Y'know, inspiration can strike anywhere. Anytime. I told George that I wish I had a mental keyboard, so when inspiration strikes and I think about things I want to share with the world, I could write it down in my head. My current system involves me repeating over and over a key word to remind me what I wanted to share. This system does not always work so well, lol!
Here's what I can remember wanting to share with you this past week.
I went back to singing in my beloved choir with Mike Howard and the band. It was like coming home. God and I. Just sharing the hour with each other. I had the perfect view of two particular stations of the cross from where I stood. One was Jesus on the cross and the other was Jesus in Mary's arms. And, then I was reminded about something Dad had said. Jesus had twelve friends. How come only one of them was at the foot of the cross? Days before they were welcoming Him with palm reeds. Where did they go? Looking at these two stations, my heart was deeply moved. And then I wondered, if I was Jesus' friend or apostle, would I have stayed at the foot of the cross with His mother and John? As much as I'd like to say "yes", I don't know. One thing that always gets me during the Easter Tridum is when we say "crucify Him, crucify Him!" For years I didn't say it. This particular part brings me to tears. I so don't want to be one of those people. But, aren't I? When I turn away from Him? Which brings me to the next blip.
Not sure of the day blip:
You know when you're being attacked and you know you're being attacked? Most times, I tell him to get behind me or something to that affect. Then, the other day, I knew I was being attacked and in that moment I said "flip it, I don't care" and just let the attack continue (it didn't last much longer). I was content to be in the attack. Has that ever happened to you? It's happened to me one or two more times. It's weird, just being in my complacency. Not wanting to move. I kind of felt bad about not caring. Have you ever had the mean reds (Breakfast at Tiffany's)? I think that's what I was feeling that day.
Phantom of the Opera. I took the girls to see their first play! They love the movie and it was SUCH a surprise for them! They had NO clue! I think I have told each of you at some point just how much the girls and I adamantly believe that Christine belongs with the Phantom and not stupid Raoul! lol I'm watching the girls watch the play (I had seen it the week before with George). Maria quietly singing along (This is my FAVORITE SONG! lol FYI it was the Point of No Return). Sarah riveted. Then during intermission we were able to move our seats from birds nest to fifteenth row from the stage! Then, at the end, I found myself crying again. How can you NOT cry after Christine leaves and while his heart is breaking the Phantom sings "I looooooooove you!" Heartbreaking I tell you! HEARTBREAKING! lol But, I digress! lol One of the songs that I love is Masquerade. The line in there, "Masquerade painted faces on parade. Look around there's another mask behind you. Hide away so the world will never find you." Isn't that what we do on a daily basis? Don't we hide behind our masks? While I have many friends, many are close to my heart, there are a select few, other than George, who know me so well and see behind my mask that I wear. They know my 'everything is fine' smile. They even know the 'everything is fine' smile that is in my voice. Why is it that we wear our masks? They even change! A different mask for different days, places, and situations. You don't get that with Jesus. He is one (well, three in one actually). No mask, no pretense. Why can't we do that? Why do we put on our masks and hide from Him? Surely, I can't be the only one (and don't call me Shirley).
This lent has given me a lot of self exploration. While I really didn't give anything up, I had a list (did I tell you) of about 17 things I wanted to do daily. Then, I realized I was putting pressure on myself so I set about doing different things and hoping some of them stick. It's neat to see how things are changing in me. I still feel bad when I don't make adoration b/c I forgot, yet again. Even though I have every intention of going. And, when things get spiritually difficult, during this season I think "He is working on me, molding me to how I am suppose to be, just go with it!" Why is it I can give myself that message during these forty days, but not the other 325 days of the year?
I've been a sub on a few lists over the years. I've been lamenting to my Carol for years that we should start our own b/c the only way we're gonna get on a team is if someone dies or gets kicked off and I don't wish that on anyone. So, after weeks of putting it together, it finally happened. I had talked with Bob about who I should ask. In His wisdom, He asked who I love that I don't get to spend much time with. So, I did. Then, the night came and everyone came (minus two who were missed). It was surreal. When you're a sub, you come into a group already made, even if you know the people you're playing with, you always feel a little on the outside. This time was different. It was MY group full of My's. My Carol, My Tina, My Julie, My Amy. My, My, My times twelve. It was surreal in the way as I continually looked around, these were the people who bless my life (other than my family). They are my gifts from God. I'd look around and go "awww MY Julie!, MY Shannon!" These women, these twelve, they are like my very own board of directors, my counsel. They know me. They. *Know*. *ME* . Even the me behind the mask. Do you have any idea how cool it is to be in a room full of your closets friends in the entire world? Add to the fact that these are ALL Catholic women. All spiritual women! WOW. Just to be a part of it is a holy experience for me. I am truly blessed. I looked around the rooms and heard the laughter and saw the smiles and I thanked God.
Not all the days have blips and some days have more. That's okay. At the end of the day/week/month, even though I don't always tell you about the blips (b/c I forgot what I wanted to say), I think the point of the blips for me is that I work them through in my head at the time. I literally start blogging in my head as if I'm talking to all of you. Looking for the God connections that came or is currently taking place and exploring that connection.
Until next time,
What are your blips?
PS. MY SHARON is coming to town this week and I get to have lunch with her, my Julie, and My Jeanne! WOOOHOOO!!!