I've spent the better part of the last few days reflecting on the last year and all that I accomplished and where I fell short. God, Big Daddy, and my amazing tribe walked with me the entire way.
This past year, we saw our daughter graduate from college, our son get married, went on our very first cruise, and sold our home. My beautiful bouts of depression, while not as often, still reeled its head. I learned that even I, who hates it with a passion, has to ask for help sometimes. I reached out, reached up, and humbly accepted the help. I started rewiring the self-talk voice in my head that use to talk down to me all the time. It's still there, just not as loud. I'll get there. I'm Italian, I talk louder.
This past year I faced a few fears, I was brave and courageous. I started believing in my abilities and I even finished out the year with a big fear, the dentist. This is not to compare your fears with mine. My fear of the dentist was/is real and stems from past trauma with dentists. I found myself in the middle of the year having to find a new dentist for our family. And, I couldn't have found a better one if it was God or Hermie the Dentist himself. What was suppose to be major dental work over a few visits with a former dentist turned out to be one visit for just a bit of royal work. And, now, all I will need is cleanings. The dentist could not have been greater! Sure, to you, it may have not been brave. But, I was the one panicking. I was the one who knew what had to be done (this was not just cosmetic work) and even panicked and scared, persevered. And you know what, Big Daddy an my tribe? They were proud of me. These people know all my faults and my failings, all my fears, and they know how hard this was for me. And, I did it. "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather that the assessment of something else is more important than fear" (Franklin D Roosevelt). I was and am proud of myself.
I ended the year (and began the new) as I do every year, with my sister and our families. We ate, played games, loved and laughed. I do not think my stomach stopped hurting from laughing so hard until this afternoon! I can think, of no better way to end every year and bring a new one in.
Perhaps you have seen all over Facebook peoples word for the year. One that they want to focus on. I really thought about this these past few days as well. I want to be intentional. Brave. Kind. Loving. Helpful. Hopeful. Joy. Peace. I was having a hard time figuring it out. What is the right word for me? What can encompass everything I want to become, grow, and accomplish this year? And, I found it. My word of the year is PRAYER. I want to be more intentional in my prayers. I want to pray without ceasing. I want to be so joined to God that I do not know where I end and He begins. I want to be at His feet constantly. I want to hold on to not just the hem of Jesus garment, but His hand. I want to sit in His and rest in His presence. I want to be close to Mary. I want to rest in her mantle, receive her graces and share with her what is going on daily. I want to call on the Saints and have a deeper relationship with them other than "Tony, Tony look around, there's something lost that can't be found". My marriage, my family, my tribe? They are all gifts created from above. How could I wish for anything more than that? So, there you have it. My word of the year is prayer.
Until next time,
The Lord bless you and keep you.
The Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you.
The Lord lift up His countenance on you and give you peace.
(Numbers 6:24-26)
Love,
Me
