Tuesday, April 29, 2008

There's No 'P' in Hamster.

Wow! It has been a whirlwind couple of weeks! The biggest news is that I went from having no jobs (other than that of a stay at home mom and part time Pampered Chef consultant) to having TWO jobs. Count 'em, TWO!

The first is a full time gig working for Bon Appetit at the Cadbury Schwepps building in Plano (off of Legacy and Hedgecoxe). The hours are from 7-3, no weekends which rocks. I'm the salad associate. I basically prep the salad bar and make salads to order. It's really neat and not only do they pay me, but I get to wear a chef's jacket (way cool!)

The second is for Bath and Body Works. I haven't started that one yet, however I have orientation sometime in the next two weeks. I'll be working two Saturday's a month. Not to shabby, and if nothing, it'll pay for gas for my full time job.

My new job is going well. However, at the end of the day, my little piggies are barkin'! lol And, I've learned what and just where my sciatic nerve is (owie :( ).

With this job, my life has totally turned on its proverbial ear! Jaime's 14th bday is this Saturday along with his confirmation (prayers please). I am so not old enough to have a 14 year old! lol. Dad comes in this Thursday (YEA!!! Prayers for safe travel, please) I need to find a new therapist as mine stops seeing patients at 2pm and I don't get off of work until 3pm. This last one blows b/c I just know He's changing my therapist b/c He has MORE work for me to do. I feel like a hamster on a wheel that goes round and round, except the wheel is still and I'm the one moving round and round. Sadly, I had to give up my permanent adoration spot :( and, I'm having a hard time finding time for God, and George, and the kids, and myself. Although, I now say the Rosary on the way to work, and I find myself praying at work (I wish I knew more wrote prayers, lol), So, I'll talk to God, Jesus, Mary, and the Holy Spirit and my guardian Angel (heck, whoever is up there willing to listen!) and I've been praising Him, so that counts I think.

And, if all that wasn't enough, my brother Joey left for Iraq last Monday, so prayers for safety and conversion of heart please :)
So, as you can tell my life is so hectic right now. God has blessed me with spell check, a wonderful thing, although like most of His gifts I forget to use it, lol. And, for some reason I decided to spell hamster with a P today (hampster). So, for today's lesson, there is no P in hamster, lol

Today is brought to you by the number '14' and the letter 'P'.

Blessings to you, always.


Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Thank You

I just wanted to say thank you to my friends. For all your love and support during the past few months. I have come to rely on you for strength, guidance, support, love and sanity. From Carol, who cannot relate to my situation but gives me unconditional love, shoulders to cry on, ears to listen to me rant and rave and arms to give me hugs that only a best friend can. Who I can have moments of silence with and it's okay.

Then, there's Kim K. Our friendship happened like mine and Carol's, quick. There was just something 'there'. Throughout Mom's last two weeks Kim who just happens to be a nurse put up with my daily calls. She's honest enough to say "that's normal" and "no, they're not blowing smoke up your butt" although she said it more eloquently than I just did. Kim was and continues to be a great source of health information (being a nurse has its benefits), tells me the truth (whether I like to hear it or not), and can relate to my loss. She and her family have quickly become our family.

Then there's Julie. My first friend here at St. Jude's. My first spiritual mentor (or guru as I like to say). Julie never has a harsh word to say. Julie is the voice of reason. The one who when I rant at God, let's me rant, understands my rant, and then reminds me that God loves me no matter what I say, no matter what I do.

Have I ever mentioned Patti? Patti is a chrp (Christ Renews His Parish) sister. When Mom passed she cried with me on the phone. She is a source of God's amazing love. And, one of my very favorite things about Patti is when she says "let's pray" and then she'll break out into the most beautiful prayer you have ever heard. A prayer that truly comes from God. A prayer that seems to set all that's wrong with my heart to right.

Next is Liz from Rainbow Days. Liz, whom I'm just getting to know lost her Mom a little over six months ago. She knows exactly what I'm going through. She has offered her ears and morale support. She has even come to grief support meetings with me as a huge source of support.

Then, there's Liz Brier. from my Tuesday group. What an amazing lady! I see her at church or at adoration and she always has a warm, tight hug waiting for me and a "how are you doing?" And when she asks it is a true how are you doing? Not like the kind you ask people when you see them in the supermarket. She genuinely wants to know how I am. And, she always ends our conversation with "I'm praying for you".

How about Shannon? The greatest gift Shannon gave me was two weeks ago on a Friday night. She calls me up and says "I know it's last minute, but I have to go shopping, do you want to come to North Park Mall with me?" I said gimme ten minutes as I was in my pj's and wanted to throw on some clothes. We went to the mall and then she treated me to dinner. It was the first time since mom passed that I actually felt somewhat normal. She made me laugh. She made me feel like me again, even though it was for a few hours, it was exactly what I needed and a true blessing from God.

And all the way from Steeler Country, Sharon. Sharon is always there with an email or a call to let me know how much she loves me and that all is going to be okay. I was blessed last night to finally get my hug from her that we've been wanting to give each other. She was in town only for the night, but when you're such good friends, sometimes a hug is all that needs said between you.

Then, there is my beloved Jeanne. If you go to St. Jude's then you know who Jeanne is. She is the parish matriarch. The mother to us all. She has listen to me cry, given me books to read (amazingly enough the right book at the right time), has helped me with grief support and genuinely loves me and appreciates me as she loves to tell me. Jeanne makes me feel so special and the great thing about her is she makes everyone feel special.

And, finally, my husband, George. After all, it was his Mom who passed. However, he understands my relationship with Mom. He doesn't look at me funny (much) when I burst out in crying spurts. He constantly gives me unconditional love. And he is truly my best friend, and I couldn't ask for more.

So, to all of you, I give you my thanks. Even though saying thank you doesn't seem nearly enough. But know that I love each of you deeply and thank God for you and your friendships. I am richly blessed because of all of you.


Saturday, April 5, 2008

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

By The Numbers

One hundred and six, the number of days since Mom has passed.

Fifteen, The number of calls I have missed with her.

Two, holiday's without her (Christmas and Easter)

One, missed birthday and anniversary.

Countless, the hours I've spent crying and mourning Mom.

One fourth, the fraction of the year that has gone on without Mom.

Ten, the number of years ago I met Mom.

Innumerable, the number of posts that will contain some reference to Mom.

This grief thing is so unbelievably hard. Losing a parent, man, I wouldn't wish this on anyone! The hardest part for me is how much your heart actually aches, physically aches and hurts.

Did I ever tell you about the first time I met Mom and Dad? Dad, I met first as he helped George move his things down to SC. I saw him just long enough to cook dinner for him and Goerge, and he took the train back to Philly. However, when he met me, it was with open arms. I met Mom a couple weeks later when George and I went to Philly to get the rest of his things. I don't remember much about our first meeting b/c I was so nervous. I can tell you though that she met me with open arms as well and accepted me and the kids (as did dad) what seemed like right away.

Mom had a beautiful smile and my favorite thing to do was every week when we talked, make her laugh at least once. She was so easy to make laugh. She understood my odd sense of humor. One of the great gifts that Mom possessed was the ability to talk to you (even across the country) and make you feel like you were together having tea. The bulk of our conversations consisted of talk about George and the kids and myself. She was a huge source of support and acceptance (as is Dad).

I am having a hard time understanding this grief thing. I'm not sure if I'm even suppose to.

All I know is that it's a rough go, surrendering is a moment by moment thing, and I'm not that good at it.


God bless you all.