Fraud Protection

So, the past few weeks I've been working on a project.  It doesn't matter what it is.  Only a few of you know.  That's enough for now.  So, this project, I've been praying on really hard.  And to all the naysayers I have been saying "It'll work, and if it doesn't then it wasn't meant to be.  God has a plan."  Remember a few zillion posts ago when I said how much I hate that saying?  I still do.  I am a fraud.   Even though I was saying God had a plan (which He does) with enthusiasm, what I meant when I said it was "God is going to see how much I want this project to work and therefore, it will work!"  See, I'm a fraud.

My husband, awesome as he is, let's me run with my little projects on my hamster wheel to churn and turn and expend my energy.  He knows I won't stop till my project is done (and my current project, though detoured, is not done).  We were talking today and I told him how depressed I was that said project isn't working out like I planned.  I finally told him how I had seen my plan going.  His response, said with compassion and love, "you really are a dreamer".

I do not expect things to always go my way.  I do not expect to get everything I ask for.  I should figured something was wrong when I asked for a sign and the song on the radio became "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by the Rolling Stones, lol.  However, I passed that off as a coincidence.  See, again I'm a fraud.  When I ask for a sign and it's in my favor, I think it's a sign.  When it goes against what I want, I think it's a coincidence.  And, the sad thing is I don't think I'll ever learn.  There has to be some sort of fraud protection, right?  I go to church every Sunday.  I say my prayers.  I brush my teeth, I wash behind my ears.  Why can't I get this right?

The funny thing in all of this is that while I'm a little discouraged, and realllllly tired of the "God has a plan, this wasn't the right thing for you", even though it's true,  I want someone to hug me and say "Yes, God has a plan.  Yes, it would have been awesome if it worked out your way, but I still love you, and we'll get through this."

It occurs to me, that this is a valley time for me.  That's okay.  I love valley times.  Sure, I'm a little down.  Sure, I feel irked, irritated, sad, that my project got a detour and didn't go as smooth as I would have liked.  And, I'm sure it will get a couple more detours along the way.  That's okay because God truly does have a plan.  And, technically, I'm not a fraud, just human.

Until next time,
Pray for amazing test results for all of those who took the ACT today, my son included.

Love,
Me