Death is not new to me. On average, someone I love has died every four years. From an elderly woman who was my first good friend when I was a teenager, to my dad's dad whom I didn't know all that well, to my grandpa (my mom's dad) when I was in my twenties which was my first real grief, to John, my first love (I just found this one out a few months ago. He died 8 years ago. This one really sucked), to Mom almost a year ago, in which the pain was so bad, I thought I was going to die from a broken heart. What is new to me is the varying degrees of grief. And, how it has made me a more compassionate person.
I must confess whenever I heard someones mother-in-law or other in-law passed I always said the right things, but thought 'dude, they're an in-law, how close could you be?' Then, Mom passed. She was an in-law in name only. She was much more than that. Just b/c we weren't related by blood, doesn't mean that I didn't love her more than anything else. Yes, I even love her more than my chocolate-raspberry milano cookies.
Earlier this year, my dear friend Patti, lost her mother-in-law, Barb. She was as close to her as I was to my mom. Then, two days later, my friend Tina, lost her mom. Before that, my friend Myra lost her Mom. And now, just a couple weeks ago, my friend Evelyn lost her dad. I had a friend Lori, who lost her brother-in-law too. And then there's Liz. Liz lost her mom a year ago. She has been the one who 'get's it'. Who understand what I mean when I say "It's a mom day." Yes, my other friends try and they do well. But there's something to be said when Liz can look into my watery eyes on any given day and know *exactly* what's going on. What stage of grief I am in. And, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Everyone grieve differently. Person from person, man from woman. It doesn't matter, just b/c we don't cry, or we cry all over the place; we laugh or make jokes, we are or are uber serious. We run the gamet of emotions. And, any way we choose to grieve is perfect grief. It is our grief. It is how we deal.
What get's me through? Each of you. I don't have to pretend everything is okay. I don't have to pretend that my grieving is over. Each of you lift me up as I lay on my mat and lower me down through the roof. I thank you for your love, support and prayers.
Until next time,
Know that I love each of you and am praying for you as well.