Yes, I know it's been a while. Forgive me, life has just been hectic. But, I am here, at 1:14 AM and as I was trying to go to sleep, I started writing my blog in my head (as I so often do). But instead of falling asleep only to wake up going "what did I want to say again?" I figured, "hey, I'm already up, so let's do this".
Sunday, my friend had a mass said for Mema. I knew this going into the mass. I've been doing pretty well. I've even gone so far as to tell George "I think everything is going to be okay. I think I'm going to be okay." HA HA HA HA HA! When they are about to announce the mass intention, I start to silently cry. Then, Fr. Tim announces it and I cry more. Then, during communion I pretty much silently loose it. As I'm praying after communion God says to me "You know, you're not as okay with this as you say you are." I tell Him I know, and to please, please don't tell George. lol I don't want George to worry. Yea, I told George this after we got home from mass.
Then, tonight was another mass for my Mema. And, I'm there next to Catherine Underwood (fabulous lady), Lisa Ryan (gives ahhhhhhmazing hugs), and my Alyssa Barreneche. And, as we are standing, saying the Our Father, my hands linked to Alyssa's, Lisa's, and Cat's (by association of break dance moves), I am in awe of the three that are standing with me. I am in awe b/c a year ago, I didn't know these people (well, that's not totally true. I knew who Cat was, but didn't really *know* her). Oh, how my life has changed in a mere year. How blessed I felt to be holding hands with these amazing women and praising our God! I don't know what I did to deserve such blessings as these ladies. They are such gifts to me.
During the homily, Fr. Tuan tells us to go back later to meditate. The reading was Matt 14:22-36. He repeated it...frequently. lol I'll save you time looking it up. It's when Peter walked on water for like, five seconds and Jesus said to Him "you big dummy (ala Fred Sanford). Where'd all your faith go? I'm right here!" Technically, it's a lot more scriptural than that, I was just paraphrasing. lol The point is Peter didn't loose sight of Jesus as he was walking toward Him. No. The winds began to blow and that scared Peter and his faith wavered and then he started to sink. He then asked Jesus to save him, and of course, Jesus did. In fact, He stretched out his hand and pulled him up. This is what I've been pondering on today. Especially, as I was laying in bed ready to go to sleep. We are all Peter (he's the bestest big brother E V E R, just ask me and my Julie!). We're all in our own boats. We all want to walk to Jesus (water or not) but when the wind blows and our boat starts to rock, we get scared. We get anxious. Trust me, I have some very close friends who, like me, are anxious. I think we should start a support group at St. Jude's lol. (side note: one of my fav parts of the mass is after the Our Father when Fr. Tim (or Tuan) says "and protect us from all anxiety". I'm pretty sure God put that in there for us.) But, I digress. If we remembered that Jesus goes before us always, that He's always there (truly He is), would we be so anxious all the time? I'm hoping not. See, even if the boat is rocking and the wind is blowing, Jesus has our hands. You could even say we're 'in the hands of the Father' (shout out to all my chrp five sistas!!!). We just have to hold on tight!
Today was a special day. My package arrived from my mom and it had stuff in it all from my Mema. Three boxes of our favorite tea, Salada tea. What can I say, I'm a tea snob. I was raised on it, and you can't get it here in Texas. It's way better than that Lipton or Tetley crap, lol. It held my Mema's blue robe. It's blue terrycloth and so old, that I have toilet paper thicker than the robe! lol Parts of it are sewn together. I immediately put it on. Then, there was my Grandpa's windbreaker. I put that on top of the robe. Mema's favorite earrings and other various jewelry items were in there. And finally, pictures. I think, my favorite one was of my Grandpa years before I was even thought of, that one, and the one of my mom, Mema, and aunt and uncle from July 4 this year. The hard thing was she was so happy in the picture and seven days later, she was gone. And, as I sat in her robe, all I could think was "three weeks ago, you were wearing this" That was sad. But, it's all going to be okay.
Prayer requests! Please pray for safe travel for all those going to see Fr. Corapi this weekend in San Antonio! Please continue to pray for Kathy Metevier (my friend and my Julie's mom) for healing. For my Julie for continued healing, and for a friends Grandmother who is nearing the end of her journey for a peaceful and happy death. And, finally, for all the intentions in my heart that I cannot list here.
Until next time,
Rock on with your bad self!
Seriously, it's from the song (don't rock the boat) it's at the end, I promise! lol