Wednesday, July 7, 2010


Little known fact about me, I love to take pictures.  I love to take pictures of my friends and my family.  More importantly, I like to take pictures with my friends and my family.  This doesn't come from a conceited part of me that I keep hidden from the world.  It comes from a place of happiness.  Well, not just happiness.  Most of the time it's documented proof that I didn't imagine George, or Carol, or Julie.  One of my deepest regrets in life, if not *the* greatest regret is that I only have two, maybe three pictures of me and Mom total.  And, we're in one together, but we're hugging so you can't see her face and in another it's from my engagement party and it's all of us.  I don't have any just her and I.  So, I'll look at the picture of her and I hugging on my mantle (the pictures on the mantle, we weren't hugging on the mantle) from my wedding and I know she was real.

I have pictures of me and Carol (I seriously need to get updated ones though), of me and Tina.  Of  me and my Julie, me and my Sharon.  And of course, me and my George.  And, not to be left out, I have pics of me and the kids.  However, there is one picture that has alluded me for months.  It is a picture that's oh about 35 years old at least.  It is a picture of my Mema and me on a bright sunny day with our faces squished next to each other for the picture.  Ever since Memas been going down hill I've been looking for it.  Yes, I have other pics of Mema and me growing up but that one is my favorite.

Mema has had good days and bad.  Today was the worst.  I called to talk to Mom this morning and she said it wasn't a good time.  When I asked why, she said they were waiting on the ambulance to come and help put Mema in bed.  She said that Mema wasn't coherent.  At that point, I told my mom to tell Mema I loved her.  She said for me to tell her and held the phone up to her ear.  I told her "I love you, Mema!"  And she slurred back that she loved me.  Then, I prayed a rosary for a peaceful death for her and asked Mary and Jesus to meet her with open arms.  I called a couple hours later and they were now taking Mema to the hospital.  Turns out she had had a major heart attack and stroke when I had called and continued to have heart attacks since then.  I called back a couple hours later and she's in the hospital asleep.  Resting comfortably.  My mom is with her as is my uncle and aunt.  While talking to my mom a little while ago for an update, I asked my mom how Mema looked.  She asked if I wanted a picture and I said yes.  God love the marvels of technology as my mom texted me a picture of Mema.  She's looks peaceful.  Grey, but peaceful.  I'd be surprised if she wakes up.  The doctors are saying anything from a day to a week so..

George was kind of taken aback that I wanted a picture of her on her death bed.  I can't really explain it.  I know wholeheartedly that God didn't want me to be with  her before she passed.  I accept this fact.  I DON'T LIKE IT, but I accept it.  But, having the picture, getting to tell her I love her, and talking to my mom every couple hours makes me feel like I am there.  I am blessed beyond all measure that I was even granted the opportunity to tell her I loved her.  Funny thing is, I normally don't call my mom so early in the morning but both times I was told to call.  I thank God for telling me to call and thank God that I actually listened.

So, here I sit, unable to find the picture I really want.  I tried to scan in a different picture, but that's not working either.  Sigh.

It has been a very long, very emotionally draining day.  I know that all of you are here and you will never know just how much that means to me.  How much each of you mean to me.  So, if you see me with my iphone out snapping pictures or grab you for a photo, go easy on me.  It's because I love you that I want to document our time together.  Y'know for when senility sets in (well, sets in more, I do have three teenagers and I'm lucky I can remember my name.  Days of the week, not so much lol).  When that happens I can look at the pictures of us and see God's love.

Until next time,
I'm greedily asking for prayers for a peaceful death for my Mema.


No comments: