Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Still learning...

So, I've been at my new job for over a week.  I'm still liking it.  Of course, it's what I call the honeymoon phase of any new job.  The first six months.  Everything is new and challenging.  After six months, will the days still fly by?  Will I still love it?  We just have to wait, but I'm suspecting the answer will be a yes :D

I've been learning a lot about myself lately.  When it comes to myself, I'm a low self esteem Debby Downer. I don't know why.  Call it crap from my childhood (which is weird because in my late teens and my 20's I was awesome and could do anything, just ask me!) or daddy issues.  I feel I am nothing special.  Now, don't get me wrong, my mom has told me for years how special I am.  How smart I am.  But she's my mom, she has to say it.  Then, there's my husband.  He says the same as my mom.  He has to say it.  Then there are my friends.  They have to say it, they're my friends.  Then, there's God.  He has to say it, he's my Dad.  He's suppose to believe in me no matter what.

Last week, my first official week at my new job, was a lot of work.  And, from what I hear, it will take about two months to grasp everything until it becomes habit because there's such a plethora of information.  It's a lot of numbers (my favorite, actually.  Little known fact, I love math.  Basic math.  I love it and it makes me happy.  Algebra was was best subject.  Although, I've forgotten just about all of it. lol).  It's a lot to take in, but I'm getting there.  One day last week I told my husband and my mom how it was the first time in a while I actually felt smart.  Both of them lamented that they've been telling me that for years.  See, my problem is I don't think I'm anything special.  I'm no different than you.   Everything I can do, you can do.  But on the flip side, everything you can do, I cannot.  I have a ton of friends who are runners.  They run marathons, they run 5ks, they run laps.  Me, I run to the store or the fridge.  I have an easy out, I have arthritis in my knees.  I really can't run.  Trust me, almost two years ago, I did boot camp religiously.  I had to run, it was not pretty. I have friends who home school.  Yea, I am so not cut out for that.  But, you get the idea, everything I can do you can do.  Everything you can do, I cannot.  My husband and my mom put a little chink in my armor this weekend.  Apparently, not everyone can do my new job.  That's why they hired me.  Apparently, not everyone can do everything I can do.  Huh.  That's a little interesting.  As of right now, it's a little chink in the armor.  Some day, who knows, maybe the armor will be gone all together?

The one thing I do know about myself, the one thing I love about myself is that I love.  I love deeply, greatly, and unconditionally.  And, I love you!

Until next time,
Give yourself a hug from me.  And, remember God and I think you're pretty special!

1 comment:

Teresa Rodenbaugh said...

I'd like to lovingly admonish you....no one HAS to say it. And there are many with parents,spouses and friends who DON't say it. The fact that you are surrounded by so many who do tell you how very special you are should convince you that you are special. But mostly....God loved you into existence (Fr. Barron says this) there is no 'supposed to' about it. He doesn't make mistakes and he believes in the creation he made in YOU unconditionally - whether you are at the bottom of the pit or high on the mountaintop.

Okay, I'm done. Congrats on the new job and well done Gina!