Friday, April 5, 2013

The Tortoise and the Hare

I'm a hare.  I can't help it.  Blame it on the ADHD or just plain excitement, I'm a hare.  I want everything NOW.  I want the house clean NOW.  I want a new bed, NOW.  I want a new house, NOW.  I want to be out of debt, NOW.  I want the remnants from my accident to be done, NOW.  I want my house to sell, NOW.  NOW!  NOW!  NOW!

I'm reaaaaaaaaaly tired of hearing 'you didn't get into this overnight', 'things take time', 'patience' and 'God has a plan'.  This does nothing but irk the heck out of us hares.  I've got things to do, places to be, I want what I want and I want it...NOW!

Apparently, God is not a hare.  He watches me, day after day, spin my wheels in the mud.  He watches me as I try to help Him along, after all, God helps those who help themselves, right?  Sigh.  My spinning, sadly, accomplishes nothing.  It upsets me because no matter how hard I try, nothing works.  People don't return calls when I need them too.  Who knew I wasn't the only person my insurance company is dealing with (joke people, I knew that)?  If people would stick to the script I have in my head, things would work so much smoother.  But, life isn't like that.

I spent last night with 16 of my closest friends saying good-bye to one of them who is leaving for two years.  We laughed, and laughed, and laughed!  At one point in the night, sitting on the couch with two of my friends, looking around at my other friends, there was no doubt in my mind that I was home.  Sometimes, even to this day, I still feel in spinning my wheels and trying to control situations, I am looking for acceptance.  I try to be what I think other people need me to be.  Sometimes, it's really very draining.  Then, God graces me with moments like last night.  Almost nine years ago, he put me with some of the holiest women I will ever know.  I looked around the room last night, and all I could see were hearts and arms that were wide open.  They accepted me warts and all.  Fourteen calls a day, snoring, excited, no idea what they were getting into.  They accepted me (along with quite a few others who aren't in my group from last night).  So, while I spend most of my days spinning and spinning and spinning, God graces me with tortoise moments like last night.  A time where the spinning stops and the kingdom of heaven is at hand.  It is moments like that in which I can physically see and feel exactly how much He loves me.  It is a beautiful thing. 

So, today, I was back to spinning, being my normal hare self.  However, I think I'm going to work on being more tortoise like during my days.

Until next time,
Pray for safe travel for my dear friend


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