It's late, and I'm tired. Why then, you ask, am I up at 1 in the morning talking to all of you. Well, in a nutshell, I have lots to say, but nothing to say, really. Thoughts have been floating in and out for a week or longer lately. I still wish we could do a mind meld so you could see all I want to tell you without me having to expend the energy to tell you what I want to tell you.
It has been a massively busy week and it's only going to keep going from here. Everyone is settling into their routines of school and activities and church. At first, it really doesn't seem like a lot, yet other days, it feels like I don't even get a chance to pee. Y'know what I mean?
Mass was kind of different today. I was in my own little world today during Mass. I listened to the readings, said the prayers and then came time for communion. George and I got to EM together in the back. I was the blood of Christ. And, as I am sharing the blood of Christ with others, most of whom I do not know, there were quite a few others that I knew. I knew of them, or who they were, or we were great friends. All to varying degrees. But something stirred inside of me when it was someone I knew. For instance, I really felt it when Brian (my Carol's husband whom I love) came up to me. We smiled at each other and it was a cool moment for me. In that moment passed so many deep thoughts. How often have Brian and I ate together? How many holiday's have our families been together? The many times we've attended Mass together as a family How many days, weeks, years, have our families been together? There is something so inherently cool about sharing this particular meal with people I know and love. I liken it to eating at McDonald's (or whatever restaurant you choose). Sometimes, I have the rare opportunity to eat by myself and I'm inside the restaurant and there's all these people around I do not know. Then, there are times when I go there and I am with a friend and that meal, that same burger you can have all over the world that tastes exactly the same becomes more enjoyable. Mass is like that for me, specifically, the Eucharist. Participating in the meal by myself (either giving the meal or receiving the meal) is a spiritual experience in and of itself, but to share that meal with someone I love (again either giving or receiving the meal) heightens my awareness and my love for my God, and my friend with whom I am sharing. For instance, today with Brian, I thought "this is massively cool." Not only are he and I family, not only do we know each others faults (and trust me, I've got quite a few) and love each other anyways, he and I share a same faith that brings us together to share a meal. This is a rare occurrence because we attend different Masses due to our families schedule. I can tell you, we attend the same Christmas Mass together though! But, I digress, I was talking about how cool it is to share such a special meal with someone you love. I hope all of you get that opportunity at one time or another.
Life has not really taken a turn for the worse, it's more of the same. He is working something in me yet again, Mema and Mom are still dead, Dad still lives in Philly, Carol still works harder than anyone should ever have too, and Tina is still pregnant. I am still here, sorry Carol, I'm not necessarily walking. I'm more like a stumbling drunk who's too tired to walk and keeps falling down. Some days though, I really am trying to walk. But lately, I'm in a "Dad will you carry me please?" mode. But, as I said, I am here. I may not like nor understand the lesson that He is trying to teach me, but I show up everyday, nonetheless. Greta, what a far cry from five years ago, huh?!? I know lots of us have been on a rollercoaster lately. We're chug chug chugging up the hill and what seems like a snails pace. Look on the bright side, the rush of the wind and the whir of the cart against the tracks, the wind in our smiles as our hands fly to the heavens in praise of Him, yea, that part is on its way! So, stay with me, hold on to the crossbar that has us fastened in and know that I am riding it with all of you.
Until next time,
I'm leaving you with this....one of my very, very, favs...