Thankful Thursday

I was prepared.  As the mom of an Eagle Scout, I wouldn't expect anything less.  I was so prepared for Lent.  I went to confession, I went to the Parish Mission, I had my daily prayer time.  I was ready!  I was ready for new wineskins!  And then, life happened.

Mind you it was nothing bad.  Quite exciting actually.  But my focus was diverted.  No longer was this Lenten season my focus.  No, there were trips to take, surprises to share, laundry to do, projects to work on.  Gone went the dedicated prayer time I had set aside, the Rosary, and the podcasts.  My focus was diverted and I didn't even notice it happening.

Today is Holy Thursday.  It's the time when Jesus washed His apostles feet.  He showed them, and us, how to be.  We must put ourselves last.  We are here to serve, not be served.  If everyone puts everyone else first, then aren't we all first and all our needs being met?  If I put my husband first and he puts me first, aren't we both well taken care of?  If I serve my sister from my heart and she serves me from her heart, aren't we both being served in love?  If the whole world, heck, if my family did this, we would all be served and feel loved.

I fall short everyday.  I have grand plans on how I want things to go and how I want to be.  I get in my own way, I trip over my own feet, I stumble often.  I want to be better.  I want to be better than I was last year, last week, yesterday.   Easter is almost here.  I am reminded how Jesus loves me.  I say loves and not loved because He still loves me.  In my faults, in my failings, in my sorrows and in my joys.  He loves me.  I am reminded that there is no sin so great that it would stop Him from loving me.  And that, my dear friends, is what I am thankful for every single day, with every breath I take.  In all my preparation and grand plans, I remain a sinner.  And, while I desire to be the best I can be, knowing that when I fall short, I am still loved, is what matters most.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39.

Wishing you a blessed Holy Week.

Until next time,

Put someone else first.  

Love,

Me

Transformation Tuesday

When you are the black sheep of the family, it's hard to find your place.  I've pretty much been the black sheep in most every situation (family, school, etc).  I've always been different.  I don't just march to the beat of my own drum, I have my own marching band.  

Who decided the 'people that are suppose to love you unconditionally' are your family?  Who gave us black sheep that expectation?  Who drilled it in to our heads and made us feel that if our own family doesn't accept us, we are unworthy or that there is something wrong with us?  I have no clue who it was, but I'd love to give them a piece of my mind.

At 35 I found out where I belonged.  To and with God.  Which is wonderful and great and all of that.  But where do I fit in here on the Earth?  I have a few family members who did and still do accept me unconditionally and that is awesome.  But I do not get to see them often.  15 years ago, Big Daddy and I attended an event at church and met another couple.  The four of us hit it off.  I found out that the wife and I would be on the same retreat in the coming weeks and I asked God to place her at my table so I would at least know someone as we were new to the parish.  It should be no surprise, that He did just that.  Fifteen years ago, I met my family.

I get offended when people like to decided who MY family is.  "Oh you're sisters in Christ!"  "Oh you're not blood family."  My 'sister' is the one who has seen me at my worst.  My 'sister' is the one who has comforted me through panic attacks, held me as I cried, comforted me when I lamented how my own father doesn't accept me.  My 'sister ' was there at the scary times not just the good times.  My 'sister' has celebrated my wins and loved me through my losses.  My 'sister'  has called me out when I wasn't being or doing my best.  Having my 'sister' led to another 'sister' and a 'brother', and the most wonderful couple, their parents.  Their Dad hung a 4 foot crucifix with my son in our home eons ago.  My own father never saw that house.  He was invited, but has never come to Texas to visit us in the almost 16 years we have lived here.  

Big Daddy's parents are the best in-loves anyone could as for.  They both accepted me as their own.  They are the most loving people you could ever meet.  They have never treated me anything less than a daughter (not a daughter-in-law).  In fact, I claimed Dad as mine.  Not just Big Daddy's. 

This weekend, I went home to surprise my 'family' for Rosemary's 84th birthday.  It was the first time I was able to visit my 'sister' Barb and her family at their home.  Home is exactly where I was.  The home overflows with love from the dogs to the grown kids, to my 'sister' and her husband.

Love is when you surprise Rosemary and your 'sister' is in the background excited to see you and you see the look of joy on her face. (we were there to surprise not just Rosemary, but our siblings.

Love is when your 'sisters' husband gives you a huge hug when he sees you and is happy you are there.

Love is when your 'sisters' husband says things like "this is why you fit in so well'.

Love is when your 'brother' walks by during Rosemary's birthday as your sitting with your 'sisters' and says "all my sisters, together!"

Love is when you say to your 'sister' after playing games with the family "this is the family I should have been born into" and she agrees.  

Love is when your 'sister' holds your hand as you wonder how your own family cannot accept you and yet a whole big family loves and accepts you just the way you are.

Love is crying at the airport as you leave a part of yourself behind.  I will never understand how I became so blessed and so loved, so unconditionally.  But trust me when I say it isn't something I take for granted.

I'm not stupid.  I know people don't understand why family is so important to me.  Why being accepted is so important to me.  Why being a part of something is so important to me.  They were never the black sheep.  You do not get to decide who my family is.  You do not get to decide who is or is not my 'dad' or 'brother' or 'sister'.   That is something only I get to do.  

People are adopted at all different ages.  Why should finding your true family as an adult be any different?  It just took me longer to get my forever home.

Until next time,

If you aren't accepted into the family you were born into, make your own.  Only you can transform your life.

Love,

Me