Update #1387

The beginning of the new year has found me three pounds heavier, stressed, worried, back to having panic attacks, but fully covered by health insurance thanks to my job. Albeit takes my ENTIRE paycheck and then some, nevertheless, we now have health insurance and so that is a blessing in an of itself, so I am trying to focus on that.

Some really cool news today, my sister called and had some news. She has to travel to CA for her job in Feb and had a layover in Dallas for 1 1/2 hours, but then they had to change her ticket, thereby losing the layover in Dallas. The really cool part was my sister saying "I was so excited I was having a layover in Dallas so I can see you!" Yea, that totally made my year so far. She and I have been a work in progress. At one point, she and I didn't talk for years. YEARS, like FIVE (I lost count). But gradually, we've found each other again. And, my visit in August to see her on what is now dubbed the My Homecoming tour '09, really cemented our relationship. In fact, we talk every couple weeks vs. every few months. Way cool.

Tomorrow, I go back to my lightway group. I really need the group. I can't do it on my own. Even though I like to try, like all the time. I was talking with My Julie today (she is doing wonderful! Thank you all for your prayers for her!). She's awesome! And, in the course of our conversation, she lays down some heavy wisdom out of nowhere. Actually, it came from Bob. Here it is. Y'know the scripture with the five loaves and two fish (or was it two loaves and five fish?)? Well, if no one picked up the bread or the fish, the miracle couldn't happen. Sure they were blessed, but until someone took the first step and actually picked it up and broke off a piece, nothing would happen. The fish and the loaves would just remain five and two. It's only when the first step was taken that allowed the miracle to happen!

So, after we got off the phone, it really got me thinking. We all know how much I hate taking the first step, or any step for that matter (shout out to My Carol!) But how many miracles am I not allowing to happen because I am too scared and afraid to take the first step? So, I think this year (well that's a bit adventurous let's start a little smaller), this month, I will try, (key word being *try*) to take the first step (awww crap, lol). And, with My Carol and My Julie backing me (and all of you) it's worth a shot, right?

Oh! The other cool thing that happened today...I went to church to check on My Mary (she's doing well, thank you for your prayers for her too!) and in her office was My Greta. And I got to give her one of my (as she calls it) Gina hugs! I haven't seen her in FOREVER! It was so good to see her and hold her and be held by her. Greta ROCKS :)

What am I stressed about? Life. Jobs. Family. Friends (although I was told under no uncertain terms by Julie not to worry about her b/c she is fine I can go back to other prayers for her! lol she's awesome!) If prayer is so powerful, when I feel helpless (b/c unfortunately, I cannot control my friends situations or my families situations or my own situations) why does it feel like not enough? The answer escapes me.

I do know this...I am tired of running, all the time. But, I am afraid to stop.

Until next time,
Happy New Year!

Love,
Me