Wednesday, April 2, 2008

By The Numbers

One hundred and six, the number of days since Mom has passed.

Fifteen, The number of calls I have missed with her.

Two, holiday's without her (Christmas and Easter)

One, missed birthday and anniversary.

Countless, the hours I've spent crying and mourning Mom.

One fourth, the fraction of the year that has gone on without Mom.

Ten, the number of years ago I met Mom.

Innumerable, the number of posts that will contain some reference to Mom.

This grief thing is so unbelievably hard. Losing a parent, man, I wouldn't wish this on anyone! The hardest part for me is how much your heart actually aches, physically aches and hurts.

Did I ever tell you about the first time I met Mom and Dad? Dad, I met first as he helped George move his things down to SC. I saw him just long enough to cook dinner for him and Goerge, and he took the train back to Philly. However, when he met me, it was with open arms. I met Mom a couple weeks later when George and I went to Philly to get the rest of his things. I don't remember much about our first meeting b/c I was so nervous. I can tell you though that she met me with open arms as well and accepted me and the kids (as did dad) what seemed like right away.

Mom had a beautiful smile and my favorite thing to do was every week when we talked, make her laugh at least once. She was so easy to make laugh. She understood my odd sense of humor. One of the great gifts that Mom possessed was the ability to talk to you (even across the country) and make you feel like you were together having tea. The bulk of our conversations consisted of talk about George and the kids and myself. She was a huge source of support and acceptance (as is Dad).

I am having a hard time understanding this grief thing. I'm not sure if I'm even suppose to.

All I know is that it's a rough go, surrendering is a moment by moment thing, and I'm not that good at it.


God bless you all.


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