Prayer, Control, and Mentors

I having been never one who is satisfied with my prayer life, went looking as I sometimes do, for something more.  My prayer life ebbs and flows.  And, it's truly never as deep and a spiritual as I'd like it to be.  I look at my spiritual mentors and think "I want *that*".  So, a couple months ago, I was lamenting to one of my spiritual mentors about wanting more.  There was a new study coming out (Colosians) called Good Morning, Girls and said "you're doing it!"  So, I've been doing it.  Granted, I am not always faithful in my daily studies, but I do however make up missed days!

So, today, I was doing my study (I am a half a week ahead.  I figure it makes up for when I'm running behind) and it was Colosians 3:18-19.

Wives, be subordinate to your husbands, as is proper to the Lord.  Husbands love your wives and avoid any bitterness toward them. 

Scripture tells me I'm to be subordinate to my husband as I am to God.  This got me thinking.  I don't think I have a subordinate bone in my body.  Reverent, sure.  Humble, yes.  Subordinate?  Not so much.  So then, I thought of my relationship with God and about me being subordinate.  Have I ever been?  Again, not so much.  Turns out, for those of you who don't know me, I am  huge, HUGE control freak.  While God's timing is perfect, most of the time, heck who am I kidding, 99.9% of the time, it's not perfect for what I want to accomplish! lol  There's a saying "you want to hear God laugh?  Tell Him your plans".  I do this just about everyday.  I have a time table on which I'd like things accomplished.  Not prayer request mind you, more like my projects.  For example, getting the house ready to put up.  Putting the house up.  Selling the house.  Finishing up the insurance from the accident.  Having pt be finished.  My back getting better.  I have a time table on which I'd like things.  Originally, knowing it was a pipe dream, I had hoped to be in a new house by Christmas.  As I said, I knew it was a pipe dream.  We met with the realtor on a Tuesday and had the accident on Sunday and everything has gone the way of a pile of pick up sticks.  Scattered.  So, I have this schedule in my head, and then I get overwhelmed.  I'm dealing with paint and carpet and roofs.  I'm dealing with my two jobs one stressing me out more than the other, but still stressing me.  My eighteen year old...the boy is trying to kill me by giving me a heart attack.  I've bitten off way more than I'll ever be able to chew with volunteering ("I have no senior next year, I'll have plenty of time!) I am stressed.  So, why can't I just say "Okay, Dad, here you go, I surrender it all to you?" and let Him keep it and do His thing?  Because I am a control freak.  I have to feel like I have a purpose, that I am doing something instead of just sitting around with my thumb up my bum.  I mean, come on, doesn't scripture say "God helps those who help themselves?"  I think help is the operative word.  Help themselves, not do, themselves.  So, one of my gurus had told me one Sunday a while back to surrender, even if it means surrendering every day.  Every minute.  I forgot about that.  I think that's something I have to continuously employ.  Surrendering.  I am a control freak without control.

So, if I can surrender to God, and learn to be subordinate to Him, and let Him reign, then when it comes to my husband, I can do it too.  Truth be told, I think I surrender to him more than I realize and not in a you won I lost thing.  It's a lot of 'what do I do?  How do I handle this?  And, can you help, please?'  Maybe between the two most important men in my life, God, and my husband, I just might be able to loosen my grip on my control freak gene and learn to be subordinate as I am called to be.  Quit laughing, I said 'maybe'.

Until next time,

Please pray for my friend who is discerning the diaconate.  Also, pray for my many spiritual mentors and gurus as I couldn't do it without them.

Love,

Me