Friday, October 28, 2011

Soul Asylum

Today was not the best day.  It was alright, nothing special.  Lots to do, yada, yada.

There came a point in my afternoon when I lost it.  I lamented to my husband how awful things are.  I told him how I'm tired of God always saying 'No'.  I feel like I'm being smote.  I pray for x, nope.  pray for q, nope.  Y and z?  Nope.  Smite, smite, smite, that's what I felt like.  After I hung up with George, God asked me if I really felt that way.  While I wanted to say 'yes', my soul said 'no'.  My soul betrayed me.  Here I am angry at Him.  Well, more like really irritated.  My soul knew however, that it belongs to Him.  Even though I wanted to say 'yes, I'm tired of not getting anything I'm asking for!' (stomp feet like little child here)  "Why talk to Mary and the Saints and ask them to intercede for me if all you're gonna say is 'NO'?"  Whine more here. 

Then, immediately, God said "Here, I'll take care of this little thing for you".  No, it's not one of the big things on my list I've been praying for (and it's not even a huge list!) It was something small, but nice nonetheless.

I hate when I answer my own question.  Why do I pray to Mary and the Saints for their intercessions if God is going to do what He wants anyway?  Because.  Because Mary is my mother and I can lament to her about anything.  I can rest in her mantle and find comfort there.  I pray to the Saints because they have been where I am.  They know exactly what I'm going through.  They have struggled, just like I have.  I can pray to them and ask them to intercede.  And, should God's will align with my will, that's fabulous.  But, at the end of the day, it's not about me.  Yes, you heard me right.  It's not about my wants.  My Christmas list of things I'd like.  No, it's about loving God.  And, that I do.  No matter how irked I get, how angry, how sad.  I love Him and he loves me.  No matter how many sins I commit, no matter how bad I am.  No matter if I'm irritated at Him or not.  That is unconditional love.

So while my human side complains, my soul knows where home is.  My soul is my safe haven.  My place to draw into.  My asylum. 

Until next time,
Enjoy the lovely cool weather!


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