So, remember how great I said Mike was? Yea, he's amazingly smart too. We were iming briefly and I told him I blogged for him. He left to read it and came back and the wise man that he is said "we both know, that wasn't for me, it was for you". lol Yes, Mike. It was, as is all of these blogs, for me. lol
Last time, I mentioned I wanted to write a book called What Not to say to the Grieving. It will include helpful nuggets such as 'unless you wear the watch of death, don't tell me it was their time!' And, yes, my Mema is 92, but still hearing 'she lived a long life' really sucks. She could've lived longer...if it wasn't her time, lol.
Death is not for the living. I heard that somewhere. That profound nugget didn't come from me. Quite honestly, for the living, death sucks beans. I mean, if you're not the one dying that is. While our loved one is in heaven having a beautiful time, we're left here, on earth, with a grand canyon wide, gaping hole in our heart. And, to make us feel better we have people saying stuff that really doesn't make us feel better (see above) but those people are at a loss in how to help us and don't know what to say.
As you know, Mema is dying. I think people in China know at this point. I don't think there's anyone who knows me who doesn't know. And, your loving support is the only thing getting me up in the morning. So, thank you. Hospice starts coming today. The calm before the storm. My loving husband asked his crhp group for prayers for Mema and for me. Funny thing, George thought I'd be upset b/c in his email he put that I'm not 'handling it well' lol. No, honey, I am not remotely upset. And, I am not handling it well at all and that is putting it mildly. George forwarded me there messages of love and support. They range from 'we're praying for you' to I'm sorry. One. One simple, beautiful message made me cry. In a good way of course. You want to know what to say to someone who is grieving an impending loss, this, this right here is what you say:
I know words cannot convey the depth of your wife's sadness, nor are they likely to offer much comfort. Nevertheless, please let your wife know that all of your brothers are praying that her grandmother's last days are ones that will remind your family of God's mercy and grace. We will specially pray for your wife in this time of distress.
And that my friends...THAT is how it's done. Thank you so very much Thad. I find myself coming back to those words of comfort. I cannot thank you enough.
Raise your hand if you remembered what yesterday was. Anyone? It was the six month anniversary of my Vickie's death (see October 09 blog). If you want to see Vickie now, there are a few things you can do. First, you can go to church. I say 'hello' to her just about every Sunday. Tell her I love her. The messages change, but I try to always tell her 'hello'. The second thing you can do is see her daughter. Dude! She is so *beautiful* and looks *exactly* like Vickie, just younger! And, the third thing you can do is look at my Russ. Yes, I realize other than George, I haven't attached a My status to a guy. But trust me, Russ, he's awesome. And I love him dearly. We don't have the friendship that we call or email tons. Our friendship is based on our hearts. I can not see him for a while and then see him and my heart cries out and swells with gladness. Our hearts are connected b/c of Vickie, his wife. And, it is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world. But, I digress. Look at Russ. You can see Vickie's love shinning right through him. He is AMAZING. Please continue to pray for them. Death is not an easy thing to live through (that nugget, that ones mine :). Mom died almost two and a half years ago. And, I could cry at the drop of a hat b/c I miss her so very much. So, Russ and their daughter, six months. Please, continue to pray for strength and love for them. I'd like to tell them, it gets easier, but it doesn't, not really.
Tuesday, the church was shocked to its rafters. Calls were made, emails were sent. A lovely young lady (she was around my age) who I had the pleasure to be acquaintances/friends with had passed in her sleep. This is hard for so many of us to fathom. From, "I just saw her" to 'No way. Jane? Can't be.' I ask you to pray for the repose of her soul. And for her husband and fifteen year old daughter.
Wanna know a secret? Only one person other than George knows, my Sharon. I'm scared of death. Funny, I know. B/c every day I wake up is a day closer to God. Which is a good thing actually. It is the one way that the devil can attack me for sure. Don't get me wrong. While I like to joke that I have a full ride scholarship to hell. I'm pretty sure, that if I play my cards right, I'll get to heaven. But the devil. He's crafty. Death doesn't scare me so much as my death scares me. Will I be able to see everyone I've left behind? Not seeing my children or my husband. That scares me. Yes. The rational side of me (I promise you there really is one) says I'll be hanging out with Jesus and the people I love who've gone before me and that of course, I'll get to see them. But, the crafty dude, yea. He keeps telling me no, I wont. And, that, that scares me. That and I don't want to go painfully. In my sleep preferably and not hit by a bus, or a shark, or a gun. I don't want to know I'm about to go either. Like, in the movies when you're crossing a street and you see the bus coming which is just enough time to register whats about to happen and wet your pants. Yea, I don't want to go that way.
In the middle of the night, when the whole house is asleep, but me, this is what I think about. And, I think maybe that's why it's so important that I let people know how much I love them. Even, Mema. Especially, Mema. I tell her everyday. It's kinda like Patrick Swayze in Ghost. At the end (yes, I realize I reference movies way too much lol) when he says 'the love, you take it with you' or something to that affect. So, when my loved ones pass on, I want them to take it with them. Plus, I think it's important to tell your friends (not just your family) that you love them. Often. I mean, you don't know what crappy day they're having that day. Maybe they're going through something they don't want to share, or don't want you to worry about them. Give them a hug and tell them you love them. People need to feel loved and wanted. That they matter to someone. So, that's another reason why I tell people.
There was this really cool inspiration that I had this morning that I wanted to share with you all. I promise you, it was profound and beautiful and was about faith and came from the Holy Spirit. I couldn't wait to share it with you so I sat to blog before even checking my email. Only to find, that the profoundness I wanted to share with you has escaped me, and this blog is what you were meant to get and the profound nugget was just for me. Dad's wacky like that some times, lol. I do promise however, if the nugget comes back, I will definitely share it with all of you.
Thank you all so much for your love and support during this difficult time. From George who is my constant rock, to my Carol and Tina who let me vent about anything and everything, to my children who are so filled with compassion. To Thad. Your words are a great source of comfort. I asked George to thank you especially. But when he translated that to guy speak, I'm sure it came out as "Gina says thanks" lol. I cannot thank you enough. Your words bring me much comfort. Btw, your wife is pretty awesome! Got to have drinks with her a couple weeks ago!
Until next time,
Pray for all those who have gone before us.