Tuesday, June 12, 2012

The Spiral Staircase

This past school year flew by in a blur.  For work, that makes me happy.  For my life outside of work, not so much.  What age were you when you gained your concept of time?  You know when you're little and 7pm seems late and summers seem so long.  Then, as you get older, school seems to drag on and summer vacation goes by so fast.  Then, you realize, really realize how cyclical it really is.  The year starts a new and you're in school, then Valentine's Day, then Easter, then Mother's Day, and Memorial Day, then school is out.  Father's Day, July 4th, summer goes by blurry.  Then it's August and time to go back to school.  Labor day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.  Then, it all starts again.  At what age did it stop being languid and become so expedient?

I miss the long lazy summers that seemed endless.  I miss the days when you could enjoy each holiday as it came.  Revel in picking out a costume for Halloween.  Inviting family and friends for Thanksgiving.  Christmas planning and shopping.  Now, it's so fast, it's so early.  Christmas comes in September.  Halloween in August.  We must get a jump on it all.  All of this jumping on things ahead of schedule is making me tired and maudlin.

The last two months have flown by in a blur.  If you missed it, see the post prior to this.  The blur has left me tired, melancholy and going down my spiral staircase.  Every few months or so, I've noticed are valley times.  And, it takes me a while to realize I'm in them.  I didn't notice till Sunday exactly how far down the staircase I have fallen.  Technically, I'm not sure I've fallen inasmuch as gone down on a yo-yo.  I say that because in all my valley times, I always come back up.  It just takes time.  I had the rare occasion last month where I had to stifle who I am (to some extent).  And, the result has left me exhausted and emotionally spent.  My mom and George's dad came to visit.  They haven't seen each other since our wedding almost 13 years ago.  With my mom, I am my goofy self.  Anything that flies out of my mouth, flies out of my mouth.  We laugh, a lot.  We joke.  We kid and sometimes, we're serious.  She sees the kids and I being playful and having fun, and sometimes yelling at them.  With dad, I am more serene.  More calm.  We sit and talk about everything and anything (as I do with mom), but in a more calm reserved manner.  I'm still me, just more reserved and not fly out of my mouth me.  I actually have to think before I speak.  If I had to do that all the time, surly, my head would spontaneously explode!  Having them here at the same time was wonderful.  We'd sit on the back porch and just talk and be.  It was so wonderful to have them both here at the same time.  However, I was in inner turmoil.  Having to think ahead what I wanted to say while at the same time being my spontaneous self was difficult.  Not impossible, just difficult.

Then last week, with everyone leaving and the myriad airport trips, it made the week fly by so very fast.  George came home for a little over 24 hours.  It was a whirlwind of activities.  Birthday party for my friends daughter who turned 1, walmart, kroger, post office, then grand opening celebration for my other friends new Catholic bookstore.  And, in the times in between, he is trying to spend time with the kids and with me.  Stressful on all counts.  He left again for his final week of training on Sunday only to have his flight delayed THREE HOURS (thank you, Delta!!!)  This week isn't so busy.  I've got a bible study tomorrow morning for about an hour.  Thursday afternoon Maria comes home (yay!) and in the evening, bunco!  Then Friday, I'm doing McKinney Trade Days, and he comes home.

I need to get back to the gym.  I haven't been there in a couple weeks.  I missed the last week of boot camp (gasp!).  Derailed by airport trips and now a sinus infection.  I know working out will make me feel better, but it's hard to garner the energy to work out while I'm in my valley.  This week is going by so slow.  I'm so happy for my husbands new job.  He is truly the happiest I've seen him in ages (thank you, God!!!!  A three year prayer answered!!!)  Yesterday was choc full of running errands.  Today, not so much.  I wish I could will it to be the weekend and have my whole family back in tact, under one roof.  Our roof.  And, trust me, I know in a matter of minutes after their arrival I'll be all "why did I want you back again?"  It's the parents conundrum. 

Then, this summer, we are heading out to get Jaime all set with his college plan and schedule.  And, then in August, drop him off for his first year.  Yea, I'm not exactly 'looking forward' to that.  I am, but I'm not.  Another parent conundrum.

So here I sit, on the steps of my spiral staircase, towards the bottom trying to get energy to climb back up.  Eventually, something will click and I will fly up those stairs faster than my ramp at the gym.  Or, I'll climb up the yo-yo.  I don't know, we'll have to see.

Until next time,
Pray for my friends, Diane, Ryan, and their family.


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