How do you measure a year?

This year, I did not go down weight wise to a size five.
This year, I did not open my bible everyday.
This year, I did not say a rosary everyday.
This year, I was not the perfect wife, mother, or friend.

This year, I learned that I have arthritis in my knees.
This year, I opened the bible a few times when I had questions or sought out the answers from other sources.
This year, I said three novenas.

This year, my heart broke at the loss of my beloved Lizzie the wonderdog.
This year, I cried millions of tears for my Mema whose been gone 17 months now.
This year my heart broke and I cried at changes in friendships.
This year, I became closer than I thought even possible to the friends I already have.
This year, tears burned my eyes as I remember George's mom often.
This year I have faced many obstacles and hurdles.  Knowing that God would get me through them while at the same time worrying how that was even possible.

This year, I still gossiped at work.  Not as much as before, but still, you work with the conotworker and try not too.
This year, I prayed for more people than I ever thought  would.
This year, I prayed for people I don't even know.

This year, I missed my brother more than usual.
This year, my favorite uncle/God father whom I haven't talked to in years called me Christmas day.
This year, I fought more with my son than I ever thought I would.
This year, my daughters truly began aserting their independence.
This year, I clung more to my relationship with my dad (in-law).

This year, I didn't go to adoration, daily mass, or confession as much as I wanted too.  Put in whatever excuse you'd like.  The truth is I was just lazy.

I was not the perfect wife, mother, or friend, because no such person exists.  Why then, do I hold myself to my impossible standards?

I got arthritis in my knees most likely because I'm lazy and overweight.

I mourned the loss of close friendships because they were season friends and our season was up, not because of something I did.  (Although, some days, I'm not so convinced).

I missed my brother terribly this year because as children we were best friends and in our adult relationships, no matter how much I pray, it's always going to remain toxic.  I wish the boy he was, not the man he has become.

I became closer to my husband because he is my rock.

I became closer to the friends I do have because God is awesome and even had some from the past come back into my life.

I fought with my son because he is in such a hurry to grow up and he knows best.  No matter how many times I tell him this is not my first rodeo.

Sure, I didn't open the bible everyday, or pray the way I think I should have.  But, I did pray the only way I could think of at the time.

And, sure my gossiping at/about work is cementing my reservations in hell.  But everyday, my soul takes me off the reservation list little by little.

And, we got Ignatius Francis.  Our Shi Tzu/Chihuaha mix.  Not to replace Lizzie the wonderdog, but to help with the healing.

It's been quite a year, 365 days and I did not live each and everyone to their fullest.  However, I did love each day to it's fullest.  And in the end, it's all about love.





Until next time,
Happy New Year!

Love,
Me

Prayers, soulmates, and dinosaurs

Not sure if you remember, but I've been saying more novenas.  So far, since I started, I'm on number three.  Check out Praymorenovenas.com  You get daily emails which makes it much easier for me to say the novenas than just trying to remember on my own.  You can post your prayer intentions for the novena as well as read the intentions of others.  During the last two novenas, I didn't post my intentions.  But, I did pray for all the other intentions.  Then, something happened with this novena.  Not only did I post my intentions, but I clicked the little button that emails me every new intention that has been added.  You would not believe how many people are praying this novena!


Here's what I've learned.  We are all the same.  Every last one of us.  We are not alone.  We are all praying for the exact same things.  Health, prosperity, needs, conversions of family members, employment, even prayers of Thanksgiving.   People are praying for their parents.  They're praying for vacations for their parents who work so hard.  They are praying for the family, for an end to abortion.  There is no request too silly and none to great.  To read these prayer requests is quite humbling.  I've read probably a hundred prayer requests since yesterday morning.  And two stood out to me (probably more).  One, I knew right away was from a soul mate of mine.  Their name wasn't listed, just their first initial.  But, I didn't even notice.  I read the request (no names given) and I knew right away it was my soul mate.  How special is that to know that someone you love is praying the same prayer as you at the exact same time?  It made me feel closer to my soul mate more than I ever could have imagined.  The other one that struck me was this woman that asked for a few things and one of them wanting to be free from her anger.  How cool is that?  I know that I get angry and it can affect all those around me.  But never in a million years would I have thought to pray to be free from anger.  And, trust me, in my job, it is so easy, so very easy to get angry and feel awful.  It's so easy to complain how our rights are being trampled upon while the conotworker gets away with murder.  It's so easy to just ignore the conotworker and go about my day.  It's so easy to get pulled into complaining about the conotworker and now the managerinnameonly.  But, instead, most of the time (and I really mean most of the time.  I do honestly succumb to complaining about the aforementioned) it's so easy to have fun.  To make jokes with my coworkers.  To make hot pads into dinosaurs, to talk on banana phones, to sing and just be happy.  We had a sub yesterday who said to me that I must be the life of the party.  I told her 'honey, I'm the WHOLE party!'   Like Trump says, if you don't toot your own horn, who will? lol  But I digress, this person praying for their anger to dissipate really stuck with me.

What I've learned so far only two days into the novena is that we are all the same.  Sure, we may look different, but on the inside we are all the same.  We are all filled with the love of Christ and want nothing more than to be closer to Him.

Until next time,
What's your prayer request?

Love,
Me

No I'm not Pregnant lol

With all the range of emotions during this time of year, you would think I'm either pregnant, bi polar, or have multiple personalities.  Well, okay, not just during this time of year but all year long actually. lol  I can medically confirm I am none of those.   Lately though, this week, I just can't stop bursting into tears.  Here is why.

This Sunday is the four year anniversary of Mom's death.  Yes, she's George's mom.  But she is mine too and I love her deeply.  The second, it's the second Christmas without Mema.  No, no I didn't see her every year for Christmas, at least the later ones.  But Mema and I, we are soul mates.  We are cut from the same cloth.  I even have her smile.  We talked all the time.  She made everyday feel special.  And, finally, I miss my very own Mommy.  Every Christmas since I moved away from home (home being wherever my Momma and Mema are) I cry every time I hear 'I'll be home for Christmas'.  Add in missing my Dad (George's) who was just here and will be here in May.  Then, as if all this wasn't enough.  This is my son's last Christmas at home as a high schooler.  I know that he'll be home from college for the holiday's.  But then, it will be different.  The dynamics will have changed.  And, as much as I love change (moving the furniture, painting, etc) I hate change.  Quite the conundrum wouldn't you say? 

So, here I sit.  Tears streaming down my face just missing those I love so very dear who are either in heaven or not here in Texas with me.  But it's all good.  It means that I am alive and that I am still me.  And, when all is said and done and all the 'if you could be anyone in the whole world who would you be's, I always choose me because I love being me.  It took me years of St. Jude Therapy aka chrp sisters to be comfortable with who I am and now that I am, why would I want to be anyone else?  It's what makes me uniquely me :D

So, I can miss everyone I want too.  My heart feels everything deeply, joy, pain, sorrow laughter (as for laughter just ask my friends at work). And that means when I die and go to heaven (what can I say, I'm an optimist) I will have used every ounce of what I was given.  Especially, my heart.

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas!
Until next time,
Pray for all those who are alone during the holidays.

Love,
Me

Nativity Update

Four years ago, I wrote about our Nativity and the hard times that it has seen (http://chrpangel.blogspot.com/2008/12/story-of-nativityits-not-what-you-think.html).  This year has not been much different.

Last year my son superglued Jesus' head back on AND the wise man's hand!  Yes!  Jesus will get three gifts this year!!!!  Fast forward to the other day as I was unwrapping the Nativity set.  The wise man's hand was off again.  Yes, it was the same wise man.  And, I said "well, no myrrh for Jesus this year" as I laughed to myself.  As I was unwrapping baby Jesus, His head was still intact!  YES!  However, his right arm was not! lol  I thought, jeez, this is the special ed Nativity!  What is a girl to do?  Well, I put the Nativity out.  Put the wise man not too far away.  Put baby Jesus with the wise man and put his broken arm in a drawer.  What.  Where would you put it?!  Then, when my son comes home, he super gluing stuff and I was all..."JESUS' ARM AND THE WISE MAN'S HAND!" lol.  Well, Jesus is no longer an amputee, which is good.  The wise man however....a small part was missing so unfortunately, no myrrh for Jesus this year or any other.  After all that my 'perfect' Nativity has been through, unwrapping it and seeing what comes out has become a highlight for me.

Bob (aka the Holy Spirit) likes to remind me that I am not so different from my Nativity.  First, there is no such thing as normal.  We are all a little special ed in our own way.  Second, I'm just like the Nativity.  Sometimes I'm strong like the pieces that have never broken.  Others, I am like the hand of the wise man and Jesus who always seem to break no matter how well I wrap them.  I am a mother like Mary.  Her son had to leave her, and my son is getting ready to leave me (no I'm not comparing Jesus' death to my son leaving for college! But a sword is piercing my heart nonetheless).  I am a worker like Joseph.  I can be an ass like the ass.  I can be strong like the ox.  I look at wonder at my God and Jesus like the Sheppard boy.  My soul and it's love for Jesus is like the Angel watching over Jesus.  Sometimes, I am wise like the wise men.  Even the one with the broken hand.  We are all like the Nativity in our own way.  Sure, yours may never break and that's awesome.  But, I bet you dollars to donuts that if you look at your Nativity, you can see yourself represented in each piece.  And no.  I didn't forget Baby Jesus.  All of you, all of you are Jesus to me.

Until next time,
Happy Advent!!!!!  Pray for all those who are alone during this Christmas season.

Love,
Me