Saturday, September 19, 2015

Among the Thorns

I met my friend Mary Boyle over a decade ago.  She is a wise and wonderful servant of God.  And, she is my dear friend.  After years of friendship, we were at a gathering and she pointed out that I was a type A personality aka control freak.  I thought about it and laughed.  How had no one ever told me!  She wanted to know how I never knew! lol  That was an important day for me.  Certain things began falling into place, like how I know how things should and need to be done and when they need done! lol  Over the years, I would like to think I've mellowed a bit.  I said a bit, people, not a lot.  I've not mellowed when it comes to me or to God.

There's a saying "If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plan".  I've stopped telling Him, however, I haven't stopped wanting things my way.  Sure, I pray.  I pray for all of you and I pray wondering why they cannot go this way instead of that way.  I know, I KNOW God's plan is better than mine!  However, for some reason, I think maybe this time, this ONE time, our plans will align.  I can look back over my life and thank Him for all the unanswered prayers.  Prayers where most of the time, He has saved me from my worst enemy, myself.

I like to think I'm going to Heaven, even though I have said many times that I am the tour guide to hell.  I have a weird/goofy personality and way of looking at things.  Not bad.  Just different.  Mine.  I want to be one of those women who can quote scripture on demand and tell you the book and verse where it can be found.  Instead, I'm the "I know it's in there, I'm not sure what book, and it goes something like this" woman.  I want to be the one who spends time meditating on His word and just being with Him, not thinking about the kids or what's for dinner or how I felt slighted that particular day.  I want to pray the Rosary everyday and not find an excuse to stop after a year or two again.   I don't want my wrote prayers to feel wrote, I want to feel the meaning in them.  I want to look in the mirror and see Jesus, not the overweight woman battling menopause with low-self esteem, and the little voice in her head telling her she'll never measure up to her own standards let alone anyone else's.  Not too long ago, I shared my concerns about how I pray with someone.  They asked why I felt I had to pray that way?  I truly didn't have a good answer.  They reminded me that when I talk with Him throughout the day, that's a prayer.  True.  Nice to know.  Still I want the other way.  Type A much?

Today's reading is the Parable of the Sower.  You know the one I'm sure.  Seeds are scattered different places and yield different results.  I never really thought about my place in the scattering.  I always thought "I hear His word, I come to church every Sunday, I help where I can, I'm the one one good ground."  Then reading it today, something struck me.  I'm not really on the good ground.  I move between the grounds.

This is the meaning of the parable.
The seed is the word of God.
Those on the path are the ones who have heard,
but the Devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts
that they may not believe and be saved.
Those on rocky ground are the ones who, when they hear,
receive the word with joy, but they have no root;
they believe only for a time and fall away in time of temptation.
As for the seed that fell among thorns,
they are the ones who have heard, but as they go along,
they are choked by the anxieties and riches and pleasures of life,
and they fail to produce mature fruit.
But as for the seed that fell on rich soil,
they are the ones who, when they have heard the word,
embrace it with a generous and good heart,
and bear fruit through perseverance.”
- - -
How many times have I been choked by my panic and anxiety attacks or want 'riches and pleasures of life' (mainly, just to have our bills paid off and a nice place to live.  Okay, okay, and to travel and have a new car (paid off of course) and new shoes.  I need the new shoes.  Oh, and did I tell you about the purse I saw)?  How many times have I fallen victim to the devil and his snares and temptations?  And how many times did I bear fruit through perseverance?  I think we all move between the grounds, not just me.  Sure, I hang out among the thorns for a while, but next think you know, I'll be persevering again!

In two weeks I am beginning another spiritual journey.  Some of the women I know, some I do not. I'm looking forward to the next journey with them and growing in His word and doing His will. Please pray for me and all of these women.

Until next time,
Know I am praying for you.