Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Voices, Minions and Socks...oh My!

Have you ever heard the voice of God?

Have you ever heard the voice of God laugh and call you an idiot (in the best way, not in a mean way)?  I have.  More so than I'd like to admit.

So, last night, after the election, I am not ashamed to say, I cried.  I cried for all of the unborn who are going to die.  My faith is not a just a big part of who I am.  At my core, it IS who I am.  I believe (and you are absolutely free to believe otherwise, it doesn't mean I won't love you or that we cannot be friends) that life is from conception to natural death.  No exceptions.  Now, being Catholic and going to Mass you would think that everyone who shares my faith would feel the same.  However, that is not the case.

My first thought this morning was 'how can that person receive communion every Sunday and still vote like they did?'  This is where the voice of God came in.  He just whispered and reminded me that every Sunday, I receive communion too.  And, just because I cast my vote for life doesn't mean I do not sin.  Just because someone sins differently does not make me any better.  Then, I thought of the scripture 'let those without sin cast the first stone'.  I guess that's why I have receipts and pens and napkins and keys in my purse instead of rocks.  And, believe you me, I am very thankful that those around me (and those with great aim) do not carry rocks around either.  I would be hit all day!

It's no surprise I've been under a ton of stress lately.  Today marks week four of my pt.  House stuff, kid stuff, pmsing, work crap, other work crap.  All this stress makes it very, very easy to be filled with hate.  I start most days thinking 'I'm going to pray for those who annoy me.  I will be kind, I will be the face of Jesus to them when they irk me'.  But then, I'm at work and it's so easy to get sucked in to the vortex that is gossip and so and so isn't pulling their weight and the hate rises up and I become a minion of satan showing others evil instead of a disciple of Christ showing others Jesus.  Then, I get more mad at myself and then get down on myself.  I am better than this!  I can do this!  Why do I constantly go into the vortex and get sucked in to all the drama!?  Because, I am human.  I can almost guarantee you that if I knew it all, if my faith was so great and I showed Jesus to those that torque me off everyday then I would not be here.  I would be in heaven with my Mema and George's Mom both whom I miss with every beat of my heart.  I would be praising WITH the angels instead of praying to them for aid. 

So, what is a struggling girl to do?  Keep praying.  I saw a sign on facebook the other day that I just love.  Faith-forwarding it all to heaven.  I just have to remember, it's not the church of Gina, or Gina's North America, or Gina's world.  Sure, the skies would be a brilliant pink/orange hue and everyone would wear mismatched socks (because life is too short to wear matching socks!) and there would be singing and dancing a lot.  I would also be like the evil queen who yells "OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!!"  And, that is just not good for anyone.  So, be thankful that you don't live in Gina's world, remember, like me, we are all sinners, and God loves us regardless of who we vote for or how we sin.  It's still sin and His love still remains greater than any of it.

Until next time,
Have a blessed day and GO ALLEN EAGLES!

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Prayer, Control, and Mentors

I having been never one who is satisfied with my prayer life, went looking as I sometimes do, for something more.  My prayer life ebbs and flows.  And, it's truly never as deep and a spiritual as I'd like it to be.  I look at my spiritual mentors and think "I want *that*".  So, a couple months ago, I was lamenting to one of my spiritual mentors about wanting more.  There was a new study coming out (Colosians) called Good Morning, Girls and said "you're doing it!"  So, I've been doing it.  Granted, I am not always faithful in my daily studies, but I do however make up missed days!

So, today, I was doing my study (I am a half a week ahead.  I figure it makes up for when I'm running behind) and it was Colosians 3:18-19.

Wives, be subordinate to your husbands, as is proper to the Lord.  Husbands love your wives and avoid any bitterness toward them. 

Scripture tells me I'm to be subordinate to my husband as I am to God.  This got me thinking.  I don't think I have a subordinate bone in my body.  Reverent, sure.  Humble, yes.  Subordinate?  Not so much.  So then, I thought of my relationship with God and about me being subordinate.  Have I ever been?  Again, not so much.  Turns out, for those of you who don't know me, I am  huge, HUGE control freak.  While God's timing is perfect, most of the time, heck who am I kidding, 99.9% of the time, it's not perfect for what I want to accomplish! lol  There's a saying "you want to hear God laugh?  Tell Him your plans".  I do this just about everyday.  I have a time table on which I'd like things accomplished.  Not prayer request mind you, more like my projects.  For example, getting the house ready to put up.  Putting the house up.  Selling the house.  Finishing up the insurance from the accident.  Having pt be finished.  My back getting better.  I have a time table on which I'd like things.  Originally, knowing it was a pipe dream, I had hoped to be in a new house by Christmas.  As I said, I knew it was a pipe dream.  We met with the realtor on a Tuesday and had the accident on Sunday and everything has gone the way of a pile of pick up sticks.  Scattered.  So, I have this schedule in my head, and then I get overwhelmed.  I'm dealing with paint and carpet and roofs.  I'm dealing with my two jobs one stressing me out more than the other, but still stressing me.  My eighteen year old...the boy is trying to kill me by giving me a heart attack.  I've bitten off way more than I'll ever be able to chew with volunteering ("I have no senior next year, I'll have plenty of time!) I am stressed.  So, why can't I just say "Okay, Dad, here you go, I surrender it all to you?" and let Him keep it and do His thing?  Because I am a control freak.  I have to feel like I have a purpose, that I am doing something instead of just sitting around with my thumb up my bum.  I mean, come on, doesn't scripture say "God helps those who help themselves?"  I think help is the operative word.  Help themselves, not do, themselves.  So, one of my gurus had told me one Sunday a while back to surrender, even if it means surrendering every day.  Every minute.  I forgot about that.  I think that's something I have to continuously employ.  Surrendering.  I am a control freak without control.

So, if I can surrender to God, and learn to be subordinate to Him, and let Him reign, then when it comes to my husband, I can do it too.  Truth be told, I think I surrender to him more than I realize and not in a you won I lost thing.  It's a lot of 'what do I do?  How do I handle this?  And, can you help, please?'  Maybe between the two most important men in my life, God, and my husband, I just might be able to loosen my grip on my control freak gene and learn to be subordinate as I am called to be.  Quit laughing, I said 'maybe'.

Until next time,
Please pray for my friend who is discerning the diaconate.  Also, pray for my many spiritual mentors and gurus as I couldn't do it without them.