It amazes me. Noise, that is. Maybe b/c my silent retreat is coming in April, but for some reason, I am more cognizant of the noise the last few days.
I was at work yesterday. We were SLAMMED! It's like everyone decided to celebrate Valentine's Day at Olive Garden! Anywho, the vibe on the day shift is way different than that of my beloved night shift (which I also got to work...a double shift way cool!). I was way quiet during the day. I radio was on (as it always is, but it was a little lower than usual) and I just listened to all the noise. The hum of the workers talking. Orders being barked out. Knives and machines chopping. It was quite noisy. So, I retreated inside my head. Where, it was noisy.
Random thoughts would float by like clouds. Nothing of importance or interesting enough to hold my interest. Then, I decided to say a rosary. I can NEVER remember the Apostle's creed. EVER. I always confuse it with the Nicene creed and I end up mixing them together in some weird concoction that is never said the same way twice. Mary knows what I mean, and so I believe I get points for trying and the Rosary counts as being said. I got so involved in my Hail Mary's, I know I said extra, but I don't mind :)
This week was full of noise. Not so good noise-my great aunt passing, not getting the position I interviewed for at work, kids fighting, George and I arguing occasionally, missing my grandma, and missing mom. To good noise, the valentine's texts I got from my friends, the music from dancing, the laughter of my family. Noise, Noise, Noise.
I went to Mass on Friday. All I could do was cry. It was so peaceful there. God spoke to me. And, I let Him. Some times, I don't want to hear what He has to say, but this day, I let Him. And, you know what He said? He said Isaiah 42: 1-10. Then, today, I went to noon Mass. Gotta love the music! I cried through Mass again today. I can't help it, the music gets to me. We sang a song today, the title escapes me, but it was talking about being on your knees. And, I was struck by something. I don't usually take to my knees except at Mass. And, when I'm there, on my knees, and the songs are speaking to me, and He is speaking to me, all the world is right. I am *in love* with my God, and my relationship with Him. All is right with the world.
Then, Mass is over. We leave. And go to Kroger's. And, the world is no longer right. Kids are being kids and George and I cannot decide what to make for lunch (seriously!). And, after six weeks of him being unemployed, tension has been mounting. And, arguments happen. Crow is ate. Tension lingers. Forgiveness happens, feelings are hurt. The peace from Mass seems eons away.
Things I know:
It's still noisy, even inside my head.
God has a plan.
I'll never remember the entire Apostle's creed or the Act of Contrition.
Everything is going to be okay.
Until next time,
Take to your knees and know I love you.