Pittsburgh in Texas

Yesterday, I spent two hours sitting outside of our new home that is in the middle of construction.  As I sat there, I worked from my phone, answered messages, and marveled at the men who were bricking my new home.  I can hear some of you now.  "Why are you sitting outside for two hours in front of a house that isn't even finished?"  Well, grab a glass of sweet tea, or my favorite, a glass of cold water, and I'll tell you.

As Big Daddy will attest, I LOVE looking at homes.  New homes, old homes, going to open houses, looking at homes on Realtor.com all of it.  It's a hobby.  Big Daddy on the other hand is not.  I like to get ideas for different rooms, the yard, colors, etc.  Sixteen years ago, we moved to Texas.  Fifteen years ago, we purchased our first home.  The control freak in me knows what I want, what I'm looking for, so, I didn't just let my realtor do the work and sit back.  In the end, I found what would be our first home.  The house was perfect for us.  It was a two story with the master bedroom up.  Something hard to find in Texas.  Back home in Pittsburgh, it was the norm.  Being that my children were still young, I din't want them to have to come downstairs if they needed something in the middle of the night.  The backyard had a Magnolia tree.  Big Daddy and I lived in the outskirts of Charleston, SC for years and my Mama still does.  The Magnolia tree is all over Charleston, so it was like having a piece of home with me.  The front yard had a huge, honkin' tree in the front and I love big, old trees.  It was the perfect home for us.  While we were waiting to close, I would go to the house (I knew the lock box code) and would sit inside of the house and just marvel at this beautiful home.  Our first home.  It was ours.  I loved imagining where I would put furniture, what colors I'd paint, everything.

You see, yesterday was no different.  I sat outside our new home, marveling at the worker on the ground throwing 2 bricks at a time up to the worker on the scaffolding.  You may think it's no big deal.  To me, it was pretty cool to see.  Our home has been under construction for a few weeks.  The workers know my car now.  I smile and wave.  I love walking through the house and watching the changes.  Where there was an empty lot became a foundation.  Then the foundation, then plumbing was added.  Then came a frame.  Walls were added.  And then a roof!  I was so excited, I videoed my mom, my sister, and Big Daddy saying "we have a ROOF" lol!  Next was insulation, then drywall.  I've walked through the house countless times and will be walking through it countless more.  The construction manager doesn't mind.  He even welcome's my visits!  I like seeing the evolution of my home.  I keep my family updated (I send my dad pictures weekly!) so they can be a part of the process.

I'm at the house a few times a week, some weeks daily, but never more than a half hour, until yesterday.  I sat outside and envisioned sitting outside on our back porch swing marveling at the Texas sky that I will never get tired of.  I envisioned working in my study.  Decorating the new home.  I know where my Ascension of Mary painting is going (right across from my study).  I know where my cross wall is going (in the kitchen across from my Island).  I know by the kitchen table my hobbit meal plaque is going on the wall.  I know that to left of my kitchen sink will go a sign that says "this kitchen is for dancing".  I know where the tables will be placed for bunco with my tribe.  I know where the Christmas tree is going.  And, I know that I'll be putting a flamingo in my front yard.

I am in love with our new community.  All it needs is a Kroger and I'd never have to leave the subdivision!  It's beautiful and my neighbors?  They're awesome!  I've met so many of them online in our community group, even neighbors who live on my street!  The community is a mix of young families, empty-nesters, everything in between.

God has a sense of humor.  If you told me when I was younger that this Steeler loving girl from the 'Burgh was going to move to Texas and love it, I said you must be drunk.  But yet, here I am, about to level up to 50, nausiatingly, happily married, having the best family and tribe that anyone could be blessed with, and I loving that I get to help others everyday.  God sure knows what He's doing!

Until next time,
Don't just imagine your dreams, make them come true!
Love,
Me

Thankful Thursday

I was prepared.  As the mom of an Eagle Scout, I wouldn't expect anything less.  I was so prepared for Lent.  I went to confession, I went to the Parish Mission, I had my daily prayer time.  I was ready!  I was ready for new wineskins!  And then, life happened.

Mind you it was nothing bad.  Quite exciting actually.  But my focus was diverted.  No longer was this Lenten season my focus.  No, there were trips to take, surprises to share, laundry to do, projects to work on.  Gone went the dedicated prayer time I had set aside, the Rosary, and the podcasts.  My focus was diverted and I didn't even notice it happening.

Today is Holy Thursday.  It's the time when Jesus washed His apostles feet.  He showed them, and us, how to be.  We must put ourselves last.  We are here to serve, not be served.  If everyone puts everyone else first, then aren't we all first and all our needs being met?  If I put my husband first and he puts me first, aren't we both well taken care of?  If I serve my sister from my heart and she serves me from her heart, aren't we both being served in love?  If the whole world, heck, if my family did this, we would all be served and feel loved.

I fall short everyday.  I have grand plans on how I want things to go and how I want to be.  I get in my own way, I trip over my own feet, I stumble often.  I want to be better.  I want to be better than I was last year, last week, yesterday.   Easter is almost here.  I am reminded how Jesus loves me.  I say loves and not loved because He still loves me.  In my faults, in my failings, in my sorrows and in my joys.  He loves me.  I am reminded that there is no sin so great that it would stop Him from loving me.  And that, my dear friends, is what I am thankful for every single day, with every breath I take.  In all my preparation and grand plans, I remain a sinner.  And, while I desire to be the best I can be, knowing that when I fall short, I am still loved, is what matters most.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39.

Wishing you a blessed Holy Week.

Until next time,

Put someone else first.  

Love,

Me

Transformation Tuesday

When you are the black sheep of the family, it's hard to find your place.  I've pretty much been the black sheep in most every situation (family, school, etc).  I've always been different.  I don't just march to the beat of my own drum, I have my own marching band.  

Who decided the 'people that are suppose to love you unconditionally' are your family?  Who gave us black sheep that expectation?  Who drilled it in to our heads and made us feel that if our own family doesn't accept us, we are unworthy or that there is something wrong with us?  I have no clue who it was, but I'd love to give them a piece of my mind.

At 35 I found out where I belonged.  To and with God.  Which is wonderful and great and all of that.  But where do I fit in here on the Earth?  I have a few family members who did and still do accept me unconditionally and that is awesome.  But I do not get to see them often.  15 years ago, Big Daddy and I attended an event at church and met another couple.  The four of us hit it off.  I found out that the wife and I would be on the same retreat in the coming weeks and I asked God to place her at my table so I would at least know someone as we were new to the parish.  It should be no surprise, that He did just that.  Fifteen years ago, I met my family.

I get offended when people like to decided who MY family is.  "Oh you're sisters in Christ!"  "Oh you're not blood family."  My 'sister' is the one who has seen me at my worst.  My 'sister' is the one who has comforted me through panic attacks, held me as I cried, comforted me when I lamented how my own father doesn't accept me.  My 'sister ' was there at the scary times not just the good times.  My 'sister' has celebrated my wins and loved me through my losses.  My 'sister'  has called me out when I wasn't being or doing my best.  Having my 'sister' led to another 'sister' and a 'brother', and the most wonderful couple, their parents.  Their Dad hung a 4 foot crucifix with my son in our home eons ago.  My own father never saw that house.  He was invited, but has never come to Texas to visit us in the almost 16 years we have lived here.  

Big Daddy's parents are the best in-loves anyone could as for.  They both accepted me as their own.  They are the most loving people you could ever meet.  They have never treated me anything less than a daughter (not a daughter-in-law).  In fact, I claimed Dad as mine.  Not just Big Daddy's. 

This weekend, I went home to surprise my 'family' for Rosemary's 84th birthday.  It was the first time I was able to visit my 'sister' Barb and her family at their home.  Home is exactly where I was.  The home overflows with love from the dogs to the grown kids, to my 'sister' and her husband.

Love is when you surprise Rosemary and your 'sister' is in the background excited to see you and you see the look of joy on her face. (we were there to surprise not just Rosemary, but our siblings.

Love is when your 'sisters' husband gives you a huge hug when he sees you and is happy you are there.

Love is when your 'sisters' husband says things like "this is why you fit in so well'.

Love is when your 'brother' walks by during Rosemary's birthday as your sitting with your 'sisters' and says "all my sisters, together!"

Love is when you say to your 'sister' after playing games with the family "this is the family I should have been born into" and she agrees.  

Love is when your 'sister' holds your hand as you wonder how your own family cannot accept you and yet a whole big family loves and accepts you just the way you are.

Love is crying at the airport as you leave a part of yourself behind.  I will never understand how I became so blessed and so loved, so unconditionally.  But trust me when I say it isn't something I take for granted.

I'm not stupid.  I know people don't understand why family is so important to me.  Why being accepted is so important to me.  Why being a part of something is so important to me.  They were never the black sheep.  You do not get to decide who my family is.  You do not get to decide who is or is not my 'dad' or 'brother' or 'sister'.   That is something only I get to do.  

People are adopted at all different ages.  Why should finding your true family as an adult be any different?  It just took me longer to get my forever home.

Until next time,

If you aren't accepted into the family you were born into, make your own.  Only you can transform your life.

Love,

Me

My Word of the Year

I've spent the better part of the last few days reflecting on the last year and all that I accomplished and where I fell short.  God, Big Daddy, and my amazing tribe walked with me the entire way.

This past year, we saw our daughter graduate from college, our son get married, went on our very first cruise, and sold our home.  My beautiful bouts of depression, while not as often, still reeled its head.  I learned that even I, who hates it with a passion, has to ask for help sometimes.  I reached out, reached up, and humbly accepted the help.  I started rewiring the self-talk voice in my head that use to talk down to me all the time.  It's still there, just not as loud.  I'll get there.  I'm Italian, I talk louder.

This past year I faced a few fears, I was brave and courageous.  I started believing in my abilities and I even finished out the year with a big fear, the dentist.  This is not to compare your fears with mine.  My fear of the dentist was/is real and stems from past trauma with dentists.  I found myself in the middle of the year having to find a new dentist for our family.  And, I couldn't have found a better one if it was God or Hermie the Dentist himself.  What was suppose to be major dental work over a few visits with a former dentist turned out to be one visit for just a bit of royal work.  And, now, all I will need is cleanings.  The dentist could not have been greater!  Sure, to you, it may have not been brave.  But, I was the one panicking.  I was the one who knew what had to be done (this was not just cosmetic work) and even panicked and scared, persevered.  And you know what, Big Daddy an my tribe?  They were proud of me.  These people know all my faults and my failings, all my fears, and they know how hard this was for me.  And, I did it.  "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather that the assessment of something else is more important than fear" (Franklin D Roosevelt).  I was and am proud of myself.

I ended the year (and began the new) as I do every year, with my sister and our families.  We ate, played games, loved and laughed.  I do not think my stomach stopped hurting from laughing so hard until this afternoon!  I can think, of no better way to end every year and bring a new one in.

Perhaps you have seen all over Facebook peoples word for the year.  One that they want to focus on.  I really thought about this these past few days as well.  I want to be intentional.  Brave.  Kind.  Loving.  Helpful.  Hopeful.  Joy.  Peace.  I was having a hard time figuring it out.  What is the right word for me?  What can encompass everything I want to become, grow, and accomplish this year?  And, I found it.  My word of the year is PRAYER.  I want to be more intentional in my prayers.  I want to pray without ceasing.  I want to be so joined to God that I do not know where I end and He begins.  I want to be at His feet constantly.  I want to hold on to not just the hem of Jesus garment, but His hand.  I want to sit in His and rest in His presence.  I want to be close to Mary.  I want to rest in her mantle, receive her graces and share with her what is going on daily.  I want to call on the Saints and have a deeper relationship with them other than "Tony, Tony look around, there's something lost that can't be found".  My marriage, my family, my tribe?  They are all gifts created from above.  How could I wish for anything more than that?  So, there you have it.  My word of the year is prayer.

Until next time,

The Lord bless you and keep you.
The Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you.
The Lord lift up His countenance on you and give you peace.
(Numbers 6:24-26)
Love,
Me