Arg.
Double arg.
So, I've actually made some resolutions this year. And, I've been working on them too. One of them was to actually start taking a multi-vitamin. I have noticed subtle changes. I'm feeling better (also eating better) much happier. I even commented to my one friend at work how I have been so blissfully happy lately. I figured I could so get used to this! I can definitely handle anything that came my way. Then I got home. My cell phone rang. It was my manager. Apparently, a parent has an issue that I need to deal with today. Why do I have to be involved? Seriously, the don't pay us enough for what we do let alone deal with this. So, I was bummed most of the night. Which sucked royally.
Last night was bunco, my favorite time of the month. I always am happy there. I can say anything and it's okay. We always laugh and have a great time, even on the times when I don't feel like going. Last night, I really didn't want to go but I figured I'd have fun. That did not happen. While it was nice, it just wasn't my happy. While we did talk and laugh, it just wasn't my night. I guess I was just still bummed over the whole work thing. It got me wondering, what would've happened if I didn't pick up the phone?
Then, this morning I got to thinking. Dangerous, I know. Why is it so easy for me to be there for my friends and support them. Tell them seriously to pray and how they are covered and this too shall pass, yet when it comes to myself just wallow? I mean, I called on Mary and she came swiftly. I know things can't be blissfully happy all the time. Yes, I know the devil is always going to try and attack me (and truth be told, I'd rather he attack me than someone else. He's never going to get me so let him struggle in vain versus someone whose faith is not so strong) I just wish...I don't know. I wish life would just be easy sometimes. I know, I know. He never said it would be easy. He said that it would be worth it.
So, I am determined (more like halfheartedly trying) to get through the day with a smile and not have all this stress totally drag me down.
Until next time,
Pray for a dear friend of mine whose mom passed away.
Love,
Me
Friday, January 13, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
U2, the devil, and curtains.
U2 wasn't kidding when they sang "devil inside, the devil inside, every single one of us have the devil inside". I have seen the devil, sometimes on a daily basis, mostly at work, but sometimes in the mirror. By the way, he says 'hi'.
You know, I was thinking of everything I wanted to say yesterday after I wrote the above. So much happens in my day that I want to share then, when I go fingers to keyboard, most of the times, I go blank. So I let the aforementioned sit. Then, last night, I dreamed I was having a conversation with the devil. No, not people who sometimes I think are the devil incarnate, but the actual devil himself. He didn't look the like devil we see in movies. And, in the light of day, I can't recall what he looked liked. But I can tell you what it felt like to have a conversation with the devil. It was truly, without a doubt, not that interesting. There was no fire and brimstone. No magic ring of fire. Just talking. How I reacted to it, how I felt about it all....was very surprising to me. It was just like everyday life. I was trying to accomplish a goal (shopping I think) and he kept thwarting my efforts at every turn (just like in real life). More than anything, he was an annoyance. Just like real life. So what did I learn with my conversation with the devil? I learned that when confronted with absolute evil, I'm still going to be okay. That even when I joke how I have reservations in hell, my future is cemented in heaven. There's something freeing in that. No, I'm not perfect, far from it. And sure, the devil is going to always try and attack me. And, truth be told it takes a while for me sometimes to realize he's the one stirring the pot. And I eventually catch on. I don't have to catch on at the beginning, just as long as I catch on. And, sure, I get scared and sometimes, he really scares me good. But in the end it's not that scary. Just a man behind the curtain.
So what do I do with all this wise information? Not a clue. I know that my future is cemented in happiness and love and in the end, love is all the matters.
Until next time,
What scares you?
Love,
Me
You know, I was thinking of everything I wanted to say yesterday after I wrote the above. So much happens in my day that I want to share then, when I go fingers to keyboard, most of the times, I go blank. So I let the aforementioned sit. Then, last night, I dreamed I was having a conversation with the devil. No, not people who sometimes I think are the devil incarnate, but the actual devil himself. He didn't look the like devil we see in movies. And, in the light of day, I can't recall what he looked liked. But I can tell you what it felt like to have a conversation with the devil. It was truly, without a doubt, not that interesting. There was no fire and brimstone. No magic ring of fire. Just talking. How I reacted to it, how I felt about it all....was very surprising to me. It was just like everyday life. I was trying to accomplish a goal (shopping I think) and he kept thwarting my efforts at every turn (just like in real life). More than anything, he was an annoyance. Just like real life. So what did I learn with my conversation with the devil? I learned that when confronted with absolute evil, I'm still going to be okay. That even when I joke how I have reservations in hell, my future is cemented in heaven. There's something freeing in that. No, I'm not perfect, far from it. And sure, the devil is going to always try and attack me. And, truth be told it takes a while for me sometimes to realize he's the one stirring the pot. And I eventually catch on. I don't have to catch on at the beginning, just as long as I catch on. And, sure, I get scared and sometimes, he really scares me good. But in the end it's not that scary. Just a man behind the curtain.
So what do I do with all this wise information? Not a clue. I know that my future is cemented in happiness and love and in the end, love is all the matters.
Until next time,
What scares you?
Love,
Me
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