Being that I hadn't been to confession since April and something was weighing on me, I did what any good catholic would do. I called up one of my guru's Patti! Guru's are a special lot. While they're your friends and you are close with them, don't ask them to tell you what you want to hear. They always shoot it to you straight. Sometimes with tact, and sometimes without. lol First off, advice is what you ask for when you already know the answer, but don't like it. I wanted to know if something that was bothering me needed to be confessed. I was just about positive it was, but I was still kinda hoping for an out. Then, my guru says "what was your intent when this situation happened?" That was easy, I was in a bad mood and I just wanted this situation to go away. She said in true guru fashion "well, you need to figure out what your true intent was and think about it." Which translated from guru to Gina means, 'you know you have to go, but I can't tell you to go, so you have to come to the decision on your own, but I'll wait on the phone till I see the flash of lighting above your house.' And, I decided to go to confession. The great thing about gurus (there's so many!) is that they don't judge, they love you, and they know when confession is on any given day.
I had to take Jaime to work yesterday and I figured, I know it's an hour before, but I'd swing by and see if Fr. Eugene was there early and hopefully I could have a confession in his office and we could chat. I'd like to introduce myself to him (as he's new to the parish) before I sit down and list my faults and offenses. Nope, he wasn't there. So, I ran an errand and then came back at 5:45, confession is from 6-6:15 on Thursday's if you're wondering. As I walked in, I saw it was Adoration...SCORE!!!! So, I sat down in front of Jesus and talked with Him. All the while marveling that 'how cool is this! It's first Friday and I get to go to adoration before confession!!!! I thought first Friday's ended at noon! I don't care the reason, this is awesome!" So, adoration ended and Fr. Eugene goes into the confessional room (we have rooms now, not boxes). And the line of sinners form to enter.
So, I'm in line, about four people back waiting for my turn. Dear God, how's he gonna get to me in 15 minutes not to mention the people behind me. Is anyone even in the room? Did anyone go in? It's been like forever! He's gonna come out and see the line o people and wander why no one went in! Good Lord, is anyone gonna peek and see if someone is in there? Then the line moved, yup, someone was in there. The next two people moved in and out quickly. Then the person in front of me went. Seriously? It's been forever since this person is in there! Don't they know that I have sins to confess? Dude, I'm so not staying for Mass, I have to go home and throw the dumplings in the crock pot and then head of to bunco! Ohhh, I have an idea! Rumor is (well, if it comes from a guru, it's not a rumor but for this blog sake, we'll say it was) that Fr. Eugene give Rosary's as a penance. Can I do a preemptive Rosary while I'm waiting? Yea, God shot that down pretty quick. I think His words were along the lines of "no, and you know better" lol But he said it in a jovial way, not like He was mad. He was laughing at me being me. The person in front is still going on. But I really want to go to confession! Well, you know, that person in there really may be burdened. They probably need it more than I do. Well, no, I need it too. But my burdens aren't any less important than theirs. Fr. Eugene isn't going to have time for me today I fear. Yes, I love the feeling that comes with being absolved of my sins. But I don't do it for the feeling....mostly. I do it to be forgiven. And, I can come back tomorrow too. Even if it's not during confession time, I'm sure I can make an appointment with Fr. Euguene.
And, that's when the person in front of me came out. Fr. Eugene only had time for one more. That was me! Now, when I sat down, he didn't rush me. I rushed because I knew he had to get ready for Mass. But he seemed content to sit there and listen to whatever it was I had to say. It's funny, sometimes, usually, I do an examination of conscience. That means from the time of my last confession to the present, I think of all the ways I've sinned. Yea, how much time do you have? Then, sometimes when I go in to confess, there's not a lot of time and so I rattle of my list, making sure I get the most important ones out. By the way, my penance was a Rosary, the glorious mysteries AND, YES THERE'S AN AND...to read Paul's letter to the Corinthians's Chapter 3. I can do that! Sure, there are times when I forgot to confess something I thought of in line, but a priest at Montserrat had said to me once, that the intent was there, it's okay. So, I think of what I want to confess. I think it's God's way of showing me what I've done wrong. Then, when I get in the confessional, the things that are bothering me most come out. God also has this way of putting me in my place, but in a good way. Like standing in the confessional line. I went from "why can't this person hurry up I want to confess my sins I'm in a hurry". To, "you know, they are just as important to God as I am. I can come back tomorrow". And then viola, God says just like Mema did "Now you're cookin with gas" lol
My bunco group, as you know is full of my nearest and dearest friends. The aforementioned guru is part of the group as well. We sat there for a while before bunco started, when everyone is catching up, to share our confession tales. Please note, while it is against the rules for a priest to tell anyone what he heard in the confessional, the person doing the confessing can. There's nothing greater than sharing who you truly are, warts and all with your friends...especially a guru. And, I told her how excited I was to have first Friday adoration. Then, this whole reasoning happened in the span of about three seconds..."How could it have been first Friday if today was Thursday? It's Thursday! I got to go to Adoration!" God knows exactly what I needed! Patti and I had a great laugh! I know this is going to come as a shock to you. I know you're sitting there thinking "But Gina, you're so awesome, you don't need to go to confession and you don't have warts!" And, I thank you for thinking that, but friends, I am as human as they come. I fail every single day. Sometimes, many times a day. But I keep getting back up. Then, at the end of the day, I fall into bed tired and bruised and I end my day with God. Last night before bed, I read Corinthians's chapter three. Funny thing is, I had part of it highlighted already. Then, I reached for my Rosary. Not just any Rosary mind you. Mom's Rosary. It's kept by my bedside always. Both Mema and my Grandpa's Rosary's hang from my headboard. In the drawer by my bed I have my siblings and my Rosary from when we were children. But, when I pray the Rosary in my room, it's always Mom's Rosary I use. Let's just say it's been a while since I've said a Rosary in my room.
I pick up Mom's Rosary and tears begin to fall. Not a lot, not a big boo hoo fest, but they come just the same. I miss Mom. It will be four years this December that she's been gone. And, while praying the Rosary, I felt her with me. It was a beautiful feeling.
Here's something weird. We had a priest before Fr. Eugene came. I went to confession with him once and he gave me a Rosary plus 12 Hail Mary's as my penance. I went around telling people "I DIDN'T MURDER ANYONE AND I GOT A ROSARY PLUS 12 HAIL MARY'S!!!" This time though, I don't know if it's because I knew I was getting a Rosary ahead of time or if it's because the first time I heard Fr. Eugene do a mass I knew he and I were going to be friends, but I didn't mind saying a Rosary and doing the reading. And, in doing the reading, I can see why he chose it for me. Very cool.
So, that's the story from my confession yesterday. Whoever said "confession is good for the soul" new what they were talking about.
Until next time,
It's Friday, give someone a hug today!
PS. Mom, they're not always funny :D