So, the past few weeks I've been working on a project. It doesn't matter what it is. Only a few of you know. That's enough for now. So, this project, I've been praying on really hard. And to all the naysayers I have been saying "It'll work, and if it doesn't then it wasn't meant to be. God has a plan." Remember a few zillion posts ago when I said how much I hate that saying? I still do. I am a fraud. Even though I was saying God had a plan (which He does) with enthusiasm, what I meant when I said it was "God is going to see how much I want this project to work and therefore, it will work!" See, I'm a fraud.
My husband, awesome as he is, let's me run with my little projects on my hamster wheel to churn and turn and expend my energy. He knows I won't stop till my project is done (and my current project, though detoured, is not done). We were talking today and I told him how depressed I was that said project isn't working out like I planned. I finally told him how I had seen my plan going. His response, said with compassion and love, "you really are a dreamer".
I do not expect things to always go my way. I do not expect to get everything I ask for. I should figured something was wrong when I asked for a sign and the song on the radio became "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by the Rolling Stones, lol. However, I passed that off as a coincidence. See, again I'm a fraud. When I ask for a sign and it's in my favor, I think it's a sign. When it goes against what I want, I think it's a coincidence. And, the sad thing is I don't think I'll ever learn. There has to be some sort of fraud protection, right? I go to church every Sunday. I say my prayers. I brush my teeth, I wash behind my ears. Why can't I get this right?
The funny thing in all of this is that while I'm a little discouraged, and realllllly tired of the "God has a plan, this wasn't the right thing for you", even though it's true, I want someone to hug me and say "Yes, God has a plan. Yes, it would have been awesome if it worked out your way, but I still love you, and we'll get through this."
It occurs to me, that this is a valley time for me. That's okay. I love valley times. Sure, I'm a little down. Sure, I feel irked, irritated, sad, that my project got a detour and didn't go as smooth as I would have liked. And, I'm sure it will get a couple more detours along the way. That's okay because God truly does have a plan. And, technically, I'm not a fraud, just human.
Until next time,
Pray for amazing test results for all of those who took the ACT today, my son included.