I sincerely dislike Sunday's as of late, say oh, the last four weeks. And, the weird part is I always forget that I dislike them until they are here. Take for instance today. I wake up and feel blah. There is an overcast to my mood. As my eyes open, before any words are spoken, I remember, four weeks today, that Mema passed. During the week I'm okay, well, mostly okay. But there is just something about Sunday's now. I really, *really* miss Mema and, that's okay.
This evening, we all go to the 5pm Mass. This is my favorite Mass. And, as the Mass begins, I am happy to be in my Home. I feel less blah. But, as the Mass progresses, I feel Mema. Or rather, I feel the loss of Mema. Deeply. I know, when I am safe, in my Home (church) when I am celebrating with all the Angels, I *know* she is there with me. Today was just a little different. I met Jesus in Mass today. Sure, He's with me everyday, but I actually *met* Him. It's greeting your neighbor during church time and I turn around and there He is. His shirt is something like I've seen Him wear in pictures. His hair is shorter, a little below His chin length, no facial hair, but it is Him. At first, I really don't think anything of this, until it is time for the sign of peace. I turn around and shake His hand and we look directly into each others eyes, and I knew. His smile, His eyes (they were the most beautiful blue) looked right through me and His smile told me everything was going to be okay. He smiled at me like only a brother could when comforting His little sister. As I turned around I heard Dad tell me "I am with you always" and I thought 'how funny is it that I always seem to forget that'. I'm sure you guys might have seen Him, and I'm sure He looked just like a normal person to you. Maybe that's because He was just there for me today. All I know is it was the most beautiful thing I have experienced in such a very, very, long time.
Does all this mean that I'm over Mema's death? Not hardly. It's just a beautiful reminder that everything is going to be okay, eventually. It's like this, you know how you know your friends/spouse love you? You don't question it, you know they're there if you ever need them; then out of the blue one day, the remind you "hey, you know I'm here if you need me, right?" And, just that solidification of what you already knew makes you feel better? Yea, it's like that.
My Carol is gone. She's on her yearly vacation to visit her beautiful family up north. Yes, we still keep in contact. Contrary to what many would like to think, I'm sure, getting away from me isn't that easy! lol No, Carol and I are a part of each other. We could be far away geographically, but we are always together. Don't get me wrong, I miss her, and the kids, and I feel like part of me is missing. But, I just wanted to let her know, that I am walking, albeit a bit slowly, but walking nonetheless.
My Julie is getting so much stronger! And, I got to see her this week and that makes me *so* happy! She brings me such joy!
My Sharon is doing well too! Oh, how I miss her! She is the epitome of true friendship. Even though she is miles and miles and miles away in my beloved Steeler Country, she is only a phone call or an email or text away. It doesn't matter if I'm calling to say "hi" or complain she is there, she is awesome!
Ahhh, my newest my. My Alyssa, the woman is a walking inspiration. Always a smile for everyone. I am so enjoying our growing friendship. She is SO funny! She makes me laugh! And, have you seen her smirk? It's hysterical! I think she saves it for me it's awesome!
So, sure, I dislike Sunday's for now, and that's okay. My Dad understands. He gives me everything I need to walk this path...my George, my beloved friends, even His son at Mass. I don't have all the answers, heck, I don't even know what some of the questions are. All I know is that I have to keep walking, and walk I shall.
Until next time,
Continue to pray for healing for My Julie, and healing for her mom, Kathy. And, a safe trip home for My Carol.