Sunday, November 23, 2008

Look who I found!

I must confess, I have been struggling greatly lately. Advent starts this coming Sunday (I break out in tears); Thanksgiving is Thursday (I break out in tears); the anniversary of Mom's death is only a few weeks away (I break out in tears). Advent means it's getting closer to the anniversary of Mom's death. Every year, faithfully, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, I would call Mom with Turkey questions. I cannot do that this year.

I have been avoiding God. I don't want to talk to Him. I'm irritated at Him. I'm selfish. And, while I'm being selfish, He has been letting me know all week just how much He loves me. He had people telling me beautiful things all week. He had a friend at work tell me that since I'm moving to the shop, they'll do more business b/c people will be coming to see me; one friend said "there are moments hanging out with you that are just priceless!" and He had another friend tell me that "we work well because we hold each others hand and we jump." All made me feel beautiful. All made me feel loved. And, all came from Him.

Last night I had the opportunity for adoration. Which is a beautiful thing in and of itself. But then, I was able to spend three, yes *three* uninterrupted hours by myself with Jesus! He and I spent a wonderful evening together. There is something freeing about talking to Jesus out loud with no one there but Jesus and I. Then with about fifteen minutes to go, a friend came to join me for adoration. She joined me on the floor, in front of Jesus and we both talked to Him. Together. We prayed to Him about things and talked to Him about things and it was truly beautiful to share something so personal with someone I love so much.

At the end of adoration, I headed home. I headed home filled with peace and the knowledge that I am loved and even when I don't want to listen to Him. Even when I'm irritated with Him. Even when I feel totally abandoned by everyone and everything. He is there. He will always be there. He loves me. And, no matter how far I wander off from Him, He is never far from me.

Until next time,
Talk to Dad, go to adoration if you can, and spend time in His presence.


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