A few years ago, I use to pray for patience. I like to say God gave me many gifts, coordination and patience are not one of them. So, I would pray for patience. Then, I heard a few people say that if you wish for patience that God would give you things to test/work your patience. So, I got wise and stopped asking for patience. Yea, didn't really work.
I notice that I am kind of in a loop (look kids, big Ben, parliament!) and I'm pretty sure I'm destined to stay on this loop for a while. I give stuff up to God and then the next thing you know I'm back trying to control the situation. Yesterday morning, I started a new novena. Look to the right on the blog and you can pray it with me! I decided to get wise. Last time in the novena experiment my prayers for others came through, nothing for me. So, I decided that I would only pray for my family this novena. Yea, here's what you don't know, my family extends to my gurus and certain friends too. A son of one of my gurus has been battling and infection in his hand and of course, I added that to my novena yesterday, fully aware that that was the one prayer request in my novena that will be answered and although it's not for me, I'm okay with it b/c I love my guru deeply,for good. She is one of my soul mates I will always pray for whatever she needs.
Today is day two of the novena. And, in an email that the prayer comes in, I was asked to pray for the intentions of those thousands of people who are praying the novena with me. Normally, this would not be a problem, and truth be told, it wasn't today either. I was again betrayed by my soul. I read that and my soul automatically prayed for their intentions. And, my human side was all "awww, man! Now my requests are NEVER gonna get answered!" Then, I added an intention, for my son. He's applying to college's this week. What was his first choice in school is now down to his second choice. I really want it to be his first choice and have him get in and go there. So I prayed that God would put him in the college that He thinks is best for him. As my soul is praying this, my human side had a power surge (i.e. the light bulb went off) and I realized, yet again, I am not in control no matter how desperately I try to be. Yesterday, my son came home with graduation information on caps and gowns and invitations. Talk about an arrow to my heart. This year is going so slow and so very fast at the same time. It makes it hard to breath sometimes.
Selfishness really isn't one of my best qualities. I want what I want and I want it NOW. I want my son in this particular school. I want my kids grades to come up. I want my husband to get a better job. I want, I want, I want. Then, I get an email this morning that smacked the BeJesus out of me. This email was from an acquaintance. It was a prayer request. While the request was for her, the request was also for a tenant of hers who has had a string of bad luck for the last few years that, are you ready for this, SHE HAS BEEN PRAYING FOR!!! How cool is that? Prayer is a marvelous thing. And, it's not about me. My soul is the coolest thing about me, I think. We'll that and my heart. Sure, I like to be selfish and pray for my stuff, but like with this novena, sure, I'm praying for thousands of people I don't know. But, you know what? Those thousands of people are praying for me too! And, it doesn't matter anyway. While I'd like everything to go my way and have all my wishes granted. Prayer isn't about wishing, it's about helping my friends, my family (including my guru's), and those I don't even know.
So yes, Virginia, I am not in control, and neither are you. And, we can't circumvent God.
Until next time,
Please pray for my friends son. They started a new round of medicine for his infection.
Love,
Me
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