Monday, November 16, 2009

Be still

It's been a busy two weeks here, and for all of you out there, I am sure. I've been running again. I don't know why I do it, but I do. And, the fun part is, I really don't realize it until God smacks me upside da head. Today's head smack was

The LORD himself will fight for you; you have only to keep still.

I know it's a head smack b/c my first reaction when I read this in my inbox (it was on the St. Jude prayer chain. Carol Johnson (SHOUT OUT!) puts scripture after the requests, way cool!) I was reading today's prayer requests and it was at the bottom. But I digress, I know it was a head smack b/c my first reaction was "huh. I just. Have. To. Keep. Still. That means I'm moving. Ah crap I'm running again!"

You all know how I love to try and control the uncontrollable. And, I'm kinda back at it. I've been stressed over the last couple of weeks for many reasons. Then, one day last week, while I was sleeping, actually sleeping, I dreamt. The dream consisted of stuff that happened throughout the last couple weeks in some form or another. People, animals, conversations, etc. Then, there was a bird in a painting. A black and white sketched bird. The bird came to life and was trying to talk to me. It was Mom. And, of course, at that moment, I woke up. I was crying and totally unhappy, b/c I knew it was Mom and I didn't get to hear what she wanted to tell me. Was it "be kinder to the kids; go easier on myself; or just "hi"?" I don't know, but ever since, I've been blah. In thirty-two days it will be the second anniversary of her death. Wow. Two whole years without mom. It sucked from day one, and it still sucks on day seven hundred and five. Sooooooo, with all this uncontrollable stuff going on, I've decided to control the house. I am becoming a neat freak (with my adhd, I doubt that will last long), but I've painted the master bath (now if only we can fix the shower lol), moved the computer out of the dining room and upstairs into it's own room, I'm currently straightening the dinning room and itching to paint the family room. All before Dad comes on Monday of course! lol Doubtful, but still it gives me a wheel to run my little hamster self on.

Then, I read, I just need to keep still. I think I'll try that for a while.

Until next time,
Enjoy the cool weather!


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