Sunday, July 4, 2010

Dear Everyone

I promise you, I'm not going insane, I just have little moments now and then.  I'm trying to figure out how to get everyone the blog easier than email.  I've added a subscribe button down on the right, under the follow tab, and whenever I update the blog, you'll get notified. 

While it is Independence Day, and I've had a beautiful day with my family, I've come to realize, no matter how hard I try, there are some things you cannot declare your independence from.  Case in point, my Dad, Joe.  If you recall, I blogged right before Father's Day about him.  Why is it that no matter how hard I try not to let him bother me, he does?  He emailed me one line wishing me a Happy July 4th and saying he missed me.  So, I called to say hello.  And, in the middle of the conversation, WHAM, right between the eyes.  He and Sarah are going on one more cruise to Europe for 28 days!  Why does this bother me so?  I'll tell you, I've been in TX 6 years.  We bought our first house here (our current house), we settled our family here.  He's never come to visit.  He hasn't seen the kids other than infrequent pictures since they were toddlers.  I was able to see him last August on my whirlwind trip home.  He doesn't know anything about my family.  He doesn't know my sister, Carol.  He hasn't seen my second home, St. Jude's.  He hasn't met my friends, tasted any of the meals I cook.  None of it.  Yet, he visits my sister, Tina, granted she's 9 hours away instead of 24.  He gets to see her a few times a year.  Me, the trip home in August was the first in 8 or 9 years.  I say, in his eyes, I'm the black sheep of the family.  I *understand* that he loves me the best he knows how, I *understand* he loves me to the best of his ability.  I *understand* that I didn't fail him has a daughter.  I *understand* all of that.  But yet, there's something inside of me, that when I hear he's going on another trip instead of coming to see me, just breaks my heart all over again. 

Now, I know what you're going to say, and trust me, it's nothing I haven't told myself.  I've got my Dad, George, my true Dad.  Which I truly do and he means the world to me.  And, I have God, my amazing father.  Who's always here for me, no matter what.  He loves me unconditionally.  Still, knowing all that, it's still a blow that I am not good enough for my dad, Joe to come see me.  So, I hold fast to my Dad, George and God.  I cling to them and know that for them, just being me, I am enough.

Until next time,
click on the subscribe button :)
Then, have a happy Independence Day!


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