Just a little bit more.

I like my new job.  More than like, I love my new job.  A lot.  The downside however, is it really puts a crimp in my baking, cooking, emailing, facebooking, phone calling part of my day.  This is the first year that I have not had these two weeks off of work.  I had zero time to shop for Christmas presents.  I had such grand plans for this Advent.  I wanted to have some serious me and Jesus time.  I wanted to dig into scripture.  I wanted to do baking, and I wanted to shop.  Life, however, had other plans.

For the last ten years, my Christmas is kicked off on Thanksgiving day.  My Carol and family come over and we would spend the day perusing the sales circulars for black Friday.  Then, we'd get up about four a.m. and go shopping.  We had it down to a science.  It was so awesome waiting out in the cold lines, then in the hot stores.  People were so very kind (mostly) and it started the season off wonderfully.  My new job, however, requires me to work the day after.  No home made scones by my brother-in-law for me.  No shopping till I dropped.  Just work for me.  Then, my husband left for a week for work to the land of Detroit.  No time to shop or bake.  I was too busy running the kids around and working.  See what I mean about work getting in my way! lol  Then, he came home and it was the 13th.  We finally bought our tree a couple days later.  It sat outside for almost a week.  This is NOT how I do Christmas.  I bake, a lot.  I light Advent candles.  The tree is up and trimmed way before now!  This is not my Christmas!  I had yet to buy any presents, bake, or light even one advent candle.  And, my grand plans for all that scripture?  Just a dream.  No matter what I did or tried to do, I just could not get in the Christmas Spirit.  I tried not to focus on all the stuff that wasn't going according to my plan. I have a job I love, a family I love, yada, yada, yada I still didn't have a tree up!

Then, last night, we went to Mass.  My favorite place to be.  I was with my family, minus my son.  He's constantly working.  My husband and I both texted him to let him know what Mass we were going to, but didn't know when he was coming home.  I sat in the pew and tried to let the day just wash over me.  Then, I went up for the Eucharist.  And, then, quietly, as I'm walking towards the altar, suddenly, I was awash all in Christmas spirit.  The very one that I'd been missing for weeks.  And, as we were in the parking lot leaving, we saw my son.  He made it to Mass after all.

I didn't light my advent candles even once.  Didn't write out any Christmas cards.  Didn't get my shopping done or wrapped early, nothing like usual.  Nothing like I wanted, nothing like the traditions I was use too.  And, it didn't matter.

“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”

Today was spent with my big, loud, happy family enjoying the blessings that God has given us.  Each other.

Until next time,

I wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas.

Gina and the No Good, Horrible, Very Bad Week.

I had the best laid plans for this Advent.  I researched a couple different prayers, got out my Advent wreath and was so ready to go!  Life had other ideas.  I have not yet got in the Christmas spirit.  I have yet to light even one candle on my wreath and this was the worst week in the history of weeks.

First, my beloved husband had to go to Detroit for the week for work.  This isn't such a big deal to most people, but we are one of *those* couples who loves being together and are not excited about being apart. We talk often, face time, and we deal.

Second, I got just about zero help from the kids.  I had such grand plans.  All the laundry would be done, the house would be spotless, everything would be beautiful when my beloved came home.  Instead of help, (mind you, I got less than the bare minimum) I got yelled at, at one point or another, by all three kids.  Not just yelling, but screaming.  The kind of yelling that if I ever did to my parents, I would not still be on this earth.

Third, my right arm.  Something happened Wednesday to the upper part of my right arm.  I've tried advil and icy hot.  Thursday, it hurt so bad all day, it was almost worse than labor pain.  The rest of the week/weekend, it's an on and off thing.  But, it is very uncomfortable and really throws off my day!  And, my husband smartly does not let me on Webmd.  I figure I pulled or twisted something and there's nothing that will heal it but time.

Fourth, my kids.  Yes, I know I mentioned them already but let me tell you more.  Friday, my husband was coming home.  This is great!  I couldn't wait, and I had butterflies in my belly (told you we were one of *those* couples! lol)  Well, the girls had plans, and so did I.  My beloved wasn't going to be home till late.  It was our annual bunco Christmas party and I needed to be there.  Yes, I said needed not wanted.  See these women are my heart.  These women love me unconditionally.  These women have seen me at my very worst and love me anyways.  These women let me rant and rave and then laugh with me.  These women see my sense of humor and lack of a filter as a good thing (most of the time) and never say 'oh, that's just Gina'  or pass me off like I just came from a sped class.  So, after the week I had, I just needed to be there.  But, with my son working, the two girls made plans and didn't exactly make them the best way.  My beloved's flight was going to be an hour late, the girls needed rides home, and I needed to be at bunco.  I had so many panic/anxiety attacks this week and now I was in the throws of yet another one.   I call my husband because he is my rock.  He calms my anxiety and we decide that the girls are old enough, they can figure out there way home.  I call my Sheila and ask her for prayers (she an awesome prayer partner to have!) and then, the party bus arrives.  I get in and knowing I had a bad week, they let me rant and rave and just about cry.  Much needed venting was done.  Then, we arrive at bunco.  Would you believe that the girls found their way home all without me!  All the thousands of text I got that day from the two of them.  All the confusion, all the anger, all of it gone.  They survived without me and I was truly where I needed to be.

Now, with all this horrible, horrible week brought, all this attacking by the devil, all the closing and locking of the doors.  There were windows that opened on God shown through.

Wednesday was a bad day.  It was a day that I got screamed at by all three of my children.  I needed to pick one up, the other one was sleeping and wouldn't go pick her up because "I'M TIRED!"  Apparently, as mom's we're not allowed to get tired.  I'm fighting a migraine and loosing and am about to cry, but that would blur my vision and not help my head.  I just talked to God.  "Dad, do you see all of this!"  "What am I suppose to do!"  "I'm at my wits end here!"  "HELP!".  Then, my phone rings and it's my Carol.  "How are you?"  she asks.  Not content with my I'm fine, she persists and I let everything flow out of me about what a horrible day I'm having.  She, being nothing sort of amazing, just listens and loves me and makes me feel better.  Then, when I arrive home, Yeller number two apologizes!  Wow!  Way to go, God!

Work was awesome.  Aside from my arm hurting and making it difficult to use, work was the one thing that didn't go haywire this week.  I got to learn different things in another department and I love learning so it was awesome.

I was reminded that it is okay to have time for me.  Even if it's when the kids need me.  They can actually take care of themselves.  I was reminded that I am loved.  Something I tend to forget regularly.

I can happily say that a great time was had by all and that my beloved is home safe and sound.  While my arm is still hurting more on than off, and I had a horrible week, I still can count my blessings and there are always too many to count.  Thank you 8.5 lb baby Jesus!

Until next time,
Don't be to hard on yourself.

Love,
Me

Update

This has to be a first for me, not blogging for a whole month, but I was in hiding.

Why was I hiding?  That's something I really don't want to share.  However, what I did learn in hiding is that Carol always finds me, Tina holds my hand while I hide, and no one can do things like me, because they aren't me.  I'm trying to find a balance between what I want to be and what is and is not going to change.  This is very difficult for both my head and my heart.

Tomorrow starts week nine of my new job.  I am still loving it and finally getting the hang of it.  I've made a couple friends who I really, really like.  I'm very thankful for my new job and my new friends.

That is all I've got.
Until next time,
Happy Advent
Love,
Me