Saturday, January 31, 2009

Am I the only one who thinks it strange that when I drink out of a big mug that's half full, my own eyes are staring back at me? Then, I play around for 30 seconds by removing the mug from my face and then tilt it back again. I do this repeatedly a few times. Yes, I know I'm weird.

I also know it's been almost a month since I've blogged.

Lots of stuff have gone on. Mostly mundane stuff. Here's the highlights...

* Started work at the new Olive Garden on Stacey.

* Attended St. Mark's chrp while simultaneously working. I left work at 3 on Sat, got to St. Mark's and was blessed to be able to sleep over! Then left at 6:15am Sunday to go home, shower, and go to Olive Garden.

* Got to sing at St. Jude Chrp mass! Oh my goodness! I wish you could have seen the procession of the monstrance from my view! It was the most beautiful thing *EVER*!

* Had a full week of training at Olive Garden, then we opened evening only the first week then regular hours on the second week.

* Mom's bday on the 21st. Miss you terribly Mom! Maria turned THIRTEEN on the 22nd. George turned 41 on the 26th.

* We had Maria's bday party sleepover last night with 8 girls attending and five sleeping over. We survived!!!

* Registered Sarah for SEVENTH grade!

* I got to spend some time with my Carol which I haven't had the opportunity to do in a very long time.

* I got to reconnect with my friend Patti who I haven't talked to in ages!

* Have had anxiety nonstop for what seems like forever.

* Went back to see Grace after a five month absence.

Work has been going well. I'm really liking it. Although, I miss my Dr. Pepper family. We talk every couple days and do our best to stay connected.

We've all been fighting some sort of cold at one time or another. No news on the job front for George either.

My prayer life has suffered as of late. The best I can do is say my Hail Marys to Mother Mary and talk to her. I actually said a bunch of Hail Mary's today at work.

I selfishly ask for your prayers as I'm applying for a certified trainer position at work on Monday. I'm really excited. It's a step up the ladder and more responsibility. I have ten minutes to teach them something. And, I have to make it fun. My girlfriend is doing a magic trick that I get to help her with, and I decided to teach them the cupid shuffle! It's quick and easy and fun. Basically, they want to see how we teach. So, I'm not sure if it comes with a pay raise or not, but it's a step up. So prayers if you wouldn't mind.

I hope this finds you all well and healthy.

Until next time,


Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Spiritual Growth

Thirty-nine years ago God knit me in my mother’s womb.

When I was eight, I met God in reconciliation and then in the Eucharist.

When I was sixteen, I met God at my confirmation.

When I was twenty-six, I met God as I prayed for relief from my abusive spouse.

When I was thirty, I met God as I sang in the Easter Tridum.

When I was thirty-one, I met God at my wedding.

When I was 35 I met God at chrp.

When I was 35 I stopped meeting God. This time, I stayed. See, all my life I kept meeting God for the first time over and over. He however, has been with me from before I was born. At 35 I stayed and I began to know my father and thus began my spiritual journey.

Each journey is different for everyone. But, no matter the journey, the destination is the same.

We all know how much I hate walking with God. Don’t get me wrong, I could not ask for better company. However, I don’t like walking because it hurts. As I walk it hurts. And, those closest to me know how I tend to become over emotional and take things personally (that’s just one of the many perks of being born under the sign of cancer!). I will complain how the walk is hurting me. But, God doesn’t mind me complaining, He says…

“…Not only that, but we even boast of our afflictions knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy spirit that has been given to us. For Christ, while we were still helpless, yet died at the appointed time for the ungodly.” Romans 5:3-7 So, see I’m not complaining, I’m building endurance and character!

So, five years ago, I met God, I met my Dad and since then, He has shown His mercy, His love, and His redemptive grace. Do I falter? Every. Single. Day. But, in my journey here’s what I have learned.

a) I hate walking.

b) That God loves me and that scripture can answer any question (what’s for dinner? Five loaves and two fishes (Matt: 14-18); what do I do for clothes? Even Solomon was not clothed in all their splendor (talking of the lilies of the field) Matt 6:28-31

c) And, even more serious questions...Where are you? Behind and before I encircle you (Ps: 139) Who am I? I have called you by name and you are MINE (Isaiah 43:1) What if I have doubts? Come, put your hand in my side. (John 20:26)

In my spiritual journey, I have been given friends. Friends who have lifted me on my matt and lowered me down from the roof.

I have friends who have walked with me in the valley of the shadow of death (Ps: 23) I have friends who help me carry my cross when it gets too heavy for me. I have been given the greatest friend, God. As He is in each of you.

Do I turn to Him first when I want to complain or talk? Sometimes, but not as much as I should. It’s called spiritual growth, not spiritual completion. I’m working on it.

I learn on a daily basis. Even yesterday, I learned something. When I say the Hail Mary I ask for something “pray for us sinners NOW and at the hour of our death”. Now. Mary is praying for me NOW. When we say the Our Father, we say “give us THIS day” Not tomorrow, not next week, give us THIS day. And He does. He gives us what is sufficient to get through THIS day. (thanks KIM).

He also says "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]? Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matt 6:25-27, 34

I’m working on the worry thing and I still hate walking. In fact, I’m in the middle of a walk right now. I hate walking so much my best friend Carol gave me this bracelet that says “the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” to remind me that walking is okay and that I still need to grow.

No matter what the walk brings, for each of us, I can tell you one thing I’ve learned… “For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Rom 8:38-39

Until next time,

Enjoy your family, have some tea, and spend time with God



Sunday, January 4, 2009


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The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In your name (in your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain(In the pain) there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you

And Wonders of His love...

The last few days have been awful. I feel like the walls are closing in all around me. Almost, like I'm a jack-in-the-box and I am squished in the box trying to get out. All I've felt like doing lately is screaming. Just screaming.

There's this fantastic video by lifehouse called 'broken' that I posted yesterday that was hard for most of you to see so go here: Video

The title says it includes the lyrics, but it doesn't, and I'll post them at the end of the blog today.

I've felt a lot these past few days. I've felt anger, confusion, and deep sadness. I've felt utterly all alone. Alone, in a house or a church or a building full of people.

Then today, a funny thing happened. I went to Mass. Not my normal five pm-everyone-is-doing-something-to-participate-in-the-mass-mass. You know, when the kids are serving, George is ushering, and I'm singing. No, thanks to the Philadelphia Eagles playoff game, we went to the noon mass where we get to sit together as a family. It's kind of hard to be at mass and be upset about anything. Even for me.

Then, as the mass began, I read the first reading....Rise up in splendor; Jerusalem! Your light has come, the glory of the Lord shines upon you. See, darkness covers the earth, and thick clouds cover the peoples; but upon you the LORD shines, and over you appears his glory. Nations shall walk by your light, and kings by your shining radiance. Raise your eyes and look about; they all gather and come to you: your sons come from afar; and your daughters in the arms of their nurses. Then you shall be radiant at what you see, your heart shall throb and overflow, for the riches of the seas shall be emptied out before you, the wealth of nations shall be brought to you. Caravans of camels shall fill you, dromedaries from Midian and Ephah; bearing gold and frankincense, and proclaiming the praises of the LORD. Isaiah 60:1-6.

This particular reading reminded me that God is here. Even when I feel utterly all alone, even in a room full of people. Then, if that wasn't enough, God talked to me in Father Tim's homily. The whole homily spoke to me, but his final words are what resonated with me. Forgiveness. My reply in my head? Crap. This seven times seventy thing is for the birds. I've got to be at least on seven times sixty-eight at this point. But, I must work on my forgiveness.

Then, if His one-two punch wasn't enough, God hits me during the preparation hymn Silent Night. Radiant beams from thy holly face, with the dawn of redeeming Redeeming grace, huh? I pondered that one for a while. Picture if you will baby Jesus and the rays that normally come from the sun are coming from His face. Radiant beams. And they are filled with His redeeming grace. Now, since He sees everything and everyone, there is not one person, me included, who He does not touch with his redeeming grace. Therefore, even though I may offend others (I *so* don't mean to), or let my parents down (there's so not enough therapy in the world or blog space on the internet to touch that one), or not be a good mom that day,it's okay. He knows my heart and I am touched by His redeeming grace.

At the end of Mass, I felt lighter than when I arrived. And as I left I was filled with the last line of the recessional hymn Joy to the World...and wonders of His love, and wonders of His love, and wonders, wonders of His love!

So, until next time,
send the kids back to school tomorrow, have lunch with a friend, and know I love you.