Thursday, July 7, 2011

Be carefull what you wish for...

I was having a conversation with one of my guru's just the other day.  She said "I don't know about you, but when I come to God for help, I usually have a plan in mind." lol  We then talked about how He doesn't follow our plan! lol  I too come to Him with plans.  For example, a couple weeks ago when I asked Him for billboards.  Yea, they're not always going to say "turn here, Gina" or "you have to play the lottery to win it, silly girl!".  No, He's not always that blunt.  He has the funniest sense of humor.  He's a sly one (in a good way, of course).

I went to adoration the other day.  I just poured my heart out to Him minus the billboard requests.  I told Him how everything isn't working.  Nothing is going right.  How I miss Mema so bad, at times, I can't breathe.  How I can't fix anything, at all.  HE LAUGHED! lol  And I said "riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight."  "I'm not in control.  You are.  No wonder nothing is working, I'm trying to do it."  So, I gave it all to Him.  Now, remember how I asked for billboards?  Remember how I said He has a sense of humor?  Yea, well, you're gonna love this....

My Carol, God how I love her.  There are just no words.  None, I tell you.  We talked a little yesterday and in the course of our conversation, she hesitantly tells me about a book she thinks I should read.  I say hesitantly b/c she was.  She tells me upfront that it confronts some major issues I have had in a past relationship.  I'll leave you to figure out the details.  She was hesitant b/c she knew it might bring up the issues and she didn't want me to hurt.  I tell her "no worries.  I just talked about it the night before with my JDC (Juvenile Detention Center) friend.  And, if I like the book, I'll tell her, and if I don't, I'll tell her too.  So, I run by her house and pick up the book.

I started reading it today.  I finished it a little while ago.  The tears are still comin down.  The book was not what I expected.  At all.  While I knew the issues that were going to come up, and that it was about how God uses what happens to us to shape us to become who we are called to be, it wasn't what I expected.  And, I didn't know what to expect, if that makes any sense.

The book was okay.  It wasn't suspenseful or anything like that.  Yet, it wasn't totally a wash either.  In the beginning, they always put what people have said about books.  This one said something about how someone was crying at the end.  And, as I was a few pages away from the end, not crying, I couldn't figure out why one would cry.  Maybe something in the story touched them.  Why am I crying you asked?  I got a billboard.  The woman's grandma passes.  And, the writer found the words to express the depths of sadness where I have been hiding.  Such the profound loss.  How Mema was my source of comfort and home.  How while I'm blissfully happy she's with Jesus (and of course Grandpa) and that I know I'll be with her again, I still long for one more day. 

So, Carol, while I didn't love the book, I totally loved the book.  Our Dad used you as a billboard for me.  I know it will all be okay, someday.   Plus the whole walking with Jesus theme at the end wasn't totally lost on me.  Yes, I know, I've been wearing my running shoes.

There you have it.  In a nutshell be careful what you wish for, He has one awesome sense of humor.

Until next time,
Pray for our new Priest Fr. Eugene and for Fr. Tuan as he moves to the Dunncanville parish.


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