Tuesday, July 1, 2008


Good Morning. Seriously, it's barely morning, 5:45am. It's still dark out. Not like the dark where you can see the sun is opening it's eye going "give me five more minutes". No, this is ax murderer dark. The only light outside is from a house light across the street. That's on one side of the house. If you look to the other side of the house, the ax murderer dark is shrinking back into the night and the grey blue of the sky is now appearing.

Anyone else ever felt like that? Like you have two completely opposite sides? I mean, it's the same house, the same sun, the same sky? Some days I feel both. I can feel completely euphoric and downtrodden at the same time. quite an experience, I tell ya.

Last week was weird. There's no other way to explain it. It was just weird. I was updating my facebook and found my ex on there. Shocking in and of itself, but wait there's more. Turns out he's friends with my sister-in-law, whom he's never met. And....wait for it....he's friends with my sister! Of course, this sent me into a panic. Mary at work said "have faith". She said call your best friend, she'll tell you. Here's the funny part, Mary has never, ever, met Carol. So, I call Carol on my break. Guess what she says? The *exact same thing*! Eerie, I tell you. So, I call my sister Friday and we talk briefly. She then calls me on the way home.

I think it was the most grown up conversation that she and I have ever had. I'll spare you the melodramatics (no really, I will) and sum up the conversation (yes, I do know how to do that, really, I do). My sister and my ex are friends, have been for years. She didn't know what had happened when they were becoming friends. He married a friend of hers a long time ago. A couple years after the wedding, he had a stroke. He can't work and his wife takes care of him. Needless to say, he is not coming after me. My greatest fear relieved! Here's the kicker...my sister said she never told me because she felt a) how does she have such a hard conversation with me when our relationship was so fragile at the time and b) she felt she was protecting me. Both of which I can understand.

The cool part in all of this is even if I didn't believe her (which I do), in her mind, she felt she was protecting me. Whether I felt like she was or not (which, again, I do). She felt she was protecting me, so how could I fault her for that? My sister and I have an odd relationship. I spent my entire youth idolizing her, being jealous of her, wanting to be her, and wanting her acceptance. Then, in my early 30's I realized, I don't care anymore. I learned to become myself and be happy with myself. It has taken about 5 years, but she and I are okay. Sure, we'll have disagreements (never tell a pregnant woman at 9 months you don't like the name she chose for her baby, NEVER), but we're okay now and that is a good thing.

On the ex front, I told my sister I never wished for him to have a stroke (I might have 10 years ago, I wasn't exactly a faith filled person). And she said she knew that. I felt sad for him. I asked if he was happy and she thinks that he is. I said years ago that I'd forgiven him. Now, I'm actually coming around to doing it.

Yesterday at work, Betty was telling us a story of how one of her best friends had just past of cancer and before she died, her ex came asking for forgiveness (which she gave) and both he and her current husband we're there when she died. Being the smart alec that I am, I brought up what I thought was a rather good point. If you're on your death bed and some one whose really wronged you asks for forgiveness and you say "hell no!" what happens when you die? Is that a ticket straight to hell? Longer time in purgatory? The people at work just laughed and said they didn't know.

So, that was the highlight of last week. Yesterday was my Carol's birthday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CAROL!!!!!) I'm taking her out one day next week. Not to worry, my job is to spoil her and that's what I do. Being my best friend is not an easy job, ever, so I've gotta make sure she's well taken care of :) Thursday, everyone from work is going out. Should be interesting. I'll keep you posted.

Until then....

No comments: