So, today started out beautiful. Then my son comes home. He was camping this weekend. And, as it turned out some kids were shall we say 'less than kind' to my son. This happened about ten minutes before we were about to leave for Mass. At this point, as George likes to call it, I was in Momma Bear mode. I was loaded for bear. Expletives were flying, as were my Italian hands lol. I wanted to take my son's cross and go beat those 'less than kind' kids with it. My son, who was okay with the situation as he dealt with it last night, was attempting to calm me down. George, knowing better, just let me roar. I wanted to stay home from Mass and stew in the injustice that was done to my son YET AGAIN by these same 'less than kind' people. But, Bob, who always had my back, gentle told me not to stay home. He and I both knew, I needed to be at Mass. Bob, even had my friend call me this morning for something and in the middle of my roaring, I answered the phone with a smile and what I thought was a chipper voice. My friend, my Patti, knew something was up. I didn't have time to go into detail, but being her awesome self, said she'd pray for me.
Fast forward to Mass. I was physically present, but that was all I could give today. I was still fuming, still in Momma Bear mode, still reeling. Then, Bob and Gabriel began whispering to me. They were helping to calm me down. I cried throughout the Mass. I know the Gospel was about Lazarus' death and Jesus. But, I have no idea what the homily was about. Zip, zero, zilch. Nada. I started to pray really hard to Mary, Bob, Gabriel (my guardian angel), St. Monica and then I called on all the angels and the Saints. I knew I couldn't receive the Eucharist when my heart was full of such hate. I asked them all to hold me, to cover me, to pray for me. Still crying, I cried to Mary. I asked how she managed with all the injustices done to her son. She said "I prayed" and "God's will not mine". Crap. That's not what I was hoping to hear. Mind you, I am not comparing myself to Mary and my son to Jesus, but she's the best mom I know. She's my mom, so I went to her. Then, I realized, the whole morning had been the devil. He tried to keep me from Mass, he tried to keep me from the Eucharist. However, he didn't count on my faith. So, I figured if my son is okay, that I will be okay. I also prayed "forgive them father, for they know not what they do." Then, the Momma Bear in me prayed from Sister Act II "forgive them father, they know exactly what they do" because it's the truth. These people knew exactly what they were doing. So, I asked God to forgive them. I then walked peacefully up to receive the Eucharist. Then, after Mass, I went with my JYM group to the Convent. Nothing like being around cheerful nuns to cheer you up!
Then, something struck me throughout the day. Last night I had a weird dream. Not bad, but weird. And, in one part, a friend (a dream friend, not someone in real life) and I were walking to a circus type tent to see Jesus. There was gonna be lots of food and cotton candy (my fav) don't ask, it's a dream, just go with it. I asked my friend what they were most looking forward too and they said the Eucharist. I was all excited and replied "ME TOO!" Then, as we walked in the tent, we were given little velvet bags like the type you keep your Rosary in. Then, as we went to the table and opened our bags the Eucharist came onto the plate and we were eating. I remember being sad that mine was all broken. I still ate a couple pieces and looked up at Fr. Tim who was sitting across from me. He waved his hand over it, and my Eucharist became one whole piece. Then, my head was bowed and Fr. Tim asks me "When you go to confession, where do you go?" I said "Into the little room". He said "No, where do you go?" And I said "Into Jesus' heart". He smile and said correct. Then, when I looked up, Fr. Tim was now Jesus. So, throughout this day, I kept coming back to Jesus' heart. Even with the devil attacking me today. Even with all the prayers to Mary and Gabriel, and Bob and all the angels and Saints, I kept coming back to Jesus' heart. That is how I was able to ask for forgiveness for those who showed unkindness to my son.
I said it on facebook today, and I'll reiterate it here, my son, my amazing son is a bigger and better person than I will ever be. His heart is always full of love. As you can see from the aforementioned, mine not so much.
The devil tried to steal my mooshy! NOT COOL! But, Mary, Gabriel, Bob, Jesus, Fr. Tim, Patti, and of course George and my Jaime made sure that didn't happen.
I'm keepin my mooshy! lol
Until next time, please pray for my friends Mother-in-law, Mary whose back in the hospital.
Love,
Me
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