I am loved

That is a weird statement for me to say. It sounds conceited and I am anything but. I've mentioned on more than one occasion how it is difficult for me to accept compliments, praise, and love. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't feel as if I've done anything to warrant them. I'm just being me and how can being me elicit that?

The thing about love within a friendship is that you know how much you love the person but you truly don't know how much you are loved in return. You don't know what scale other people measure there love on. So, usually, I just say 'thank you' and I downplay how much people love me. Again, the opposite would be conceited to think that I am loved more than I really am. Yes, truly I have a dizzying intellect (shout out to the princess bride!). I can tell you without reservations that George loves me a lot. We have been together ten years. He puts up with all my failings and faults and still hasn't run screaming for the hills. (side note: why is it people always run screaming for the hills? How come they never run down the street or to the store or even downhill for that matter?) That is love.

Then, there is Carol. We have been best friends for five years. And, she too has not gone screaming. I know without a doubt how much Carol loves me. Just as much as I love her. There is nothing she wouldn't do for me. I just have to name it. And, she gives the best 'everything is gonna be okay, I'm here' hugs.

Then, there's the people from St. Jude's. I run into them everywhere. People I don't see very often like Lisa Harvey. She saw me shopping today and made a point to stop and say 'hi' and tell me she loves me.

~a little background here~ Yesterday turned out to be my last day at work to the shock and awe to all of us who work together. Next week was suppose to be my last day. So, no cake for me (not that my backside needs more cake, l0l!). Needless to say, I was heartbroken. I even called my friend this morning to tell her to get my friend his morning coffee. It is a routine I have been doing for the past 6 months at least. And, although I'm starting Olive Garden in a couple of weeks, leaving my friends behind made me sad. So, while I was out and about today I headed to adoration. After all, He is the only one who truly understands my heart. I lamented about missing my friends and the 'we'll keep in touches' and how people rarely do. Then, God got to work.

I was out and about and got a call. I didn't look to see who it was, I just hit the bluetooth and said 'hello'. I was greeted with "Hola, Mami!" It was my friend from work who we dubbed Papi. He was calling to tell me how much they missed me at work today; how his son who works there wished I was there; that it just wasn't the same. Then, he heard the sadness in my voice and told me not to cry (I wasn't yet, but I was getting there) and how much he loved me. That made me feel loved. I told George "I've been gone a day and I am heartbroken." "To know that after that same day, they miss me too makes me feel loved." It's amazing how fast God works!

There are other's who love me, this I know (Kim, Tina) while I am learning to accept it, it still boggles my mind. I am the one who loves people, not the one who is loved. I am the one who is there for people. It is one of those anomalies that you don't know why things are, you just accept that they are. Like in binary code one plus one equals three. You don't understand how or why, you just accept it. Actually, you have to accept it or it throws of the whole course and then you'll fail computer programming in college ;)

So, while it is hard for me to say (aside from George and Carol and Tina and Kim), I am loved. It is the most wonderful, awkward feeling.

That is what Christmas is all about. It's not about the presents (and we all know how much I likey my presents!). Yes, it's about a baby in a manger. But more than that, it's about how much that baby loves me. How He gave his life for me. How He loves me no matter what. Talk about not feeling worthy of you guys' love, His is on a grander scale! There are so many days where I don't feel worthy of His love and every Sunday, every single one, He tells me over and over how much He loves me and that He makes me worthy.

That is Christmas.

Until next time,
Snuggle with your family, enjoy the cool weather and I'll see you at 10pm Mass on Thursday.
Love,
Me

PS. Tina gave me the BEST Christmas present EVER....TWO BAGS OF CHOCOLATE RASPBERRY MILANO COOKIES!!!! YUM!

The Story of the Nativity...it's not what you think

I am picky. This is not news. I looked for years for a Nativity that I liked. They're not all alike. They have different faces. Sometimes Mary looked a little 'off'. Sometimes the wise men don't look exactly wise either. So, imagine my delight two years ago when I *finally* found a Nativity that I not liked, but LOVED! And, I found it after Christmas, and it was *deeply* discounted!

Now, last year Christmas sucked. We were all numb with the passing of Mom. Not only did we have a hard time, so did the Nativity. Jesus lost his head. I had the Nativity on the fireplace. Who uses their fireplace in Texas (today notwithstanding)? One of the stocking holders fell off the mantle and took Jesus out. (I've tried gorilla glue and a glue gun, but it's not working). Then, Maria amputated one of the wise men's hands. Apparently, he didn't need to bring a gift to baby Jesus!

So, here we are today. We are decorating the tree. I take another stab at gluing baby Jesus' head back (it didn't work and I think I got glue in my eye, l0l). You can have lots of fun with the headless baby Jesus. First comes the chorus of 'Mary had a baby and his head popped off'. There are a few linda blair jokes one could make. One could make. One might have made. But one would *never* tell, lol. Now, we have an angel we put on the tree every year. We've had her for ten years. The only think breakable on her is her face. It is George's job every year to put her on top of the tree. A) b/c he's the head of the house and B) b/c he's truly the only one tall enough to reach without a ladder (He does however stand on a chair, lol). So, picture this if you will. My loving husband reaching his arm up to put the angel on the tree. He sits her ever so gently on top of the tree. And........she takes a header tumbling down the tree clinking ornaments as she goes and wait for it.....she takes out the shepard boy of my Nativity!!! I now have a headless shepard boy, lol! And, if that wasn't enough, the angels face is now in four parts and we had to finally get rid of her. Luckily, we have a small angel that we put on top. So, clearly this Nativity that I was so picky to find and was so excited to get is a lesson. I'm thinking it's not to be so picky on my Nativity b/c their not safe in my house! lol But, I think the lesson is just to not be so picky and so full of myself as I get sometimes. As a dear friend of mine likes to say "it's not about me!" lol

Speaking of Nativities, as I was unwrapping some of the ornaments, I came across my Christmas present from Mom and Dad from last year. The last one I'll ever get from her (they purchased it before she passed). Mom and Dad collect Hummels. It is the while Nativity set of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Boy, did I have a good cry over that one! You can rest assured, the Nativity is on top of the entertainment center where nothing will fall on it (unless the roof falls in) or knock it over!

So, Until next time,
snuggle with your honey to keep warm, keep your kids away from your Nativities, and enjoy this third week of advent. God bless each of you!

Love,
Me

Peace Be With You!

What a day!!! I am *so* unbelievably blessed! There is so much I want to share about today.

First off, it is the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe! I *so* adore her! She is the best mom EVER!

Next, I talked to someone today that totally made my entire day. Do you guys know Jeff Kay? I'm sure you've seen him at church. He is George's best friend and husband to Kim whom I adore. Let me tell you about Jeff. As Kim tells it, he is like me in guy form. So, Jeff 'gets' me. I met Jeff almost two years ago and we got to know each other as he helped me plan George's surprise birthday party. He is such a great guy! I called to talked to Kim today and she wasn't there and talked to Jeff for a minute. I asked him if he would pray for George (as most of you know, George got laid off yesterday) and he said he would, but then he asked me for a favor. He asked me to relax. I said "Have you met me? lol" and he said "I know, that's why I said relax!" That made me feel so loved. Someone cares so much about my family. Someone knows that while I pretend to be calm, really, I'm not. That little bit of concern meant the world to me. Jeff rocks.

And, I talked to my dad today. He heard from my brother this morning. Joey is safe and okay! PRAISE GOD!!!

Then tonight, I went to my chrp zero Christmas Party. I had such a great time and left feeling so very loved and so very at peace (although that might have been the margaritas lol! j/k). When I arrived home there was a present waiting for me from three of my teens from Lifesavers. They came to sing and drop off a bottle of sparkling cider, homemade cookies, a candy cane, and their picture! Again, I felt so very loved. George said something months ago that I thought of this evening. He said that I am surprised that people love me and that I don't really believe them. It's not that I don't believe them, I just find it hard to believe that people who know *me*, the *real* me, love me. I chalk it up to childhood issues. I am also choosing to believe that with all this outpouring of love, it is a reminder of how much my mom, Carol, loves me. I am choosing to beleive that she is in heaven and see's how much I miss her. So, she is showing me through my friends just how much I am loved. At the same time, I belive it is also God, and Mary, my parents, showing me how much they love me! I am blessed to be so loved!

Tomorrow we are going to buy our Christmas tree!!!! Maybe then, I'll be in the mood to finish decorating for Christmas. I'm working on it.

Until next time,
Know that I love each of you deeply!

Love,
Me

PS. Tina, Ready? 1-2-3!

What a day!

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It has been quite an interesting day! First, I wore light blue for the the blue movement (http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/event.php?eid=59538557048). It's a Marian thing :) Then, work was slower than molasses! I only served SIX salads today (we had salad on the stir fry line). So, I got to help my friends on the sandwich line and grill. On the way home from work, I stopped at the New Olive Garden in ALLEN!!!! WOOHOO!

I spoke with Rob the General Manager who remembered me! He looked for a guy and when he found him told him to get my application out of a binder and set me up for an interview with the other manager and then said...wait for it..."I'LL VOUCH FOR HER!!!" That was *so* awesome! Then Rob, the GM showed the the MASSIVE kitchen! So, prayers please as I have my final interview on Wednesday after work (3:15) and I also have to fill out a personality profile. As if there's a box on any form that I fit into!!! The NERVE! lol As you all well know, I do not fit in *any* box! I am a hexagon! lol

Then, this evening we (the family and I) went to Mass as it is the Immaculate Conception! As I'm singing in the choir at some point during mass, it dawns on me that exactly one year ago today I was at Mass for the same reason. Only last time, the kids and I and George were in tears. We knew at this point, Mom wasn't going to make it. We were passing the holding cross to each other and praying on it. It just so happens that I had that same holding cross in my hands all Mass. The great thing about this cross is that it traveled to Philadelphia last year, it has been prayed on by my family, it has been at my best friend Carol's for a little while, James carried it for Confirmation, my friend Kathy had it while she was in the hospital, and tonight, after Mass, I was taking it to my best friend Tina as her Grandma Kate is dying. But, I digress. Here I was stroking the cross when it dawns on me what today was. A year ago this week, my husband, my rock, flew up to Philly for what turned out to be his last visit with his Mother. And, as I am singing to my mother, Mary, I could not stop the tears.

Mary is the true model of motherhood. One of my favorite prayers to her that I have is when I crawl up on her lap, put my head on her chest and ask her to wrap her mantle around me and hold me. Thank you Our Lady of Guadalupe! Btw-her feast day is This FRIDAY!! WOOHOO!

"Hear and let it penetrate into your heart, my dear little son: let nothing discourage you, nothing depress you: let nothing alter your heart or your countenance. Also do not fear any illness or vexation, anxiety or pain. Am I not here who am your Mother? Are you not under my shadow and protection? Am I not your fountain of life? Are you not in the folds of my mantle, in the crossing of my arms? Is there anything else that you need?" (Words of the Blessed Virgin Mary to Juan Diego)

What more can I ask for in a mother? Nothing, I tell you! So, I came tonight to worship my mother, Mary, and to praise her. In doing so, I felt the loss of my Mom, Carol, and then, I drew even closer to Mary. How blessed are we to have such a shinning example of motherhood!

The day is just about done. One kid is pretending to be in bed. Two others are heading off to bed and I am going to spend some time with my mother Mary.

Until next time,
Talk to Mary, Pray for my Olive Garden interview on Wednesday, and know how much I deeply, deeply love each of you!

Love,
Me

PS. You haven't heard Breath of Heaven until you've heard it sung by Katie Lacy!

Update: Peace, Love, and the Man from Crete

Wow! It seems like *forever* since I've blogged. This might be a long one. So, get some herbal tea, wrap yourself in your favorite robe or blanket, and lets catch up!

Work:

~sigh~ Aside from all the drama, the latest is I'm still waiting to hear from Olive Garden this week or next. I applied for the kitchen. Most people I've told so far suggest I wait tables as I'd be 'great with my personality' lol. I'll tell you what I told them..."thanks, but have you met me? I am so not coordinated. Me+walking+a tray filled with food=disaster!"

As for Dr. Pepper, here's what I know...or think I know as rumors have been swirling. They closed my salad station permanently. They put me in the gift shop last week permanently. This Monday, they put me back in the kitchen permanently. While the move back to the kitchen was an answered prayer, it's kind of funny that the Evil Troll doesn't know the meaning of the word permanently. And, at this point I am thankful for that!

Since my station is closed (permanently!) and they fired the guy who worked the stir fry station (it was deserved, but it could have been fixed and we're all bummed) I now get the stir fry station. The good news is this is a good culinary move as I go from cold foods to hot. The better news is that not just my co-workers, but my customers were extremely happy to have me back! And, they complained so much all week about not having salads that we had a salad today and I was able to have the chef put them on the menu next week with 3 days of salad and two days of stir fry! The bad news is that on Friday's we have to keep the taco salads. But hey, I'm gainfully employed and working with people I *adore* (evil troll and chef notwithstanding! lol)

Rumor has it that a new company is taking over the kitchen and will most likely roll over us current employees to their company. So, this is good!

So, thank you for all your prayers for my job situation! I'm asking for continued prayers as God's will be done! Oh! I almost forgot to tell you! Today, at work, one of my *favorite* customers comes up to me and says "I don't want anything but I wanted to ask you a question. Do you go to St. Jude's?!" I proudly told him I did! It turns out he happened to be at church Sunday and saw me. He said when he finally realized where he knew me from I was gone. But then, when he went to Mass (at 5pm) he saw me in the choir!!! SMALL WORLD! But it was a little smile from God today!

Speaking of Mass this week...

You all know how much I *love* to sing, right? I was born to be a back up singer. I love, LOVE being a background singer. Well, this past Sunday, it was Mike, Me, and a new girl. I was okay with this until Mike put me on the first mike to bring in the congregation. Instead of singing assuredly like I do most of the time, I became timid and was *so* not comfortable. I had a friend at work tell me today that clearly God wanted me to stretch out of my comfort zone a little! lol

So, in a nutshell, work is going okay at this very second. But that may change at any time.


This has been a emotionally tumultuous week. I knew Wednesday was coming. It was the one year anniversary of the day Mom was diagnosed with her pancreatic cancer. Also, there is the subconscious countdown to the one year anniversary of Mom's death (fourteen days as of this very minute). I wasn't looking forward to my weekly chrp meeting or the Cenacle on Wednesday evening. I knew it was the case of once I get there it will be okay, but I just didn't want to go. Sunday, at least four people asked me if I was going to cenacle and I hemmed and hawed. Finally, someone says they were having a good-bye thing for Mary Branson (she leaves in two weeks :( ) and of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

So I go to chrp on Tuesday:

They have us take a snack baggie and fill it with sand, one spoon full. I make sure to get the tiny blue shell in mine. I played with it all evening (we were suppose to hold it all night). Carolina and I sat next too each other (we're an awesome combination!) and we just giggled! Carolina is *so* funny and most of the time, so easy to make laugh and that's what I love to do. Make her (and you guys) laugh! I held up my sand and showed her and said "look! It's a poor mans' etch-a-sketch! lol
But, I digress. The sand represents our earthly treasures. My first thought was "this isn't a lot". Until we're told that each grain of sand represents one treasure. Emotional, physical, whatever. It's what is our own earthly treasures.

Then the evening begins with a story: The Man from Crete. It goes something like this...

There's this elderly man who lived in Crete all his life. It is his beloved country. He never left. Ever. He loved it so very much. Then, as he is dying he gets a hand full of the earth from Crete and passes away. When he arrives in heaven in front of the pearly gates (made of actual pearls) God comes out to greet him. "I'm so happy you're here!" says God "Come on in! I've been waiting for you!" and then God looks into the mans hand and asks what he is carrying. He explains to God that it is his beloved Crete. God tells him he cannot come in until he lets go of what is in his hand and that he'll be back later.

A little while later, God comes out wearing overalls with a beer in His hand and party noises wafting behind Him. He asks the man if he is ready to let go and come inside, but the man isn't ready. God tells him it's okay. Take all the time you need, I'll be back in a little while.

A little more time passes and this time the child Jesus comes out and asks the man to come in. He isn't ready to let go yet. So Jesus asks him what's in his hand. The man explains and the child Jesus asks to see it. Now, the man has been holding onto the Crete earth for so long that all the moisture is out of it and nothing is left but sand. He opens his hand to show Jesus. And, a wind comes by and blows it away. The man takes the child Jesus' hand and into heaven they walk and what is behind the gates? His beloved Crete!

The moral is 'what are we holding on to that is preventing God from giving us the gifts He wants to give us?' My answer was easy. Anger. I am holding onto my anger at losing Mom.

As the evening wound to a close we were to take some time and reflect and when we were ready to empty our sand back into the box and release whatever we have been holding onto that is preventing God from giving us what He wants.

This was the hard part. To say I was crying would be the understatement of the year, but I was being quiet about it shrinking myself into a corner as to not draw attention. But God, as usual, in His infinite wisdom, had other plans! Carolina came to me, leaned down, put her arms around me and talked with me. Then Mary Branson came over and the two of them talked with me and helped me do one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Let. Mom. Go. I won't tell you our conversation b/c it is private and beautiful and I am going to be selfish and keep it for myself. But, in the end, b/c of these two women whom God sent, and with Carolina going with me, I emptied my sand and I let Mom go.

That night. Tuesday night, I had the best night sleep I have had in a very long time. And, since then, while it's only been a couple days, I have been filled with a peace that I cannot describe.

Again, God is continuing to show me on a daily basis how much I am loved. I don't think that is something that I'll ever get used to. Being someone who never had friends and always felt like I didn't belong to having friends show me on a DAILY basis how much I am loved is a beautiful feeling. And, if that wasn't enough, I had a friend tell me on Tuesday evening that they love me "with all their heart"! That just melted in my soul and will stay there forever.

Wednesday:

The Cenacle was beautful and Mary (Branson) was the speaker. The one thing she said that stuck with me was about looking for Joy. No, it's not a lost child, or a cookbook. I can't recall her exact words but it had to do with looking for Joy in all things. So, since that was just last night, I figured I'd give it a whirl today and y'know what? Today was the best day! Maybe she's onto something!


Prayer requests:

Please pray for healing for Philip as he has a fever (not good!). Pray for the safe return for my brother from Iraq. We haven't heard from him in about eight weeks. And, please pray for healing for Tina's Grandma Kate.

Until next time,
What are you holding in *your* hands that is preventing God from giving you His gifts?

Love,
Me

PS. Suzanne, I think you hung the moon! I love you so very much! Kim, ha ha ha welcome to the vortex, there is no escaping! Carol, thank you for being you. I love you more than you will ever know! Tina, EIGHT more days!! We'll take the RV to El Fenix and I can't imagine taking the road trip with anyone but you! Love you BACK! Carolina and Mary, I am deeply indebted to you. There is no way I can ever repay your generosity. Whatever you need, I am here for you forever!

Good Grief, Charlie Brown!

Death is not new to me. On average, someone I love has died every four years. From an elderly woman who was my first good friend when I was a teenager, to my dad's dad whom I didn't know all that well, to my grandpa (my mom's dad) when I was in my twenties which was my first real grief, to John, my first love (I just found this one out a few months ago. He died 8 years ago. This one really sucked), to Mom almost a year ago, in which the pain was so bad, I thought I was going to die from a broken heart. What is new to me is the varying degrees of grief. And, how it has made me a more compassionate person.

I must confess whenever I heard someones mother-in-law or other in-law passed I always said the right things, but thought 'dude, they're an in-law, how close could you be?' Then, Mom passed. She was an in-law in name only. She was much more than that. Just b/c we weren't related by blood, doesn't mean that I didn't love her more than anything else. Yes, I even love her more than my chocolate-raspberry milano cookies.

Earlier this year, my dear friend Patti, lost her mother-in-law, Barb. She was as close to her as I was to my mom. Then, two days later, my friend Tina, lost her mom. Before that, my friend Myra lost her Mom. And now, just a couple weeks ago, my friend Evelyn lost her dad. I had a friend Lori, who lost her brother-in-law too. And then there's Liz. Liz lost her mom a year ago. She has been the one who 'get's it'. Who understand what I mean when I say "It's a mom day." Yes, my other friends try and they do well. But there's something to be said when Liz can look into my watery eyes on any given day and know *exactly* what's going on. What stage of grief I am in. And, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Everyone grieve differently. Person from person, man from woman. It doesn't matter, just b/c we don't cry, or we cry all over the place; we laugh or make jokes, we are or are uber serious. We run the gamet of emotions. And, any way we choose to grieve is perfect grief. It is our grief. It is how we deal.

What get's me through? Each of you. I don't have to pretend everything is okay. I don't have to pretend that my grieving is over. Each of you lift me up as I lay on my mat and lower me down through the roof. I thank you for your love, support and prayers.

Until next time,
Know that I love each of you and am praying for you as well.

Love,
Me

Look who I found!

I must confess, I have been struggling greatly lately. Advent starts this coming Sunday (I break out in tears); Thanksgiving is Thursday (I break out in tears); the anniversary of Mom's death is only a few weeks away (I break out in tears). Advent means it's getting closer to the anniversary of Mom's death. Every year, faithfully, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, I would call Mom with Turkey questions. I cannot do that this year.

I have been avoiding God. I don't want to talk to Him. I'm irritated at Him. I'm selfish. And, while I'm being selfish, He has been letting me know all week just how much He loves me. He had people telling me beautiful things all week. He had a friend at work tell me that since I'm moving to the shop, they'll do more business b/c people will be coming to see me; one friend said "there are moments hanging out with you that are just priceless!" and He had another friend tell me that "we work well because we hold each others hand and we jump." All made me feel beautiful. All made me feel loved. And, all came from Him.

Last night I had the opportunity for adoration. Which is a beautiful thing in and of itself. But then, I was able to spend three, yes *three* uninterrupted hours by myself with Jesus! He and I spent a wonderful evening together. There is something freeing about talking to Jesus out loud with no one there but Jesus and I. Then with about fifteen minutes to go, a friend came to join me for adoration. She joined me on the floor, in front of Jesus and we both talked to Him. Together. We prayed to Him about things and talked to Him about things and it was truly beautiful to share something so personal with someone I love so much.

At the end of adoration, I headed home. I headed home filled with peace and the knowledge that I am loved and even when I don't want to listen to Him. Even when I'm irritated with Him. Even when I feel totally abandoned by everyone and everything. He is there. He will always be there. He loves me. And, no matter how far I wander off from Him, He is never far from me.

Until next time,
Talk to Dad, go to adoration if you can, and spend time in His presence.

Love,
Me

Leaving 99

It feels good to be so loved. Especially on days like today.
Until next time,
Enjoy the video.
Love,
Me

Update

So, I didn't get the Cheesecake Job. That's okay.

I called Olive Garden on Thursday and inquired about the new one in Allen and spoke to the manager. He said to go in last Friday. So, I did. I had a mini interview that went really well. Spoke with one of the trainers. They even gave me a few applications for the people that I work with. The bad news is that they're not doing anything with the apps until Dec 8th. More waiting.

Today, I found out this is most likely my last week on my station, then Evil Troll is moving me to the gift shop. I SO DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE SHOP! With every fiber of my being, I don't want to be a cashier!!!! They also had me go home early b/c we weren't that busy. Y'know, there's other employees they could've sent home. But since I'm irritable and tired of their crap, the less I have to be there, the better.

Then, today, I applied at Victoria's Secret. I worked for them almost 20 years ago. It's less money, but more hours and the sooner I can get out of Dr. Pepper and the gift shop, the better. Then, I'll have something until Olive Garden comes through (if they come through).

I'm not happy. Actually, I'm sad and somewhat heartbroken. I just like the people that I work with. Even the customers. I can't even tell them that my station is closing. It's like one day I'll be there and the next, I'll be gone and in the stupid shop.

~Sigh~

So, tonight after Victoria's Secret, I came home, went upstairs, changed and laid in bed and started to pray to Dad. I gave Him a lot for His to do list. I'll try not to take it back. I don't recommend praying while laying down as I fell asleep for a few minutes, but I think it was His gift to me. Matthew 11:28-30 'come to me all you who are labor and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am meek and humble of heart. For my yoke is easy and my burden light.'

I came to Him. And, He gave me rest. Interesting. Hopefully, He'll give me a job at Olive Garden with my friends.

Until next time,
Say a prayer for the repose of the soul of my mom, make yourself a cup of tea, and enjoy the weather.

Love,
Me

PS. Here is something that makes me smile....My family Carol, Kim, and Tina all in one place with me :)

What a day!

So, you guys know how much I love my job, evil troll not withstanding. There's been rumblings of stations closing and that the management was leaving but that we'd be okay.

Yesterday, the evil troll decides to tell me before the lunch rush that in two weeks they're closing my station. Then she says I'll work in the company store (just down the hall) for a few weeks until that closes and then they'll move me to another account. There' one available right now, in Carrolton. So, now I'm upset. I don't want to go to Carrolton (they do have other accounts). I go to finish getting ready for lunch and she then comes up and tells me not to tell anyone b/c she doesn't want them to worry about their positions!

Now, I'm fuming and trying to hold back tears. When I get angry I cry. I not only love my job b/c of my customers. I love my job b/c of the people that I work with. How often do you get a job where you get along with *everybody*?! Plus, I've grown quite attached to a couple people there and I cannot imagine not seeing them everyday. So now I'm even angrier. I tried to calm myself with the fact that at least at the store I'd be able to see everyone during our lunch break. Turns out that wont happen. My lunch would be at 11 instead of 1:30 so I can't even talk to them. What is worse, is that my friends see that I'm upset and they know that Evil Troll had something to do with it. I just can't tell them. Ahhh, but if they guess I didn't tell them! lol I might try that today. So here are my friends who want to help, but don't know how. So, they did the next best thing. One gave me a hug (which I get all the time, this one was an extra one) and another one says "smile, God loves you." So, I smiled and said He was the only one and she said "No, a lot of people here love you."

Sadly, even the customers noticed something was up. Instead of saying "wonderful" when asked how I was, I would say "Good. Or Great." They would look at me at knew something was wrong. And gave me extra smiles or have a good days. I tried to hide the fact that the day was now in the crapper, but you guys have met me. You know me. There are two things I'm bad at. Lying and acting (George would say humor too lol). So, it was pretty easy to pick up on my mood.

So, I'm fuming and I say to the chef "I can't believe she couldn't have waited until the end of the day to tell me this!" He sees I'm upset. Follows me and I begin to tell him what happen (as if he didn't already know!) and I cry. It was very hard not too. I want to go home. He says maybe I can leave early. In the course of the next 30 minutes he has me go talk to evil troll who the minute I walk into her office starts YELLING at me! Now, I'm no manager, but I'm pretty sure YELLING at your employee is not only bad form, but not allowed. She doesn't understand why I'm so upset. I'm not getting fired. blah..blah..blah. This woman has no heart and no soul, so I'm not going to waste my breath explaining anything to her. I resist the urge to wish that she gets run over by a truck on the way home.

As it turns out, my position isn't the only one disappearing. So, I decided yesterday that I'm going to leave (God willing) before I have to work in the store and be isolated (I'd be by myself. Granted, I'd be in good company lol). So yesterday, I applied at a couple places, Mimi's and Cheesecake Factory both here in Allen. I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want the Cheesecake job! So I am selfishly asking for prayers that I get the Cheesecake job.

I of course called George during work when I could, then on the way home I called Tina (M). After rehashing the day I was in tears. Now, keep in mind, I'm pmsing and it's been a really bad week and then a craptastick day. I was crying pretty bad. She had me come over just so she could give me a hug (awwwwwwwww!). Then, I had crhp outreach last night. Didn't want to go. George said I should so I did. I hate it when he's right (which is most of the time). He and Carol cornered the market on being right which doesn't bode well often for me! lol

I know God has a plan. I know He loves me. I know everything will be okay. I just want His plan to include the Cheesecake Factory, is that so wrong?! lol

Please pray that today goes well. That the Evil Troll ignores me and lets me work in peace and that I get the Cheesecake job.

Until next time,
Appreciate your coworkers, pray for your bosses, love one another.

Love,
Me

I am home

So, I stopped by the craft fair yesterday. I like going and seeing all the neat stuff. I always see a few items I would like for me, but usually it's stuff for my friends. "oooh, my Carol would like this! Look, a butterfly for Tina!" But with funds being as they are I was just window shopping. Today, I went to the fair as a volunteer in the kitchen. It was *way* cool.

The great thing about the craft fair is I get to see people that I don't have the opportunity to since I've started working. I can't tell you the joy I derived from going behind the tables of a few booths of people I haven't seen in forever and get these really big gigantor hugs. And if that weren't enough, there was a lot of "I miss you! I *so* miss you. It is *so* good to see you!" St. Jude's is definitely good for my ego! lol

I really needed this weekend at the fair. Seeing all these people, getting all these hugs I have felt so loved! I think we tend to take each other for granted. We take our friendships and relationships for granted. And we are all going so fast, that we needs these reminders to stop, rewind, and take a break. God is talking to us through others. He's letting us know that we are loved. That He misses us. That He wants us to spend time with our friends and with Him. He gave us these friendships and we need to nourish them.

St. Jude's is my home. It's not just my parish. It is my home. I have laughed there. Cried there. Gotten angry there. worked there. Slept there. Confessed my sins. Laid it all bare there. I have spent time with my mother there. I have spent time with my father there. I have celebrated and mourned there. I have gained friendships there. I have strengthened friendships there. I have gained a family there. A heavenly family and an earthly family. There is no pretense there. No matter what mood I am or how I am feeling, when I walk onto the grounds I am at peace, I am home. I am loved.

Until next time,
Remember, I love you deeply.
Love,
Me

Cause you got to have friends....

I have a small group of friends whom I love and adore. Over the past year I have become quite close with a few others whom I so love and adore.

I'd like to tell you about one such friend. I have known her for a few years. Enough to see her in the halls at church and say "hi". But I didn't *know* her. Then, a few weeks ago we went on the Rockin C retreat and she and I got closer. We are also in the St. Mark's CRHP together. And, through these Tuesday evenings we have gotten to know each other very well.

Last night was our regular Tuesday meeting and I had a rough time sharing some prayers that were on my heart. Mainly, Mom. After prayer time, she motioned across the room for me to come over to her. I did, and she put her arm around me and took me for a walk. The nature of the walk and our conversation I will not share. A) because it is between me and my friend, and b) because it is a moment in time that I cherish that I want to keep selfishly to myself. Each of my friendships are special in so many different ways. From Carol who loves me unconditionally no matter what, to Kim who loves me not just in spite of my goofiness, but b/c of it to Tina (Myers) who makes me laugh till I snort, to the others whom I hold just as close. This particular relationship is special to me b/c she doesn't let people in readily and for some reason saw something in me and said "hey, I think I'll let her in." In our short friendship we have laughed together and we have cried together. The great thing about our relationship is that there is no end. I can't wait to watch our friendship grow!

Carolina, you are a true gift from God and I am blessed beyond all measure that He brought us together! I love you :)

Until next time,
Call and old friend, make a new one, and make yourself laugh! I keep myself in stitches!!

Love,
Me

Seriously?

What ever happened to the after school specials? You remember them? The tv shows on 'after school' that taught us never to get in a car with a stranger, not to play with matches, to just say no, and that really, not everyone is 'doing it'!

Clearly, we need to write to some tv station somewhere. Albeit it cheesy, I didn't play with matches, talk to strangers, get in anyone's car or try drugs.

My kids, while mostly good are going to drive me back to therapy at an alarming rate. James is 14. He is testing his boundaries and my patience (or lack thereof) and my limits. Then there is Maria and Sarah, 12 and 11 respectively. So far we just have minor school issues with them, friend issues and occasionally major drama queen issues with the resident drama queen, Sarah. I don't know how I am going to make it through their teen years. How many other parents who came before me survived, I will never, ever know. While I wasn't the perfect kid, I didn't do anything nearly as off the charts as my kids. And technically, I should be happy my children aren't as bad as Cain and Able or Jacob and Esau.

In my defense, I am pmsing. I am out of chocolate. And, I am out of my chocolate milano cookies. ~sigh~ Calgon take me away!!! The sad part about calgon is that as a mom you can't even enjoy it. Say you get a minute to take that relaxing bath. It only lasts 20 minutes and those twenty minute are filled with the screams of the needs of the spawns of my loins from the rooms below. Clearly the woman on the commercial had a maid or a nanny or stepford children who left her alone so she could enjoy said relaxing bath. I have none of those things. And truth be told, the stepford kid thing would freak me out. Although the maid thing I could get use to!

Until next time,
Hug your kids, pray for me and mine, and enjoy this beautiful weather!
Love,
Me

A couple things to share

First off, thank you to all that voted, whomever you voted for. I don't know if it's b/c I'm a military brat or not, but I get so overwhelmed by the liberties that we have in this country and the right to vote is just simply breathtaking. I realize that our new president is not one that many of us had wanted. It's okay to be disappointed, but now I ask for your prayers for our new president. Your new president. My new president.

Did I ever tell you I worked for the government? Federal and State? Well, I did. And one of my favorite things is taking the Oath to "support and defend the constitution of the United States..." It's a similar version to which the enlisted soldiers and the president take. It is the coolest thing in the world to me (next to Suzanne, she's uber cool! Happy Birthday Suzanne!) So, while I do not agree with the choice, I am still happy to be living in a country that gives us a choice, and I will support my president and I ask you to do the same.

Secondly, totally unrelated to the first...

You know the stages of grief form that goes around? I found mine the other day and I lost it. So, I made up my own. In six weeks I will be celebrating mom's trip home to God. So, I'm a little wonkie emotionally for a while. Yes, this is in addition to my normal emotional wonkiness.

The Stages of Grief:

This isn't fair.
Death sucks.
No, seriously, this isn't fair!
Can I come too...oh wait, not ready yet!
I'm Angry.
I'm angry at God.
I'm angry at my family.
I'm angry at the weather.
I'm just plain angry.
You want me to cook what? Dinner? I'm grieving here you're lucky my butt is out of bed!
I miss you lots and lots.
Hey, showering isn't so bad!
No, I'm not fine. I'm not ever going to be fine again. Quit asking.
Yes, you want to do something for me? Bring my loved one back.
More Anger.
Dude, I didn't think I had anymore tears left. Guess I was wrong.
Hey, did you see the sun today?
Look, honey, I remembered how to do the laundry.
Thank you spouse for picking up my slack.
Wow, the sun really does get up in the morning.
Crap, it's almost a year!
More Anger.
Lots more tears.
That's as far as I got as that's as far as I am. It will get better.

Have a blessed day and until next time,
Pray for our president, pray for me, and pray for my mom.

Love,
Me

Did You Know

That there are some Catholics who are going to vote for Obama? Do you know that they are even in our own parish and other parishes in the diocese? Our Bishop of Dallas and of Ft. Worth have put out facts that every Catholic needs to know in order to vote without committing a mortal sin. Yes, that's right, a mortal sin. Father Corapi even put out a video which I posted here.

To those in our parish who want to vote for Obama, I ask you what is more important, economics or LIFE? Here is a message from Catholic City that I received today. Please pray that our brothers and sisters in Christ choose Life!

Until next time,
CHOOSE LIFE, CHOOSE LIFE, CHOOSE LIFE AND VOTE!!!!

Love,
Me

The CatholiCity Message
Volume XII, Number 11

Dear CatholiCity Citizen,

We hope you have been following the news on the CatholiCity.com homepage.

"VICTORY OF LIFE"
Please bear in mind two major tactics of the evil one. First, he deceives. Second, he discourages. The deceptions in the media are at times overwhelming, and have many of us not felt in our gut a keen temptation of despair or discouragement during the past few months and in recent weeks?

The presidential election concerns many issues that Christians can legitimately debate, but for most CatholiCity Citizens, it is primarily a life or death referendum for those who cannot vote: unborn babies.

Here is what Bishop Finn of Missouri wrote on the subject:

"Together with the other Bishops of Missouri I am calling on all the faithful to make this last week before the election a week of prayer for our nation -- a week of prayer for the protection of Human Life. In 1571, in the midst of the Battle of Lepanto, when the future of Christian Europe was in the balance and the odds against them were overwhelming, prayer to Our Lady of the Rosary brought the decisive victory. We ask her now to watch over our country and bring us the victory of life."

"Our Catholic moral principles teach that a candidate's promise of economic prosperity is insufficient to justify their constant support of abortion laws, including partial-birth abortion, and infanticide for born-alive infants. Promotion of the Freedom of Choice Act is a pledge to eliminate every single limit on abortions achieved over the last thirty-five years. I ask you to join me in invoking the Guardian Angels of 47 million babies lost through abortion in our country in the last thirty-five years. This horrendous loss of life remains one of the greatest threats to human civilization we have ever faced."

PRO-LIFE FACTS
We understand, sadly, that a very small portion of our readers do not believe that local and national elections significantly effect whether unborn babies live or die. We respectfully invite you to read about the consequences Bishop Finn referred to above, along with other life-issues consequences, as documented by the Priests for Life website, in order to make an informed decision:

http://www.priestsforlife.org/elections/consequences.htm

POLLS AND PRAYERS
There seems to be some evidence that polling was even less reliable than usual during this election cycle, and even that some polls are manipulated to discourage certain voters. As Karl Rove documents, the polls were misleading in 2000 and 2004:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122533149619882883.html

Bear in mind that polls do not take into account our prayers or the prayers of tens of millions of faithful Christians, Catholic and Evangelical alike.

LET US PRAY
God is all-powerful, and He greatly desires to answer our prayers. He can and will influence voters and circumstances on Election Day. So as we join together now in prayer, please do so with an abiding sense of faith and peace, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit:

"Dear Jesus, King of Kings and Lord or Lords, pour your grace into the hearts of voters in the United States as we prepare for the upcoming election. Secure for us leaders who will bring our country closer to Your holy will."

"Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in the day of battle. Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the power of God, cast into hell satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen."

"Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen."

Our Lady of Guadalupe, Patroness of the Americas and the Unborn, pray for us.
Saints Katharine Drexel and Elizabeth Ann Seton, American saints, pray for us.
Saint Thomas More, Patron of Politicians, pray for us.
Saint Jude, Patron of Impossible Causes, pray for us,
Saint Joseph, King of Silence, pray for us,
Saint Anthony, Miracle Worker, pray for us,
Saint Josemaria Escriva, Powerful Intercessor, pray for us,
Saint Maximilian Kolbe, Martyr of Love, pray for us,
Saint Therese the Little Flower, Friend in Heaven, pray for us,
Immaculate Mary, Patroness of the United States, crush the serpent's head!

Merciful Jesus, for the sake of your sorrowful passion,
have mercy on us and on the whole world!

Almighty Father in heaven, release Saint Michael now!
Almighty Father in heaven, release Saint Michael now!
ALMIGHTY FATHER IN HEAVEN, RELEASE SAINT MICHAEL NOW!!

Amen. Thank you. We will return shortly after the election.

With Christ,

Your Friends at CatholiCity

It's been a while

I know I had a flurry of blogging going on last week and then it seemed like there was nothing. Well, at least to me. Thank you for all your kind words, every one.

I just wanted to remind everyone who hasn't yet to get out there and vote tomorrow! Vote for LIFE!

I have pictures of our Halloween Party from Saturday that I'll be posting later, maybe tonight. I'm still waiting on the one from the Rockin C retreat with me on a horse and Nancy is having technical difficulties with her system so when I get the motorcycle one, I'll post it before I frame it!

For those of you who don't know, yesterday was all souls day! The Lifesavers youth group that I'm involved in on Sunday evenings went to the oldest Catholic Cemetery in Collin county (it's in Wylie/Parker area) to pray the Rosary.

It was way cool! It was really dark. Man, though, those stars! They were amazing! And, you know, as I'm standing there with these teens and these other core members (adults)I felt peace. I must confess, I've not become a lover of spooky movies. And, mostly, I'm easily startled/scared. This was totally out of my comfort zone. But, I'm tired of chickening out of stuff (like the zip line at the retreat. Not the horse mind you, that was fine to chicken out of! lol). So, I went. While my intention was to pray for the dead and the dead of my family and friends, my mind would only stay on one. Mom. George's mom. My mom. I know she was there. I kept looking around (as did some of the kids) for 'something to happen'. But everything stayed calm. Then, I smelled incense, twice. That one was easy to figure out. I looked up and realized I was standing next to Jake who was the Thurver at Mass not 20 minutes before. To those of you who don't know (I didn't at first) the Thurver is the person who works the incense during Mass.

Anywho, nothing happened out of the ordinary. I kept talking to mom. I so wanted her to talk to me. I miss her more than I can tell you. I wanted to see her again, not later, now. But, I knew and she knew that I'd probably run for the hills screaming and take all the teens with me! So, when I finally let go of looking for her, a calm had taken me over. She was there. As sure as I live and breathe, she was there. I talked to her and prayed the Rosary with the teens. Man are these teens ever awesome!

Until next time,
Please pray for the souls of the faithfully departed, pray for those who are coming upon the anniversary of a loved ones death, and please, please, please, get out there and vote tomorrow!

Love,
Me

Gimme a Revelation

To my crhp group, my bible study group, and my St. Ignatius Prayer group: Remember about five years ago when I would pray for God to send me billboards cause I was so thick and I couldn't hear Him very well? Yea. Well, you know times are changing when in prayer last night I said to Him "enough with the billboards already!" lol

He has been calling me. So, I picked up the bat phone and He still keeps calling. It's like you're talking to someone on the phone and call waiting beeps in and it's the same person!!!! I went to church last night and the song was Here I am, Lord! I cried all the way through. Dude! I get it! You're calling me!!! Then, was it this week I think, Isaiah 43 kept being brought to me. And, here I am this evening working on my paper for crhp and a scripture came to me but I couldn't remember where it was "I have called you by name." I'll give you three guesses where it comes from! Yea, I had to look it up. Isaiah 43:1-2!!!!

So, after the PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES WON THE 2008 WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONSHI I told George I was gonna work on my paper and zone out with my music. I heard a song from one of my all time fav groups Third Day a little while ago. It's from their new album Revelation. It was the title track. So I found it and played it. Sigh. Yea, more billboards. Here it is for your enjoyment.

Thank you to all of you who have ministered to me this week. Thank you for being billboards. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for our little inside jokes. Thank you for making me feel so remarkably special and so unbelievably wanted. To Carol who asked for a favor with "please? For 'your' Carol" as if I'd ever say no to her; to Julie and her infinite wisdom; to Sharon for sharing her courage; for George for all his love and support; to my sister Tina who is having my niece Katie as we speak! To Tina (Myers) for your unwavering support; to Tina (Scheckel) I miss you terribly. You have been such a witness to me this week. I have been talking to you and calling on you. To Suzanne (Endress), you ROCK! You are so strong and so funny and so unbelievably cool. When I grow up I want to be just like you! To Jeff, for being one of the girls. To Evelyn for being there just when I needed you. And to my Adam who thought I wasn't talking to him b/c of something he said. Dude! You're my Adam! Ain't nothin' in this world gonna change that. And Dude, seriously, me stop talking?! The only time was at Monserrat on the silent retreat! It's all good!

So, without further ado, here is Third Day's Revelation.
Until next time,
Have a beer and celebrate the Phillies win, say a prayer for my sister whose having my baby Katie, and if I don't talk to you before then, have a happy halloween!
Love,
Me

Father Corapi's Eleventh Hour Election Alert

Posted in three parts. Please pass on!
Until next time,
Hug your children, thank your mom for not having an abortion, and vote on Tuesday (or before).

Love,
Me

Catholic Vote

Cult of Personality

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmocxeN24Yo

Let the little children come unto me

For the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.

Please, please, please pray for the unborn! Remember when I picked up the bat phone last week? I feel very strongly that I am being called to pray for all those considering abortion and for this election. I have a very dear friend, Sharon who ministers to me without even knowing it. Yesterday, she was called to go to Pittsburgh (woohooo!) to silently protest at an Obama rally. She described the poster she held up. It was the Malachi poster. Malachi meaning "witness". It is a picture of the poster you see here. This was way out of her comfort zone (cz) and she asked for prayers since this was out of her cz. So, I am taking a page from my Sharon.

If obama wins this election, it means an untold number of murders against the unborn! While I don't mean to offend anyone with my political views, the benefit of having your own blog is you can say what you want. Obama scares the you-know-what out of me. What scares me more are the catholics who believe that they can vote for him. As Catholics we cannot in good conscience vote for him. A vote for obama is a vote for murder. I must admit to you that I was once one of these Catholics. You know the type. We go to church on Sunday. If we eat meat on Friday's during lent, well, it's okay, we forgot. Confession is a once a year occurance if that. And, we never, ever get involved in the parish. And the bat phone? You can forget about that, we don't answer. In my twenties, I was pro-choice. "but it's my body! Who are you to tell me what to do with it!" But, it's not my body. It's Christ's. Then, as I got older, I got a little wiser. And, I went to crhp and my light turned on. My Christ light. It's a light that cannot be extinguished!

Look, I don't claim to be elloquent. I don't claim to be politically correct. I don't claim to be a Rhode's schollar. And, I don't claim to know all there is to know about my Catholic faith. However, I DO KNOW that life begins at conception! I DO KNOW that the bible says 'Thou shal not commit murder'! I do know that Jesus said 'Bring the little children unto me'! Some of you will find this hard to believe, but this post, this topic, being this vocal about a cause, is WAY out of my comfort zone. But, God chose to call ME, and I chose to pick up the bat phone. I chose to say 'YES'. Please pray with me and for me. Please, please pray for those Catholics who don't know any better to read and listen and learn. For a conversion of their hearts. Please pray for McCain to win the election. Please pray for those MILLIONS of unborn.

Some of my favorite signs I've seen I'd like to share:

If it's not a baby, you're not pregnant!
I survived Roe vs. Wade
Did you ever notice that all the people who support abortion have already been born?
Your lack of planning is not my emergency.
As a former fetus I oppose abortion.
Legally, if someone kills a pregnant woman, it counts as two murders.
and my personal favorite...

"Since 1973 1/3 of my generation has been slaughtered by abortion at the rate of 4000 babies per day. My friends...My classmates...My generation compromised by the selfishness of others. As a survivor I will not let future generations be slaughtered in the name of convenience. I will not be silent. I will not forget. I will not compromise!"

Feel free to pass this blog or particular article to anyone and everyone!

Until next time,
Take time to stop and smell the flowers in awe of the wonder of God (thanks, Tina!), vote for McCain, and pray for an end to abortion.
Love,
Me

Stretch Armstrong

Do you guys remember Stretch Armstrong? He was this toy or rather 'action figure' I should say. lol. You could stretch out his arms and legs and they would go back into shape. You know when you've chewed a piece of gum so long it has that hard feel too it? Yea, he was kinda made out of that stuff. We'd pull his legs and arms really hard as far as we could (usually an inch or so, hey, we were young, not strong, lol) and they'd pop back into place.


God kinda does that with us. He stretches us. Makes us uncomfortable. Helps us grow. But, instead of us going back into shape, we stay in the new form. Actually, that's how it's suppose to go. Lot's of times as He stretches me, I go right back into shape but He keeps pulling and pulling, and pulling, and eventually, I listen and am stretched into the new shape He created.

A good friend pointed out something to me a few weeks ago (thanks, Kim!). Basically, I'm the Father's Loving Care witness for the St. Mark's CRHP in January. I should not be this bitter towards my father, Joe. Wow. I don't think I've ever said his name to you guys. I've said 'my dad', 'my father', but I don't think I've said Joe. That's gotta be progress, right? Anywho, I prayed a couple of times since then that God would do whatever He needed to to help heal the bitterness or help me deal with whatever it is so that the witness will be what He wants it to be. Here's what happened.

I called my dad tonight. He was just back from one of his trips with his wife, Sarah to the Panama Canal. In the course of the conversation, I was being a smart alec (kind of hard not too) and said I learned it from my dad. He said "Sure, blame me for everything. Your past. Everything is my fault." And, he was serious. What surprised me was my response. I told him I didn't blame him for anything. Wha? Where did that come from?! Surprised, he said that was nice to hear. And, I jokingly told him I spent a ton of money on therapy to be able to say it, lol. He laughed a little. The truth, as you all know, is I did blame him for my past. For my childhood. For not letting me do *anything*. For not being there. Being present. For not being the dad I needed him to be. For not loving me the way I needed to be loved. Is this what the road to forgiveness looks like? Is this me being stretched yet again?

I prayed (and still do occasionally, hey, I'm working on it) to love my father for who he is right at this moment. With no expectations. That's hard b/c he is my dad, and I am his child. I will always have expectations. Although, I went from being a child and expecting him to be there always (he never was), to being an adult and expecting him to constantly let me down (he always did) to now. Now, I don't know what to expect or rather how not to expect anything. This is new territory. Scary.

This passage came to me twice today. It's incredibly beautiful and the whole thing is my favorite but there is a special part that speaks to me I'd like to share. If you have time, read the whole thing...Isaiah 43:1-7..

...6 I will say to the north: Give them up! and to the south: Hold not back! Bring back my sons from afar, and my daughters from the ends of the earth: 7 Everyone who is named as mine, whom I created form my glory, whom I formed and made...

God is so awesome! Chapter 43 is so beautiful. It talks of God's love. A father's love for his sons and daughters. He has paid a ransom for me. For you. For each of us. He loves us with His very being. He named us as His. He created us for His glory! Doesn't that just give you chills. You were created for His glory! Man, if you ever feel unloved, the bible is truly the place to go (also for other good nuggets too! lol). He is the ultimate father! And, since He's the ultimate father, a little stretching every now and then really isn't too much to ask, is it? (okay, some days it is. We're human, but that's okay!).

Until next time,
check out Isaiah 43:1-7, hug your spouse and pray for all the men who went to Rockin C!

Love,
Me

97 Seconds with God

Okay. Most of you get my updates through email. I don't know if any of you actually make it to the blog site (chrpangel.blogspot.com). On the site there are links to other cool sites (St. Jude's, Mike Howard etc). There is one site I am asking you, pleading with you to read today. It is 97 seconds with God. In fact, it is the very first link under My Favorite Sites.

97 Seconds with God is written by a new friend of mine, John. I say new friend b/c while we don't know each other well, yet, God has placed him in my life as yet another vessel. Remember how I wrote last night how He puts people in my life for a reason? John is one of those people and how can you not call those people your friend?

This morning, I was on my site rereading my post (I do that occasionally) and I realized I hadn't been on 97 seconds with God in a while. Did I not say John and his site were a vessel? When you go to his site and read his posting from his journal about Matthew, you will understand. (I would post it here, but I'm not sure how blog sharing even though giving credit to the writer works.)

Go read his post. It ties together so well with mine from last night. And, guess where I'm going this morning (*before* Ikea with Tina)? I'm going to go pick up the phone (henceforth the 'bat phone' lol) that keeps ringing and I keep ignoring.

Until next time,
GO TO http://97secondswithgod.blogspot.com/
And pick up your own Bat Phone. I know mine can't be the only one that's been ringing off the hook.

Love,
Me

A daily dose

I like to think that most days I can function on my own. That I can dress myself (I can), I can tie my own shoes (most days), and I can make my own decisions/choices that are mine and mine alone. Then, there are subtleties that happen throughout the day and I realize that the God places people in my life for a reason, be they a coworker, a family member, or a friend.

I've been at my job for almost seven months. And, on the whole it's been a lot of fun. Evil troll notwithstanding. While at work, I'm made a point to smile more during the lunch shift (while serving people). I make a point to be 'wonderful' when asked. I figured a) they have their own problems and b) they really don't want to know. When I can, I ask what is going on in their lives and I pray for them. By no means do I think this is anything out of the ordinary. I just am. The last two days Papi was out sick. (Actually, his name is José, but one day we called him Papi, and it just stuck). Anywho, a regular day with Papi is full of not just work, but a couple of hugs, him singing the Beatles badly, and lots of laughter. I found that I missed that. Then, this week Evil Troll gave out some not too great info. In a move to cut costs, hours were cut. Mine the most. I now have every Friday off. Every one. I would have much rather had two. But that didn't happen. Couple that with being off the meds and waiting for my hormones/emotions to level out again, I have not been in that good of a mood.

So, at work, Denise, the preacher and I were talking yesterday and she commented how she was just listening to christian music and was so filled. I commented that I had just finished talking to God with a 'please fix it or smite these people' request. (don't judge me lol.) Denise said something profound. She said that in cases like those, she asks for God to change her heart or move them. So, I've been trying that. Then today, Papi was back to himself, at work, singing badly, hugging, and laughing.

Also today, God hugged me. Physically. I can't remember who He used. But I remember being not so happy with Evil Troll today. I remember saying the Hail Mary over and over. And, I remember someone hugging me. I remember it being unexpected. Someone at work and it was a tight hug. What I can't remember is who it was. Of course, I also got hugs from Mary, Betty, and of course, lots from Papi. Apparently, God must have known I really needed them today.

God never ceases to amaze me. How He places people in my life from the unexpected hug from a virtual stranger to a quick visit with someone I haven't seen in *forever* (shout out to Shannon!!!! I miss you!). He is there *always* behind me and before me (Psalm 139). I tend to think more often than not, that I am doing this life thing all by myself. But, there He is, subtly talking to me. Some days He calls me to Him. Some days I follow, sadly, others I do not. It is so cool that He hears everything. He heard me lamenting this week. He sent me people to minister to me and people to hold me. And people to tell me that everything is going to be okay.

Lately, He has been calling me, and I have not been answering. Guess it's time to pick up the phone.

Until next time,
Here's a big hug from me {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}. Call a friend you haven't talked to in a while. Open your bible. Read Psalm 139. It's beautiful as are you!

Love,
Me

My trip part two

So, we've already established there is nothing in Killeen. And, we've established how awesome Mike is and that bonding with Mike was the highlight of the trip. The rest of the trip was fun! It was relaxing. We did absolutely nothing. The trip took three hours each way. It was so cool b\c I had Tina all to myself (well the kids were there). It was cool b/c we had conversations about everything and about nothing. We sang with the radio or at times didn't have to say anything and there was never that uncomfortable silence.

Once we got there, I got to meet Nancy *finally*. Nancy is the youngest daughter. Tina's the oldest by like five minutes I think. It goes Tina, Susan, Nancy, and then Peter. Nancy seems like she is the oldest. Apparently, everyone who meets her thinks this. She has an air of maturity about her. She's very funny and like the rest of the family, makes everyone feel welcome.

Then, I got to see Susan! You know how I blogged a while back how she and Tina are identical and how they sound *exactly* alike? Yea, not so much anymore. I've spent so much time with Tina that she and Susan barely look alike and they vaguely sound alike. In fact, when the bedroom door was closed and someone was talking, I knew it was Susan and not Tina. It was funny, b/c you all know how much I love my Carol and I can't go very long without talking about her. Well, we were talking about twins and I told the family how it took me six months to tell my Brennan and my Justin apart. No, the 'my' wasn't a typo. It's my Carol, My Brennan, My Justin, My Elizabeth and yes, even My Brian (her husband) lol. They are mine, like my raspberry chocolate milano cookies (on sale at Target for $2.41!!!).

Tina's parents, Joe and Vicky are fun to be around. The food was wonderful, the weather was perfect and on Saturday night we roasted marshmallows and looked at the gazillions of stars and even a few planets! We mostly sat around and talked about nothing.

Sunday Mass was beautiful. I even paid attention to the homily! lol The trip was great. It was wonderful to just go away somewhere and do nothing with one of my very best friends and her family. And of course bond with Mike, lol.

Until next time,
Roast a marshmallow, eat a cookie, call a friend you haven't talked to in ages.

Love,
Me

Darrel or Guess who can Kiss His 40's Goodbye?

Happy 5-0 Darrel!!!!

Today is Darrel's fiftieth birthday! For those of you who don't know Darrel, he is this awesome man who absconded with one of my closest and most favorite people in the world (Sharon Dudik) and whisked her off to Steeler Country and didn't have the decency to take me with her! The nerve! lol

Seriously, Darrel is a good friend of George's and mine. I'm almost positive he was in chrp five. He is warm and loving and caring and does so much for so many even all the way from Pittsburgh. So, I just wanted to take this opportunity to wish Darrel a very happy birthday and let the whole world know how awesome Darrel is and how much he ROCKS!!!

Happy Birthday, Darrel! We miss you, we love you. Come home soon!

Until next time,
Share in Darrel's birthday, buy yourself a cupcake and say a prayer for Darrel today. You know, I hear at 50 everything starts going down hill!

Love,
Me

When they say there's nothing in Killeen, they're not kidding. Seriously. There's not even roadkill in Killeen! They do have a Wal-mart (on steroids!) and a H.E.B. (on steroids!) and cows. Lots of cows. The cows are not on steroids (that I know of, lol). I came back late this afternoon. I had a fabulous time!

My adventure started out not so good. I went to Sarah's softball game at 8:30am (they lost 15-2). Then, I had the great idea to take Sarah out to Allen Cafe for breakfast. We get home and talk to Dad. It was so great! I hadn't talked to him for over a week! Then, I had to rush to pack (so far so good) then we go to see Jaime at his robotics competition. This is the not so good part. How people can function at this competition is beyond me. There's no schedule of what kid is going in what round so that we could be there. For example, Jaime calls and says I'm going on in 13 minutes. We get there in round 26 (each round is 3 minutes). Turns out he's going in round 30! So, we stick around till round 30 and he didn't even go. At this point, he didn't know when he was going to go and I had to get going to Tina's so we could leave. So, I didn't get to see my son compete. Turns out, he went right after we left! Like I said, poorly run. (end of not so good part :)

So, I arrive at Tina's and we throw my stuff in the van and head off to Killeen! Mike had already left on his motorcycle (he decided to come to Kileen that day). We met up with Mike in Hillsboro for a pit stop. I've known Tina for a few years now and while she and I have gotten extremely close, Mike is more of a behind the scenes guy. On this trip I learned a lot. I learned that when I'm tired I really can't pronounce words well (look! haMcrafted furniture!), I learned that all my friends have awesome families who share, love and talk with each other, that my family is the true example for a dysfunctional family, and that Mike totally rocks.

Let me explain. While at the pit stop in Hillsboro, Nathan was given a breathing treatment. No prob. Nathan however, was *extremely* over tired. While Tina was wrangling Nathan, Mike was unbelievably calm. He used a soothing voice to talk to Nathan and calm him down so he could take his treatment. After we got back on the road, I said to Tina "I can see why you love Mike." He was so gentle with Nathan. It was way cool. But wait, there's more!

We were in church this morning (yes, I went to the nine am mass! Can you believe it! lol) Mike was in front of me and during the sign of peace, he turned around and gave me a hug. But, this wasn't one of those guy-barely touch you on the back-hugs, this was a *hug*. And then he said "thanks for coming!" and he meant it! Wow, as if this day couldn't get any better. But wait, there's still more!

After church we go home and have breakfast. Then all the kids go for a ride with Grandpa and while we're standing in the driveway waving good-bye Mike pops off with "I'm gonna take Gina for a ride." Ummmmm. Okay............ Here's what you have to know, about two or three months ago, I got to see Mike's bike. It's way cool. And I commented that I'd never ridden and how cool that would be. That was months ago and Mike remembered. So, Tina puts the helmet on me and I said "I'm terrified". She said not to be. I'm thinking "ooooookay!" Then as I got on the bike I said "If I'm not back in five..." and she finished with "we'll come looking for you!" As we headed out I was holding on to the bike and was a little nervous but you know what? It was the most fun I have had in what seems like forever! I was afraid going around the turns, but Mike is an excellent driver (no rainman pun intended!) The views were amazing! The mountains, the livestock, the breeze, it was all so beautiful. I could easily see why Mike likes riding. There's something about it, a word I can't figure out. I want to say heavenly but that's not right. Although, I did say a quick prayer when we started out that we wouldn't crash (lol), there was something about taking in all that beauty on such an amazing day with a guy I've known for a while but not really known. This man has watched his wife and I grow closer. He has watched as I have become friends with his kids. He's gladly hung out with his kids so Tina and I can go out and blow off steam and dance. He gladly lent me his wife as she was there as I mourned the loss of Mom. And, here he was sharing something that he loves to do with me. Very cool. While I had a great time meeting her parents and Nancy and seeing Susan and Peter again, the highlight of the weekend was bonding with Mike. Suffice it to say that while Mike likes to be the behind the scenes guy, that's no longer the case. He rocks and there's nothing he can do about it.

We took a picture of me and Mike on the bike when I get it, I'll post it! And, I'll post more about the trip later.

Until next time,
Treat yourself to a banana pudding shake from Sonic's. They totally rock (just like Mike!)

Love,
Me

Music

It's been a saWeet week at work...Mostly. I've got tomorrow off (BONUS!) and I had no fried chicken or TACO SALAD this week! It totally rocked! And, as if it couldn't get any better, under the 'be careful what you wish for umbrella', Evil Troll is leaving! But, sadly so is the Chef. Apparently, some management shake up thingy. So, I've started praying (feel free to join in) that whomever the replacements are, that they are put there by God and:

1~get along with all the personalities.
2~be fair.
3~appreciate my uniqueness.
4~not give me taco salad EVERY week, lol

Okay, that last one is negotiable.

I'm glad the week is over. Not only was Tuesday my wedding anniversary (love you, George!), it was the first meeting after discernment for my St. Mark's CRHP. Did I not tell you guys what I discerned yet? Hmmm, thought I did. I discerned the witness of Father's Loving Care! Yea, I'm all excited :) I figure the Holy Spirit will smack me upside the head when it's time to start working on it.

So, tonight starts my weekend! Tomorrow I'm getting two tires for the mini van (do I know how to rock a day off or what!?!?!) and getting George a anniversary present. Then, Saturday Sarah has a softball game at 8:30 in the morning. Feel free to come and watch her :) And, Jaime has his robotics competition. Then, at some point Saturday, I'm leaving with Tina (Myers) and going to Kileen for the rest of the weekend! The whole family is going to be there including her twin Suzie whose in from Germany. I haven't seen her in for-ev-r! The first time I talked to Suz on the phone was hysterical. Not only are they identical, their voices are *exactly* alike, even their inflections. So, I spent the first 10 minutes or so laughing hysterically and apologizing for laughing, lol. Nancy's gonna be there as is Peter her brother. I met Peter a couple weeks ago, he goes to UD (I think). Plus, we're driving down with her kids. They totally crack me up. We have a lot of fun together. Then, I come back Sunday late afternoon, and then on Monday, George and I are celebrating our anniversary :)

I've been feeling a little icky off and on. Still don't know if it's anxiety b/c I'm coming off the meds, thereby making myself anxious or something more. I've been missing Mom terribly this last week. Ten months on Saturday. It's never going to get better. I am okay with that.

Until next time,
breathe in, breathe out. Slowly. Twice. Have a cup of tea. Read a book.
Love,
Me

Psalm 23-My perspective

You know, I used to hate this Psalm. My mom had it in our kitchen growing up. It scared me. Because it mentioned death, I thought it was about death. It's so much more than that. And, as the year anniversary of mom's death looms on the horizon (I know...I have two more months yet) I can truly say that I have walked in the valley of the shadow of death and His rod and His staff brought me comfort.

The Lord is MY Shepard, I shall not want. ~ Well, I am human. After ten years, I still want a sleep number bed. But, it is a want, not a need. I think we all have wants.

He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside quiet waters. ~ This verse struck me today. He MAKES me lie down. He LEADS be beside QUIET waters. He knows when I need rest and He makes sure I do. Even if I have to get a cold or something to keep me in bed. There are times when I want to talk to my friends and no one is available and George is busy at work. There's no one to talk to. Sadly, that is one way I come to Him in prayer. It's His way of saying for me to come to HIM first. It is in the quiet that we hear Him.

He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. ~ For HIS name's sake. How cool is that? He restores MY soul. When I am feeling less than or alone or abandoned, or unhappy, or irritated, or nothing at all. He restores ME. That is just *so* awesome! Some days it is hard to wrap my head around.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. ~ Boy, do they ever comfort me. Something struck me today as I was reading this verse. His STAFF. The way it is spelled, I don't think it's a mistake. We all are a part of His staff. Doing His will. You, as His staff, have comforted me greatly in many ways. Not just in mom's passing either.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. ~ My cup definitely overflows. I can't say it any better than this poem: I've never made a fortune, and it's probably too late now. But I don't worry about that much, I'm happy anyhow and I go along life's way, I'm reaping better than I sowed. I'm drinking from my saucer, 'cause my cup has overflowed. Haven't got a lot of riches, and sometimes the going's tough but I've got loving ones all around me, and that makes me rich enough. I thank God for his blessings, and the mercies He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer, 'cause my cup has overflowed. I remember times when things went wrong, my faith wore somewhat thin. But all at once the dark clouds broke, and the sun peeped through again. So Lord, help me not to gripe, about the tough rows I have hoed. I'm drinking from my saucer, cause my cup has overflowed. If God gives me strength and courage, when the way grows steep and rough. I'll not ask for other blessings, I'm already blessed enough. And may I never be too busy, to help others bear their loads. Then I'll keep drinking from my saucer, cause my cup has overflowed.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. ~ You've just got to love David. He's so confident. SURELY he says. Not hopefully. Not if I'm good. Not if I try harder. SURELY. How awesome is that? Surely goodness and love will follow us all the days of our lives and we will dwell in the house of the Lord forever!

Until next time,
I look forward to dwelling forever with you. (What? you thought you'd escape me eventually? bwahahah!)
Love,
Me

My Husband Rocks

Have you met my husband, George? He totally rocks. He was gone this weekend. All weekend. But it was for a good cause. He was putting on CRHP for St. Marks. I was especially blessed this weekend. While he was gone, I spent most of the weekend with Tina (Myers). We had a blast, we always do. I was also blessed b/c while George was gone, I was still able to talk to him. The greatest advantage of him being weekend facilitator is he gets a phone! lol He would text me occasionally to check in and it was wonderful. Then, I got to see him when I had the priveledge of serving the men dinner. And I got to see him before Mass.

Then, last night, he came home. You know, he doesn't go away that often (which is truly a good thing). I miss him when he's away. But, when returns, there's always joy. I know I take George for granted. I don't mean to, it just happens, but when he comes home, we hold each other a little tighter, sit a little closer, and smile a little longer. There's more to returning home from being away then just returning to a house. When he comes home (even from being at work) my day gets better, my smile gets brighter and my heart fills more than I thought it ever could.

I remember about 8 years ago, I was going to college (shout out to Charleston Southern University). I was in my speech class and I forget what the speech was, but I remember George was a big part of it. I even wore a shirt that I made that said "George Rocks!" It was funny b/c the class thought I meant George Bush, lol. I *so* did not mean that George, lol!

Eight years later, my husband still rocks. It's the little things he does or says that makes me love him even more. For instance, I had an icky day at work today. I goofed up an order in a big way (can you say raw chicken finger?). I was not happy and on my lunch called George. Of course, he does his husbandly duty and listens and consoles me, but then he said something. He said "you need to let it roll of your back. I know how hard that is for you." It was the last part. He does know. He knows, b/c he knows me. The real me. The one that is far from perfect, but tries to be a perfectionist anyway. The one who wants to please everyone but herself.

My husband rocks. He truly does. I am blessed beyond all measure that God thought me worthy enough to be his wife. So, if you see George around church or Kroger, tell him he rocks and that his wife says she loves him!

Until next time,
Hug your husband, tell him you love him and kiss him like you mean it.
Love,
Me
PS. I am *so* over the moon, Carol is coming to have lunch with me tomorrow!!!!