Sunday, July 20, 2008

It was only one sentence

But it threw me for a loop. I was forewarned that it was coming. And, truth be told, I was looking forward to it. But, a week passed and I had totally forgotten about it. Then, I heard it and it was jarring. I made George play it twice more. Against his wishes.

Let me explain. Dad and Christine (George's sister) went to Quebec for their 400th anniversary (Quebec, not Dad and Christine)and he had video taped some of their trip. Dad made us a copy and we were going to watch it simultaneously and he would narrate what we were watching. He explained the the tape that he used was an older tape and had about 30 seconds of Mom on there so not to be jarred. That was a while ago. I totally forgot. So, when we put on the tape, there she was. It wasn't seeing her that was jarring. It was hearing her.

See, I talked to Mom (and Dad) every week without fail. In addition to any other time I felt like talking to her. It's been seven months since I've heard her voice. A simple sentence was all she said. But hearing her voice, hearing my Mom was beautifully jarring. As I mentioned before, I asked George to play it again, twice more. Against his better judgment, he did. I listened to my Mom, and I cried. It was so beautiful to hear her. To hear the laughter in her voice, the love in her voice.

Sometimes, right after she passed, I would replay conversations we have had just so I could hear her voice. But as time has moved on, it has gotten harder to remember her voice. It comforts me to know, that I have to only press play to hear her for a few brief seconds.

Missing Mom more everyday. Until next time, God bless you all.


Thursday, July 17, 2008

Wednesday, July 16, 2008


I miss my Carol. She's been gone only four days. Count 'em, four! Since she's been gone and left me to my own devices, I've managed to get into all sorts of trouble.

~ After our dinner Friday is when I found out about John.
~ Saturday was when I talked to his mom and spent 24 hours in shock.
~ Tuesday was my Grace time.

All things I would call Carol to share and get her sage wisdom.
All which I cannot do as she is out of email contact until early next week.

So, I tend to play 'What Would Carol Say?' with myself. It pales in comparison.

I am tired. Not only b/c of work, also b/c I had to get up at the butt-crack of dawn today to be at work early. Also, b/c the Holy Spirit is playing wack-a-mole with my emotions...I so wanted to go on the Stubenville trip to St. Louis this weekend, but I couldn't b/c their wasn't room. I've been on the waiting list forEVER! Then, this Sunday I checked and they had room so it turned out I was going. I was SO PSYCHED!!!!! Then, yesterday, I get a call that some students needed room and of course I gave up my space. I mean "HELLO!" it is for the teens anyway. So, I will go next year. I'm still a little bummed. Oh, and I'm tired b/c Maria had a sleep over yesterday that is still going on. The girl is adorable. However, They are EXTREMELY LOUD! Which normally isn't a bad thing, but George works from home on Wednesday's. It made it just a tad difficult.

Jaime is going to Stubenville this weekend. It will be great for him. However, I will miss him. He is growing like a weed this summer. He's even gaining weight!!!

But, I digress...I miss my Carol and can't wait until she has communication with the outside world. Well, forget the outside world, just communication with me. I know it's selfish. I hope she's having an absolutely marvelous time on her vaca. Lord knows she deserves the rest and relaxation. But I am selfish. And, she is not just my best friend, she's my bestest friend. She's my sister. She's the yin to my yang. The raspberry to my chocolate milano cookie. And, I don't function so great without her.

Carol~hope you're having a fantabulous time! I miss you and I love you lots!

Until next time,

Sunday, July 13, 2008

I love my job!

Everyday, I come home from work and George asks me how my day was. On more than one occasion, I have told him "It was a great day in my head!" lol

Here's these two videos. The first with Tom Hanks makes me laugh every time I get a burger for someone. In my head I hear "Sheryl, you're burgers ready!" lol And, in the Natalie Portman video I hear in my head "What can I get for YOU today?" That last one, I even say out loud and try not to laugh.

Jeff likes to tell me that I'm funny in any language (thanks, Jeff!). Imagine how much funnier I am in my head! lol Like Alf used to say "I crack myself up!" Yes, sadly, I just quoted Alf.

Enjoy the videos! Until we meet again.

Well We All Shine On...

Like the moon and the stars and the sun,
Well we all shine on,
Ev'ryone come on.

Let it be said now, that I don't believe in karma. I believe in God. However, some odd occurrences have been coming to light.

Allow me to explain.

I've spent the last 24 hours in the fog of shock and awe since I've learned of John's death. No forces at work there. He was a wonderful guy. We were just too young and too immature.

Last week I found out that my ex, the-not-so-nice one, is married, and had a stroke about 7 or 8 years ago and is disabled.

Then this weekend a friend from high school contacted me (shout out to John!). He had as much problems with the infamous Kenny as I did. We both turned out okay. Kenny, yea, well, not so much. He's a live and healthy. But, that's about it.

And, a girl who tormented me lost her legs in an accident (this one I knew of).

I feel sad for these people and the trials that these people face. And if I were a movie producer, I think that these coincidences had a Carriesque feel to them. But I assure you, I have not maimed or killed or tormented anyone. I feel bad with what they face and what they have to go through. But as John and I were talking, we have forgiven the Kenny's of this world long ago.

I'm sure that my friend John and I are not the only ones who had these experiences in childhood or high school. Please pray for these people and your own Kenny's. That they may be free from whatever is haunting them. That they may be truly happy.

Until next time.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Forgiveness is a strage drug...

There's absolutely no way to make this post shorter, so grab a drink, maybe a tissue, and of course, some chocolate raspberry millano cookies.

As all of you know, I was married twice before. The abusive one, and before him, my first boyfriend. I like to joke that no one told me you're not supposed to marry your first boyfriend. But he was, and I did. We dated for three years long distance. Married for 22 months. There was no bad blood between us. We were just way to young and way to immature. His name was Juan Sepulveda. Johnny, as he loved to be called. He and I had a pact. We were always going to find each other. We remained friends and we were going to meet up 'someday'. So, when I landed in TX (He's from AZ) I started looking for him on and off.

His Mom was amazing. Maggie. She always called me Meja (my daughter. Somehow, I don't think I spelled that right, lol).

It's been about 16 years since either of us talked. And last night, I did some searching for John. I found him. I found him not where I ever expected him to be. Unbeknown to me, my johnny passed away 8 years ago on 01-02-2000 at the young age of 32. After a lot of tears (especially in the shower), I did more research and called the local library. It turns out he died at home. After calling my mom, my sister, and my dad (they all loved him too)...I called his mom. I prayed and asked God to give me the words.

I left her a message and she called back. Her husband died this past October (which I knew too) and I told her I had just found out about Simon (her husband) and Johnny. And, I wanted to make sure she was okay. We talked for about a half an hour or so. Johnny had a brain tumor. It lasted two years. He was married and had gotten the diagnosis a couple years after they were married. They have a son Johnathan who is now 10. Johnny died when Johnathan was two. His lovely wife nursed him and took care of him at home until the day he died. As I'm hearing all of this, I could not help but cry. Mom and I fell right back into each other as if the past 16 years had never happened and she was consoling me. "Oh Meja!" she said. She wanted to call me when it happened, but she had to deal with it herself. Losing a child has got to be the most devastating thing ever. She knows how much Johnny and I love each other. That we would always remain friends. That we were always each others first loves and that is something that no one can take away. Mind you, this has nothing to do with my marriage to George. He is truly the love of my life and will always will be. However, there is just something about your first love.

Mom and I ended the conversation with the exchange of our addresses and emails. She's going to come visit when she can. Apparently, she comes to TX a few times a year. I am immensely happy that Johnny was happily married, that he found someone who knew how great he truly was. That he finally had his son and that most of all he was happy.

The strange but wonderful thing is how it felt that no time had passed between Mom and I. It didn't matter that we were divorced. It didn't matter that her son and I were apart. She and I share a bond, a love for her son that will always be. She and I are connected and I will always be her Meja.

Johnny, Te quero mucho mi vida, siempre!

Until next time,

Friday, July 4, 2008

Stars and Stripes and the Great Grill Fiasco of 2008

Happy Independence Day!

So here's how our day began....I got up at 6. Yes, I do know what I was thinking. Basically, 6 am is sleeping in for me and if I sleep any later, I get a big headache so I decided to get up. George decided we were going to clean the grill and grill out this evening. It's been a while since we used the grill and by a while I mean at least a year.

We took off the grates and sprayed them down. So far, so good. Clean out the inside? Check! Then we went to remove the drip pan. This took about 10 minutes. We then cleaned the pan and went to put it back in. This took about 30 minutes. Yes, 30 minutes to put in the drip pan. It turns out that the bottom of our grill had melted down somehow (and had a hole in it) and made it near impossible to put the drip pan back in. But two angry adults, one hammer, and 30 minutes later, it was back in and all systems were ago.

Or so we thought.

It's time to grill out! Woo hoo! Now, the ignite button won't work. So, no grilling tonight.

At this point, George and I are not just angry, we were a whole bunch of adjectives. So, we then decided (like we do every year) that we were just going to stay home and skip fireworks this year. Then at 9pm we look at each other and decide to go to the fireworks (just like we decide every year).

Now, we're at the fireworks. We went to the movie theater on Legacy. They were beautiful to watch. I love watching the fireworks. I thought back to two years ago when by brother was In Afghanistan. And, how this year he is in Iraq. I prayed for his safe return and the safe return of all those who are over there fighting for our freedom. Then, I thought back to my high school years. My Junior and Senior ones to be exact. You want fireworks? You haven't seen anything until you have experienced the fourth of July on a military base. I can recall vividly the fireworks on Burba Lake. The Army band playing patriotic songs. It's more American than baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and chevrolet combined.

So, there we were, in this field at the movie theater my husbands arm around my shoulder. I look off into the distance as the girls wandered off. They had their arms over each others shoulders. It's hard to believe that not a few hours ago, they were arguing. Of course over something life-threatening to them, but inconsequential to me. James was the news reporter. "Did you see that one?" "I like this one" and on and on. But as I watched my family and the fireworks (and got bitten to no end), I thanked God for being born in this great country and for my beautiful family.

At the end of the day, I had no grilled burger (we had Taco Bell), no working grill, and no brother home. But, I was surrounded by the people that I love and that made everything better.

As you spend your three day weekend away from work (hopefully) please take a minute and say a prayer for our men and women fighting overseas. That they may return to their loved ones safe and sound.

Until we meet again...

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

A day full of love

Today, Love is...

A friend at work putting her hands in mine and asking *me* to pray for her (which I did of course).

A friend at work asking why I'm going to the doctors (I left early because today is my day to see Grace) out of concern, not out of curiosity.

My son greeting me at the car when I got home from work this afternoon and telling me how he ran down the stairs this morning to give me a hug good-bye, but missed me.

Hearing "Mrs. Schafer! Mrs. Schafer!" in Target this evening to turn around and see one of my favorite JYM students give me a great big hug.

Seeing my chrp sister in Target and getting a great big hug in the middle of the store followed by an "I love you".

Having my cashier at Target be my dear, dear friend Mini from church whom I haven't seen in FOREVER! The first thing she does before ringing me up is lean over the register and give me a great big hug and a kiss! And, of course, a hug and a kiss on the way out too!

My daughter, Sarah, setting the coffee pot for me this morning so I'll have fresh coffee in the morning and not have to make it.

My daughter, Maria, giving me a great big kiss and telling me I smell like cheese :)

My husband sitting beside me watching tv after a long, long, long day at work.

It has been a blessed day. All my days are blessed, actually. But the special blessing today is that I was able to *see* the treasures and blessings that made up today.

Until we meet again,


Good Morning. Seriously, it's barely morning, 5:45am. It's still dark out. Not like the dark where you can see the sun is opening it's eye going "give me five more minutes". No, this is ax murderer dark. The only light outside is from a house light across the street. That's on one side of the house. If you look to the other side of the house, the ax murderer dark is shrinking back into the night and the grey blue of the sky is now appearing.

Anyone else ever felt like that? Like you have two completely opposite sides? I mean, it's the same house, the same sun, the same sky? Some days I feel both. I can feel completely euphoric and downtrodden at the same time. quite an experience, I tell ya.

Last week was weird. There's no other way to explain it. It was just weird. I was updating my facebook and found my ex on there. Shocking in and of itself, but wait there's more. Turns out he's friends with my sister-in-law, whom he's never met. And....wait for it....he's friends with my sister! Of course, this sent me into a panic. Mary at work said "have faith". She said call your best friend, she'll tell you. Here's the funny part, Mary has never, ever, met Carol. So, I call Carol on my break. Guess what she says? The *exact same thing*! Eerie, I tell you. So, I call my sister Friday and we talk briefly. She then calls me on the way home.

I think it was the most grown up conversation that she and I have ever had. I'll spare you the melodramatics (no really, I will) and sum up the conversation (yes, I do know how to do that, really, I do). My sister and my ex are friends, have been for years. She didn't know what had happened when they were becoming friends. He married a friend of hers a long time ago. A couple years after the wedding, he had a stroke. He can't work and his wife takes care of him. Needless to say, he is not coming after me. My greatest fear relieved! Here's the sister said she never told me because she felt a) how does she have such a hard conversation with me when our relationship was so fragile at the time and b) she felt she was protecting me. Both of which I can understand.

The cool part in all of this is even if I didn't believe her (which I do), in her mind, she felt she was protecting me. Whether I felt like she was or not (which, again, I do). She felt she was protecting me, so how could I fault her for that? My sister and I have an odd relationship. I spent my entire youth idolizing her, being jealous of her, wanting to be her, and wanting her acceptance. Then, in my early 30's I realized, I don't care anymore. I learned to become myself and be happy with myself. It has taken about 5 years, but she and I are okay. Sure, we'll have disagreements (never tell a pregnant woman at 9 months you don't like the name she chose for her baby, NEVER), but we're okay now and that is a good thing.

On the ex front, I told my sister I never wished for him to have a stroke (I might have 10 years ago, I wasn't exactly a faith filled person). And she said she knew that. I felt sad for him. I asked if he was happy and she thinks that he is. I said years ago that I'd forgiven him. Now, I'm actually coming around to doing it.

Yesterday at work, Betty was telling us a story of how one of her best friends had just past of cancer and before she died, her ex came asking for forgiveness (which she gave) and both he and her current husband we're there when she died. Being the smart alec that I am, I brought up what I thought was a rather good point. If you're on your death bed and some one whose really wronged you asks for forgiveness and you say "hell no!" what happens when you die? Is that a ticket straight to hell? Longer time in purgatory? The people at work just laughed and said they didn't know.

So, that was the highlight of last week. Yesterday was my Carol's birthday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CAROL!!!!!) I'm taking her out one day next week. Not to worry, my job is to spoil her and that's what I do. Being my best friend is not an easy job, ever, so I've gotta make sure she's well taken care of :) Thursday, everyone from work is going out. Should be interesting. I'll keep you posted.

Until then....