Saturday, December 31, 2011

How do you measure a year?

This year, I did not go down weight wise to a size five.
This year, I did not open my bible everyday.
This year, I did not say a rosary everyday.
This year, I was not the perfect wife, mother, or friend.

This year, I learned that I have arthritis in my knees.
This year, I opened the bible a few times when I had questions or sought out the answers from other sources.
This year, I said three novenas.

This year, my heart broke at the loss of my beloved Lizzie the wonderdog.
This year, I cried millions of tears for my Mema whose been gone 17 months now.
This year my heart broke and I cried at changes in friendships.
This year, I became closer than I thought even possible to the friends I already have.
This year, tears burned my eyes as I remember George's mom often.
This year I have faced many obstacles and hurdles.  Knowing that God would get me through them while at the same time worrying how that was even possible.

This year, I still gossiped at work.  Not as much as before, but still, you work with the conotworker and try not too.
This year, I prayed for more people than I ever thought  would.
This year, I prayed for people I don't even know.

This year, I missed my brother more than usual.
This year, my favorite uncle/God father whom I haven't talked to in years called me Christmas day.
This year, I fought more with my son than I ever thought I would.
This year, my daughters truly began aserting their independence.
This year, I clung more to my relationship with my dad (in-law).

This year, I didn't go to adoration, daily mass, or confession as much as I wanted too.  Put in whatever excuse you'd like.  The truth is I was just lazy.

I was not the perfect wife, mother, or friend, because no such person exists.  Why then, do I hold myself to my impossible standards?

I got arthritis in my knees most likely because I'm lazy and overweight.

I mourned the loss of close friendships because they were season friends and our season was up, not because of something I did.  (Although, some days, I'm not so convinced).

I missed my brother terribly this year because as children we were best friends and in our adult relationships, no matter how much I pray, it's always going to remain toxic.  I wish the boy he was, not the man he has become.

I became closer to my husband because he is my rock.

I became closer to the friends I do have because God is awesome and even had some from the past come back into my life.

I fought with my son because he is in such a hurry to grow up and he knows best.  No matter how many times I tell him this is not my first rodeo.

Sure, I didn't open the bible everyday, or pray the way I think I should have.  But, I did pray the only way I could think of at the time.

And, sure my gossiping at/about work is cementing my reservations in hell.  But everyday, my soul takes me off the reservation list little by little.

And, we got Ignatius Francis.  Our Shi Tzu/Chihuaha mix.  Not to replace Lizzie the wonderdog, but to help with the healing.

It's been quite a year, 365 days and I did not live each and everyone to their fullest.  However, I did love each day to it's fullest.  And in the end, it's all about love.

Until next time,
Happy New Year!


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