Monday, June 14, 2010

Some days, I hate being human. I know that doesn't make much sense. I love my life, truly I do. Even the crosses that I have to carry. But, some days, my soul just gets so tired and I hate being human. Let me explain a little more. My faith is a good faith. It's like goldilocks, just the right size for me. And, I know no matter what is thrown my way that everything is going to be okay b/c God is in control and not me. But, then there are days when my faith, while still there, is out of wack. It's like, even though I know God has it all taken care of, I want to know how. I want to know when! Those are the days when I hate being human. So, on those days, I talk to myself (more than usual) and I remind myself that God has a plan. And, while I know He does, I am so unbelievably tired of that mantra. I know, I know, chin up, things could be worse. Trust me, you're not telling me anything I haven't told myself. My main source of angst is George's job. He's been working without a contract for four weeks. I can't fix it. I can't get him a job I can't make it better. Only God can. And, it seems no matter how much I pray it doesn't get any better. So, then I think, God has George at this job for a reason. I don't know what that reason is and apparently I'm not suppose to know the reason. This is very ANNOYING. Sigh.

Here's some news for you, I'm depressed. Not like, it's just a bad day tomorrow will be better. No actually depressed. The meds Dr. B put me on haven't kicked in yet. I think they have a little as I don't feel like my skin is the only thing holding me together. So, that's a good thing. But, on the whole, I don't feel like myself, which is weird for me. I mean I'm not happy, but I'm not unhappy. I'm not excited or angry. I just kind of am. I don't know if that makes sense. I'm okay. Just not exactly feeling like me. I'm trying not to worry and not obsess over things I don't have control over (read everything! lol). I am truly blessed I know that. And, so I am trying to concentrate on my blessings. I see my friends struggling with things and I so want to help them, yet I can't. So, I'm just taking it one day at a time and some days, it one minute at a time.

Until next time,
Have a beer or a glass of wine and spend time with the one you love :)


No comments: