This year, I did not go down weight wise to a size five.
This year, I did not open my bible everyday.
This year, I did not say a rosary everyday.
This year, I was not the perfect wife, mother, or friend.
This year, I learned that I have arthritis in my knees.
This year, I opened the bible a few times when I had questions or sought out the answers from other sources.
This year, I said three novenas.
This year, my heart broke at the loss of my beloved Lizzie the wonderdog.
This year, I cried millions of tears for my Mema whose been gone 17 months now.
This year my heart broke and I cried at changes in friendships.
This year, I became closer than I thought even possible to the friends I already have.
This year, tears burned my eyes as I remember George's mom often.
This year I have faced many obstacles and hurdles. Knowing that God would get me through them while at the same time worrying how that was even possible.
This year, I still gossiped at work. Not as much as before, but still, you work with the conotworker and try not too.
This year, I prayed for more people than I ever thought would.
This year, I prayed for people I don't even know.
This year, I missed my brother more than usual.
This year, my favorite uncle/God father whom I haven't talked to in years called me Christmas day.
This year, I fought more with my son than I ever thought I would.
This year, my daughters truly began aserting their independence.
This year, I clung more to my relationship with my dad (in-law).
This year, I didn't go to adoration, daily mass, or confession as much as I wanted too. Put in whatever excuse you'd like. The truth is I was just lazy.
I was not the perfect wife, mother, or friend, because no such person exists. Why then, do I hold myself to my impossible standards?
I got arthritis in my knees most likely because I'm lazy and overweight.
I mourned the loss of close friendships because they were season friends and our season was up, not because of something I did. (Although, some days, I'm not so convinced).
I missed my brother terribly this year because as children we were best friends and in our adult relationships, no matter how much I pray, it's always going to remain toxic. I wish the boy he was, not the man he has become.
I became closer to my husband because he is my rock.
I became closer to the friends I do have because God is awesome and even had some from the past come back into my life.
I fought with my son because he is in such a hurry to grow up and he knows best. No matter how many times I tell him this is not my first rodeo.
Sure, I didn't open the bible everyday, or pray the way I think I should have. But, I did pray the only way I could think of at the time.
And, sure my gossiping at/about work is cementing my reservations in hell. But everyday, my soul takes me off the reservation list little by little.
And, we got Ignatius Francis. Our Shi Tzu/Chihuaha mix. Not to replace Lizzie the wonderdog, but to help with the healing.
It's been quite a year, 365 days and I did not live each and everyone to their fullest. However, I did love each day to it's fullest. And in the end, it's all about love.
Until next time,
Happy New Year!