Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Past

The past really isn't the past.  You can put your past in your past but it's not always going to stay there.

Recently, through the miracle that is facebook, someone contact me from my past.  From the not so happy part of my past.  So, I ignored their request.  A couple days later I got another request from the same person.  This time they sent a not so nice message along including colorful language and then said to accept their friend request.   Yea, I deleted that one too.  THEN, this same person friend requested one of my kids.  Being the horrible parent that I am, George and I monitor the kids emails and facebook accounts.  We don't even let them have internet on their phones.  Why do they need it when there's a perfectly good computer in the house!  I saw the friend request and ignored it.  I explained to my two facebook kids (you don't get a facebook account in our house until your 14) that someone from my past who is not very nice might friend request them.  I showed them what they looked like and told them not to accept the request.  I also reiterated the house rules on accepting friend requests.

Then, tonight my dear friend from back home and I got to chatting online.  She knew the person from my past who popped up.  We talked for about an hour.  It was beautiful.  I can tell in my witness of things that happened in my past.  I can joke and make light of things that happened in my past.  I can be 12 years removed of things that happened in my past and almost forget.  And, people try to understand.  Friends try to empathize.  And, it's lovely.  But, there's something to be said for talking to someone who was *there*.  Who saw things, heard things, knew things.  There's a bond that is formed.  When lambs are lead to the slaughter, they form a bond.  My friend and I share just such a bond.  We talked of the past, of those who were there.  Those who weren't kind.  We talked how we wake up every day and thank God that we are not in that situation anymore.

When the person popped up and asked me to accept their request, it brought back some not good memories.  Then, tonight, talking to my dear friend, it brought back more, not good memories, but a few good ones, like when I was in labor with Sarah.

It's funny, lately, I've been walking in the valley of the shadow of doubt.  I've been doubting lots of stuff lately.  My faith, but not my faith.  Not my 'I believe in God faith' but my 'Bible study, and I only talking to God when I need stuff thing'.  The 'I feel all alone' spiritually thing.  I couldn't tell you the last time God talked to me, or when I actually talked, and not complained to God.  That might be part of the problem.  I have a few books I really want to read, but have not made the time.  There's always something, kids, bible studies, friends, family, life.  You name it.  So, I'm kinda not surprised that the devil would chose to attack me with all this crap.  But the thing the devil fails to realize every time, is that God is the one who rescued me from my past.  He is the one who rescues me, every time.  So, it doesn't matter how he chooses to attack me, or how spiritually lonely or dry I feel.  God is gonna send a row boat, a helicopter, anything He can to get to me.  He'll never stop coming for me, rescuing me.  And, I know I'm going to always need Him to rescue me.

And, for those who are feeling alone, I leave you with one of my very favorites...

Until next time,
What do you need rescued from?


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