles. Yes, candles. How a single candle can expel the darkness. How we have people in our lives who are candles to us. Who light our world when it dims or sometimes goes completely dark.
I have many, many, many friends who are candles, Carol, Tina, Julie, Sharon, Amy, my bunco group, my friend Kathy from work, my children, (on some days lol), my husband and many, many more (forgive me if I didn't mention you, but trust me, I know you're there!). And, most surprising to me, people at my studio.
When I joined the studio in January to better myself, make myself get in better shape, look better, feel better, and quite frankly, look pretty, I never, ever imagined the journey I was embarking on, the friends I would make, or the candles that would be lighting my world.
The studio has many classes, all of which I love. All of which inflict some sort of torture for my own benefit. Through these classes I have found many, many candles. Boot camp is never dark in the morning. It can't be, as I am surrounded by many flickering candles there from Coach Steve, to Rebecca, and Deb. There's my favorite Zumba with Lori who I haven't seen in forever because it's the end of senior year and life is way hectic right now who I just love. She is such a candle. To the people in the class, Janna, and Liza and the others. Yup, candles. There's the chisel and boxing classes, Coach Teresa, Sheri, and Kim, and some of the others I mentioned above. All candles.
Yesterday, I did my morning boot camp (yay!) I was feeling good. Then, in the afternoon, I had to buy a dress for the black tie orchestra banquet for Friday evening, another senior event. I found a most beautiful dress. However, um, let's just say my 'cup runneth over'! lol Feeling down, I posted on my studio page about my predicament. I even included pictures of me in said dress. What awaited me there was more than I ever could have imagined. I don't know what people were going to say, but my own head was telling me I was a failure. That all my Rudy moments, all I have done since January has done nothing because blatantly staring in the mirror was my overflowing cup! What greeted my reply was nothing short of burning, flaming, candles. From, try this idea, with links and pictures where to get it, to how beautiful the dress was and how beautiful I looked in it. Now, let me explain something here, my daughters told me how beautiful I looked in it and that my cups were fine. My husband thought I looked amazing too. My son, hated the dress not for the cups but for all the legs I was showing lol (he's the senior). It was me and my mirror alone who told me it did not look good. How weird is it that I didn't believe my family? What do they know? They haven't been on the ramp with me at 6AM! They haven't done bear crawls with sand bags on their backs (my new favorite!). They see me as mom and wife. And, skewed glasses. My studio peeps, my candles, they see me through clear glasses with the eyes of love, truth, and Jesus. Where can you get that at a gym? You can't. No matter what gym you belong to. You are a number, a quota, even to a trainer. At my studio, we get involved in peoples lives. We pray for each other. I have a friend who moved to Boston, Belinda, you are missed! I have a friend who's son died who has the biggest heart in the world. She's now a nurse! She is such a giving person! How she get's out of bed and has such a beautiful outlook in life I can only presume is from her amazing love and faith! I can tell you one friend works for Yahoo, another for Verizon! I can tell you my coaches have a beautiful home and a loveable, crazy dog! I can tell you that there are people who are in computers and people who are teachers. I can tell you one of my friends mom's has Cancer and that another friends husband just had surgery and her dad just got out of the hospital. I can tell you these things because I don't belong to a gym. I belong to a family. A place where I am challenged to push myself. To make myself better, for me. A place where the motto isn't 'no pain, no gain'. A place where love and candles reside.
Don't let the aforementioned fool you. We don't sit around on our stationary bikes singing kumbi ya for an hour. Not a chance. It's a studio, not a gym. No machines. You walk in, you get your butt kicked by weights and tires and heavy bags and Zumba and Teresa, and Steve and you go home. You go home sweaty and stinky and sore and feeling the best you've ever felt because you just had an amazing workout, and that you are loved.
So to all my candles at home and work and the studio, this is for you. Thank you for being my candles and lighting my way. I love you all!
Until next time,
Go light someones world today, they need you.
Love,
Me
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Peanuts, the Bishop, and Fr. Tim!
I must confess that since the retreat, I've started more of my days with rice than with peanuts. More so than I'd like to admit. Sure, I have peanuts at some point, but I'm not starting my day with them.
Bob is really cool, have I told you that lately? Yesterday, I went to church to watch my nephew Ben get confirmed. On top of that, my son was asked to assist Bishop Farrel during conformation, so I was doubly excited! As my family and I were walking in the parking lot to the church, one of my dear friends stopped me and asked if I could do her a huge favor. Of course I said 'yes'. Her daughters sponsor was unable to make conformation and asked if I could fill in! I was so excited! How sweet was that? Then, during the Mass, her daughter and I got the Eucharist from the Bishop! Yea buddy! After we got back to our seats, I pointed that out and excited, we fist bumped! What can I say, we some cool Catholics!
Watching my nephew get confirmed and watching my son on the altar was so cool! I was a proud mama and Aunt! Ben has grown into quite an amazing young man. And, I love getting to be the cool Aunt and corrupting him in good ways the way a good Aunt should :D
Then, this morning, we went off to Mass. It was truly the first time in a while that I have been fully present during a homily (yesterday notwithstanding. Loved the Bishops homily on living our faith). I even took notes. I don't know if I was running on my great weekend high (Friday evening was spent with one of my best friends Amy at the Bret Michaels concert and samba dancing afterwards on top of all the fun from Saturday's day of celebrating my nephew and then my kids at the AHS bowling banquet) or what, but I was so present today during the homily. Fr. Tim's homilies are usually good, but not "I gotta write this down" good. I knew at one point that I had to write it down. He talked about the Ten Commandments and then he talked about ten other things we should work on.
1. Life is not for experimenting.
2. Life an unselfish life.
3. Help the poor.
4. Sacrificial love is different than ordinary love. The world wills how you ordinary love. The church will show you sacrificial love.
5. We have a problem with things.
6. If all you have to show for your life is your money, you are not courageous.
7. People are more important than things.
8. To lose your dignity is worse than losing your life.
9. Friends must be cultivated.
10. You have a calling God wants you to do. He uses the calling to change us and perfect us. It will be difficult. Is is the only way we will find happiness. God wants us to be happy.
I wish I could have wrote faster and could tell you what he said in detail about each one, but if you go to http://stjudeparish.com/, you can find the podcast of the homily. It is well worth the listen!
So, what a wonderful weekend this was. Full of lots of love, blessings, and peanuts. And, while I will try to start my day with them, the point is that I have them throughout my day, all day, everyday. There is nothing better!
Until next time,
Pray for all of those who got confirmed this weekend.
Love,
Me
Bob is really cool, have I told you that lately? Yesterday, I went to church to watch my nephew Ben get confirmed. On top of that, my son was asked to assist Bishop Farrel during conformation, so I was doubly excited! As my family and I were walking in the parking lot to the church, one of my dear friends stopped me and asked if I could do her a huge favor. Of course I said 'yes'. Her daughters sponsor was unable to make conformation and asked if I could fill in! I was so excited! How sweet was that? Then, during the Mass, her daughter and I got the Eucharist from the Bishop! Yea buddy! After we got back to our seats, I pointed that out and excited, we fist bumped! What can I say, we some cool Catholics!
Watching my nephew get confirmed and watching my son on the altar was so cool! I was a proud mama and Aunt! Ben has grown into quite an amazing young man. And, I love getting to be the cool Aunt and corrupting him in good ways the way a good Aunt should :D
Then, this morning, we went off to Mass. It was truly the first time in a while that I have been fully present during a homily (yesterday notwithstanding. Loved the Bishops homily on living our faith). I even took notes. I don't know if I was running on my great weekend high (Friday evening was spent with one of my best friends Amy at the Bret Michaels concert and samba dancing afterwards on top of all the fun from Saturday's day of celebrating my nephew and then my kids at the AHS bowling banquet) or what, but I was so present today during the homily. Fr. Tim's homilies are usually good, but not "I gotta write this down" good. I knew at one point that I had to write it down. He talked about the Ten Commandments and then he talked about ten other things we should work on.
1. Life is not for experimenting.
2. Life an unselfish life.
3. Help the poor.
4. Sacrificial love is different than ordinary love. The world wills how you ordinary love. The church will show you sacrificial love.
5. We have a problem with things.
6. If all you have to show for your life is your money, you are not courageous.
7. People are more important than things.
8. To lose your dignity is worse than losing your life.
9. Friends must be cultivated.
10. You have a calling God wants you to do. He uses the calling to change us and perfect us. It will be difficult. Is is the only way we will find happiness. God wants us to be happy.
I wish I could have wrote faster and could tell you what he said in detail about each one, but if you go to http://stjudeparish.com/, you can find the podcast of the homily. It is well worth the listen!
So, what a wonderful weekend this was. Full of lots of love, blessings, and peanuts. And, while I will try to start my day with them, the point is that I have them throughout my day, all day, everyday. There is nothing better!
Until next time,
Pray for all of those who got confirmed this weekend.
Love,
Me
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Glimpses of Mary
Eighteen years ago today, I was blessed with my son. I was beyond excited to have a boy first. While I would have loved having a girl too, I always wanted an older brother, and I wanted that for my children. God must have thought it a good idea too, because he blessed me with Jaime.
When you have your first child, you sterilize everything. I made people wash their hands before holding him. That is, if I even let people hold him! I couldn't wait for him to start walking! How cool would we be? Mom and son walking hand in hand. I couldn't wait for him to hold the bottle himself so I could hold him with both my arms and just snuggle with him. Then, one day, I realized I was pushing him to grow up. I stopped that right away. I can remember he and I were playing with my mom and his first word was 'more'. More playing. Little did I know this would turn out to be the best description of Jaime himself. More. There is never enough of anything...food, good times, friends, love. More, more, more.
When he was a toddler, he was such a ham. He was so adorable, like most children. I got pregnant with his first sister and he couldn't have been happier. He even told my doctor that "there's a baby in there" and pointed to my belly. He would call my belly 'his baby' and he would try and feed his binky to my extended belly button! After she was born, he would hold her and shout with delight 'I got a baby!' or 'my baby!' And, then he tried to feed her a chip. Hey, he wanted to share from an early age!
As he started to grow, really grow my heart began to ache. It would ache at the boy he was growing into. One year, about five years ago, we went out to celebrate his birthday. And, he grabbed my hand as we were walking (this is nothing out of the ordinary for him, he is such a loving boy) and for the first time, his hand was bigger than mine. This brought tears to my eyes. I knew it was going to happen eventually, just not so soon.
This year, his senior year, we have had many 'come to Jesus' moments. Being a senior, working, working for and attaining his Eagle badge with the Boy Scouts, testing his independence, all of this led to those aforementioned moments. We've also had lots of laughter and of course, lots of love.
This morning, after I hugged him, while crying of course, I headed off to Mass to thank God for my son. And, while I was sitting there, instead of listening to the homily, I thought of Mary and Jesus. See, as I've said before, my heart is my greatest and my worst asset. It feels everything. Not only all the love, but every ounce of pain, bitterness, and hurt. So, having my son turn 18 is happy (and I am happy, truly I am). Having my son turn 18 and getting ready to go off to college is happy. And, not happy. While my heart swells with pride and gladness, it aches with the pain of him leaving. I cannot imagine not seeing him everyday (he's not away at college, he's on an extended weekend camp out! lol) and not hearing him laugh. But as my friends tell me, this is all part of life. I remember how scared Mary was when Jesus was missing for three days and the gladness she felt when she found Him. I wonder how Mary felt when Jesus went off on His ministry. Was she happy that her only child was gone and she could rest for a moment? Was she scared for Him, knowing He was traveling in all different places? How scared she must have been for Him when He was sentenced to death. How her heart must have ripped out when she held Him in her arms for the last time. No, no, I'm not comparing my son to Jesus at all. But I wonder how much of the pain that I feel at the growing of my children did Mary feel at the growing of her son? She 'kept all of these things in her heart'. Unfortunately, I was not gifted with that talent. My heart is worn on my sleeve. Heck, my heart is worn on my whole body. Actually, I'm probably just a heart with eyes.
Eighteen years ago, I gave my son life. And, every day since then, he has given life to me.
Please pray in thanksgiving for my son, James on his birthday today.
Until next time,
Love,
Me
When you have your first child, you sterilize everything. I made people wash their hands before holding him. That is, if I even let people hold him! I couldn't wait for him to start walking! How cool would we be? Mom and son walking hand in hand. I couldn't wait for him to hold the bottle himself so I could hold him with both my arms and just snuggle with him. Then, one day, I realized I was pushing him to grow up. I stopped that right away. I can remember he and I were playing with my mom and his first word was 'more'. More playing. Little did I know this would turn out to be the best description of Jaime himself. More. There is never enough of anything...food, good times, friends, love. More, more, more.
When he was a toddler, he was such a ham. He was so adorable, like most children. I got pregnant with his first sister and he couldn't have been happier. He even told my doctor that "there's a baby in there" and pointed to my belly. He would call my belly 'his baby' and he would try and feed his binky to my extended belly button! After she was born, he would hold her and shout with delight 'I got a baby!' or 'my baby!' And, then he tried to feed her a chip. Hey, he wanted to share from an early age!
As he started to grow, really grow my heart began to ache. It would ache at the boy he was growing into. One year, about five years ago, we went out to celebrate his birthday. And, he grabbed my hand as we were walking (this is nothing out of the ordinary for him, he is such a loving boy) and for the first time, his hand was bigger than mine. This brought tears to my eyes. I knew it was going to happen eventually, just not so soon.
This year, his senior year, we have had many 'come to Jesus' moments. Being a senior, working, working for and attaining his Eagle badge with the Boy Scouts, testing his independence, all of this led to those aforementioned moments. We've also had lots of laughter and of course, lots of love.
This morning, after I hugged him, while crying of course, I headed off to Mass to thank God for my son. And, while I was sitting there, instead of listening to the homily, I thought of Mary and Jesus. See, as I've said before, my heart is my greatest and my worst asset. It feels everything. Not only all the love, but every ounce of pain, bitterness, and hurt. So, having my son turn 18 is happy (and I am happy, truly I am). Having my son turn 18 and getting ready to go off to college is happy. And, not happy. While my heart swells with pride and gladness, it aches with the pain of him leaving. I cannot imagine not seeing him everyday (he's not away at college, he's on an extended weekend camp out! lol) and not hearing him laugh. But as my friends tell me, this is all part of life. I remember how scared Mary was when Jesus was missing for three days and the gladness she felt when she found Him. I wonder how Mary felt when Jesus went off on His ministry. Was she happy that her only child was gone and she could rest for a moment? Was she scared for Him, knowing He was traveling in all different places? How scared she must have been for Him when He was sentenced to death. How her heart must have ripped out when she held Him in her arms for the last time. No, no, I'm not comparing my son to Jesus at all. But I wonder how much of the pain that I feel at the growing of my children did Mary feel at the growing of her son? She 'kept all of these things in her heart'. Unfortunately, I was not gifted with that talent. My heart is worn on my sleeve. Heck, my heart is worn on my whole body. Actually, I'm probably just a heart with eyes.
Eighteen years ago, I gave my son life. And, every day since then, he has given life to me.
Please pray in thanksgiving for my son, James on his birthday today.
Until next time,
Love,
Me
Monday, April 30, 2012
Round two!
Last week, three of my boot camp friends (more like Angels) asked me to do boot camp with them again. They are so awesome, and so supportive, and I agreed.
This morning was our first day back after a two week absence. It was a lot different this time around. Waking up was no problem. Starting the exercises was no problem. My body, while glad for the rest, was happy to be back.
Did you know I'm a possessive person? Just ask my friends, they'll tell you. This morning, when we go to the ramp, there's people on our ramp (WHA!?!) Then, if that wasn't enough, they were copying our moves! They had tires and were doing tire flips! One of my friends, Deb, even commented how they're stealing our ideas. So, I told her 'imitation is the sincerest form of flattery' even though I was irked. lol But, after that, I didn't give them a second thought. I was too busy trying to breathe. The cool thing about this morning (one of many) is that we moved from car tires to truck tires! WOOOHOO! I knew I would be happy to be back, I just didn't realize how happy I would be to be back!
With everything happening the next few weeks, I'll be needing my boot camp and my boxing to work out my stress and not kill anyone. I cannot wait until Wednesday! I might just go in myself tomorrow! I'm ready, let's do this!
Until next time,
Pray for my dear podmate whose birthday is this Friday!!! Happy, Happy Birthday, Podmate! I love you most...FOR GOOD!
Love,
Me
This morning was our first day back after a two week absence. It was a lot different this time around. Waking up was no problem. Starting the exercises was no problem. My body, while glad for the rest, was happy to be back.
Did you know I'm a possessive person? Just ask my friends, they'll tell you. This morning, when we go to the ramp, there's people on our ramp (WHA!?!) Then, if that wasn't enough, they were copying our moves! They had tires and were doing tire flips! One of my friends, Deb, even commented how they're stealing our ideas. So, I told her 'imitation is the sincerest form of flattery' even though I was irked. lol But, after that, I didn't give them a second thought. I was too busy trying to breathe. The cool thing about this morning (one of many) is that we moved from car tires to truck tires! WOOOHOO! I knew I would be happy to be back, I just didn't realize how happy I would be to be back!
With everything happening the next few weeks, I'll be needing my boot camp and my boxing to work out my stress and not kill anyone. I cannot wait until Wednesday! I might just go in myself tomorrow! I'm ready, let's do this!
Until next time,
Pray for my dear podmate whose birthday is this Friday!!! Happy, Happy Birthday, Podmate! I love you most...FOR GOOD!
Love,
Me
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