Saturday, October 22, 2011

Fraud Protection

So, the past few weeks I've been working on a project.  It doesn't matter what it is.  Only a few of you know.  That's enough for now.  So, this project, I've been praying on really hard.  And to all the naysayers I have been saying "It'll work, and if it doesn't then it wasn't meant to be.  God has a plan."  Remember a few zillion posts ago when I said how much I hate that saying?  I still do.  I am a fraud.   Even though I was saying God had a plan (which He does) with enthusiasm, what I meant when I said it was "God is going to see how much I want this project to work and therefore, it will work!"  See, I'm a fraud.

My husband, awesome as he is, let's me run with my little projects on my hamster wheel to churn and turn and expend my energy.  He knows I won't stop till my project is done (and my current project, though detoured, is not done).  We were talking today and I told him how depressed I was that said project isn't working out like I planned.  I finally told him how I had seen my plan going.  His response, said with compassion and love, "you really are a dreamer".

I do not expect things to always go my way.  I do not expect to get everything I ask for.  I should figured something was wrong when I asked for a sign and the song on the radio became "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by the Rolling Stones, lol.  However, I passed that off as a coincidence.  See, again I'm a fraud.  When I ask for a sign and it's in my favor, I think it's a sign.  When it goes against what I want, I think it's a coincidence.  And, the sad thing is I don't think I'll ever learn.  There has to be some sort of fraud protection, right?  I go to church every Sunday.  I say my prayers.  I brush my teeth, I wash behind my ears.  Why can't I get this right?

The funny thing in all of this is that while I'm a little discouraged, and realllllly tired of the "God has a plan, this wasn't the right thing for you", even though it's true,  I want someone to hug me and say "Yes, God has a plan.  Yes, it would have been awesome if it worked out your way, but I still love you, and we'll get through this."

It occurs to me, that this is a valley time for me.  That's okay.  I love valley times.  Sure, I'm a little down.  Sure, I feel irked, irritated, sad, that my project got a detour and didn't go as smooth as I would have liked.  And, I'm sure it will get a couple more detours along the way.  That's okay because God truly does have a plan.  And, technically, I'm not a fraud, just human.

Until next time,
Pray for amazing test results for all of those who took the ACT today, my son included.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Just remember, sometimes God says yes, sometimes he says no, and sometimes he says not yet. it will work out the way He wants it to work out. Live with it. Candy